thx sandra returns

October 20th, 2008 · 148 comments

casey in human resources may have moved on, but not to worry — thx sandra is here to solve our global climate crysis!

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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · anthropomorphism · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy! · san diego · spelling and grammar police · temperature · the earth · thx

148 responses so far ↓

#1 Gregg

As if using a space heater saves energy…

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: +39

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- #1.1 hall monitor
  
  Keeping employees and co-workers comfortable probably doesn’t lead to productivity or increased morale.
  
  I hope Sandra printed this on recycled paper.
  
  Hall Monitor
  http://detentionslip.org
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: +3
- #1.2 jackie31337
  
  Or opening a window when the air conditioning is set to 70…
  
  And this is San Diego. How cold can it possibly get in the winter? Just put on a sweater or something.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 5:20 am rating: +2
- #1.3 Goldie
  
  She’s not suggesting using *a* space heater. She is suggesting that everyone in the office get a space heater and then simultaneously turn them all on, with the heater running and the windows open. Poor deranged Thxsandra. I command you, evil spirit of Al Gore, depart from this woman.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:40 am rating: +12
- #1.4 D
  
  Really? Open a window?
  
  THX SANDRA was obviously raised in a barn, and has no qualms about air conditioning/heating the whole neighborhood and killing the planet. Opening a window while the AC/heater is on is certainly not a way to conserve energy.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: 0
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#2 RunBarbara

i never had space heaters to rent, i just had my own that i bought and brought in because my office was cold enough to house penguines.
sadly, more than once i had to rent it out for the approximate cost of an hour with mishee’s mom a few times a week because of this note.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:13 pm rating: +13

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- #2.1 Ti O
  
  I was picturing seedy carni folk type with small greasy hands and a van out back busking heaters out of it.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:23 pm rating: +6
- #2.2 smussyolay
  
  *rent* space heaters? seriously? i would just buy one; it makes more sense. i like that the company is continuing to look for ways to generate more revenue, though.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:50 am rating: +1
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#3 zchamu

“Consciensios”: The science of conning yourself into believing you make any fucking sense whatsoever.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:14 pm rating: +75

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- #3.1 Mishee
  
  I just wonder if THX SANDRA thinks the squiggly red line under a word just means that it is just underlined… you know, to make a point.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:39 pm rating: +29
- #3.2 Canthz_B
  
  The red lines are there to show that there is a crysis cituashun!
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:04 pm rating: +29
- #3.3 Mishee
  
  I also wonder how many times she has to go back and type again before Word doesn’t autofix the all CAPs anymore.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:11 pm rating: +7
- #3.4 Flaboy2425
  
  Let’s see if I have this right. Sandra likes to have the thermostat set at 70° winter and summer. I guess spring and fall get the 58° treatment.
  
  The earth is in “crysis” and she’s “consciensios.” How did she get in a position to post notes or is she the self-appointed note poster?
  
  If you get hot, open the window? Winter or summer that would cost more than adjusting the thermostat a few degrees.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: +4
- #3.5 Canthz_B
  
  “when sandra (the aunt of the owner) stops by the office once a week to water the plants and drop off supplies, “she leaves these strange notes EVERYWHERE”
  
  A link is provided…do your homework.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:49 pm rating: +11
- #3.6 elviruz
  
  Isn’t that what caps lock is for??
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
- #3.7 Penny
  
  “If you get hot, open the window? Winter or summer that would cost more than adjusting the thermostat a few degrees.”
  
  Not to mention that during the summer, the air can be as fresh as it likes — hot, still air or a warm breeze will do jack for cooling you down.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 3:42 am rating: 0
- #3.8 Arne
  
  “Ladies” - ??? What kind of place of employment is this? The steno pool? A hair salon? Bordello? A Wellesley dorm? Men don’t get cold? Matter? What??!!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 2:11 pm rating: +2
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#4 Frankie

RB do you work with all females or does she just target women only.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: 0

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- #4.1 RunBarbara
  
  it was all women in my department, the only dudes at that company were the drivers that were on work release programs and one of the dispatchers.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:16 pm rating: 0
- #4.2 Ti O
  
  “work release”
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:20 pm rating: 0
- #4.3 RunBarbara
  
  i never have to work for release.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:22 pm rating: +8
- #4.4 Ti O
  
  I have never had release at work except for that waitress at TGI McFunsters when I worked there in the 80’s.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: +2
- #4.5 Arne
  
  Arbeit macht frei
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 2:12 pm rating: 0
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#5 Dina

This is quite possibly the longest note about not touching the thermostat in the history of the world-I mean come on-what was wrong with a simple “Please don’t touch the thermostat”?!

Oh, also:

Dear Sandra,

Please be consciensios about the environment when you print out these notes. The message could have come across just as effectively without your excessive waste of colored ink-use the black and white printer from now on, and lay off the clip art!

THX,

The Ladies.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:17 pm rating: +18

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#6 Ti O

I wondered if this is how she talks too?

Certifiable crazy person!

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: +2

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#7 Erica

Interesting… she suggests opening the window when the air is on, which WASTES electricity because it causes the A/C to keep running. Also, space heaters are usually banned in offices because they are fire hazards. Maybe she should research all this…?

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:19 pm rating: +13

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- #7.1 amazon
  
  I always heard that the optimal thermostat temperature was 78 degrees in the summer and 68 in the winter. (source: Google)
  
  I’m a total baby when it comes to being too hot in the summer, and even I don’t set the thermostat below 75.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: +1
- #7.2 DirtyOldLady
  
  I think keeping up-to-date on fire regulations as they relate to office space-heaters probably falls under Human Resources’ responsibilities. Ask Casey.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 8:49 pm rating: +2
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#8 0falcon8

isn’t Crysis the ancient egyptian god of global warming?

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: +38

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- #8.1 olivia
  
  I thought that was ManBearPig.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: +2
- #8.2 Goldie
  
  They used to kill ManBearPigs on Crysis’s altar, to prevent global warming. One escaped, and we are now reaping the consequences.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 4:15 pm rating: +2
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#9 SchrodingersDuck

I wasn’t aware Sandra was an FPS fan. I doubt having a rig powerful enough to run Crysis is very consciensios though.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: +7

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- #9.1 Ti O
  
  Sandra goes by “Nomadwing”.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
- #9.2 Tom
  
  You beat me to it, but there’s no shame in bein’ beaten by the best.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:31 pm rating: 0
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#10 secondsout

I like that it’s lower than 60 on the thermostat. I’m not believing that anyone sets the A/C to be that low; it just sounds like the office is really cold.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:27 pm rating: +1

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- #10.1 RunBarbara
  
  it was really cold. i swear, the building was built on a hell mouth. between the fly infestation and the hot/cold spots…not to mention sandra herself, who looked like The Crypt Keeper in a wig.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:31 pm rating: +7
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#11 0falcon8

HELLO SANDRA,

WE ARE ALSO SICK OF YOU BEING THE ONLY CONSCIENSIOS PERSON HERE. PLEASE HELP COMBAT GLOBAL WARMING AND REFRAIN FROM BLOWING HOT AIR AND RECYCLE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER JOB ELSEWHERE.

THX,
THE LADIES

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:29 pm rating: +44

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- #11.1 fink
  
  Recycle yourself out that window behind you.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 1:06 am rating: 0
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#12 The Mayor of Bethville

Greenzo, out!

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:32 pm rating: +3

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#13 secondsout

One quick way to reduce the trash is to stop printing out all these notes that just get tossed after the office makes fun of THX Sandra behind her back. But we don’t have time for rational solutions, now, do we?

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:33 pm rating: +3

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- #13.1 Jimmy Straightline
  
  Many people overlook the savings achieved by typing ‘THX’ rather than ‘Thanks.’ But “THX” uses 50% fewer letters - and the use of letters is the leading way to spell Global Warming.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: +43
- #13.2 Lyn
  
  I.. I think I.. love you.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: +3
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#14 Dare

“… crysis and we need to take measures to reduce the amount of trash we throw away…”

I’ve got $10 that the next note left by SANDRA is one relating to the proper disposal of toilet tissue.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:35 pm rating: +1

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#15 Dina

Apparently, Sandra’s definition of “about 70 degrees” is a toasty 59.

What department does she work in-accounting?

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:36 pm rating: +6

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#16 Mishee

Accounting is hard work. We need the ceiling fan to stir up the room air while we sit at our computers entering in numbers…

or commenting on PAN.

Either way, it gets stale in here!

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:38 pm rating: +2

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- #16.1 Beth
  
  Turning off ceiling fans is the next best thing to changing to compact fluorescents, hadn’t you heard?
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: 0
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#17 amy d

That thermostat is no friend of mine.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:39 pm rating: +8

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#18 biscuit

What did Accounting ever do to deserve a ceiling fan? They’re just cooking the books to get whatever they want.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: +3

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- #18.1 amy d
  
  Cooking the books raises the temperature. Hence, the need for a ceiling fan.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 3:45 pm rating: +26
- #18.2 Goldie
  
  Why did they throw their ceiling fan in the trash, is what I want to know.
  Oh those drunken accountants and their wild antics!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: 0
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#19 Mishee

The global climate crysis makes me wanna cry… sis…

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: +4

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#20 amy d

So, in order to combat global warming, we need to reduce:

1) Trash
2) Energy Used
3) Recycle Bins in the Break Room

Does not compute.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:43 pm rating: +8

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- #20.1 agatha christie
  
  I was wondering if someone else caught that.
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 6:12 pm rating: 0
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#21 claw71

I used to think the thermosat was my friend. We got along really well. We didn’t hang out together but our working relationship was exceptional.

Then one day I wan’t feeling to well and I went home early. I thought it was odd that my wife was home when I got there. I walked in and heard her in the bedroom moaning. “You’re so hot.”

I slowly pushed open the door and there she was, sprawled out inthe bed with my “friend” the thermostat.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:48 pm rating: +20

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#22 0falcon8

it looks like sandra ran through the PAN checklist for this one….

all caps…..CHECK
anthropomorphize thermostat…..yup
sarcastic logic regarding windows…..of course
misspellings…..yas
rant on tangent issues….yep
multiple exclaimation points….oh yeah!!!!!!
run-on sentences….yes and yes and yes and yes
disownership of everything wrong in the world…..roger that
clip art…..hells yeah

bravo, sandra, and thx
keep on keepin’ on

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:53 pm rating: +70

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#23 RunBarbara

I am naming my black metal band Crysis. We are going to tour Norway and burn down some churches, we will write songs like “Fossil Fuel is made of Babies” and “Bastard Ozone”. Our first album will be called “No Thermostat in Hell”.

Oct 20, 2008 at 3:58 pm rating: +25

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- #23.1 Mishee
  
  You make me think of one of my favorite Kevin Smith clips:
  
  http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=5D-9X3ooFvo
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:04 pm rating: 0
- #23.2 Ti O
  
  The best will be the live bootleg of “Hybrid of the Hydra” and “The Carbon Footprint of Cerberus”
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:08 pm rating: +4
- #23.3 RunBarbara
  
  which are, of course, the b-sides to “Greenhouse Gas Massacre”, “Osiris, Ice Caps and Blood” and “All Gorey”
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:14 pm rating: +9
- #23.4 Ti O
  
  Yes, and you can’t leave out the hit “Acid Rainmaker”.
  
  Oh Fuck me!!! All Gorey!
  
  I bow to your superior punnery RB!
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: +2
- #23.5 Beth
  
  Don’t forget “Ceiling fans are for evildoers”
  
  Oct 20, 2008 at 10:36 pm rating: 0

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

thx sandra returns

October 20th, 2008 · 148 comments

148 responses so far ↓