i am seriously like gonna hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault

October 21st, 2008 · 162 comments

earlier this year, emma in california was sharing a kitchen with three other girls. one day, out of the blue, one of her roommates posted this note. (warning: prepare to reexamine any preconceptions you may have about mormons, straight-edgers, and college-aged women in general.)

by the next morning, emma says, the note was promptly defaced, but pam didn’t respond until about a week or so later, when she announced she was moving out. apparently, she was saving it all up for her final missive. (side note to god: while pam may have a filthy mouth, she did censor herself from taking your name in vain!)

related: losing lisa

extra credit: summer heights high [youtube]

This post is favorited by 1 registered user

FILED UNDER: cleaning · god · mean girls · roommates · saga · sex sex sex · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · university · you know who you are

162 responses so far ↓

#1 claw71

And the moral of this story: a penis is worth a thousand words.

…and Jaime puts out.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:04 pm rating: +61

reply to this comment
- #1.1 hall monitor
  
  It sounds so appealing to live in a house with females.
  
  Hall Monitor
  http://detentionslip.org
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 8:10 pm rating: +4
- #1.2 RandyinReno
  
  Those thousand words are indeed precious, when uttered while fellating Mr. XXXXX
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:04 pm rating: +5
add to this thread
#2 JoelWhy

Why no “lots of love, Pamela” signature on the second note?

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:07 pm rating: +14

reply to this comment
#3 aaa

She’s calling the roomies filthy mouthed? Nice.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: +24

reply to this comment
- #3.1 Ti O
  
  Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit winterfresh cum! *ding*
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 10:22 am rating: +15
add to this thread
#4 secondsout

Why only a link to the defaced version of the note? That’s the best of the three!!

Kudos to the artists, too. The detail is pretty good.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:08 pm rating: +22

reply to this comment
- #4.1 aaa
  
  I guess erect ejaculating penises are too much for the average person to handle. Or something…
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 8:18 pm rating: +4
- #4.2 bean
  
  hot damn! You were right!! My perception of mormons and straightedgers has totally changed! Those mumfos can really draw some dick!
  
  Ursula: Oh g-d!
  
  Thorny: Oh look! It’s got your name on it!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: +9
- #4.3 Goldie
  
  How come they’re all circumcised in that picture? Haven’t the girls ever seen an intact one? Discrimination, I say.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 11:34 am rating: +4
- #4.4 aaa
  
  I was wondering the same thing, Goldie. I guess they’ve never been to Europe.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:29 pm rating: 0
- #4.5 Dina
  
  But none of these weiners are flaccid, Goldie.
  
  They all look the same when they’re hard…
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:37 pm rating: +1
- #4.6 aaa
  
  The one was flaccid.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 7:27 pm rating: 0
- #4.7 kansas girl
  
  I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT TODAY IS ALL CAPS DAY (NO, REALLY, GOogle it) but I can’t actually keep it up, it’s almost physically painful to read that. Anyway, I was wondering if the “multiple signings” and the overall drawing quality were an indication that some of the roomies had male guests who helped out. I mean, most guys are going to have a better grasp of the details than a girl, simply because they own one, and are attached to it, so they have both greater opportunity and greater motive to look at one than most girls would have.
  
  Except Jaime. Sounds like she is regularly getting a more close up view than a guy can get of his own.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 9:52 pm rating: +4
- #4.8 AuntyBron
  
  Besides, KG, if you type in all caps, we might mistake you for THX SANDRA.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 12:57 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#5 secondsout

Mumfuckers? I guess roses are a bit expensive.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:11 pm rating: +34

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Fnnkybutt
  
  And thorny.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 9:38 am rating: 0
- #5.2 Juliet
  
  ‘Mumfuckers’ is my new favourite expletive! It is rather passive aggressive. It sounds chummy and endearing, but it’s not.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:47 pm rating: +1
- #5.3 Ti O
  
  Not at all like doing the nasty with nasturgiums.
  
  Nope… I got nothing. *wanders away*
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:09 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#6 secondsout

“I lied when I said you were all great. You all suck.”

Wait, I’m confused… The fact that they suck usually makes them great, in my book. Wait, that’s not a literal thing? Oh damn.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:14 pm rating: +18

reply to this comment
- #6.1 elviruz
  
  maybe she is saying they’re great. i mean she asks herself “and i lied when i said you were all great? you suck.” which, apparently they do suck, great big ones!
  
  and i think the art is fucking “pressus”!!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:39 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#7 Brigitte

I only have three words to say:
Holy fucking shit!

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:16 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #7.1 AuntyBron
  
  My first thought was, “Don’t be shy, Pammy – Tell us what you really think!”
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 12:59 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#8 aaa

Pam has penis envy. For whatever reason, she’s jealous of all that penis Jamie seems to be getting. Pam is trying to hide her envy under a shitload of anger because she is ashamed of her desire for penis.

Pam, please, for the sake of your roomates, please buy a dildo. You can get them for pretty cheap off Amazon. Trust me, it’s for your own good.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:17 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #8.1 secondsout
  
  Isn’t Amazon one of the regular commenters here? Who knew that she also moonlights as a dildo saleswoman?
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 8:28 pm rating: +21
- #8.2 aaa
  
  I believe so. I’m pretty impressed by the wide selection of penis analogues she has. She must really know her stuff.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: +4
- #8.3 amazon
  
  I think what you meant to say, aaa, is that you can get one for pretty cheap out of Amazon. But Pam will have to wait until I’m good and done with it.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:41 am rating: +21
- #8.4 aaa
  
  Well, yes, I suppose you’re right. Prepositions do make all the difference, don’t they?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:58 am rating: 0
- #8.5 Kansas girl
  
  It does seem like her problem, whatever it is, is mostly with Jaime. It sounds like she’s solved the problem by moving out. But if not, I recommend to the other roommates that they lock Pamela and Jaime in a room and let them fight it out — to the death if necessary.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 9:12 am rating: 0
- #8.6 Holiday Djinn
  
  Kansas Girl, only if they fight armed with gigantic black dildos.
  
  Seriously, getting slapped with one of those hurts!
  
  ummmm, so i am told.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: +2
- #8.7 clumber
  
  @ Kansas Girl : Yeah! And let’s sell tickets and run up some odds and have a good ole’ fashioned GIRL FIGHT!!!
  
  (am a girl myself, and have been a participant in GIRL FIGHT back in Jr High… ahh the days… when every teenager really should be given a daily dope-slap just on principle)
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:21 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#9 J

“particularly jaime…you know who you are”

I dunno, unless Jamie is a psudonym the second half of this statement makes no sense.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:26 pm rating: +37

reply to this comment
- #9.1 oh! oh!
  
  Oh, thats my favorite part. “Jaime… you know who you are…”
  I guess she does- she signed the response! But it was nice of Pamela to help her out with the clue… of her first name…
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: +21
- #9.2 reyna ulikba
  
  jaime rose or jaime anne? no, wait, it’s probably jaime lyn.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:50 am rating: +5
- #9.3 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  I always appreciate it when ppl remind me who I am.
  
  THX
  
  JAIME
  
  “All the sluts in public school”
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owolyDIQ4NQ&feature=related
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 4:16 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#10 aaa

I like how Pam isn’t entirely sure that she lied about them all being great? I know that when I’m writing a bitchy angry note, I always need to add question marks to emphasize how strong my feelings are? That way, there’s no question of how much I think those cumdumpsters suck?

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:27 pm rating: +15

reply to this comment
- #10.1 harmonicpies
  
  The question mark usage is a bit odd, but I have to give Pam +10 points for appropriate use of apostrophes and CAPS LOCK.
  
  Hmm. Is CAPS LOCK appropriate terminology when it’s handwritten?
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:09 pm rating: +6
- #10.2 SarahBelle
  
  Actually, it probably isn’t. “for appropriate use of apostrophes and the caps lock button.” would be appropriate. On my own computer it’s written “Caps Lock.” I would assume it should be lower case.
  Otherwise I think proper use would be to say “all caps” or all capital letters.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:39 am rating: 0
- #10.3 AuntyBron
  
  I believe when you write in all caps it’s called “Block Script” or some such.
  
  Aunty Bron – who majored in English a long, long, looooong time a go.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 1:03 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#11 aaa

I’m wondering why the orange penis in the defaced version is ejaculating such a huge cloud of semen. I mean, it looks like a freaking speech bubble. In all the the thousands of pornos I’ve seen… Well, let’s just say I’ve never seen any dude ejaculate like that.

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:36 pm rating: +11

reply to this comment
- #11.1 RandyinReno
  
  Why do you think Mormons have so many kids? Kolob cummers!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: +6
- #11.2 harmonicpies
  
  I’ve seen more weiners than Oscar Meyer, but I’ve never seen an orange one. The speech bubble seems appropriate, though. They all have something to say, don’t they?
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:15 pm rating: +9
add to this thread
#12 raiseyourglass

Now girls WWJD?

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:55 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
#13 RandyinReno

Think Pam is a Canuck?

“… you mumfuckers couldn’t take that, eh?”

No misspelled words, so probably didn’t go to a California high school…

Oct 21, 2008 at 8:56 pm rating: +6

reply to this comment
- #13.1 Kansas girl
  
  Yeah, overall, her spelling and grammar aren’t quite up (down?) to PA standard. No misspellings, no inappropriate apostrophes. She does need a few more commas and periods, and the cutesy handwriting and “hay ladies” go some way to make up for the general quality of her writing. But on the whole, Pamela’s got work to do if she wants to play in the PA big leagues. I mean, come on, at least give us a “their arent” or some multiple exclamation points. I was going to count off for no smiley, but I think a heart counts about the same, so we could let that slide. A real PA master, though, would use both.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: +7
- #13.2 kitchenwitch
  
  Well, she did spell hey h-a-y…
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +3
- #13.3 SarahBelle
  
  does it say hay or nay?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:41 am rating: +4
- #13.4 amazon
  
  All that great vocab and grammar is negated by the fact that she uses text-speak, like UR, and 2. What a shame!
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:51 am rating: +3
- #13.5 aaa
  
  U don’t think she sounds smart when she uses teh chatspeak? Srsly, now.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:04 am rating: +8
- #13.6 Kansas girl
  
  I’m pretty sure the “hay” was intentional. The whole thing is very junior high, isn’t it? I bet if I dug out my junior high yearbooks, I’d find someone had signed in handwriting just like that, and it would probably say, “Hay girl, hope you have a great summer!!! Luv Ya!!!!!” and would be signed with a heart. There wouldn’t be text-speak because I’m too old, but I bet text-speak is ubiquitous in junior high yearbook signing today.
  
  Though I have to say that when I was in junior high, I don’t think I knew most of the words Pamela employs in the second note.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 8:58 am rating: +3
add to this thread
#14 raiseyourglass

Pam,
Idea for payback….
The day you move out, get a box of condoms with and some vanilla frosting. Melt the frosting in microwave for a couple seconds, write your rommies name on the condoms.Fill each condom with a little frosting and leave in the fridge as goodbye presents.

Oct 21, 2008 at 9:07 pm rating: +12

reply to this comment
#15 Avi

This is incredible. Aside: I have never ever heard the word “cumdumpster” used in a serious setting before.

The sheer epic-ness of these notes make me doubt their validity, but that’s probably just the cynic in me.

Oct 21, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #15.1 Agatha Christie
  
  I especially like her use of “cumdumpster” and her elaboration, “cum receptacles”. I believe the former is one of those curse words that need to be used more often, like asspanda and fucktard.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +19
- #15.2 Eric B.
  
  I believe Rubbermaid makes some very nice cum receptacles. They’re dishwasher safe, too!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +18
- #15.3 Canthz_B
  
  I was thinking Tupperware because these girls burp after they fellate their teachers.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:45 pm rating: +16
- #15.4 Mastertwisted
  
  ROTFLMAO
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 4:08 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#16 Eric B.

“Hay Ladies”?

At first, I thought the note was just someone transcribing Beastie Boys lyrics, but now I’m beginning to have my doubts.

Oct 21, 2008 at 9:22 pm rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #16.1 Troy McClure
  
  Hay ladies
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:42 pm rating: +19
- #16.2 Wade
  
  Neigh ladies.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:57 pm rating: +2
- #16.3 Canthz_B
  
  They sound like “horse” to me, Wade!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:59 pm rating: +2
- #16.4 Canthz_B
  
  Troy, those are “straw poles”!
  
  (polls)
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:26 am rating: +2
add to this thread
#17 andymydear

so, apparently being a crusty whore is much worse then being a foul-mouthed EXTREMEM(LY) drunk.

Oct 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
#18 jen

what the hell is “sxe”? some kind of new religion?

Oct 21, 2008 at 9:44 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #18.1 aaa
  
  It stands for straight-edge.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 0
- #18.2 oh! oh!
  
  I assume the mormons did the talking weiner and the straight edgers the floppy one? Man, I wish I was in the dorms with such prim and proper folk!
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +3
- #18.3 SarahBelle
  
  Prim and proper folk are rarely actually prim and proper.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:45 am rating: 0
- #18.4 jackie31337
  
  I called myself “straightedge” in college. It sounded better than “I would rather sit alone in front of my computer than get drunk and sleep with you”.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 5:59 am rating: +9
- #18.5 Numinous
  
  I guess I was “anti-straightedge” in college then.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:15 pm rating: +5
- #18.6 Andy
  
  Then what would you call me for getting drunk alone at my computer because I couldn’t sleep with you?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:35 pm rating: +2
- #18.7 Numinous
  
  A geek?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:41 pm rating: +3
- #18.8 AuntyBron
  
  Except for the “getting drunk” part.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 1:07 am rating: 0
- #18.9 Numinous
  
  Every geek I knew in college knew more about drinking than the frat guys. They also appreciated the good stuff. No “beast” when you partied with the geeks.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 9:20 am rating: +1
add to this thread
#19 Ketchup

I aspire to someday have the skills in emotion regulation and subtlety that this girl has so carefully developed.

Oct 21, 2008 at 10:16 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
- #19.1 amazon
  
  I hope she is a psych major, so one day she can help others learn the coping and people skills she has so wonderfully mastered.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: +3
add to this thread
#20 Elbie

What gets me is she has no problem writing “fuck”, but edited the God out of Goddamn.

She must be a fucking Christian.

Oct 21, 2008 at 10:19 pm rating: +22

reply to this comment
- #20.1 Halley
  
  its the Jews that have a problem saying “God”, not the Christians. . . I get many a PA e-mail from my mother and family where they swear but use the standard ” G’d ” when they write. Seems to me like cheating. I think if he’s up there, leaving out a couple letters won’t fool him. . . .
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +15
- #20.2 meow
  
  actually her aversion to spelling out the word god while still being okay with spelling all sorts of other curse words suggests that she is jewish since even reform jews tend to write g-d or g– instead of god.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +1
- #20.3 Troy McClure
  
  This observance may be more widespread in Judaism, but Christianity is quite diverse, & I’m sure there are plenty of Christians following this interpretation of the third commandment (or second, as Catholics and Lutherans count them):
  
  Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
  
  It’s more commonly observed with “Jesus”.
  
  Of course, what constitutes taking God’s name in vain, only God can decide, but if she’d somehow dragged my name into this nonsense, I know I’d want to do a little damage control.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 10:59 pm rating: +8
- #20.4 aaa
  
  I’ve ran across a few Christians who did the G-d thing. Recently, I read a friend of a friend’s blog. She’s a non-denominational Protestant and used G-d in one of her posts.
  
  Oct 21, 2008 at 11:29 pm rating: 0
- #20.5 claw71
  
  For Christ’s sake, people! Most Christians are hypocrites…I though that this fact had already been established.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 8:10 am rating: +10
- #20.6 Joe
  
  Well, yeah, claw. When Jesus commands you to “be ye therefore perfect, even as your father in heaven is perfect,” it’s a pretty difficult standard to meet.
  
  It’s probably a lot easier just to avoid standards altogether, huh?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: +6
- #20.7 Tight E. Whitey
  
  Speaking as an actual Mormon… young women learn to draw penises in varying degrees of erection and ejaculation from a young age, in Sunday School, along with the evils of alcohol and tips for good homemaking. My sisters and my untold number of mothers were all experts at it. They also learn sacred epithets like “cumdumpster” and “fucking cunt”. A reader ignorant of this might be compelled to think, looking at such a note, “surely this is the handiwork of a recently pubescent male, perhaps a male friend of one of the roomates.” You might be excused for thinking so. Me, I took one look at that and said “that’s the handiwork of a good Mormon girl who really paid attention in church.”
  
  Seriously though, we Mormons also avoid saying the word “God” in vain, preferring to use phrases like “Oh my gosh!”, “gosh darnit,” or simply “dammit”. It’s rooted in the Big Ten commandments, as previously mentioned. Clearly, the writer is merely being super-sensitive to the feelings and sensibilities of her devout Mormon roommates.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 6:44 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#21 elviruz

hay ladies!
you are all beautiful, amazing, strong young cum receptacles…

i personally don’t find it to be much of an achievement that she can spell. i mean the majority of her letter is cuss words anyways and do you notice ppl hardly ever misspell those?

Oct 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm rating: +7

reply to this comment
- #21.1 Neko
  
  Yeah, I noticed that too. No matter how bad of a speller someone is, they can always get cuss words right.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:54 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#22 Canthz_B

Well thought out lunacy.

Score: 98 PANpoints.

If it had ended with a well placed “Be Blessed” I’d have given it a 100.

Oct 21, 2008 at 11:54 pm rating: +14

reply to this comment
#23 biscuit

And to think this could have been avoided if Jaime just emptied the cum receptacle.

Oct 21, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: +18

reply to this comment
#24 Walrus

Oh my god… Bubbly letters and young women again… is that a rule somewhere? Is there a special class that teaches girls to write like this? Is it all the extra penis that we keep hearing about?

Oct 22, 2008 at 12:32 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #24.1 aaa
  
  I have no idea how all my vaginaed peers manage to write with such perky handwriting. I would say it’s genetic, but somehow this trait has managed to bypass me completely, leaving me to write in a bizarre, almost hieroglyphic font. I guess there’s some sort of defect in that extra X chromosome of mine. Or maybe it’s my lack of extra penis. *sigh* I suppose porn penis just doesn’t quite cut it…
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:01 am rating: 0
- #24.2 Goldie
  
  Well whatever it is, Jaime clearly doesn’t have it. Hence the resentment on Pam’s side.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#25 Canthz_B

The orange penis is not ejaculating.

His genie is going back inside!

Oct 22, 2008 at 12:40 am rating: +11

reply to this comment
- #25.1 aaa
  
  D0es that mean if I get an orange penis, I’ll get a genie that’ll come out and grant me wishes when I rub on it? Dude, every time I’d make the genie come out, it’s like two awesome things for the price of one!
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:57 am rating: +2
- #25.2 Goldie
  
  As the old joke goes, it takes a long time of watching porn and eating Cheetos to make a penis orange.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:28 pm rating: +3
- #25.3 Canthz_B
  
  Chester Cheetah can jerk-off at 70 strokes/second, in short bursts.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#26 The Prof

Wow..! Talk about moving from “PA” to just plain “A”!!! Sounds like we have the makings of a girlfight~ !

Oct 22, 2008 at 12:42 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#27 Captain Quirk

People who write neatly on graph-paper are not to be trusted.

Oct 22, 2008 at 2:35 am rating: +7

reply to this comment
- #27.1 Phalange
  
  Who writes on graph paper anyways? Did she borrow it from the Gaming Club after they were done designing dungeons on it?
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 8:49 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#28 Canthz_B

s X e = bridesmaid

Oct 22, 2008 at 3:36 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
#29 Patrick Brown

The scariest bit is her getting drunk, but still being uptight enough to wash her shot glasses and put them away.

And “mumfuckers” is so cute.

Oct 22, 2008 at 4:26 am rating: +7

reply to this comment
#30 The Great Joe Bivins

That gal sure can curse! I know when my roommates leave the kitchen dirty I immediately scream at them how they’re a bunch of cum receptacles.

Oct 22, 2008 at 5:59 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
#31 Sophie

Okay. I laughed till tears came while reading the follow up.

I’m still laughing!!! That’s out of control

CRUSTY…CUM DUMPSTERS!

Oct 22, 2008 at 6:35 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
#32 Weaselbaby

I think Particularly Jaime & Especially Deborah should double-team Anytime Stan…

Oct 22, 2008 at 6:46 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
#33 MattyB

Does anyone have Jaime’s number?

Oct 22, 2008 at 7:14 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #33.1 Mishee
  
  Its on the bathroom wall over in the men’s dorm… and the frat…. and the gym… and the band room….
  
  apparently she is a crusty whore.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:07 am rating: +2
add to this thread
#34 Woman on the Verge

Is the blacked out teacher’s name Mr. claw71?

Oct 22, 2008 at 7:48 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #34.1 claw71
  
  I wish…not because Jaime seems to be quite the hussy but because Pamela is one of those uptight, self-righteous little bitches who needs to be slapped around a good bit before she is ridden hard.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 8:06 am rating: +2
- #34.2 Numinous
  
  You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:23 pm rating: 0
- #34.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  claw, honey, I’m sure Jaime can introduce you to Pamela. In fact, I bet she’d love to….
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 6:10 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#35 Dare

Isn’t this diatribe more appropriately placed in Facebook? I mean really, do college students even read anything that is posted in “hard copy?”

Oct 22, 2008 at 8:33 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #35.1 aaa
  
  No, no we don’t. Unless we can draw erect ejaculating penises all over it.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:03 pm rating: +4
add to this thread
#36 Joe

Something about this note bugs me…

What in the world are “snorglasses”?

(Dr. Suess, is that you? Dr. Pamela Suess?)

Oct 22, 2008 at 9:04 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
#37 amy d

I can indeed attest that Pamela was extremely drunk. I know because she snuck into my room with the shotglasses and we had a contest to see who could fill them with the most love juice. We only do that when she’s drunk and it’s a game that nobody really loses.

Oct 22, 2008 at 9:54 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #37.1 claw71
  
  Except for the shot glasses
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 9:55 am rating: 0
- #37.2 amy d
  
  That’s not what you said when you begged to lick them clean, Claw.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:02 am rating: +1
- #37.3 Lurker
  
  They’re not shot glasses; they’re cumtumblers.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:48 pm rating: +19
add to this thread
#38 Mishee

Is it wrong that it is only 7:03am where I am, and this is the second time I have read the word fellate today?

*sighs twice*

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #38.1 Dare
  
  What’s wrong with a little morning wake-up surprise?!?
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:55 am rating: 0
- #38.2 Numinous
  
  It’s always better in the morning.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:25 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#39 Mishee

OMG! I see someone drew penises…

I wonder if they were pink…

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:04 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #39.1 Jimmy Straightline
  
  The orange one is best even with it’s thought bubble. But I love the description of the third one as Enflamed With Passion. I am going to try to use that phrase every day. Works well talking about myself, spicy food, enthusiasm…
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:17 pm rating: +3
- #39.2 secondsout
  
  It’s a common misconception that the Losing Lisa note features pink penises (penii?). The penises are drawn in a much darker color – somewhere around blue-green. The notes are mostly written in pink, but the dicks are a different color.
  
  The orange in this one is a slightly weird touch. Artistic license, I guess.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:47 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#40 amy d

Stop drawing penises…

Thaank goodness no one told that to Paul Cadmus!

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:09 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #40.1 Canthz_B
  
  Oh, amy!
  The Momba is dead! Long live my “Magic Realism”!!
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 11:06 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#41 K Dog

I think the drawings are rather good. Are Jaime and the other ex-roomies art majors?

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:19 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
#42 bellabeastie

Even though she was exretemely drunk
She saw those snoreglasses and then she thunk
those bitches don’t wipe their asses
now the professor’s makin’ passes
if I blow him today
and I get a grade “A”
Got me more than a little junk in my trunk.

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
#43 maude

I *love* that some of them signed the note twice. Those are pretty accurate drawings for girls who presumably aren’t supposed to be doing it. Oh wait, they’re cum dumpsters, nevermind.

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:34 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
#44 Alabaster Mom

I doubt that Jaime’s mother would have given her name the fancy French spelling if she’d known her daughter would turn out to be such a filthy whore.

Oct 22, 2008 at 10:44 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #44.1 amy d
  
  Why not? everybody knows the French know how to get it on.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: 0
- #44.2 Dare
  
  Ahem, that’s CRUSTY WHORE!!! Everyone know’s the French love their bread and the whores crusty. It seems to fit.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:57 am rating: +4
- #44.3 Mishee
  
  Funny thing, living in a predominantly Latin based (Mexico Town) community, I see that as Jaime.
  
  I mean, what is a middle aged mexican man who speaks limited English, drives a pickup truck with a Rubbermaid trash can and a lawn mower in the back, wears a straw cowboy hat and drinks tall Modelos by the neighborhood liquor store at 9 in the morning most Saturdays and Sundays where he also tries to sell music (tapes!) to passerbys, and I wonder to myself, “why does he live in a dorm with 3 young ladies??” – and then it hit me…
  
  he provides the cum.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 10:57 am rating: +9
- #44.4 The Commish
  
  Wow, Mishee, that’s so much stereotype in one compact paragraph. That is some really efficient racism.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 6:12 pm rating: +3
- #44.5 Mishee
  
  Well, Commish, I did it just to annoy you, since every time I come back to a thread and want to see if people are talking to me, I CTRL+F “Mish” and you keep popping up! WTF?
  
  (but on topic, you try living in that area! I mean, I go to the laundromat (next to the liquor store) to do laundry, and I can’t even sit in my car and smoke a bowl in peace, since that guy with the damn tapes (WTF? Who uses tapes anymore??) is sitting 10 feet away leering at me (and not in the good way that I enjoy, like when RunBarbara stares) and I can’t even get all nice and stoned before I have to go in and fold all my Downy Fresh clothes and go home – usually I would disregard stares and smoke my ganja anyways… but these guys… well, they want me to share… HELL NO…)
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 6:26 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#45 JD

BEST.

Oct 22, 2008 at 11:22 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#46 j

Hay is cheaper then corn.

Oct 22, 2008 at 11:55 am rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #46.1 Canthz_B
  
  “than”
  
  Sorry, pet peeve.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +9
- #46.2 Mishee
  
  CB – you speak up for so many of us.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 1:36 pm rating: 0
- #46.3 Lurker
  
  Hay is for whoreses.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 3:49 pm rating: +16
add to this thread
#47 claw71

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

It’s fun for the whole family.

Oct 22, 2008 at 1:44 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #47.1 claw71
  
  sorry that wasn’t supposed to be posted here
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:18 pm rating: 0
- #47.2 Canthz_B
  
  Lots of hidden goodies, claw, thanks!
  
  (make sure your speakers are on)
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: 0
- #47.3 Goldie
  
  Thanks Claw, I passed it around. You’re the best.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm rating: 0
- #47.4 Woman on the Verge
  
  claw, this is the most fun I’ve had since I found THIS site.
  
  Oct 22, 2008 at 6:15 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#48 Andy

MATCHING TAPE! The PAN has MATCHING TAPE!

I’m in love.

Oct 22, 2008 at 3:30 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
#49 Andy

Notice that the notes are taped to a door?

… (Jaime, you know that’s your door!)

Oct 22, 2008 at 3:31 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#50 bronwyn

i love summer heights high

..but seriously HA!

Oct 22, 2008 at 4:40 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #50.1 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  It’s Ja’ime… (no offense, but)
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 4:26 pm rating: 0
- #50.2 Mishee
  
  do I have to bring up again the lameness of your screen name referencing only the WORST 9021-hos character EVAR..?
  
  cause I think you still have time in the Unitard left from last time I took notice.
  
  (no offense, but…)
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 4:29 pm rating: 0
- #50.3 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  My screen name is a unitard offence?!?!
  
  ORLY?
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 4:38 pm rating: +1
- #50.4 Mishee
  
  Well, besides the fact that anything even possibly related to Tori Spelling is evil, therefore Unitard worthy, but even if you didn’t have that problem, using “ORLY” is sure to get you at least 30 minutes.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 4:56 pm rating: +1
- #50.5 Ketchup
  
  Someone call the ICS, we’ve got a hijacking!
  
  Oct 24, 2008 at 6:02 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#51 Karma

I lived with my best friend and my younger sister who were both nasty, disgusting slobs. I feel your pain Pamela. They mistake your kindness for weakness and then you gotta put your foot in their ass.

Oct 22, 2008 at 8:21 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #51.1 bobby
  
  Nooo, living with strangers is different than living with siblings. You don’t jump on someone’s religious values or ideologies when getting them to clean up after themselves, esp if they are strangers. She was not being kind. They clearly had issues with Pam before this note.
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#52 commentator

I love, love, love the matching blue ink and blue tape!! It’s so color-coordinated it can’t possibly be accidental. Please someone tell me it wasn’t accidental.

Oct 23, 2008 at 9:52 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
#53 bobby

passive agression is insufferable. there was so much venom just below the surface. i wish i could have seen what their relationship was like prior to this, they obviously had a lot of bad blood before the note to call her a cunt and stuff on the note when defacing it.

Oct 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #53.1 amazon
  
  passive aggression isn’t insufferable, it is entertaining!
  
  Oct 23, 2008 at 8:16 pm rating: 0
- #53.2 Ketchup
  
  Just below? What surface? Passive? That was a raging ball of aggression, and thinly disguised, at best.
  
  Oct 24, 2008 at 5:57 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#54 None

This one’s bullshit I feel quite sure.

Oct 24, 2008 at 4:01 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#55 jm3

g-dam!

Oct 25, 2008 at 8:41 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#56 Monique

Go team Pam, she is one crazy repressed bitch! I bet she’d go off in the sack

Oct 28, 2008 at 7:39 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#57 MsUnreliable

Lots of love you g–damn mumfuckers!

Oct 28, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#58 Cristina

LOL I love how it’s written in these cute block letters hahaha

Nov 14, 2008 at 2:59 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#59 Dawn

I fell across this blog and I’ve got to tell you it’s great. I have been laughing my ass off. So far, this one is my favorite. You’ve got to admire someone who can cuss people out this well. Too funny.

Nov 25, 2008 at 9:57 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
#60 Indigo

Oh dear, looks like my ex-room mate has a doppelganger.

Jan 16, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: 0

reply to this comment

Do you feel inspired now? (176)
- infant tyrone: Maybe he’s a bi-polar prophet or avatar of an angry messiah ? One day he’s offing the...
- cardslady: seriously, uk sucks. Even inspirational bible quotes can’t help you people.
What exactly are you trying to say? (18)
- nic: better than saying “rosalie’s small ones”
- matty-wat: Ouch! I guess an Amazon’s gotta do what an Amazon’s gotta do, but man! (or I should say...
- matty-wat: I picking up a touch of sarcasm from the writer of letter #1.

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over