the identity property of flatmates

October 26th, 2008 · 93 comments

sarah in new zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on monday (trash day). adds sarah: “we can only assume that oliver keeps some kind of detailed diary about everything that happens in our flat, but only refers to it when things haven’t been done.”

related: 10 people, one kitchen

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FILED UNDER: garbage · new zealand · note wars · roommates

93 responses so far ↓

#1 j

that last sentence is gold.

Oct 26, 2008 at 7:50 pm rating: +28

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- #1.1 hall monitor
  
  Something tells me there are a lot more issues going on in that apartment than having the trash taken out.
  
  Hall Monitor
  http://detentionslip.org
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 11:03 pm rating: 0
- #1.2 HairySwede
  
  but nothing gold can stay…
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:38 am rating: +5
- #1.3 Andy
  
  All that glitters is not gold!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 0
- #1.4 Hoodlum
  
  Hey Hall Monitor, you suck. You do realize that you don’t need to sign off with your name because it is already displayed as your nickname, don’t you? Or are you to distracted with pimping your site to realize it?
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 5:58 pm rating: +6
- #1.5 Mishee
  
  Hoodlum,
  
  We just ignore trolls here. And if they persist, we send them to the Unitent.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 6:09 pm rating: 0
- #1.6 secondsout
  
  I noticed that Hall Monitor always makes sure to respond to person #1, so as to be 1.2 and have the plug at the top of the page. Lame!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm rating: +1
- #1.7 HairySwede
  
  do I sense some passive agresssiveness brewing here?
  
  Oct 28, 2008 at 6:29 am rating: +1
- #1.8 AuntyBron
  
  Why else would we be on the site?
  
  Oct 29, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: +1
- #1.9 Gez
  
  Yeah, Hall Monitor (if that is your real name).
  
  You suck!
  
  Gez
  
  Please visit GrammarBlog kthxbai
  
  Oct 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm rating: +2
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#2 Paige

That thing at the end of the first note… is that supposed to be some sort of unhappy emoticon? Or perhaps it’s a lump of gold with sparkly shining lines coming off it? Or maybe a bit of the oh-so-offensive rubbish with stink lines? Anybody know?

Oct 26, 2008 at 7:58 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #2.1 Aimee
  
  I believe it’s Oliver’s initials. Or were you just being facetious? Well either way, it’s probably his initials.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: 0
- #2.2 Sue Do Nim
  
  The first note does not have Oliver’s initials; it has an emoticon-like face. The second note has the initials. Or were you being facetious? Or just unobservant? Either way, you’re wrong.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +5
- #2.3 Aimee
  
  Did “unobserve” the smiley? Chill.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 10:47 pm rating: +2
- #2.4 Sarcastic Monkey
  
  No worries Aimee. We’re used to your ignorant rants.
  
  Chill.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:43 am rating: +2
- #2.5 Mishee
  
  I see the first note is taking off of Michelle’s emoticon from facebook friday…
  
  : O
  
  apparently it was foreshadowing the “suck my cock” twist ending we had in store.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:56 am rating: +10
- #2.6 Aimee
  
  My rants? Haha this is the first time I’ve ever posted! But yes, there will probably be more ignorant rants to come. Enjoy!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: 0
- #2.7 amy d
  
  Maybe he thought you were me? I like to rant.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: +1
- #2.8 Ti O
  
  I thought those were shouts and screams of passion. I should pay closer attention.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:03 pm rating: +1
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#3 J

This makes me appreciative of my old roomie, where our rule about trash was: if you see it full, take it out. I think we ended up taking it out pretty equally, and if someone did it twice in a row, no one posted angry notes on the fridge.

Oct 26, 2008 at 8:01 pm rating: +6

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- #3.1 pwner of n00bs
  
  Yay for you! We should all clap for J for being such a good person.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm rating: 0
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#4 Tmarie

Plot twist on 3rd note is phenomenal. I was of course expecting “take out the trash yourself” and then BANG! it twists on you.

This guy should write for “24″. Call Fox.

Oct 26, 2008 at 8:31 pm rating: +58

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#5 Tammy

Man, I needed a laugh like that tonight. What a great finish!

Oct 26, 2008 at 8:41 pm rating: +1

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#6 RunBarbara

time it takes to write note < time it takes to suck cock (properly)

Oct 26, 2008 at 9:17 pm rating: +39

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- #6.1 Mishee
  
  you are totally right RB… I mean, it is an art and should not be entered into lightly. There are so many factors to consider and things going on down there, including but not limited to, the woman’s abilitiy to not only breathe through her nose, but control her gag reflex successfully at the same time.
  
  Also, knowing WHEN to use teeth (lightly) and when not to, and the all important multi-tasking challenge of handling all those things up top, and still taking time to play with the balls.
  
  It DEFINITELY takes more time to suck cock (properly) than it would to write a whiny note.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 9:30 pm rating: +27
- #6.2 Andy
  
  You’re all miscalculating the fact that I prematurely ejaculate even reading the word blowjob.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:13 am rating: +8
- #6.3 Mishee
  
  that is what I was going for.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: +3
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#7 Mishee

I find that there is always ample time to suck cock.

That’s why my Hubby always has a smile on his face… except.. you know… at the moment… then no smile… but definitely all smiles after!

Oct 26, 2008 at 9:23 pm rating: +6

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- #7.1 Canthz_B
  
  He’s only smiling because he knows you’ll take out the rubbish after, Mishee.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 10:00 pm rating: +7
- #7.2 Mishee
  
  I don’t take out the rubbish, I have a 13 year old stepson.
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
- #7.3 Canthz_B
  
  That’s why we call our children bundles of joy!
  
  Oct 26, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: +2
- #7.4 Oliver
  
  I’m so fucking hard right now…signed…Oliver
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 7:39 am rating: +2
- #7.5 john
  
  mishee -
  
  will you marry me?!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: +3
- #7.6 Jahzzie
  
  Of course God thiks sex is a joke!! Just think of the faces you make in Mid-Coitus!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm rating: +1
- #7.7 Mishee
  
  jahzzie, do you think you are going to be able to woo me with a simple Dogma reference?
  
  Cause if so, you are totally right…
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm rating: +1
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#8 claw71

Well, this is troubling to me…since Oliver’s calculations clearly illustrate that Daniel and Emma are not on the hook for taking out the rubbish in this particular week I can only deduce that Sarah left this crude and rather unsettling response. In my estimation, Sarah is not only obligated to follow though on this chore but additionally, well, that’s a man, baby.

Oct 26, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: +15

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- #8.1 BurstingAtTheSeams
  
  Yes, yes; my thoughts much the same. Methinks Sarah’s cock might be a bit hard to suck, however.
  
  Oct 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm rating: 0
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#9 Canthz_B

If O.J.S. asks you to do something, I think it best to comply!

Oct 26, 2008 at 9:58 pm rating: +12

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- #9.1 Amanda
  
  I laughed… gratuitously
  
  Oct 28, 2008 at 4:17 pm rating: 0
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#10 Jesso

The person who wrote that last note deserves a high five. Possibly three high fives.

Oct 26, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: +1

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#11 Canthz_B

When’s my tum to take out the vubbish?

Oct 26, 2008 at 10:05 pm rating: +6

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#12 Canthz_B

Emma, Sarah, Daniel and Oliver?
Oliver did the calculations, so did Daniel write the original note?
Original has same annoying hand-writing as the first.
If Daniel spent less time fantasizing about a blow job from Oliver, maybe he could take out the trash!
But, no!!! Daniel is too busy sticking up for Sarah who should be taking out the fucking trash instead of posting notes on PAN!!

Oct 26, 2008 at 10:13 pm rating: +3

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#13 JesFoolin

Is this what is meant by the phrase “cock sucking calculus”?

Oct 26, 2008 at 10:21 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
#14 Canthz_B

Save a tree. Write a rubbish removal schedule instead of childish notes.
Hmm, how shall I put this??

GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

Oct 26, 2008 at 10:55 pm rating: +2

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#15 Troy McClure

They should put aside their differences and focus on their national capitals’ fridge magnet collection. They’ve got two already; they can collect the other 193 in no time, if they divide them up between themselves.

(Really, I’m just suggesting that to keep them separated for a while. It’s something I learned parenting.)

Oct 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +4

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#16 annemjw

Nice, these people appear to be my neighbours and all!

I wondered what the passive aggressive yelling from aro was a while ago

Oct 26, 2008 at 11:20 pm rating: 0

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#17 Kirsten

They have rubbish schedules in New Zealand? Crazy!!

Oct 26, 2008 at 11:48 pm rating: 0

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- #17.1 annemjw
  
  Yup! Efficiency, I assume. My section of town, for example, gets everything picked up on a Wednesday morning, but if you go to the next suburb over it’s a Thursday, I think.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: 0
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#18 Kristin

Obviously the note writer is male(he wants his c*ck sucked), Oliver I’m assuming is male also, is the note writer gay? He may have unknowingly come out of the closet.

By the way, nice alphabet magnets!

Oct 26, 2008 at 11:52 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #18.1 annemjw
  
  To be fair, I wouldn’t put it past a girl to have written that last line anyway
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: +9
- #18.2 Clumber
  
  I would have put that too (am female) if for nothing other than the joyful knowledge that I had just caused a mental block as the male reader would have to be simultaneously horrified by the idea of sucking cock, but also turned-on by the thought of sucking a woman’s.. err… cock…?
  (their brain explodes here)
  
  Taken from the 23rd Chapter of “Screwing with people’s minds for fun and profit” by Mishee.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm rating: +3
- #18.3 Mishee
  
  clumber - How did you get a copy of my ~~manifesto~~ book?? I thought that all the copies that existed had already been burned by the Church, the Junior League, and MADD.
  
  Well, keep a hold on it, it will fetch you a fine price on eBay someday!
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm rating: +4
- #18.4 clumber
  
  Mishee - Once things have been seen, they cannot be unseen. Well, and having a little spy camera helps too… Would you autograph my copy?
  
  Doya’ think PAN could somehow make the unitard into some sort of trophy to be awarded to the reply-er of this submission? Honor (??!) him and be done with the stinky slimy thing in one shot?
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 4:58 pm rating: +1
- #18.5 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  I thought women said “Suck my dick” when they wanted to appear tough.
  
  Somehow “dick” sounds more figurative than “cock”…
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 5:44 pm rating: 0
- #18.6 snokful
  
  i tell arsehole guys to suck my cock all the time, and i’m a woman.
  
  Nov 8, 2008 at 2:14 am rating: 0
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#19 Flaboy2425

You want the rubbish taken out on Wednesday? Hell, they don’t haul it away until Friday. Chill!

Oct 27, 2008 at 12:01 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #19.1 Donna Martin Graduates!
  
  But “sarah in new zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on monday (trash day).”
  
  So how come the first note reads “…it’s now Wednesday”?
  
  I’m so confused…
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 5:37 pm rating: 0
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#20 Tom

Oliver likes the same video store as I (and all decent God-fearing folk in Wellington). It makes me a little queasy that I coexist so closely with such levels of retentiveness.

Oct 27, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: 0

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- #20.1 annemjw
  
  I try, but I have to walk up Raroa Road to get back home if I go there, which is kind of a bitch. But it is the best.
  
  Oct 27, 2008 at 1:27 am rating: 0
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#21 Julia

Wow, what a perfectly fabulous response note! I’m impressed!

Oct 27, 2008 at 4:11 am rating: 0

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#22 Woman on the Verge

I think that they should take the first and third notes away and absorb the new meaning of the second note. Maybe they just all need to “do it”… and perhaps Oliver won’t be so proud of doing it all by himself…

Oct 27, 2008 at 7:48 am rating: +3

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#23 Fern

That was the perfect ending (no pun intended) from anonymous flatmate. I burst out laughing.
(I assume Olive works in human resources or is a lawyer…)

Oct 27, 2008 at 9:58 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #23.1

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

the identity property of flatmates

October 26th, 2008 · 93 comments

93 responses so far ↓