Our submitter, B., was shopping at a shoe store in San Francisco when she realized she really needed to use the facilities. Although there was no public restroom in sight, she did spy the familiar infographic just beyond a doorway marked “employees only.” When she ducked inside, B. was greeted by this sublimely creepy warning from management[!].
Meanwhile, Chelsea’s boss at the La Quinta in Perrysburg, Ohio managed to dial up the creepy just a smidge more.
Apparently disatisfied with the staff’s response to her frequent written notes, the hotel manager brought in this doll — which chelsea says “looked exactly like her” — to do the job instead. (Er, so to speak.)
related: So many questions
95 responses so far ↓
#1
JoelWhy
I’m not one to usually defend management, but WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUR EMPLOYEES DOING IN THE BATHROOM THAT TAKES LONGER THAN 15 MINUTES?!?
Oct 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 21
#2
Bunnee
Mrs. Beesly! I had a Mrs. Beesly doll growing up, except without the big-brotherish sign.
Oct 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: 15
#3
noah
wait, is that second one in the bathroom too? if so, super duper creepy.
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:03 pm rating: 4
#4
Woman on the Verge
This job must really suck if you WANT to spend 15 minutes or more in the bathroom.
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:04 pm rating: 7
#5
anglophile
The left hand is poised to hand out a magazine and the right hand is ready to supply napkins from a basket.
Seems like a perfect display for a sperm bank bathroom.
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:05 pm rating: 18
#6
Troy McClure
Some of these newer high-tech superhero outfits take quite a while to change into.
Oh, shoe pavilion? Sorry, I thought you said supervillain.
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:06 pm rating: 24
#7
Sloper
Hmmm… her boss looks just like that doll? That doll looks a little like Sarah Palin. Could it be that Sarah has jettisoned Veep hopes in favor of the night manager position at La Quinta?
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:11 pm rating: 2
#8
secondsout
La Quinta, for those of you who can’t speak Spanish, translates to “Behind Denny’s.”
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:13 pm rating: 47
#9
secondsout
15 minutes might not be enough if I have one of those “big jobs” to take care of. Dammit, whatever happened to that person who used to be in the HR dept?
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:18 pm rating: 6
#10
Woman on the Verge
Headline News: Sarah Palin admits that her signature specs are an exact copy of Mrs. Beasley. “I don’t care what anyone says,” Ms. Palin stated, “If I wore polka dots and rick rack with these glasses I would already be in the White House.”
Oct 16, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: 5
#11
Halley
oh come on. . . I dont want to be the one to do it. . .
that 15 minute bathroom break was fucking delicious.
Oct 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm rating: 1
#12
JesFoolin
Impromptu Poll:
Sarah Palin makes me want to pinch a loaf.
Oct 16, 2008 at 9:16 pm rating: 1
#13
JesFoolin
Impromptu Poll:
Sarah Palin makes me want to rub one out while pinching a loaf.
Oct 16, 2008 at 9:17 pm rating: 5
#14
0falcon8
well the first one was from san fran-i guess it takes more than 15 min to dislodge an SUV from your ass…
Oct 16, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: 5
#15
Walrus
Looks like the creepily-weird scrawled “I’m watching you” sign got a bit wet. Maybe someone is using Mrs. Beasly improperly during their “break.”
Oct 16, 2008 at 10:44 pm rating: 6
#16
Canthz_B
So much less creepy to have a doll that looks like the manager than dolls that look like the employees.
Let’s not forget to place a box of hat pins nearby.
Oct 16, 2008 at 11:28 pm rating: 10
#17
MsUnreliable
Polka Dot Doll is smiling on the outside, but only because she’s plotting your demise.
Oct 16, 2008 at 11:34 pm rating: 3
#18
biscuit
If that’s what chelsea’s boss exactly looks like, how does she find shoes?
Oct 16, 2008 at 11:48 pm rating: 14
#19
snee
dear management!
if i am in the bathroom longer than 15 minutes, i’m having some serious intestinal difficulties, but i will still give less than a crap about your timer!
diarrhea sneea
Oct 17, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: 13
#20
Flying High
At one of my old jobs, I apparently used the bathroom too much and had to have a doctor’s excuse to go.
Oct 17, 2008 at 12:55 am rating: 5
#21
Mousie
Oh, dear… I am FROM Perrysburg, Ohio and I still don’t know what to thhink about Mrs. Beasley in the bathroom.
Oct 17, 2008 at 1:21 am rating: 2
#22
Mousie
Oh, dear… I am FROM Perrysburg, Ohio and I still don’t know what to think about Mrs. Beasley in the bathroom.
Oct 17, 2008 at 1:21 am rating: 0
#23
amy d
If Ms. Beasley (she’s liberated now) would stand up on that vent, she could do a prudish Marilyn Monroe impression.
Oct 17, 2008 at 6:04 am rating: 7
#24
Numinous
I just want to know if anyone has checked Mrs. Beasley for a nanny cam. That would give a whole new meaning to the note and be totally disturbing.
Oct 17, 2008 at 9:02 am rating: 5
#25
claw71
Chelsea could hear the rumble of the V-twin engines approaching and all she could do was hope that they’d keep on going but as the bikers approached the LaQuinta they slowed down and pulled into the parking lot instead of heading up the I-90 ramp toward Cleveland. It was going to be a rough night.
Chelsea thought about turning on the No Vacancy sign and locking the door, but she looked over at the doll…that annoying, nosey doll and realized that she was being watched. So she braced for the worst.
There were eight bikers…real bikers, not those phony yuppies who dress up in stretch-waist chaps purchased from http://www.bigharleyboy.com. The bikers ambled in. They were loud and they reeked of cheap liquor, unburned fuel and road sweat. There were mayflies and midges plastered on them and Chelsea was reminded of why she never went riding along Lake Erie. She felt her stomach turn. “Can I help you,” she asked meekly.
They laughed at this, mocking her as though she had said something funny. One of the bikers knocked over a stack of complimentary newspapers and another spat on the floor. The biker closest to the counter leaned in, close enough to make Chelsea feel somewhat violated and said “I don’t know, candy pants, can you help us?” His breath smelled like a used adult diaper full of rancid fish sticks.
They laughed hysterically. And walked around the lobby disturbing whatever struck their fancy. They knocked over furniture, threw away pizza coupons and broke the candy machine that raised money for autism. Then one of the bikers spotted the doll…the hideous spying doll Chelsea had grown to hate and fear…the doll that was put there by her boss to encourage productivity, I’m watching you it seemed to say.
“She’s watching us, Bozz, “said the fat biker who spat on the floor, tobacco juice trickling down the side of his jaw in syrupy globs and dripping onto his leather vest. The leader looked at the doll and looked back at Chelsea, then looked at the doll again.
“What the fuck is that,” he asked.
Chelsea started to explain…”Shut the fuck up, bitch,” he said as he pushed past the counter toward the doll. Chelsea wasn’t supposed to let customers back there but this guy wasn’t a customer, was he?
Bozz grabbed the doll, and ripped the sign from her lap. “What do you think you’re looking at,” he yelled at the doll. The doll didn’t respond. It just stared back at him from behind its marmish spectacles. Bozz slapped her across the face sending those glasses to the floor…”I asked you a question,” he screamed.
Still no response, just that smug little smirk.
“I’ll give you something to watch,” he said, unbuttoning his dusty jeans.
For the next hour the bikers has their way with the doll, relentlessly violating every hole, holes they made. Even though Chelsea hated that doll she felt terrible about what those bikers did. She crawled under the counter and cried, covering her ears but she still heard the terrible sounds of fabric tearing and bikers grunting as they defiled that doll. “How do you like washing them balls,” screamed the fat biker with glee. “The sign said watching you idiot,” said Bozz, “and don’t get any on me.”
When they were through they took turns urinating on the doll. Chelsea good hear that too and then they kicked it repeatedly before walking out the door, mounting their bikes and rumbling off into the darkness.
Chelsea sat there afraid to see what they had done, but she mustered up the courage and peeked over the counter. It was awful. The doll had been split down the middle and it was soaked in semen, urine and chili sauce. The doll’s head was dented in and cigars had been stuffed in the holes where its big blue eyes had been.
The bikers had even thrown the sign on top of the mangled heap that was once a doll. I’m watching you it read.
No, thought Chelsea, you’re not watching anything now.
Oct 17, 2008 at 9:12 am rating: 26
#26
Lanj
Poor Mrs. Beasley is being used as a passive aggressive response…
Oct 17, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: 1
#27
GhostWriter
As Hannibal Lecter pulled the gray curtain back and up, Chelsea gasped in horror- he had surgically removed Beasley’s cranium.
…and what was that smell? like roasting pork…
Oct 17, 2008 at 10:11 am rating: 1
#28
What's Her Face
Is it wrong that I love the doll and want one of my own??
Oct 17, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 0
#29
aaa
Mrs. Beasley talks, so why use a note? I’m sure it can’t be that hard for a motivated manager to record things like “I’m watching you…” or “I don’t pay you to breath.” and hook it up to a motion detector or something so the doll talks whenever somebody comes into the break room or wherever. Although it does take a sort of apathy and unmotivation to get a doll to do your job for you…
Oct 17, 2008 at 10:47 am rating: 1
#30
emland
I would have put a Chuckie doll in there to scare the sh!t of them. That would speed things up a bit.
Oct 17, 2008 at 1:50 pm rating: 1
#31
Amanda
OMG Mrs Beasley! I had a set of paperdolls when I was about 4, and they were my favourite because of her polkadot pants! Until now, I assumed the character was just some generic paperdoll lady…no one explained her larger identity to me at the time. But whoa, paperdoll flashback! So wrong that she’s threatening people on the toilet!
Oct 17, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: 0
#32
GhostWriter
In ToyLand, when a babysitter does a bad job, they place her on the Cooling Grates, hang an “I’m Watching You” sign around the perpetrator’s neck, and force her to wear the Potato Shoes.
Punitive stuff!
Oct 17, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 0
#33
Mishee
I haven’t been mentioned even ONE time in this entire thread!
I find this an egregious sin.
Unitards for all!
Oct 17, 2008 at 3:59 pm rating: 1
#34
claw71
I’m a guy…we don’t notice clothes until they’re off.
damn you,
heisa!!!!
Oct 17, 2008 at 5:08 pm rating: 1
#35
Ti O
“I am Talking Tina and I don’t like how long it takes you to shit. In fact I don’t like you”
Somewhere Tally Savalas cries.
Oct 17, 2008 at 7:46 pm rating: 2
#36
Pilgrimchick
The odd thing about the first sign is that the management had to notice that people were in the bathroom for a considerable period of time before someone thought to post it.
Oct 19, 2008 at 9:56 pm rating: 0
#37
Lurker
Gah! If there’s anything more terrifyingly soul-chilling than a Mrs. Beasly doll, it’s a Mrs. Beasly THAT’S WATCHING YOU.
Oct 20, 2008 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#38
GhostWriter
So that’s where my “regularity aid” was, the whole time!
I just can’t relax in the can unless I feel the watchful eyes of my dear schoolmarm upon me. Lately, the doll has been standing in for her; without it, I often take over fifteen minutes to finish the job.
Oct 20, 2008 at 1:05 pm rating: 0
#39
Andy
Does anyone else feel like the iPhone is going to directly lead to rash of bathroom related fatalities on an epidemic level?
I know every time I stand up after my iPhone-entertained bowel evacuation it’s a struggle just to refrain from screaming at the icy hot rush of blood that was choked from my legs over the 20 plus minutes I spent finishing my level of Enigmo. Remaining upright on the two temporarily yet completely numb stumps that are my legs is a completely separate issue.
Oct 20, 2008 at 4:10 pm rating: 0
#40
Shieldmaiden96
I’m glad I’m not the only one who remembers Mrs. Beasley. Perhaps I am NOT the oldest fan of this blog.
Oct 24, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
#41
beaddyaduts
Greetings to be a part of it. Just love the atmosphere here. Cool job by the admin and mods and everyone here.
Just to start off, I wanna ask first if you’re into those dressup games. Because if you do, then imma have to ask you which one is better—Barbie or Bratz games?
[url=http://www.puredressup.com/category/15/1/]Barbie games[/url] inspired a lot of other games. Bratz may deny it but the concept of many if not all Bratz games originated from Barbie. Take for example the many dress up games that Bratz fans are so addicted to right now. The ideas of these games all came from Barbie. Who invented changeable clothes, customizable accessories and colourful nail polishes and hair? Barbie did. Who incorporated real like perks like cars, hotels and hot cribs? Barbie did.
On the other hand, Bratz are so popular. There is no question about that. They are loved by kids and adults alike. This is the reason [url=http://www.puredressup.com/category/25/1/]Bratz games[/url] are so popular. Whenever there is a new Bratz game, expect the millions of Bratz fans to play it. There is even a war going on between Bratz and Barbie fans. Who’s better? Who’ sexier? Who’s classier?
Nov 19, 2008 at 4:21 pm rating: 0
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