And a Happy Halloween to you, too

October 31st, 2008 · 92 comments

Spotted by Lange from Cambridge, Massachusetts while campaigning for Obama in New Hampshire. Says Lange: “We decided against bugging them with our political spiel. (We assumed they were Obama supporters anyway.)”

To whoever stole our pumpkin: Please enjoy it since we cannot. Thank you & Happy Halloween

Meanwhile, corporate belt-tightening isn’t going over so well with the office grunts this Halloween. “This was the response to the environment/holiday committee’s lack of Halloween candy in the office after already ‘decorating’ the office with empty candy containers,” says our submitter in Los Angeles.

:(

In Oakridge, Oregon, however — as our submitter Tyree noticed — they don’t go in much for subtlety.

No Candy go Away

related: Pumpkin with a death wish

FILED UNDER: candy · Halloween · holiday spirit · office · party planning committee


92 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Box bang

    That pumpkin was fucking delicious.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 11:58 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   mere bang

      looks up ^^ *blink blink*
      seriously?!

      Oct 31, 2008 at 12:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Braaaaains

      As seriously as the likelihood of Hall Monitor nesting a link-laden comment into this or the next couple posts.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Grey

      Wait for it…

      Oct 31, 2008 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Qwerty

      It appears that, for the last few days, I have been inhabiting a fantasy world. I thought we were finally free of the menace of “fucking delicious”. Sadly, as evidenced by Box’s comment, this is not the case. But ladies and gentlemen, we can’t give up now! We must make an example of Box with the dreaded unitard, and continue the War on Fucking Delicious! Stay the course! We shall overcome!

      Nov 2, 2008 at 6:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Eric B.

    Of course John Candy isn’t there. He’s dead!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:12 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   secondsout bang

    The third note is written in a foreign language. It translates roughly into: “Please egg my house!”

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Holly Jahangiri

      I’d have been tempted to write, underneath: “Just turn your f***ing porch light OFF, then.”

      Nov 2, 2008 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Bunnee

    To Whoever’s pumpkin we stole:

    Thanks! I will enjoy it–as it goes SPLAT against your front door! (I assume this means I won’t be getting any candy?)

    Kisses,
    Pumpkin Thief :)

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Tmarie

    Totally awesome friend of my sister’s had a beautiful carved, artfully burned wood sign that said “No Halloweeners” but he always had good candy anyway. Similarly, he had a less ornate sign that said “No Girl Scout Cookies Bought Here”. But I think she told me he always bought a generous amount of cookies.

    That whole “tradition” is ruined for me now because of the signs law enforcement are making sex offenders display. Which is what the screen door sign reminds me of.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Superdude bang

      As if the kids in the neighborhood don’t already know not to go to the guy in the creepy house on Halloween. Except for the fat kid who takes the dare in hopes of a Snickers bar.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   bobthemonkey

    They didn’t steal the pumpkin, they were redistributing it to someone more in “need”.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:38 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   HS

      Precisely. Socialist pumpkin sharing.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Joe

    “we assumed they were obama supporters anyway.”

    Because you were in Massachusetts, or because they didn’t mind their pumpkin being stolen for the sake of the pumpkin-less?

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   kmd

      They were *from* Massachusetts, campaigning in New Hampshire.

      And with that sign I would have assumed they were Obama supporters too.

      Now the “no candy go away” sign … definitely McCain voter.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Goldie

      I once tried spreading a pumpkin around.

      I chopped it up in small pieces, then walked up and down my street throwing the pieces at neighbors’ windows. I found it difficult to throw the seeds, so I just smeared them over everyone’s door handles.

      The neighbors called the cops on me. Silly neighbors. That’s the thanks you get for trying to share.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Joe

      “They were *from* Massachusetts, campaigning in New Hampshire.”

      Sorry, read the summary too quickly. I’m always too eager to get on to the PA notes! :)

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Bunnee

      The “No candy-go away” sign IS from a McCain supporter, but it’s hard to tell without a “You kids stay off my lawn” sign as well.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Ghost of J McCain

      So help me if that ball comes in my yard one more time I am keeping it!

      Oct 31, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Xtroll

      Elect Obama and he’ll take candy away from those with more candy and give it to those with less candy.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 5:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   CDuff

      Who steals a pumpkin? Honestly, of all the things to take from someone else, why a pumpkin?

      That sign was not in Mass, but New Hampshire. I know this because that’s MY SIGN!

      I put it up there because I wanted to show something as ridiculous as stealing a pumpkin.

      And for the record, my wife didn’t want me to post the sign at all. Sorry Liz!

      Nov 4, 2008 at 10:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Joe

    Also, what kind of committee is known as the Environment/Holiday committee? I guess they only put things out for Arbor Day and Earth Day. And by things, I mean paper and pencils made from recycled products. (Pay no attention to the plastic jack-o-lantern containers!)

    Oct 31, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   JoelWhy

    No candy, but he’ll have plenty of eggs, soon enough.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   djr

      And flaming bags of dog shit.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   mere bang

    hey, let’s turn that (post it) frown upside down.

    i’ve got some raisins, they’re nature’s candy you know.
    and some rice cakes. they’re nature’s coasters.
    ….
    wait, what are you throwing at me?! OUCH! raisins hurt!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 1:05 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Bunnee

      What, no pennies?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   nasoccermom

      I think sex offenders are banned from halloween this year, so no, no penis.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Jessica Gottlieb

    Is it terrible that I want to correct the note to read “whomever”?

    Oct 31, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Joe

      I wanted to point that out, too, along with some comment about uneducated people voting for Democrats, but then I remembered rednecks.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   claw71 bang

      I don’t know whom you think you are, but this site doesn’t need grammaristas. Take your big boring brain somewhere it would be appreciated like http://www.imsomuchsmarterthanyou.com

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:28 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   secondsout bang

      You’re not necessarily correct, Jessica. “Whomever” would work if it were the object of the preposition. However, in this case, you could make the argument that the object of the preposition is the entire clause, not just the word. Given that the clause has a subject and a verb, it doesn’t make sense to say “whomever stole our pumpkin.”

      God, I’m insufferable.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 1:42 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Frankie bang

      I am extremely turned on by what you just said sout.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Mishee bang

      Joe, just because you went to Plumbing School doesn’t mean you are “educated”

      Why don’t you and your new friend John go somewhere else and maybe take away money from schools and put it into the “war effort”, or go bash some gays, or maybe even take away some rights (choices) from women or something… isn’t that what you assholes do in your spare time?

      God, I CANNOT wait until Tuesday when all this is said and done with and we know if there is a possibility of our country being saved, or if McCain will be President.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:03 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Sloper bang

      A cogent explanation of the meaninglessness of prescriptivist inflexibility is never insufferable, secondsout. But my reply is.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Superdude bang

      Sloper, I’m so glad I read that silently. :-)

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   BritneySpears bang

      Is this site supposed to be in German? I can speak some pig latin! Anybody seen my baby?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   Mishee bang

      Britney, you do realize you have two kids, right?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.10   Sarah Palin bang

      At least I know I have fou… no FIVE kids!

      Hey! I know Pig Latin too! What a coinkydink!! Britney, we should totally hang out…

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.11   BritneySpears bang

      I know where the other one is. I left him in the car with the dog. But don’t worry, no one can take him because I rolled the windows up and locked them in there. Where are my keys?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.12   Superdude bang

      What’s with this “uneducated people voting for Democrats” stuff?
      The polls all say that Obama voters tend to have at least some college. McCain is pulling the less educated voter.

      Just sayin’, also too.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.13   AuntyBron

      Then the majority of Americans are highly educated ’cause McCain is getting slammed in the polls.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 1:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.14   AuntyBron

      But, Sout, “whomever” adds the merest soupcon of snottiness to the note.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 1:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.15   secondsout bang

      Except that it’s that false pretentiousness that turns out to be wrong, and therefore make the pretentious person sound retarded. Like the person who says, “my father gave a dildo to my brother and I.” The person thinks he’s being correct by saying, “my brother and I,” but in fact, it should be “my brother and me.” The person thinks he’s being correct, when in fact, he’s a tard.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 3:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.16   Sue Do Nim

      Dude, you and your brother had to share a dildo?

      Just between you and I, that’s nasty.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Tuesday

    No candy, you say? Time to do something creative in your yard with my 24-pack of Charmin.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 1:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Mishee bang

      Charmin is too expensive to waste on that. For those uses you get the 1/2 ply of Angel Soft for $3.00 a 12/pack.

      Plus, if its a rainy Halloween, bonus, cause the cheap stuff will almost disintegrate and then when the rain stops it will harden. People will be pulling dried chunks of TP out of hidden crevices for years. Its a “slow release” prank.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   amazon

      I prefer a good ol’ lawn sporking!

      Oct 31, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   claw71 bang

    I think I know the people who posted the first note. They’re really pretty affable so I don’t believe this is passive-aggressive at all. I remember when somebody abducted their daughter last Decemember. They were upset but they took out an add in the local paper:

    WHOEVER TOOK OUR DAUGHTER:

    HOPE YOU ENJOY HER SINCE WE CANNOT.

    IF YOU WANT THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WE ALREADY BOUGHT FOR HER THEY’LL BE UNDER THE BLUE TARP BEHIND THE SHED.

    THANKS AND HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS.”

    Oct 31, 2008 at 1:26 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Sloper bang

      True. Evidence this earlier note–

      TO WHO(M)EVER (WHATEVER) STOLE OUR CAPS LOCK KEY:

      PLEASE USE LOWER-CASE LETTERS AS WE CANNOT.

      THANKS & HAPPY TYPING.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:12 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Superdude bang

      Claw, my son went to school with little Pumpkin, I had to explain her empty desk to him in that tragic time last December :-(

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Superdude bang

    To whoever stole our pumpkin:

    We’re buying a new one and we called our friend to protect it. Heisa monster.

    Happy Halloween!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Juliet

    That last note is my favourite. I more than understand where the note writer is coming from.
    There are kids in my neighbourhood who ignore that all your lights are out, and would break into your house and search it for candy if their parents weren’t with them.
    It would be great to reward such persistence with a water balloon ambush.

    “So what if I soaked them? There aren’t any treats here, only tricks.”

    Oct 31, 2008 at 2:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   bob

      water balloon? if they’re invading my house, i’m responding with more than a water balloon.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 2:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Superdude bang

      Screaming like a bitch is not more than a water balloon.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 3:14 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   BurstingAtTheSeams

      There’s a part of me that wonders if the people in that house really created that note, or if some kid who was still angry at getting an apple last year defaced their door?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   secondsout bang

      Depends on whether the apple had a razor blade in it.

      Which brings me to another question: who’s the motherfucker who gives out raisins at Halloween? People like that should be skullfucked.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 3:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Superdude bang

    So the people in picture #3 hate children more than they like the storm window in their screen door?
    I thought there was a law against selling spray-paint to minors and morons.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 2:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Anon

    Hall monitor, this a preemptively aggressive post. Fuck you.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 3:09 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Goldie

      Aw, Anon and Hall Monitor, our very own House and Cuddy. Fuck is in the air.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Schuyler Hauser bang

      Hall Monitor is more like Cameron.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Woman on the Verge

      Oh! House fans! My favorite show. Oh, wait, this has nothing to with anything… sorry. But it’s still my fave.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 9:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Do you guys think Hall Monitor is at home crying after being outcast from PAN?

      Or a better question yet – is there still room for forgiveness from PAN?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 11:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Mishee bang

      We can always be won over with enough pithy comments and possibly putting and end to the trolling.

      But it will be a long road, one that starts with humbling oneself.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   AuntyBron

      Hall Monitor is probably at Carrie’s party.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 1:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   Mishee bang

      Didn’t you hear, Carrie’s party got cancelled.

      You should really check your facebook more often.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   CatintheHat bang

    Since there is no punctutation,
    the sentence is an aberration.
    The meaning one can misconstrue,
    as did I, thusly, upon reading it through:

    No candy go away,
    but neither do it stay.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 3:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Superdude bang

      Magnificently done!

      Oct 31, 2008 at 4:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Andy

    Check it out: that pumpkin candy bucket is doing that thing where you turn upside down and your chin looks like another whacky face! I love doing that!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   BritneySpears bang

      We should have a baby together.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 4:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   AuntyBron

      God, Brit! Knees together!!

      Nov 1, 2008 at 1:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Ryan

    The spray paint reminds me of the PA note written on the fridge left out at the end of the driveway? Anyone remember the link to that one?!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Grey

    Dear Environment/Holiday Committee,
    Thank you so much for not wasting company funds on candy. I know in these tough economic times we need to find ways to tighten our belts. Fortunately you have done this in three ways; saving money for the company, saving us from calories, and getting the fatties to run around the office trying in vain to find a Plastic Lantern that still had some candy in it. Isn’t exercise great! You should be the Environment/Holiday/Run Fat Boy Run Committee. Good thing our emotionally stable co-workers don’t need the occasional birthday cake or holiday candy to keep them from showing up with shotguns.

    It is also quite possible the angst of seeing an empty bucket just makes me want to pop your weasely little eyes out. In fact when I’m done sweating from that jog around the office I may just do that. Fuck you.

    Sincerely,
    Those of us who do stuff around here

    Oct 31, 2008 at 5:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Schuyler Hauser bang

    Perhaps the third note is directed at someone named Candy – ex-girlfriend, deadbeat sister, annoying neighborhood busybody – and just happens to fit the trick-or-treat theme. Candy seems like the type to not get the hint, like when not enough people responded to her party invite.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   William Wallace

      Fine FINE! Now I have to have that POS song from that POS band Bow wow wow stuck in my head. Just draw and quarter me now.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   zoidberg bang

      There could be worse candy songs to have in your head, like:

      Sugar, awww
      Honey honey
      You are my candy girl…

      Enjoy!!

      Oct 31, 2008 at 6:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Mark bang

      Homer: Lousy piece of junk! [throws the Walkman into the water]
      Todd: Hey…I got that for my birthday!
      Homer: Now I have to face stupid reality again.

      Oct 31, 2008 at 6:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   amy d bang

      And let’s not forget this gem by New Edition:

      Candy girl
      you are my world
      You look so sweet
      you’re my special treat.
      Candy girl
      all I want to say
      When you’re with me you brighten up my day

      Oct 31, 2008 at 8:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Schuyler Hauser bang

      WW, replace that song with Sammy Davis Jr.’s cover of “The Candy Man.” Or would that be worse?

      Oct 31, 2008 at 8:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   Ti O bang

      Then there is that Candy song with the girl from the B-52′s and Hmmm was it Lou Reed?

      Nov 1, 2008 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Matt

      No, it was Iggy Pop with Kate Pierson from the B-52s.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 7:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   Ti O

      That is it. Thanks Matt!

      Nov 1, 2008 at 8:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   Jahzzie

      Now I’m trying to remember the lyrics to a song called “Sugar Shack” DAMN YOU ALL!!!

      Nov 2, 2008 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Wisteria bang

    Well with the economy and all…… “I guess we will just wreck our storm door with paint!”

    Trailer Trash

    Oct 31, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Mishee bang

      I was thinking about that, and maybe they used canned snow? You know, to prepare for Christmas. Then they just have to scratch out the word “Candy” and replace it with “Presents” and BOOM, they are decorated till the end of the year.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 10:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   jackie31337

      I was thinking it was shoe polish. My theory is that it’s a grumpy old man, since the only people who have white shoe polish just sitting around their house these days are likely to be the get-off-my-lawn types.

      Nov 1, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Tyree

      Hey, I’m the one who submitted the “no candy” picture. It was in fact a grumpy old man who lived in the house, but I’m not sure what he used to write on the door. It was gone the next day, though, so it must not have been anything too permanent.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Julia

    I think the first note writer failed at the guilt trip. If I were the thief, I wouldn’t feel bad about it, I’d just think that the note writer was pretty nice and quite understanding about the whole thing.

    Needs more bitchiness to it, seriously.

    Oct 31, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Woman on the Verge

    Dear Pumpkinless People,
    Your generosity seemingly knows no bounds. While you are feeling so warm and fuzzy, please consider leaving a turkey with the appropriate accompaniments, including condiments, outside by November 27.
    Thank you,
    The Pumpkin Thieves
    P.S. We wouldn’t sneeze at iPods for Christmas, either!

    Oct 31, 2008 at 9:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Peter Peter will have to go without this year.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   xenylamine bang

    I’m in the process of packing to move, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to get the door this year… and I put out a basket of candy with a sign… and someone stole the basket. -_-

    Nov 2, 2008 at 12:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Pilgrimchick

    I feel worse about the lack of Halloween candy in the office (with empty candy containers, too…what a slap in the face) than about he lost pumpkin. Although the lost-pumpkin folks get the nod for the most creative expression of their frustration.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Cat

    Awww. The frowny face candy bucket is more cutely sad than passive-aggressive.

    Feb 7, 2009 at 3:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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