Entries from November 2008

And I’m singing “uh oh” on a Friday night

November 30th, 2008 · 77 Comments

How’d you like to be flatmates with Dianne in London? Cos I’m thinking there just might be an opening soon…

Whomever has been using my mouthwash should know that when I'm drink i sometimes spit back into the bottle. HA!

related: clarifying motion #2

Tags: bathroom · drizzunk · hygiene · London · roommates · spitting · U.K.

Thx for your honesty

November 27th, 2008 · 83 Comments

Happy Thxgiving, everyone!

If you can't cook DON'T TRY

related: It takes a “genius” to come up with a potluck theme like this one

Tags: holiday spirit · office · party planning committee · San Francisco · Thanksgiving

A new tagline for The Price is Right?

November 25th, 2008 · 288 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in New Jersey found this note taped to every apartment door in his complex. “We do indeed have a problem with feral cats in our neighborhood, but my sense is that they’ve been around for many (cat) generations…not that people are buying new ones.”

Attention Cat "Owners"

Adds our submitter: “Now that I think about it, I’m probably a bad person for finding this funny, but really, the all-bold, all-caps “LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!” is just so perfectly over the top. Personally, I would have gone with “A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: cats · exclamation-point happy!!!! · guests · neighbors · New Jersey

Anyone for “Heart and Soul”?

November 24th, 2008 · 90 Comments

“There are several common rooms in my dormitory at Indiana University, and most of them have pianos available for the students to play,” writes Jain in Bloomington.

“While I can empathize with this anonymous student’s frustration, possibly after hearing the third or fourth broken attempt at ‘Chopsticks’ in a single day, I’ve personally found the exit to be a more successful coping strategy than leaving bitchy notes on a baby grand. But hey, different strokes…”

Please DO NOT play the piano unless you are actually good. Thanks!

Meanwhile, Dan spotted a supermarket in Sterling, Virginia that took the above note-writer’s sentiment just a half-step further.

Piano is for entertainment only. Please do not play. Thanks

related:  I used to be your biggest fan

extra credit: pearls before breakfast [washingtonpost.com]

Tags: college life · Indiana · music · noise · Northern Virginia · Virginia

Do that to me one more time…

November 23rd, 2008 · 116 Comments

The most passive-aggressive thing about this note? Well, our submitter admits: “I do play soundtracks just to annoy him. Maybe next time he shouldn’t dance with other people’s significant others at the office holiday party.”

I know I've said this before so I don't think I should have to say it again, but I swear, if you play the soundtrack to Hairspray one more time, I'm going to lose it. Not everyone likes show tunes or musicals, and I get the feeling you're only doing it now to annoy me!!! Play something good, like the Starland Vocal Band or Captain and Tenille and I'll be fine. Thanks! Andrew P.S. Don't touch my stuff!

related: It was an ironic dance party, okay?

Tags: Massachusetts · music · office · p.s. · touching

Sincerely, disappointed

November 20th, 2008 · 126 Comments

Our anonymous submitter says this display is just one of many microwave missives his coworker has created. “Someone tore it down and threw it on the floor once,” he says, “but she put it back up, laminated with heavy-duty tape.”

WHOEVER HAD THE GENIUS IDEA TO BLOW UP PAPER, OR WHATEVER YOU USED, IN THE MICROWAVE AND DIDN'T CLEAN IT UP, KUDOS TO YOU AND YOUR SLOPPY BEHAVIOR. I'M ASSUMING YOU LIVE EXACTLY LIKE A PIG.

WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEAN: 1. Free from dirt; unsoiled; unstained 2. Free from foreign or extraneous matter 3. Habitually free of dirt WEBSTER'S DEFINITION OF CLEANLINESS: Neat, immaculate, clean, clear, pure refer to freedom from soiling, flaw, stain or mixture

And of course, the art-imitating-life inspiration for this post: Pam Beesly.

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

To whoever made the microwave mess: The microwave is a SHARED kitchen appliance.  By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, Disappointed

Hey anonymous Coward who left the note: Be a Man. Spend less time writing notes and more time cleaning up the microwave.

related: To each his own microwave

extra credit: The Office: “Frame Toby”

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cleaning · fiction · high on highlighter · microwave · most popular notes of 2008 · New York · not-so-veiled threats · obnoxious definition · office · spelling and grammar police

So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

November 19th, 2008 · 131 Comments

A little object lesson for the kids in Tulsa, Oklahoma…

This Used To Be A Drug Dealer's Car Now It's Ours!

(Where’s the line item for window decals in the budget for the war on drugs, ya think?)

related: Tokyo Police Club

Tags: excessive capitalization · Oklahoma · the po-po · Tulsa

“That’s what she said”

November 18th, 2008 · 201 Comments

Spotted by Randi in Charlotte, North Carolina, this one’s straight out of the Michael Scott playbook.

Do not forget to say hello to our special employee of the month Janet G. She may be slow, but she trys.

related: to the victor goes the bile

Tags: faint praise · most popular notes of 2008 · North Carolina · now that's management · oh no you didn't · spelling and grammar police

Why you don’t want to go to B-school, in two words

November 17th, 2008 · 161 Comments

Group projects.

#5, however, is what really seals the deal.

kindly direct your attention to point #5

(click to enlarge!)

related: please ladies please

Tags: a little uptight · bullet points · California · e-mail · hygiene

Law & Order: Special Dishes Unit

November 16th, 2008 · 114 Comments

“These are the results of your typical no-one-washes-their-dishes-at-the-office situation,” says our submitter in Portland, Oregon.”There used to be a note above the sink that said “NOT YOUR MAMA,” but it was replaced with these gems, both of which sort of creep me out (and neither of which has ameliorated the dirty dish issue).”

Do your dishes - It's the Law!

I didn't get out of bed and go to work just to clean up after you princess!!!   I promise I will do all of my dishes here at [redacted] as soon as I finish eating!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oregon

Tags: dishes · kinda creepy · office · office cop · Portland