The identity property of flatmates

October 26th, 2008 · 93 comments

Sarah in New Zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on Monday (trash day). Adds Sarah: “We can only assume that Oliver keeps some kind of detailed diary about everything that happens in our flat, but only refers to it when things haven’t been done.”

the identity property of flatmates

related: 10 people, one kitchen

FILED UNDER: garbage · New Zealand · note wars · roommates


93 responses so far ↓

  • #1   j

    that last sentence is gold.

    Oct 26, 2008 at 7:50 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   hall monitor

      Something tells me there are a lot more issues going on in that apartment than having the trash taken out.

      Hall Monitor
      http://detentionslip.org

      Oct 26, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   HairySwede

      but nothing gold can stay…

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:38 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Andy

      All that glitters is not gold!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 11:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Hoodlum

      Hey Hall Monitor, you suck. You do realize that you don’t need to sign off with your name because it is already displayed as your nickname, don’t you? Or are you to distracted with pimping your site to realize it?

      Oct 27, 2008 at 5:58 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Mishee bang

      Hoodlum,

      We just ignore trolls here. And if they persist, we send them to the Unitent.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 6:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   secondsout bang

      I noticed that Hall Monitor always makes sure to respond to person #1, so as to be 1.2 and have the plug at the top of the page. Lame!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   HairySwede

      do I sense some passive agresssiveness brewing here?

      Oct 28, 2008 at 6:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   AuntyBron

      Why else would we be on the site?

      Oct 29, 2008 at 1:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Gez

      Yeah, Hall Monitor (if that is your real name).

      You suck!

      Gez

      Please visit GrammarBlog kthxbai

      Oct 30, 2008 at 3:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Paige

    That thing at the end of the first note… is that supposed to be some sort of unhappy emoticon? Or perhaps it’s a lump of gold with sparkly shining lines coming off it? Or maybe a bit of the oh-so-offensive rubbish with stink lines? Anybody know?

    Oct 26, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Aimee

      I believe it’s Oliver’s initials. Or were you just being facetious? Well either way, it’s probably his initials. :)

      Oct 26, 2008 at 9:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Sue Do Nim

      The first note does not have Oliver’s initials; it has an emoticon-like face. The second note has the initials. Or were you being facetious? Or just unobservant? Either way, you’re wrong.

      Oct 26, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Aimee

      Did “unobserve” the smiley? Chill.

      Oct 26, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Sarcastic Monkey

      No worries Aimee. We’re used to your ignorant rants.

      Chill. ;)

      Oct 27, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Mishee bang

      I see the first note is taking off of Michelle’s emoticon from facebook friday…

      : O

      apparently it was foreshadowing the “suck my cock” twist ending we had in store.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 10:56 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Aimee

      My rants? Haha this is the first time I’ve ever posted! But yes, there will probably be more ignorant rants to come. Enjoy! :)

      Oct 27, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   amy d bang

      Maybe he thought you were me? I like to rant.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Ti O bang

      I thought those were shouts and screams of passion. I should pay closer attention.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   J

    This makes me appreciative of my old roomie, where our rule about trash was: if you see it full, take it out. I think we ended up taking it out pretty equally, and if someone did it twice in a row, no one posted angry notes on the fridge.

    Oct 26, 2008 at 8:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   pwner of n00bs

      Yay for you! We should all clap for J for being such a good person.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Tmarie

    Plot twist on 3rd note is phenomenal. I was of course expecting “take out the trash yourself” and then BANG! it twists on you.

    This guy should write for “24″. Call Fox.

    Oct 26, 2008 at 8:31 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Tammy

    Man, I needed a laugh like that tonight. What a great finish!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 8:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   RunBarbara bang

    time it takes to write note < time it takes to suck cock (properly)

    Oct 26, 2008 at 9:17 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mishee bang

      you are totally right RB… I mean, it is an art and should not be entered into lightly. There are so many factors to consider and things going on down there, including but not limited to, the woman’s abilitiy to not only breathe through her nose, but control her gag reflex successfully at the same time.

      Also, knowing WHEN to use teeth (lightly) and when not to, and the all important multi-tasking challenge of handling all those things up top, and still taking time to play with the balls.

      It DEFINITELY takes more time to suck cock (properly) than it would to write a whiny note.

      Oct 26, 2008 at 9:30 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Andy

      You’re all miscalculating the fact that I prematurely ejaculate even reading the word blowjob.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 11:13 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Mishee bang

      that is what I was going for.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 11:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Mishee bang

    I find that there is always ample time to suck cock.

    That’s why my Hubby always has a smile on his face… except.. you know… at the moment… then no smile… but definitely all smiles after!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 9:23 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      He’s only smiling because he knows you’ll take out the rubbish after, Mishee. :-P

      Oct 26, 2008 at 10:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Mishee bang

      I don’t take out the rubbish, I have a 13 year old stepson.

      Oct 26, 2008 at 10:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      That’s why we call our children bundles of joy!

      Oct 26, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Oliver

      I’m so fucking hard right now…signed…Oliver

      Oct 27, 2008 at 7:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   john

      mishee -

      will you marry me?!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Jahzzie

      Of course God thiks sex is a joke!! Just think of the faces you make in Mid-Coitus!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Mishee bang

      jahzzie, do you think you are going to be able to woo me with a simple Dogma reference?

      Cause if so, you are totally right…

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   claw71 bang

    Well, this is troubling to me…since Oliver’s calculations clearly illustrate that Daniel and Emma are not on the hook for taking out the rubbish in this particular week I can only deduce that Sarah left this crude and rather unsettling response. In my estimation, Sarah is not only obligated to follow though on this chore but additionally, well, that’s a man, baby.

    Oct 26, 2008 at 9:47 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Yes, yes; my thoughts much the same. Methinks Sarah’s cock might be a bit hard to suck, however.

      Oct 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    If O.J.S. asks you to do something, I think it best to comply!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 9:58 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Amanda

      I laughed… gratuitously

      Oct 28, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Jesso

    The person who wrote that last note deserves a high five. Possibly three high fives.

    Oct 26, 2008 at 9:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    When’s my tum to take out the vubbish?

    Oct 26, 2008 at 10:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Emma, Sarah, Daniel and Oliver?
    Oliver did the calculations, so did Daniel write the original note?
    Original has same annoying hand-writing as the first.
    If Daniel spent less time fantasizing about a blow job from Oliver, maybe he could take out the trash!
    But, no!!! Daniel is too busy sticking up for Sarah who should be taking out the fucking trash instead of posting notes on PAN!!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 10:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   JesFoolin

    Is this what is meant by the phrase “cock sucking calculus”?

    Oct 26, 2008 at 10:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Save a tree. Write a rubbish removal schedule instead of childish notes.
    Hmm, how shall I put this??

    GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 10:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Troy McClure bang

    They should put aside their differences and focus on their national capitals’ fridge magnet collection. They’ve got two already; they can collect the other 193 in no time, if they divide them up between themselves.

    (Really, I’m just suggesting that to keep them separated for a while. It’s something I learned parenting.)

    Oct 26, 2008 at 11:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   annemjw

    Nice, these people appear to be my neighbours and all!

    I wondered what the passive aggressive yelling from aro was a while ago :)

    Oct 26, 2008 at 11:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Kirsten

    They have rubbish schedules in New Zealand? Crazy!! :)

    Oct 26, 2008 at 11:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   annemjw

      Yup! Efficiency, I assume. My section of town, for example, gets everything picked up on a Wednesday morning, but if you go to the next suburb over it’s a Thursday, I think.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Kristin

    Obviously the note writer is male(he wants his c*ck sucked), Oliver I’m assuming is male also, is the note writer gay? He may have unknowingly come out of the closet.

    By the way, nice alphabet magnets!

    Oct 26, 2008 at 11:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   annemjw

      To be fair, I wouldn’t put it past a girl to have written that last line anyway :)

      Oct 27, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Clumber

      I would have put that too (am female) if for nothing other than the joyful knowledge that I had just caused a mental block as the male reader would have to be simultaneously horrified by the idea of sucking cock, but also turned-on by the thought of sucking a woman’s.. err… cock…?
      (their brain explodes here)

      Taken from the 23rd Chapter of “Screwing with people’s minds for fun and profit” by Mishee.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Mishee bang

      clumber – How did you get a copy of my manifesto book?? I thought that all the copies that existed had already been burned by the Church, the Junior League, and MADD.

      Well, keep a hold on it, it will fetch you a fine price on eBay someday!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   clumber

      Mishee – Once things have been seen, they cannot be unseen. Well, and having a little spy camera helps too… Would you autograph my copy?

      Doya’ think PAN could somehow make the unitard into some sort of trophy to be awarded to the reply-er of this submission? Honor (??!) him and be done with the stinky slimy thing in one shot?

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Donna Martin Graduates!

      I thought women said “Suck my dick” when they wanted to appear tough.

      Somehow “dick” sounds more figurative than “cock”…

      Oct 27, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   snokful

      i tell arsehole guys to suck my cock all the time, and i’m a woman.

      Nov 8, 2008 at 2:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Flaboy2425

    You want the rubbish taken out on Wednesday? Hell, they don’t haul it away until Friday. Chill!

    Oct 27, 2008 at 12:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Donna Martin Graduates!

      But “sarah in new zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on monday (trash day).”

      So how come the first note reads “…it’s now Wednesday”?

      I’m so confused…

      Oct 27, 2008 at 5:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Tom

    Oliver likes the same video store as I (and all decent God-fearing folk in Wellington). It makes me a little queasy that I coexist so closely with such levels of retentiveness.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 1:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   annemjw

      I try, but I have to walk up Raroa Road to get back home if I go there, which is kind of a bitch. But it is the best.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 1:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Julia

    Wow, what a perfectly fabulous response note! I’m impressed!

    Oct 27, 2008 at 4:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Woman on the Verge

    I think that they should take the first and third notes away and absorb the new meaning of the second note. Maybe they just all need to “do it”… and perhaps Oliver won’t be so proud of doing it all by himself…

    Oct 27, 2008 at 7:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Fern

    That was the perfect ending (no pun intended) from anonymous flatmate. I burst out laughing.
    (I assume Olive works in human resources or is a lawyer…)

    Oct 27, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   AuntyBron

      Nah – I think he’s a teacher. His note looks an awful lot like the story problems we used to have in elementary school.

      Oct 29, 2008 at 1:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Shangbag

    The third note is clearly an attack on Oliver because he missed his turn to suck cock.

    By my calculations…

    Emma sucked Daniel’s cock last week,
    Sarah sucked Oliver’s the week before (Oliver was so proud),
    and Karma sucked my cock yesterday restoring the balance of life, so clearly the note writer is just looking for a hummer!

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Sheepish bang

    Rubbish!

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   G

    If Oliver’s “calculations” are indeed right… then the only thing that anybody can really say is that Emma is a saint. I’m with Oliver – I think it’s Sarah’s turn.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   maude

    Time for a chore chart! I don’t want anymore bickering over whose turn it is to suck cock.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Dare

    Oliver should have saved himself considerable note writing time and just put an apple-core on a napkin with a “WTF?!?”

    Note writing time saved translates directly into cock sucking time earned.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    According to my Zoolandern (the official language of New Zealand) pocket dictionary, “suck my cock” is actually common slang for “take out the trash.”

    Imagine how confusing this makes things during Prom season.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 10:52 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Andy

    The alphabet magnets are a clear indication of a toddler in the house. Or the worse set of fridge poetry ever.

    [Learning] [adult] [words] [for][mouth][love][making]

    Oct 27, 2008 at 11:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Dani

    The middle note sounds like one of those logic puzzles on the LSAT.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   thirty six red

    It’s that bastard Daniel. It was Sarah’s turn to take it out. Now Daniel will be losing BJ time with sweet, sweet Sarah. So Daniel is looking to that little fuck Oliver for replacement head. He simply doesn’t care- SOMEBODY is going to suck it.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 12:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Xtroll

      By my calculations, it’s Sarah and Emma’s turn to suck my cock and it Daniel and Oliver’s turn to do all the chores being I’m going to be busy with Sarah and Emma for quite a while.

      Oct 28, 2008 at 11:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   GhostWriter bang

    I have found “By the Power of GraySkull!” to be a more impressive invocation than, “By My Calculations…”

    Oct 27, 2008 at 12:52 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Ti O bang

    Sarah is a tranny? :shock:

    Oct 27, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Mishee bang

    It just came to me… like a flash of light…

    Sarah is the rubbish.

    Just translate the note into American by changing the word “rubbish” with “trash”.

    I suppose all women named Sarah are trashy… (*coughPalincough*)

    Oct 27, 2008 at 2:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Ti O bang

      Oh I should have seen that! The subtle nods and winks. The heavy eyeliner and too bright lipstick. Oh she is a dirty dirty trashy girl. She just wants to ride the gallup poll.

      Oct 27, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Mishee bang

      Lipstick always seems too bright when on a pit bull.

      They use the bright colors to distract us from what they are really trying to sneak past you…

      Just remember that when you go to the polls!

      Oct 27, 2008 at 4:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Eric B.

    Dear flatmate,

    I’ve seen your cock. Sucking it shouldn’t take that long.

    Signed,
    Oliver

    Oct 27, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   tnmnorcal

    did anyone else notice that the cock sucking note is held up by the letters VD???

    Oct 27, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   unitard wearing tnmnorcal

    the cock was fucking delicious

    Oct 27, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Juliet

    What I love is that no one actually takes out the garbage during their turn. Daniel did it for Emma, who did it for Sarah, who didn’t take it at all.

    What’s the point of a schedule if no one actually does the task when it is their turn? Maybe if someone took the trash out for Oliver he wouldn’t feel so left out?

    Why isn’t this note covered in drawings of penises????

    Oct 27, 2008 at 3:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Mishee bang

    I’m rather interested in what the little fridge sized white board on the right hand side says.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   JoelWhy

    Time to suck some c*ck…or, he could use said valuable time to, I dunno, take out the trash?

    Oct 27, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   biscuit

    Sucking cock? That’s rubbish.

    Oct 27, 2008 at 11:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Phalange

    I bet Oliver is a kickass Clue player.

    Oct 28, 2008 at 7:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   bathory bang

    That end of that last note is spectacular.

    Oct 28, 2008 at 2:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   kelly

    Ok, this looks like some feminine writing and something only a woman would do…but SUCK MY COCK? Probably not something a woman (an angry one, no less would say). Given it’s a man, I think it would be easier to take out the rubbish than to sit down and scribe something like this.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   snokful

      …and once again, women do say “suck my cock” as an insult. good to fuck with people’s heads. maybe it’s more common in the antipodes or something.

      ** bonus TMI: speaking literally of sucking cocks, most (but not all..) of the strap-ons bought from sex stores are used by women, and a lot of those are straight women using them with their bfs.

      Nov 8, 2008 at 2:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   snokful

      …and once again, women do say “suck my cock” as an insult. good to f*ck with people’s heads. maybe it’s more common in the antipodes or something.

      ** bonus TMI: speaking literally of sucking cocks, most (but not all..) of the strap-ons bought from sex stores are used by women, and a lot of those are straight women using them with their bfs.

      Nov 8, 2008 at 2:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.3   snokful

      …and once again, women do say “suck my cock” as an insult. good to f*** with people’s heads. maybe it’s more common in the antipodes or something.

      ** bonus TMI: speaking literally of sucking cocks, most (but not all..) of the strap-ons bought from sex stores are used by women, and a lot of those are straight women using them with their bfs.

      Nov 8, 2008 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Mudhooks

    I am a recovered PA note-leaver, myself. I have to say that it was often the only recourse when I was living in a rooming house with 21 other people (which included a number of inconsiderate asses).

    One of the common complaints was people who left the front door wide open or let complete strangers into the house (a big Victorian mansion) to wander about one their own (and once, the Quebec police, despite the fact that 1) they didn’t have a warrant and 2) we lived in Ontario where said Quebec police had no jurisdiction).

    After I left a large note asking people, for the safety of themselves and others, to please shut the front door and not let complete strangers in off the street, one of my room mates whinged on about how he had nothing to steal so didn’t really care about whether the door was left open or not, or who wandered about the house.

    About a week later, the same room mate was loudly complaining to me about how someone walked into his room and stole his stereo, a suit, and some food… I didn’t have a lot of sympathy.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 9:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   J

    An Aro Video card? That’s my neighbourhood! And I think I may know the people in question!

    Dec 1, 2008 at 2:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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