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lean cuisine

October 23rd, 2008 · 82 comments

from sasha in new york: evidence that the financial crisis has begun to trickle down to joe six-pack.

lean cuisine

related: desperate times

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FILED UNDER: money · new york · office · stealing · thx · university


82 responses so far ↓

  • #1   0falcon8 bang

    but won’t the $700 billon bailout help replenish the food i’ve stolen?

    Oct 23, 2008 at 3:55 pm   rating: +15  small thumbs up

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    • #1.1   hall monitor

      If I get another stimulus check, I’ll put half of it towards buying that office lunch for the week.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 7:12 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #2   JC311 bang

    That Dow was fucking delicious!

    oh, and your lunch was too!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 3:55 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

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    • #2.1   Frankie bang

      Oh dear God. We might have to put him down.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:06 pm   rating: +27  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.2   0falcon8 bang

      not only has the DOW lost points, but so has your originality.
      the crabs infested, urine soaked, yeast ridden unitard is yours. you’ve earned it. really.

      at least we’ve gotten this out of the way early, frankie.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.3   Frankie bang

      Hold me falcon. I’m scared of what this world is coming to. The Dow dropped. Peoples lunches are getting eaten. JC311 is roaming the PAN pages in the unitard dropping tired jokes. I think I smell urine and K.Y.

      Hold me.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.4   0falcon8 bang

      *embraces frankie and strokes her hair*
      ssshhh…it’s gonna be ok

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:22 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.5   Mishee bang

      Frankie – you only smell the urine and KY because you are next to RunBarbara’s bedroom…

      she never cleans anything! Maybe I will leave her a nice note… with clipart… ALL IN CAPS.
      :evil:

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.6   RunBarbara bang

      i cleaned your mom’s crotch last night. she said she could see my reflection in it when i was done.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 4:48 pm   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.7   Sleazy P. Martini

      After you cleaned it, Mishee’s mom’s crotch was fucking de… delish… fucking delightful. Phew!

      Oct 23, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.8   RunBarbara bang

      youre walking a thin line, sleazy.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.9   0falcon8 bang

      i still think he deserves a punishment. a demitard, perhaps?

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #2.10   JC311

      yes, the joke was tired but I think Mishee punished me enough last night (shudders)

      Note to self: not delicious, not… not… not…

      Oct 24, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #3   amy d bang

    Who let the DOW drop?

    tick, tick, tick-tick

    Who let the DOW drop?

    tick, tick, tick-tick.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:13 pm   rating: +25  small thumbs up

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  • #4   Jackofallspades bang

    Oh great. now I really have nothing to live for.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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  • #5   Mishee bang

    wow, only 600 points? this note must’ve been written on one of those “good” days we rarely see anymore.

    this is all part of that big package we call a “Global Climate Crysis”

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: +9  small thumbs up

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  • #6   0falcon8 bang

    so, when the market recovers, i can resume swiping food?

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: +22  small thumbs up

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  • #7   Mishee bang

    *wonders if the lunch in question was left in the fridge for more than 45 minutes*

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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  • #8   claw71 bang

    You’re not looking at the big picture. I didn’t eat your lunch at all; I simply liquidated fixed assets and reallocated the nutritional value of your meal. In this volatile market your lunch wasn’t positioned to withstand the impending crisis.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:30 pm   rating: +62  small thumbs up

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    • #8.1   Canthz_B bang

      Just make sure to close the lid when you flush that junk bond that’s left over.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:29 pm   rating: +12  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.2   secondsout bang

      You wouldn’t want the invisible unemployment mist to come invade your home.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:34 pm   rating: +13  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.3   Andy

      Awww fuck. There’s recession all over my toothbrush now.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
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  • #9   Dare

    What you don’t know about this note is it was written by Ben Bernanke.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:45 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

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  • #10   RunBarbara bang

    i dont steal food because im poor, i do it because i like the thrill of the chase.
    first i stalk my prey- today it was a bbq chicken pizza that had been in the freezer since yesterday. i saw it, it saw me. it knew what i wanted. it wanted me to want it.
    then, i checked on it, let it know i was there. every time i got up to get coffee, i would peek in the freezer to make sure it hadn’t been eaten yet. after my third cup, i coverd it up with a box of Jeno’s pizza rolls to keep other would-be theives away.
    this is where things get technical. see, you cant just waltz into the lunchroom at noon and steal a lunch…everyone is in there. they are watching. so i went in at 1145, quickly pulled the pizza out of the freezer, unwrapped it and popped it in the microwave. i stood there the entire time.
    i threw the trash away in someone’s personal trash can to further spread the evidence and then i ate at my desk.
    the power is still flowing through my veins, i am on top of the office lunch world.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 4:53 pm   rating: +22  small thumbs up

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    • #10.1   JesFoolin

      You shouldn’t steal food because:

      1.That’s not mayonnaise on the sandwich I left, it’s manyonnaise.

      I like two tabs of Sunshine in my SoBe Orange Cream, you may prefer only one.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:02 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.2   JesFoolin

      You shouldn’t steal food because:

      1. That’s not mayonnaise on the sandwich I left, it’s manyonnaise.

      2. I like two tabs of Sunshine in my SoBe Orange Cream, you may prefer only one.

      3. I make my own ‘Peanut Butter’. Caution: May contain trace amounts of corn.

      4????

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:03 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.3   olivia

      One of my boyfriend’s dorm-mates in college used to get so sick of people eating his ice cream in the communal fridge that he … into the ice cream carton when there was enough room.

      You can fill in the … yrselves.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:50 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.4   secondsout bang

      The problem with that act, is that he can also no longer eat the ice cream – unless he’s a sicko.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:53 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.5   snee bang

      i think we’re safe in determining that this guy is a sicko. he … into ice cream!!!

      Oct 24, 2008 at 12:47 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.6   AuntyBron

      Yeah- Any sane person would’ve grabbed a spoon and ate the whole carton at once.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 1:40 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.7   Juliet

      Maybe that stuff tastes better frozen. It’s usually served warm… and it’s better for you than ice cream, what with all that protein and half the sugar.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.8   Juliet

      An ice cum cone, if you will.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #10.9   Grey

      We all love ice cream, in our own unique ways.

      Oct 30, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #11   0falcon8 bang

    i don’t consider it stealing. i like to think of it as “culinary reapportionment”.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:09 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

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  • #12   Ti O

    “GREENSPAN!”

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

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    • #12.1   0falcon8 bang

      Green’s PAN!

      Oct 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: +11  small thumbs up

       

    • #12.2   harmonicpies bang

      Soylent Green’s PAN!

      Oct 23, 2008 at 9:03 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
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  • #13   GhostWriter bang

    If I eat your lunch, you’ll buy another, fast food profits will rise, and the Dow will be back to 14k before Christmas. I’m just doing my part.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: +28  small thumbs up

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  • #14   secondsout bang

    I’ll just eat dinners, breakfasts, and snacks that aren’t mine. Take that, Dow Jones!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:35 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

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  • #15   GhostWriter bang

    It was really Senator Bill Frist’s chicken spaghetti leftovers that brought McCain back to the Capitol.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

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  • #16   secondsout bang

    The lunches are mine once I steal them, now aren’t they? Possession – 9/10ths of the law.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:50 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

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    • #16.1   amazon

      I’m fairly certain that “finders keepers, losers weepers,” is in the law books.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       

    • #16.2   Woman on the Verge

      At least that’s what the government says…

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:18 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #16.3   Bellabeastie

      Right behind the “nanner nanner boo boo” section.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:27 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       

    • #16.4   Bunnee

      Don’t forget about the “I’m rubber and you’re glue” subsection.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 1:27 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #16.5   bellabeastie

      “You bounce off me and I stick to you”

      (John McCain to Dubbyah)

      Oct 24, 2008 at 11:43 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
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  • #17   0falcon8 bang

    i’m just gonna borrow your food for a little while. i’ll return it to you in 4-6 hours. just come and reclaim it in stall #3.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 5:56 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

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    • #17.1   Ti O bang

      Actually if I recall correctly it is; Possession is 9/11’s of the law.
      If I don’t eat your Hot Pocket the terrorists win.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 9:06 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.2   bellabeastie

      IF I DO eat your Hot Pocket..

      I will have stolen your lunch.

      Fucking terrorists.

      Oct 25, 2008 at 12:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #18   biscuit

    Why did they need to write a note? Just have Please not steal NOT YOURS’s lunches anymore, no matter what DOW drops.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

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  • #19   0falcon8 bang

    Dear World-

    I really hate being the scapegoat of all the problems today. Sub-prime mortgage collapse, inflated rates on bank-to-bank lending, consumer confidence waning, the list goes on and on. So, I do not need to have the theft of lunches added to the pile. I have enough shit on my plate as it is.
    Nobody ever gives me credit during the good times. No “atta boy, DJ!” when I soar to new heights. I feel I am taken for granted and I am sick of it. My friends NASDAQ and S&P feel the same way, so we are here to tell you “no more”!
    Everyone needs to stop your whining and put on your big boy pants and take responsibility for the messes you create.

    Thnx,
    Dow P. Jones

    Oct 23, 2008 at 6:23 pm   rating: +22  small thumbs up

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    • #19.1   Bellabeastie

      What’s the “P” stand for?

      (We all know it’s not for “profit”..)

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.2   0falcon8 bang

      Persnickity
      (it’s a family name)

      Oct 23, 2008 at 7:22 pm   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.3   Quite Contrary

      Prick.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 9:22 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.4   Elbie

      P stands for Phucking.

      At least, that’s what I hear amongst my richer aquaintances.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.5   bellabeastie

      Isn’t Phucking some type of Winter Olympics Sport?

      *note to self-google it-sounds like fun if it doesn’t involve caribou*

      Oct 23, 2008 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.6   Elbie

      I hear Sarah Palin was on her high school’s phucking team…

      *ducks and covers for getting political*

      Oct 24, 2008 at 7:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #19.7   bellabeastie

      On the team or phucking the team?

      There is a difference.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 11:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Is it Socialism If I like to spread your lunch around?
    After all, you did bring enough for everyone.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 6:32 pm   rating: +11  small thumbs up

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    • #20.1   RunBarbara bang

      spreading one’s lunch around could result in another PAN:
      “the dow jones dropped and so did my jaw! who has been barfing in the lunch room? this isnt what i meant by ’spread it around’ people! wtf? shes fucking fat!”

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:45 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       

    • #20.2   jackie31337

      Only if it’s cheese and you spread it on the doors.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 6:34 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #20.3   Ti O

      Karl Marx ate your lunch CB. :lol:

      Oct 24, 2008 at 11:31 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       

    • #20.4   Dare

      From each according to their groceries, to each according to their hunger.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       

    • #20.5   Juliet

      All lunches for all men, because all men have need of them…

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:49 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #21   secondsout bang

    If you don’t want people to steal your lunches, bring really gross stuff. Nobody steals a peanut butter and tuna sandwich.

    Oct 23, 2008 at 6:44 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

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    • #21.1   0falcon8 bang

      mishee might, when she returns from one of her “smoke breaks” ;)

      Oct 23, 2008 at 6:56 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       

    • #21.2   Bellabeastie

      Head cheese, pimento loaf and smoked oysters oughta be pretty safe.

      Oct 23, 2008 at 8:18 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #22   Troy McClure bang

    “Who ate my lunch?” Six-pack wondered.
    My PB & tuna’s been plundered!
    Don’t think it’s fine
    To eat food that’s mine
    ‘Cause the Dow has gone down by six hundred!

    Oct 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm   rating: +16  small thumbs up

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  • #23   summer

    hmmm…what would Sandra do?

    Oct 23, 2008 at 7:41 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

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    • #23.1   Kansas girl

      HELLO LADIES!!!!!!

      I KNOW WE ARE ALL A BIT DOWN WITH THE FINANCIAL CRYSIS BUT PLEASE REMEMBER NOT TO EAT EACH OTHERS LUNCH. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE ELSE ATE YOUR LUNCH?? IF YOU FOR GOT YOUR LUNCH AND YOU ARE HUNGRY, YOU CAN BORROW $5 FROM CASEY IN HUMAN RESOURCES TO GO GET YOUR OWN LUNCH. LOOK IN YOUR REFRIGERATER BEFORE YOU LEAVE HOME, YOU CAN FIND LUNCH THERE!!! AND DONT STEAL OTHERS LUNCH
      THX
      SANDRA

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:49 am   rating: +21  small thumbs up

       
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  • #24   Woman on the Verge

    You know what’s missing in this PAN? Clipart. You know, a sandwich, a dollar sign, a despondent middle class citizen throwing himself from a roof…

    Oct 23, 2008 at 8:20 pm   rating: +10  small thumbs up

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  • #25   Meg

    The DOW dropping does not scare me so much as this sudden proliferation of “thnx” everywhere.

    Oct 24, 2008 at 4:11 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

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  • #26   JC311

    The lunches were NOT eaten, they were thrown out yesterday when we cleaned out the refrigerator.

    You would have KNOWN that if YOU could READ the note I left.

    THX

    SANDRA

    Oct 24, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

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    • #26.1   JC311 bang

      I’m in trouble I shortened thanks to thx, Lucas must be responsible.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 11:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #27   zeevee

    I think more people need to invest in some anti-theft lunch bags. Though then we wouldn’t see nearly as many wonderful PA notes to lunch-stealers.

    Oct 24, 2008 at 11:14 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

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    • #27.1   Red Letterboxer

      I love the anti-theft lunchbags! I think they should design anti-theft Gladware, too.

      Oct 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #28   Dem Dude

    You have too much lunch while others have none.

    I was simply redistributing the wealth.

    Oct 24, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

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  • #29   Andy

    Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time. With pizza in the lunch room, you can eat on someone else’s dime!

    Oct 24, 2008 at 3:25 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

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  • #30   we didn’t “steal” your muffin — we leveraged it

    [...] lean cuisine extra credit: another frightening show about the economy [this american [...]

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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  • #31   there’s a nigerian prince i can put you in touch with for more information…

    [...] related: lean cuisine [...]

    Oct 9, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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