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FILED UNDER: TLDR · cry me a fuckin' river · facebook · holiday spirit · not-so-veiled threats
— Canthz_B
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed etiquette ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies garbage group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jesus kids kitchen london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san francisco sarcasm seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley spelling and grammar police stealing texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting TLDR toilet touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" unsolicited feedback virginia visual aids whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
192 responses so far ↓
#1
fruitcake
no wonder no one’s coming
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:30 pm rating: +105
#2
filosofer
Now THAT’s a Halloween invitation. Scariest thing I’ve seen in a while. I’m going!
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:36 pm rating: +18
#3
moosetracks
Nobody loves me, everbody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:36 pm rating: +7
#4
leslie
that’s really insulting to the six people who said they were coming. what? those six aren’t good enough for you?
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:38 pm rating: +91
#5
anglophile
I’m already busy on the night of the next party.
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:39 pm rating: +52
#6
amy d
With that guilt trip, Carrie is ready to be a mom.
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:41 pm rating: +33
#7
JoelWhy
Seems like Carrie can’t take a hint. I’m guessing (a) everyone is going out on Halloween and (b) Carrie ain’t invited!
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +22
#8
Wade
I wonder how bitchy Carrie will be when she figures out that it’s really 70% of the invitees that aren’t planning to come to her party.
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:46 pm rating: +49
#9
HS
Boo hoo… Here’s a kleenex.
Oct 29, 2008 at 7:55 pm rating: +1
#10
Alicia
WOW! maybe people just dont like you so excuses “I have work”, ” I’m already goin to another party” are just their nice way of NOT sayin “Well I’m not comin becuause your parties are boring and quite frankly I dont really like you”
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm rating: +11
#11
ezra
how about inviting more than just 20 people. And i don’t remember the last halloween party i needed to RSVP to. Does she hand out tickets too? No masks, I don’t want anybody i didn’t invite.
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm rating: +10
#12
tee9zee
Look at the bright side, Carrie. Six people were willing to tolerate you for an evening. I say whip up those eyeball appetizers and alienate the rest of your friends!
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm rating: +37
#13
aaa
Dammit, it’s my right as an American to have people enjoy Halloween with me in the manner of my choosing!
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: +8
#14
Cookieput
This reminds me of a party invite I got in high school from an uptight girl I barely knew. I, too, “had to work” that night.
I found out later that everyone had to stay in the living room, and she and her boyfriend dressed up as Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks from “You’ve Got Mail”.
I say the six people who RSVP’d really dodge a bullet.
And I sincerely enjoyed the fact that Carrie’s role models of how to throw a kickass rager are her parents. ‘Nuff said.
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm rating: +24
#15
Eric B.
Carrie should let The Man keep her down! Doesn’t she know she has to fight for her right to party?
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm rating: +17
#16
Chris
What’s really funny is that the six people RSVPed “yes” and were going to not show up.
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm rating: +14
#17
bibli
Carrie, you stupid twat. Did it ever occur to you that people might want to be home to give out treats? Or take their children out?
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm rating: +3
#18
secondsout
“me and my families way of thinking…” How many families does she have?
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm rating: +22
#19
IamSusie
This is one of the best notes you’ve ever had!
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm rating: +2
#20
BAM
If people have to leave work early to come to your party, that means it’s before 10. Which means it’s lame. Which means no one wants to go.
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:45 pm rating: +31
#21
Sophie
Kerist! No wonder no-one is coming!
Put her down already! That was pathetic!!!
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:52 pm rating: +1
#22
Goldie
So Carrie wants people to come over, is that it? I’ve got an idea, let’s all go trash Carrie’s house, drink all her booze and make out with her boyfriend. (Claw, you are excused from #3, unless you want to.)
And to think I planned on staying home, handing candy to little children. Crashing Carrie’s party is SO much more fun! Who’s with me?
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:52 pm rating: +5
#23
bean
“What’s the matter Rabbit? Your mommy teach you how to chug?”
/seriously the greatest movie ever.
Oct 29, 2008 at 8:57 pm rating: +1
#24
Goldie
1 I am the CARRIE, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery;
2 you shall have no other life before me.
3 You shall not make for yourself an idol, unless it is a life-size CARRIE cutout.
4 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the CARRIE am a jealous bitch, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me.
5 You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the CARRIE, for the CARRIE will not acquit anyone who misuses her name.
6 Observe the ALL HALLOWS EVE and keep it holy, as the CARRIE commanded you.
7 For 364 days you shall labour and do all your work.
8 But the HALLOWEEN is dedicated to the CARRIE; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may party at CARRIE’S house as well as you. FOR IT IS JUST ONE NIGHT.
I, THE CARRIE, HAVE SPOKEN.
*smites*
Oct 29, 2008 at 9:00 pm rating: +46
#25
Whistlin'Dixie
I’m guessing that the ‘RSVP Six’ are heaving a collective sigh of relief that Carrie cancelled this shindig. Now they won’t have to come up with last minute lame excuses to ditch when they realize that Carrie only decided play hostess so she could show off her really cool Sarah Palin costume.
Oct 29, 2008 at 9:01 pm rating: +21
#26
ToyLady
Uh, Carrie, how your your light bulbs? Any breakage? You weren’t planning to go to the prom, were you?
Oct 29, 2008 at 9:10 pm rating: +13
#27
claw71
I know, Carrie, it’s funny how things change when you turn 21. Now that we can go to night clubs and actually buy drinks it’s just not as fun to sit around your mom and dad’s house listening to The Goo Goo Dolls and sneaking sips of J&B out of the liquor cabinet, ever mindful of the how full the bottle was before we started drinking. Yeah, those were the days.
I wish I could tell you that I was going to come up with a great excuse for why I can’t make it but I quickly lost interest in the project. I’d tell you that I’m sorry I won’t make it this year but I hate lying.
Oct 29, 2008 at 9:16 pm rating: +26
#28
BurstingAtTheSeams
Dear Carrie,
A memo did go out. I guess you missed it.
In case you didn’t notice, the six people who RSVP’d were all under 21. Everybody else was older and already received the memo about no more parties.
It’s a big scary world out there. You’d better start paying better attention to those memos.
-Bursting
Oct 29, 2008 at 9:25 pm rating: +9
#29
hydromjstik
Carrie i’ve done the math, and 100% of me thinks you suck. But maybe that’s just me and my families way of thinking.
Oct 29, 2008 at 10:39 pm rating: +21
#30
kit kat
Team Everyone Who Didn’t Take The Poor-Me Bait!
Oct 29, 2008 at 10:51 pm rating: +8
#31
Julia
Wow, how freaking emo can you be? I thought myspace was for the emos, not Facebook!
Oct 30, 2008 at 12:17 am rating: +1
#32
biscuit
What is she going to do with the little children when they get to her door? Guilt-trip them?
Oct 30, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: +9
#33
Sloper
I hope those partygoers are okay with the inevitable outcome of their Carrie negligence–
As little children stand in her doorway on Halloween, Carrie brings out a bowl of candy.
“Sure, I buy full size candy bars and you show up in these ridiculous home-made costumes? I mean come on, a sheet? Seriously? My families (sic) costumes are always better than this. They have eight jobs and still find time to make better stuff than that. You’ve known it was going to be Halloween for at least a month and this is what you come up with? Honestly, I don’t know why I bother.”
Then she closes the door and goes back to watching Saw IV without giving the little-uns any candy.
Oct 30, 2008 at 1:00 am rating: +27
#34
Tupelo
Wow. This girl needs some serious therapy. This note makes me feel good – good to know I’m not as desperate and bitchy as at least one person out there.
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:25 am rating: +3
#35
souldesqueeze
My last two birthday celebrations have involved renting out a movie theater in the middle of the day. Unfortunately, the only time when this can happen and remain affordable is between Monday through Thursday. Alas, very few people are willing to make take off work on a weekday just to watch a movie; this year I invited over 100 people and only five showed up. Did I bitch out the non-attendees on Facebook? Hell, no. I had a great time with the five people who did make it. Carrie should have followed her friends’ lead and gone out for the night.
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:28 am rating: +2
#36
Canthz_B
Dear Carrie,
We were all invited to the “Cool Party”.
You would have been invited too, but we heard about that tantrum you threw at your prom.
Scared shit-less,
Your “friends”
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: +22
#37
Canthz_B
Cancellation was the correct choice, given that 30% of our friends are only our friends because they have no life or are a bit unstable, there was a good chance of a fatality during apple bobbing.
Oct 30, 2008 at 3:13 am rating: +8
#38
Lurker
Maybe all the invitees will show up at her door for candy.
Oct 30, 2008 at 8:57 am rating: +2
#39
Drunkbunny
This makes me too mad to even be funny about. What an entitlement bitch. Those people didn’t ASK her to have a party, why should she feel put out if they don’t want to come? They don’t owe her their time.
This Carrie has the self-centered, martyrdom guilt trip thing down pat. In fact, she’s so egocentric and guilt-trippy I would think it was my mother writing that post, if my mother could figure out facebook.
Oct 30, 2008 at 9:07 am rating: +13
#40
Mishee
I bet you anything this chick has at least 2 cats.
Oct 30, 2008 at 10:03 am rating: +1
#41
Bee
Umm, Carrie, that’s one of the things about growing up. People’s social circles expand. Attendance percentage at parties goes down because there are more options of parties. Especially on holidays. The days of having every single one of your friends show up at a party are over. Deal.
Oct 30, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: +3
#42
Jan Brady
I heard everyone is going to Marcia’s party instead……
Marcia Marcia Marcia!!!
Oct 30, 2008 at 10:58 am rating: +7
#43
me
There’s more than one person like this! I’m trying to get out of my own party thrown by a carrie-esque friend. I already thought she was going to explode when one person said they had to leave early. hmm maybe if I un-rsvp she’ll cancel the party in a fit of rage
Oct 30, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: +2
#44
chekur
The saddest part? The desperate undertones.
“I hate you all I’m not holding this party unless I get some replies saying people will come (oh god I hope people want to come to my party, why don’t they like me, will YOU come to my party?!).”
Hang in there, sugar. Being repulsive to humankind sucks, I know, but maybe one day they’ll make a book about you.
Oct 30, 2008 at 11:05 am rating: +7
#45
Mishee
I wonder if one of those 6 people are thinking, “What? No party now? Great, now I get to just sit home twiddling my thumbs? Thanks Carrie for thinking MY company wasn’t enough for you! You fucking whore.”
Oct 30, 2008 at 11:10 am rating: +19
#46
roxy
One months notice? We give 6 months notice for our annual Tiki party which is followed up by a one month , one week and a day before reminder. We entice our party goers with free booze, a DJ and dance floor, an upstairs Tiki bar with buffet and 2 giant backyard hot tubs. We also decorate the hell out of the house and backyard. In return all we ask is that everyone wear a Tiki inspired costume (hawaiian shirt and shorts will do). And yet to get 300 people out we have to invite 1000. Sadly, some adults are too busy to come have fun and in Carrie’s case there are lots of other options for fun on Halloween night.
Oct 30, 2008 at 11:31 am rating: 0
#47
Dare
1) Carrie, I only RSVP’d in the affirm because I wanted to dodge your passive aggressive rant that I was expecting. I was in no way planning on attending. Apparently the 14 people who declined didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to acquiesce to your party request, and then stand you up. I’ll make sure that memo is better attended to in the future, because we’re ALL looking forward to your expected Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Years parties. Don’t even get me started about how we are all looking forward to your next birthday bash!
2) Best PAN quote, “I know we’re all adults now…” What was left unsaid, “… so we’re all allowed to whine and complain about each other in a public internet forum, rather than just gossiping about each other behind backs in our high-school cliques like we used to do.”
3) Thanks for the heads up Carrie. I know which house I won’t be bringing the kids to for trick-or-treating.
Oct 30, 2008 at 11:32 am rating: +3
#48
Brian
Yes, we are adults now, with jobs and lives and legitimate-sounding reasons not to hang out with Carrie which, when employed, should begin the process of slowly but surely draining the life out of our relationship with Carrie so we can concentrate on our adult friends.
Also 14 out of 20 is 70%, so if anyone from the Math Club was on the invite list … that might be a clue.
Oct 30, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: +2
#49
thirty six red
Dear Carrie,
Perhaps you should consider why some of your invites cannot attend. First off does your perfume smell like shit? Were any of the invitees scumbag pigs from the unit 205 party? If so, you were a bit harsh and I guess that unless you don’t mind them treating your home like a frathouse they probably wouldn’t be interested anyway. Did you notice any penis drawings on the RSVPs? May I make a suggestion? It is sometimes a good idea to include a short list of activities to whet their appetite for example; best costume contest, cheese smearing the door-college kids love that one or name that STD,( give H. M. an invite I’m sure it would cheer him up) and finish up with something enticing like, erotic relaxation with whores. Hope this helps. Oh by the way as long as you have plenty of toilet paper on hand give those kids at Oberlin College a call, Marvin is probably busy but they are a FUN bunch!
See Ya
36
Oct 30, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: +9
#50
Veronica
Yeah … seems like it isn’t the time of the party but the party thrower
And I don’t blame them!
Oct 30, 2008 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
#51
Emily
Sadly enough, if you search for All Hallow’s Eve events on Facebook, you will see that a lot of people will be having lame ass halloween parties with only 6 guests.
Oct 30, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: 0
#52
Amy
I’m astonished more than six people came to her birthday party. Maybe she invited all her cousins and they only came because her aunts and uncles told them they had to.
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:00 pm rating: +1
#53
Andy
I wish the submitter took a screen shot of Carrie’s profile picture moments after this message was sent when she had time to update it with a frowning pumpkin giving the middle finger.
..!..
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:52 pm rating: +2
#54
CanadianMoose
Ugh. I know someone like this. One time she made an event for her birthday party and usually, as a rule, I automatically click ‘maybe attending’ just because I have no idea what I’m doing that day.
WELL!
She sends me a message FOUR HOURS LATER being like “MAYBE you’ll come to my party? MAYBE?!?!?” I was scared for my life.
Two months later she made another event (for three months later), and I thought I had learned my lesson and just didn’t reply to it at all.
“Why haven’t you replied to my event? Aren’t you coming? ”
—-one day later
*sigh* you just can’t win
Oct 30, 2008 at 2:58 pm rating: +9
#55
Flying High
Kwitcherbitchin’ and go wash those dirty pillows, whore.
Oct 30, 2008 at 3:17 pm rating: 0
#56
ihatehallmonitor
hall mongitor
Oct 30, 2008 at 3:42 pm rating: 0
#57
MW
What a pathetic little immature bitch.
Oct 30, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: 0
#58
Nikki
Oh, man! She seems like so much fun! I wish I could go to her party. I’d straight up tell my boss to eff off in order to go! They love it when I say “Hey, I need to go to a party and get blitzed tonight. Mind if I leave early?” Bills. Who cares about them?
Oct 30, 2008 at 6:04 pm rating: +4
#59
Dan
I know that once you’re over 30 you can officially be considered an old fart, but am I the only one who thinks that Facebook is for complete losers? Why air your neuroses, narcissism, and self-absorption so publicly?
Oh, wait – I guess if you’re a narcissist, it’s a good place.
Hmm
Dan
Oct 30, 2008 at 6:14 pm rating: +2
#60
Amanda
Boo freaking hoo!
Oct 31, 2008 at 10:49 am rating: 0
#61
TPS
Did anyone respond to it? I would love to see the excuses people come up with on why they would love to come but can’t/won’t.
Oct 31, 2008 at 10:51 am rating: +1
#62
BredWell
I had more fun reading all the comments on HallMonitor & Anon’s comments more than I did Carrie’s initial “cry me an f’ing river” party cancellation . . .
ROFL
Oct 31, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: 0
#63
Goldie
Meantime, I went to Carrie’s party last night. She moved it a day up because no one could make it on friday. It was PACKED. Took me two hours to just get in. And it was SCARY! Oh BTW turns out Carrie is a guy. Loved her costume! The crowd was cheering like mad when she came out!
http://www.wkyc.com/news/politics_govt/politics_article.aspx?storyid=99633&catid=130
Srsly. My mom wanted to come to that thing, so I drove her. It *was* scary.
Oct 31, 2008 at 12:17 pm rating: 0
#64
Brian
Duh, this is why my Halloween party was last week. God, Carrie think about it next time.
Oct 31, 2008 at 12:46 pm rating: 0
#65
anon
http://img185.imageshack.us/img185/3223/fullscreencapture103120mi1.th.jpg
Oct 31, 2008 at 2:52 pm rating: 0
#66
Addle Nonna Maus
Team Carrie! I feel her pain and y’all just suck.
Oct 31, 2008 at 5:13 pm rating: 0
#67
youji
I wonder what the problem is… I’ve had fantastic parties with six people, haha.
Nov 1, 2008 at 11:39 am rating: 0
#68
wub
That’s 70% of the people who can’t come, not 60%.
Nov 1, 2008 at 1:00 pm rating: 0
#69 tant pis, mon amie
[...] related: you were warned never to push carrie to the limits. [...]
Nov 7, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: 0
#70
CaptPoco
I think you can have a pretty cool Halloween party with 6 people. I think that’s the oddest part about this note, that this person cared more about her stupid hurt pride than she did about 6 other people. Those people will probably be sitting home alone watching horror movies too!
Dec 18, 2008 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
#71
Carrie
Wow. I just wanted to have a fun party where everyone showed up and nobody went home with sand in their respective pussies.
Dec 19, 2008 at 4:12 am rating: +1
#72 sounds like a real catch
[...] related: you were warned never to push carrie to the limits [...]
Jan 6, 2009 at 4:38 pm rating: 0
#73
TelepathicParrotMindControl
I agree with Glastonbury.
Why no links? Why certain links and not others?
The link isn’t popping up and screaming at you…it’s a line of text that’s active and blue rather than inactive and black. If you can’t ignore that…well, maybe the problem is with you!
Kisses!
Jan 15, 2009 at 12:32 pm rating: 0
#74 an evening of congenial abnormality
[...] related: you were warned never to push carrie to the limits [...]
Aug 17, 2009 at 9:44 pm rating: 0
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