Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”
Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”
related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]
144 responses so far ↓
#1
Flaboy2425
Keep your beliefs to yourself and move it to your side of the cubicle, control freak.
Nov 2, 2008 at 7:55 pm rating: 36
#2
Lisa from Indiana
High School Yearbook Picture! LOL!
Thanks for the giggle, Anthony!
Nov 2, 2008 at 7:59 pm rating: 17
#3
Tee
They share a cubicle?
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:05 pm rating: 3
#4
Mishee
This is when Anthony puts up a picture of FSM with the same note.
I would.
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:09 pm rating: 53
#5
agatha christie
Is there another “do not touch” notice at the bottom of the picture? Or is it attached to another picture? Regardless, a woman who thinks her cubicle-mate is going to pilfer her wall-hangings needs to pop a Xanax.
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:13 pm rating: 10
#6
Jeff
That’s totally, like, the official Mormon picture of Jesus. Ah, takes me back to my childhood, it does.
/reminiscing
*phew* so glad I escaped!
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:19 pm rating: 20
#7
harmonicpies
Our Saviour appears to be sternly saddened over being used as a PA bludgeon. Is this what He meant about the meek inheriting the earth?
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:23 pm rating: 17
#8
Wade
Wait. Is that a black cat Halloween decoration hanging in front of Jesus? Nothing like covering all the bases.
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:24 pm rating: 7
#9
T.U.M.
When I touch Jesus, I think of myself.
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:32 pm rating: 31
#10
aaa
What, rubbing Jesus’ pictures over my naked body won’t get me closer to the Lord?
Nov 2, 2008 at 8:48 pm rating: 19
#11
K Dog
Why would anyone hang a picture of James Caviezel in their cubicle? Christ almighty, that’s just weird.
Nov 2, 2008 at 9:25 pm rating: 32
#12
Aimee
Is that one of those pictures that the eyes seem to follow you? No matter how I turn my laptop, Jesus is looking right at me. Just me?
Nov 2, 2008 at 9:26 pm rating: 3
#13
jess
this shit really bothers me. its like she’s saying my beliefs are more important than yours. bitch keep that shit at home. what if your cubicle mate’s ancestors were tortured by christians?
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:01 pm rating: 49
#14
jess
wow. apparently my last comment got flagged. lol. probably rightfully so. i guess this post just hit a cord with me.
maybe that post will be approved, but in rated-g context, i basically said that she should keep that to herself because by posting it, she is basically making a statement that her beliefs are more important than his. total disregard that this could be offensive (just as wiccan or satanic symbols might be to her—anthony, that would be a great passive-agressive response) to him. she has no idea whether his ancestors were prosecuted by christians, nor, obviously, does she seem care.
*edit* my post was approved lol
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:06 pm rating: 5
#15
megskathy
what are the signs to the left and below it? I see an exclamation mark and something like “DO NOT REMOVE FROM THIS WALL.” I really want to see what the rest of this cubicle looks like!!!
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:24 pm rating: 5
#16
BurstingAtTheSeams
Suggested response:
• put up a sculpture of an erect penis on your half of the cubicle
• pin a note to the very tip of the penis that reads:
Be respectful of my beliefs. Please Touch!!!!!!!
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:34 pm rating: 63
#17
hydromjstik
but Jebus touched us all…
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm rating: 1
#18
secondsout
Don’t touch that Jesus guy. He’s been hanging around with lepers, and you don’t want to get all of that all over you.
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm rating: 24
#19
secondsout
I’m still not quite sure how Jesus, who lived in the Middle East, looks like he came from Helsinki.
Given that he was Jewish, can’t you at least give him that Jew ‘fro – aka an Isro?
Nov 2, 2008 at 10:59 pm rating: 33
#20
MoxieHart
Someone else noted that it looks like there’s a black cat decoration near Jesus. I’m concerned that Jesus is awfully close to that cat’s butt. Please don’t put Jesus near the cat butt, he’s suffered enough.
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: 21
#21
Sloper
I didn’t realize it before, but her Christian beliefs align perfectly with Human Resources’– Don’t touch.
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:33 am rating: 3
#22
Julia
I love this run-on sentence she’s got going on. Is that one of her beliefs, as well?
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:52 am rating: 1
#23
Halley
haha! I lived in Salt Lake City for three years. It’s the typical Jesus in the Cubicle picture! I’ve seen it at least a dozen times.
I don’t know. If I always had my “supervisor” staring at me all day, I think I would feel self-conscious and my work might find itself lacking because of it. . . I like my Messiah to only watch me outside of the work place.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: 7
#24
Canthz_B
They tried to get Jesus to smile for that portrait, but he looks like he’s ashamed of his new braces.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:18 am rating: 17
#25
Canthz_B
Please be respectful of my obsessive-compulsive behavior…I’m going to straighten your sign every day, three times a day until Jesus weeps!
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:22 am rating: 5
#26
Canthz_B
I’d pay good money to see her get that picture up there without touching it.
She must have “believed” it to the wall.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:47 am rating: 26
#27
Canthz_B
The Lord is my placard, I shall not want…
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: 15
#28
Scaryduck
Wait – Jesus is a white guy?
Live and learn.
Nov 3, 2008 at 4:40 am rating: 6
#29
HairySwede
if only the catholic priests would take the advice of the morman jesus:
DON’T TOUCH!!!!!!!!
(That’s right… I counted how many exclamation marks were used, 8 for those of you wondering)
Nov 3, 2008 at 5:09 am rating: 11
#30
Oink
Any chance of seeing the rest of the wall?
Nov 3, 2008 at 6:35 am rating: 0
#31
amy d
Do not touch my beliefs, they will crumble.
Nov 3, 2008 at 7:12 am rating: 45
#32
Morgaine
Okay, so she would kill me if she knew I was writing this, but that same exact Jesus picture was hanging on the ceiling in my sister’s room for most of high school. Right above her bed. So if you looked up you would see Jesus.
She did it to prevent herself from masturbating.
Creepiest thing ever.
Nov 3, 2008 at 8:23 am rating: 34
#33
Ti O
Verily I say unto you what this cubicle needs is more cowbell!!!!!!!!
Nov 3, 2008 at 9:22 am rating: 21
#34
Dare
A priest, a rabbi, and Jesus walk into a cube…
Nov 3, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 11
#35
claw71
OK already! I won’t touch your precious beliefs…even though you put them out there like you want everybody to…but you can’t stop me from thinking about them, especially late at night when I’m fondling my own.
(btw, is that a picture of Gordon Lightfoot?)
Nov 3, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: 16
#36
Joseph R.
If you touch, baby jebus will cry!
Nov 3, 2008 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#37
Lurker
*waves hands around, half an inch from Jesus picture*
Does this bug you? I’m not touching your Messiah!
Nov 3, 2008 at 10:23 am rating: 17
#38
claw71
Jesus: Let me have your attention for a minute…is everybody here? I don’t care, I’m going anyway. Let’s talk about something important…PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN!!!! Coffee is for closers! Do you think I’m fucking with you? I’m from downtown. I’m from Mitch and Murray and I’m on a mission of mercy. What’s your name?
Simon: I’m Simon.
Jesus: Well I’m calling you Peter because you’re a loser. Simons are winners. Simon says. Peter is a whiny bitch who can’t get them to sign on the line which is dotted.
Matthew: I don ‘t have to listen to this shit…
Jesus: That’s right you don’t, pal. Because the good news is you’re fired. The bad news is you have one week to earn your jobs back. Oh, I have your attention now?
Thomas: What’s your name?
Jesus: Fuck you, that’s my name. You know why, mister? Because you rode a donkey to get here and I walked on water. That’s my name.
Jesus: ABC. Always Be Converting. ALWAYS BE CONVERTING!!!! AIDA. Attention Interest Decision Action. Do I have your attention? Good. Because it’s fuck or walk gentlemen. A man doesn’t walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. Just waiting to give you his soul. Are you man enough to take it?
I’ve got these leads…these are the new leads….the Galilee leads and they’re gold. And you don’t get them because to give them to losers like you is to throw them away. They’re for closers.
I’d wish you luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it. I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.
Nov 3, 2008 at 10:36 am rating: 24
#39
Fern
WWJD?
Nov 3, 2008 at 10:59 am rating: 1
#40
maude
Wtf? This is UTAH. Why would she expect a picture of *Jesus* to be defiled?
Nov 3, 2008 at 11:00 am rating: 5
#41
Andy
In the words of Jesus Christ (AKA Marvin Gaye)
When I get that feelin’
I want spiritual healin’
spiritual heeeaaalllin’
But no touchy feelin in THIS cubicle, you disrespectful Mormon heathens!
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
#42
bikerbabeee
She could have at least waited until after Thanksgiving to put up the Christmas decorations!
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:28 pm rating: 6
#43
roxy
I’d be interested in a wider shot. What is that black thing hanging with jesus? Also, it looks like there is more passive-aggressive goodness posted under Jesus’s pic.
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:30 pm rating: 0
#44
MsUnreliable
Shouldn’t the push pins be in his hands?
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:36 pm rating: 6
#45
Dare
“I wanna pray to Baby Jesus cause I like Baby Jesus. If you wanna pray to grownup Jesus, go right ahead.”
Nov 3, 2008 at 12:47 pm rating: 5
#46
GhostWriter
I have eight unfinished monthly reports, 50 hours of unexplained absences, and a performance review telling me I “critically need improvement.” How do I expect to pull in a Christmas bonus this year?
By creating a Miracle Shrine in my cubicle, of course!
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:18 pm rating: 2
#47
stringyhair
WWJD? Seriously? I feel a calling to a black Sharpie that causes Jesus (Hay-sous) to have tear tattoos like my prison buddies. Then, I’d have to turn him sideways just to be juvenile. Respect is overrated and the meltdown would guarantee me at least one more PAN addressed to “The Person who defiled my Jesus: “
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:19 pm rating: 3
#48
RP
I hope Anthony moved her things off of his part of the wall after taking this photo.
Lady is a freaking hypocrite.
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: 3
#49
bigtime loser
Thats supposed to be a professional work environment (?), and there do seem to be too many warning signs on the cubicle. If I was there, this would be reported as a hostile work environment. How can you get work done with PAN all over the place?
Nov 3, 2008 at 1:40 pm rating: 3
#50
olivia
Makes me want to leave a post-it saying “Mazel t’ov” next to her skit.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:26 pm rating: 0
#51
Dani
Every time you touch Jesus, God kills a kitten.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: 6
#52
JoelWhy
The solution is to hang a big upside down cross in your cubicle. Nothing like a little devil-worshiping to make a company develop a religion-neutral environment.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 13
#53
claw71
Jesus Christ! We’re talking about a guy who told his band of merry men to eat his flesh and drink his blood at the Last Supper. Every Sunday millions of lunatic Catholics mumble waddle up to the pulpit to take communion by symbolically munching an a messiah cookie and washing it down with a little Jesus juice. That’s creepy and sick. Eat me? What the fuck, was Jesus wearing a Slim Jim jumpsuit? Snap into a Savior
Why do I have a hard time believing that Jesus would have a beef about getting handled every once in a while? Seems to me, dude was a bit of a freak. I bet he didn’t mind the occasional reach around. I know I don’t.
Nov 3, 2008 at 2:44 pm rating: 19
#54
MW
I wonder what that dude in the picture’s actual name is? Can you make real money as a Jesus model?
Nov 3, 2008 at 3:10 pm rating: 3
#55
claw71
When you were young by The Killers
You sit there in your cube place
hoping that some nosey office boy won’t
touch your savior on his face
you went to get lunch
watch out now, here he comes
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
but he’s got a beard and shit
like you imagined when you were young
Can we respect beliefs here
I don’t know
it’s posted on your cube wall
I think I’ll take it if you’re gone a while
Let’s take it easy
watch it, here we go
Religious pictures make HR whine
it started brewin when they hired you in
when you were young
when you were young
I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
but like some other man, like you imagined
when you were young
Nov 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm rating: 1
#56
Dare
And in the category of, “Duh…”
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/11/03/angry.internet/index.html
Nov 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: 0
#57
Canthz_B
Why are we assuming this is a depiction of Jesus?
Clearly, she worships the Allman Brothers.
Nov 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: 6
#58
claw71
I been written up, I been fired too
I don’t know why I let that CEO make me feel like a fool
He took all my money, and my company car
Now he’s promoting one of my high school buddies
they’re taking my client to a downtown bar
Sometimes I feel, Sometimes I feel
like I been stuffed in a cubicle
stuffed in cubicle
stuffed in a cubicle
good lord I feel like I’m filing
My friends all tell me, I should go back to school
get myself an MBA and learn powerpoint too
I try to decorate my cube and make my work seem fun
But people don’t respect my beliefs they mess with my things, if you ignore my note, you best run
Sometimes I feel, Sometimes I feel
like I’ve been stuffed in a cubicle
stuffed in a cubicle
stuffed in a cubicle
good lord, I feel like I’m just filing.
Nov 3, 2008 at 5:11 pm rating: 3
#59
Crash
Commandment #11,
Thou Shalt not lay thy fingers on the things that I say are of mine or of the Father’s.
But it was never enforced because apparently the Earth belongs to God too…and God didn’t make us with the ability to fly…thus we would have sacrifice too many lambs and for that trespass and that would just upset all the animal right’s activist’s and God would just have to go all Sodom and Gomorrah again and that would just lead to a whole new creation time thing…and that just get’s kind’a boring after a few times…
So He let that one go….
And so should this control freak chick,
She’s not God, I mean…Damn…Chill man.
For the love of all man kind, let him touch the picture !!
It’s the way of Hippie Jesus, Peace and Love, man…
Nov 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm rating: 3
#60
0falcon8
isn’t it creepy the way His eyes seem to follow you from whatever angle you stand at?
Nov 3, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: 0
#61
FurryThomas
Anyone else notice that this Jesus looks a little like Christian Bale?
Nov 4, 2008 at 10:43 am rating: 0
#62
Barry TIkkanen
Pick up a Newton’s Cradle (the physics toy with the metal balls) for your cubicle and affix your own “Do not touch” sign to it.
Nov 5, 2008 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
#63
noodleguy
Put up a picture of the FSM on her side with the same caption.
RAmen brother!
Nov 5, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: 1
#64
t
put up a picture of Buddha right next to Jesus with the same note. put up some quotes from Buddha too. shit, bring in a Buddha & make a point of rubbing his belly. & to really throw her off, get a candle of Guadeloupe. just for shits & giggles.
Nov 8, 2008 at 1:52 am rating: 1
#65
runswithsoda
I guess it would be disrespectful if I said that I thought Jesus looks hot in that picture.
Nov 9, 2008 at 3:47 pm rating: 0
#66
Nikki
What kind of dump makes you share a CUBICLE???
Nov 10, 2008 at 6:36 pm rating: 1
#67
MW
Since when did Christ become caucasian?
Nov 16, 2008 at 1:22 am rating: 0
#68
apacalypso
.
Jan 11, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: 0
#69 Passive Aggressive Christianity | Friendly Atheist
[...] I’m not sure what Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was saying at work, but when a new lady found herself sharing space with him, she placed this message on his side of the cubicle: [...]
Jul 11, 2011 at 8:52 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed