In other words…move it along, Grandma!

October 22nd, 2008 · 62 comments

Both of these signs would have gotten their points across perfectly well in just a few words…but the true passive-aggressive always knows how to convey his or her true meaning with just one more choice phrase.

Exhibit a) from Paula in Logan, Utah:

PLEASE STOP STEALING OUR ROSES THANKS (SENIORS INCLUDED)

Exhibit b) spotted by my pal Brooke in Savannah, Georgia:

PRIVATE GARDEN Please enjoy the view from the street

related: That means you, Edith

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · lOWERCASE l · old folks · pleasantries as afterthought · Savannah · Utah


62 responses so far ↓

  • #1   john

    lowercase L violation!

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   moosetracks

    exhibit A is just begging someone to steal that tiki torch, however.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:09 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Nolanimrod

      Exactly! The Purloined Letter!

      Oct 22, 2008 at 11:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Woman on the Verge

    Somebody notify AARP, this is obviously motivated by predjudice against Senile…. I mean, Senior citizens who are probably just breaking off roses to leave a trail so they can find their way home again.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Mark bang

    Is the tiki torch really required in the bed of roses? It’s not like it’s a pleasure cruise. I consider this sign to be a challenge before all the human race, and I ain’t gonna lose!

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Ti O

      Mark you need to go on and on and on. You are the champion my friend.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   RunBarbara bang

    unless those roses are made out of cocaine and ass-fucking, im not stealing anything.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   JesFoolin

      Barb,

      I am your huckleberry!

      Oct 22, 2008 at 10:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Jahzzie

      But you’re no Daisy! You’re no Daisy at all!!!

      Oct 25, 2008 at 1:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   RunBarbara bang

    Señiors included? What a racist! Everyone knows Mexicans steal your T.V Guide, not your flowers.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:19 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Sweet Kel

      Actually it’s kind of nice someone is finally including seniors. Usually memaw is stuck in the corner all alone with a little mashed potatoes stuck on her chin.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 1:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Eric B.

    I often enjoy showing my private garden to passersby on the street. It’s a shame to let all that expensive manscaping go to waste, you know? But it just gets so disappointing when they want to call the cops…

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   RunBarbara bang

      thats why you should only show it to kindergarteners. they cant dial a phone yet and they are real eager to please- kind of like retards but without the lazy eye.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:24 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   RandyinReno

      Mishee’s mom also shows her “private garden” to passersby.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   RunBarbara bang

      shows what you know, there hasnt been any shrubbery in mishee’s mom’s garden since the crabs got settled back in ’93.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   secondsout bang

    Don’t steal roses. Especially if they’re seniors named Rose. Betty White’s character would be so clueless.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   RunBarbara bang

      thank you for being a friend.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:29 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Jahzzie

      Down the road and back again, Eh RB?

      Oct 25, 2008 at 1:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Avi

    Not really seeing the PA with the second one. It seems like a reasonable, polite sign to me.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   RandyinReno

      An aggressive note would be succinct: “PRIVATE PROPERTY – KEEP THE FUCK OUT!”

      while still making an aggressive stand, this sign is definitely more passive.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Elbie

    “Please enjoy the view from the street”

    Is this a PA way of telling people to go play in traffic?

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:35 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Sweet Kel

      I don’t think anyone actually enjoys “The View”. That Hasselback chick is insufferable.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   RandyinReno

    while obviously not midnight, do you think that this is Savannah’s famed garden of good and evil?

    RB, wanna go in with me to see how good it is to be evil?

    Oct 22, 2008 at 7:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   RunBarbara bang

      technically, the “garden” was the cemetary and not a literal garden. you see, the slave cemetaries (which are used for voodoo practices) are called “gardens” because their magic “grows” there. the garden in the book/movie was not yet famous to anyone apart from locals when it was released and the author, john berendt, had difficulties obtaining entry into said cemetary.
      *pushes glasses up nose, snorts, feels pride in correcting stranger on internet*

      Oct 22, 2008 at 7:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   RandyinReno

    So is Jim Williams buried in the garden?

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   secondsout bang

      Do you see any daisies? He’s supposed to be pushing up daisies, not roses.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   unfortunate names blog

    It’s definately PA! Nobody tells me where to enjoy anything unless their are being PA, especially not in the street.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Goldie

      OMG this is a funny blog! Just had to put that one out there. Hope the seniors forgive me. Thanks for sharing, Unfortunate Names dude.

      Oct 22, 2008 at 8:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   harmonicpies bang

    Is that second sign actually mounted to the wall with screws? That is some serious, hardwired, PAN-posting.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Goldie

    How am I supposed to enjoy the view from the street when your garden is surrounded by an 8-ft. solid WALL? Huh, bitches? I just might add some creative graffiti to make that view more enjoyable, y’know? I think I’m going to hire Jaime to help me decorate. Enjoy your new wall, morons.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   eh

    i had a friend who would go in my yard and steal roses. totally fucking annoying. like she is entitled to them because she is my friend? she wouldn’t even ask, she would do it in the middle of the night when we were asleep. i know it’s her because she would ask for roses whenever she was leaving (which i would sometimes say yes) and i also would catch her in the act. if you want roses so bad go to home depot and plant your own fucking gardan ASSHOLE.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Goldie

      Tell your friend that roses are supposed to symbolize vaginas, for our subconscious. Ask her if she’s trying to tell you something by stealing your roses in the middle of the night repeatedly. Tell her that, though you don’t swing that way, you do appreciate the thought. That should do it, I think.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   eh

    garden*

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   secondsout bang

    Don’t people know? The best place to steal flowers is a cemetery. Corpses don’t leave PA notes.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 8:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   snee bang

      i once dated a guy who was a mortician’s apprentice. he used to bring me flowers all the time.

      i didn’t find that romantic.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 12:10 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   secondsout bang

      And if he were ever to give you a diamond ring, I’d sniff it to see if it smelled like formaldehyde.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 12:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   snee

      it did.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 2:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Holiday Djinn

      that guy seems like a real stiff. . . ..

      Oct 23, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Lurker

      My great-uncle was a cemetery caretaker. He’d bring home the silk ribbons from the funeral wreaths, and Great-Grandma made a beautiful quilt out of them. My aunt still has it.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   snee

      parts of him were stiff.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Stitchin-Liz

      My friend’s step-mom was a mortuary assistant. She used to bring home satin pillows for her dog to sleep on and had tons of jewelry.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 3:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   Bellabeastie

      That quilt sees dead people… creepy.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Jason

    I actually used to live right across the street from Exhibit A. It’s right in the middle of a bunch of student aparments for Utah State University, and in the summer months, mostly snowbirds from Arizona stay in them.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Private Garden, please enjoy the view from the street.
    All commissioned officers are welcome to enjoy the view from the observation deck on the roof.

    Oct 22, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   bellabeastie

      Shoot first. Ask questions later.

      “Why, Rose, why?”

      “….gurgle…. had .. to .. have ..

      just.. One.”

      Oct 22, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Mister Pain

    Mmmm, those roses were… really fucking aromatic!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 12:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   elviruz

    I personally find exhibit A to be completely reasonable. I mean, who do old people think they are!!? They think they can get away with one, ONE rose. HELL to the NO!!

    As for exhibit B, I’m taking my hardware and showing them it can be undone…I like wandering into random private gardens. They have the best views.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   The Prof

    Petty Theft / Vandalism… it’s not just for young folks anymore!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 12:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Holiday Djinn

    See, this PAN confirms a long standing idea I have.

    First criminals start out with petty crimes. A murder here or there. After they get away with murder then it escalates to rape and armed robbery. When they get away with that then they do a little grand theft auto. At this point their appetite becomes insatiable. Wiley-Nilly they go around dealing small amounts of drugs and commiting fraud. Finally the downward spiral ends with stealing roses. When will people finally learn that murder is just a gateway towards rose stealing?

    Oct 23, 2008 at 7:32 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Lurker

    SOPHOMORES WELCOME

    Oct 23, 2008 at 9:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    This does underscore a serious problem this country is facing as an enormous number of Baby Boomers become senior citizens.

    It’s been easy to look the other way when old people swipe stuff so far, but that’s because it’s been relatively petty. A salt shaker here, pack of batteries there and the occasional rose on the way home from bingo night doesn’t really hurt anybody. After all, it’s The Greatest Generation, right? Give Granpa a break.

    But now that the people who rolled in human waste at Woodstock are part of the Polygrip set, it’s not so harmless. Hippies have just hit their 60s and they’ve taken theft to a whole new level. Now they’re stealing generators and chest freezers and if these geezers happen to see a rose that interests them they dig up the whole bush. It’s crazy and we haven’t seen the worst of it.

    What happens when Eazy Rider rolls in to Eat-n-Park on his Jazzie only to find that he’s four minutes late for the Early Bird menu. Do you think he’s going to politely smile and ask if they’ll take an AARP discount off the regular menu price? No, he’s going to raise a ruckus and you can bet the rest of the blue-haired beatniks in the dining room will take up his cause. Have you seen what a set of uppers can do in the hands of somebody who knows how to use them? Cross a befuddled boomer and you’ll find out. The hard way.

    This note might be funny, but the joke’s on you if you fail to see it as a sign of the times. Dark days are ahead. There will be Ensure shortages, sewer systems will be clogged with excess fiber supplements, we wont have enough landfill space to handle all the Depends, and the sense of entitlement all old people naturally feel will be exacerbated by the smug sense of superiority Baby Boomers carry with them.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Frankie bang

    I think it was a typo. It should have said “Privates Garden” It’s where they grow nudist colonies. I planted a genitalia plant in my front yard last spring and had to post a similar note. I mean it’s not a voyeurism plant. That would be totally different.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   harmonicpies bang

      I know what you mean, Frankie. My ex gave me a great blue labia siphilitica last year, and I had no end of trouble with people invading my garden to gawk at it.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Ti O

    I beg your pardon gramps I did not promise you a rose garden!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    Heisa lurks…

    Oct 23, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    Damned Seniors. They think that, just because they’re about to graduate, the rules don’t apply to them!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Andy

    Eeeeevery rose has its scorn

    Oct 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Andy

      Just like eeeevery PAN has its lawwwwwwwwwwwnnn
      Just like eeeevery senior cares not to whom they belong
      Eeeeevery rose has its scorn

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   MsUnreliable

    You may stop and smell the roses. From 50 ft away. Come any closer and you’ll be smelling gunpowder.

    Oct 28, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Pierce

    I wrote this note (the rose ditty). I’ve since repented and now except the fact that the elderly can (and should) do whatever they want. Especially if their vehicle of choice is the wheelchair.

    Nov 4, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Pierce

      Pardon my “exceptionally” bad spelling

      Nov 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     

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