The Book of Cubicleism, Article IV: “The Laying on of Hands”

November 2nd, 2008 · 144 comments

Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was a little perplexed when the new lady sharing his cubicle put this little number up. Odder still, he says, “is the fact that this particular wall was originally my half — she took everything I had on that end and moved it to the other side.”

Says anthony: “Apparently she thinks I’m going to poke the Messiah’s high school yearbook picture all day — or maybe the note is what he’s thinking?”

PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF MY BELIEFS DON'T TOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

related: So much for turning the other cheek
extra credit: The great and dreadful day of the lord [dooce.com]

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · office · Salt Lake City · touching · Utah


144 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Flaboy2425

    Keep your beliefs to yourself and move it to your side of the cubicle, control freak.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 7:55 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Lisa from Indiana

    High School Yearbook Picture! LOL!
    Thanks for the giggle, Anthony!

    Nov 2, 2008 at 7:59 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Cookieput

      Yeah, it paints a vivid picture.

      Mary: “Jesus Christ! Smile in this picture, okay?”
      God: “Get a haircut, hippie!”
      Jesus: “Whatever, Dad! Mary Magdalene likes it.”
      God: “That tramp?!?”

      Nov 2, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Sirius

      That’s actually post-high school, right before Jesus got kicked out of the Doobie Brothers

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Ti O bang

      God: All you do is hang out down at the lake with your dirty hippie friends. You don’t think I don’t know what goes on down there!?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Canthz_B bang

      God: Do you know how hard it was to get you into trade school, Jesus?
      Now you’re a carpenter, and all you want to do is stir up trouble.
      I swear, some day the authorities are going to nail you!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:27 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Tee

    They share a cubicle?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   JesFoolin

      Jesus is my cubemate. Now I’m always wondering what my cubemate will do.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:52 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Mishee bang

    This is when Anthony puts up a picture of FSM with the same note.

    I would.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:09 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   se

      and all day muttering “jesus h christ” almost under your breath.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   aaa

      I had a thought, but then thought better of it. :c

      Nov 2, 2008 at 8:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Michelle

      I came here to say that very thing.

      Nov 4, 2008 at 4:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   agatha christie

    Is there another “do not touch” notice at the bottom of the picture? Or is it attached to another picture? Regardless, a woman who thinks her cubicle-mate is going to pilfer her wall-hangings needs to pop a Xanax.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:13 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   AuntyBron

      They’re small, she should pop two.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:12 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Jeff

    That’s totally, like, the official Mormon picture of Jesus. Ah, takes me back to my childhood, it does.

    /reminiscing

    *phew* so glad I escaped!

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:19 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Morgaine

      I’m glad I escaped too!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 8:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Sheepish bang

      Yay! more escaped Mormons! we should form a club!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Sirius

      Refugees from behind the Zion Curtain, unite!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Cady

      She’s probably one of those Mormons who has a persecution complex despite having never once actually been persecuted for her Mormon beliefs (besides just now, as I am clearly persecuting her for being a Mormon with a persecution complex).

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Crash bang

      If only everyone had the magical stone seer spectacles…than we could all be enlightened to the way the truth and the light ! :D

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   harmonicpies bang

    Our Saviour appears to be sternly saddened over being used as a PA bludgeon. Is this what He meant about the meek inheriting the earth?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:23 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   aaa

      The only reason he said that was because he didn’t want to alienate the pussies of society; that’s bad PR and when you’re starting a cult, you want all the fans you can get.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 8:43 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   BurstingAtTheSeams

      I tend to think He’s saddened by having a thumb tack pressed into the top of His picture…

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   aaa

      I didn’t notice that before. Sticking a thumb tack through Jesus’ picture is like sticking a thumb tack through your college diploma.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   secondsout bang

      Just stick the thumb tack through Jesus’s arms and feet. Call it the stigmata.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 11:08 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Flaboy2425

      I never met a meek zealot.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Wade bang

    Wait. Is that a black cat Halloween decoration hanging in front of Jesus? Nothing like covering all the bases.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   T.U.M.

    When I touch Jesus, I think of myself.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:32 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   aaa

    What, rubbing Jesus’ pictures over my naked body won’t get me closer to the Lord?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 8:48 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   secondsout bang

      Maybe, but it might precipitate the second coming.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:52 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   K Dog

    Why would anyone hang a picture of James Caviezel in their cubicle? Christ almighty, that’s just weird.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 9:25 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Aimee

    Is that one of those pictures that the eyes seem to follow you? No matter how I turn my laptop, Jesus is looking right at me. Just me?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 9:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   agatha christie

      Nope, me too.

      Nov 4, 2008 at 8:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   jess

    this shit really bothers me. its like she’s saying my beliefs are more important than yours. bitch keep that shit at home. what if your cubicle mate’s ancestors were tortured by christians?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:01 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Hoodlum

      Or what if the cubicle mate was molested by a priest? Outrageous!

      - I used to work in a small office of serious Jesus freaks, and we would be hassled into going to birthday lunches and the owner would lead us in prayer right in the fucking middle of TGIFriday’s. God I hated that job.

      -Mostly, I can’t believe the Jesus freak actually moved the other guy’s stuff off of the wall.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      Tortured by Christians?!

      You act like they burned people at the stake and shit…wait…

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:37 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   jess

    wow. apparently my last comment got flagged. lol. probably rightfully so. i guess this post just hit a cord with me.

    maybe that post will be approved, but in rated-g context, i basically said that she should keep that to herself because by posting it, she is basically making a statement that her beliefs are more important than his. total disregard that this could be offensive (just as wiccan or satanic symbols might be to her—anthony, that would be a great passive-agressive response) to him. she has no idea whether his ancestors were prosecuted by christians, nor, obviously, does she seem care.

    *edit* my post was approved lol

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   aaa

      Sometimes it takes a while for posts to go through. There’s no flagging or approval on PAN. Well, except from the old folks approving the newbies. And I’m not sure that’s you quite cut the mustard. Maybe if you dressed up like Jesus and reenacted the resur-erection with claw’s albino python for us, we’ll accept you. Maybe.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      If his ancestors were prosecuted maybe they committed some crime. Perhaps they persecuted someone or something.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:32 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Juliet

      Jess, a major problem I have with zealous Christians (not the cool ones who understand others may have different beliefs from theirs and they are okay with that) is that they think their beliefs override everyone else’s. I agree with your commentary.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Donna Martin Graduates!

      I think you meant to say ‘hit a chord’, unless you have no idea what that metaphor means.

      Nov 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   jess

      hey yeah sorry. thanks for pointing it out though. typos happen.

      Nov 5, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   megskathy

    what are the signs to the left and below it? I see an exclamation mark and something like “DO NOT REMOVE FROM THIS WALL.” I really want to see what the rest of this cubicle looks like!!!

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   hamburke

      I wanna see the whole office too. I totally want to walk into that cube and touch everything!

      Where does this woman get off removing all of her cubemate’s belongings and before she even knows him, pasting “do not touch” signs all over the place? She’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. I hope the poster keeps dated photos and meticulous records of their conversations so he can complain to HR when he can’t take her crap anymore.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   aaa

      It’s called Manifest Destiny. It’s her responsibility as a God-fearing Jesus-ite to spread the Jesus westward into her cubie’s half of the cube in order to form a more perfect union of All Jesus All the Time.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:21 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Canthz_B bang

      If he won’t accept the Word, she can always spread smallpox or syphilis to him. That’ll put the fear of God into him!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:27 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Mishee bang

      aaa, I thought you lived by the mantra of “All Mishee All The Time”

      I am heartbroken to find out you believe differently.

      I am going to have to ask you not to touch please.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   aaa

      I’m not a God-fearing Jesus-ite, Anthony’s cubie is. I suppose I’m more of a fearless part-time Mishee-ite. It’s only All Mishee All The Time when it’s convenient for me. Like right now. :D

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   BurstingAtTheSeams

    Suggested response:
    • put up a sculpture of an erect penis on your half of the cubicle
    • pin a note to the very tip of the penis that reads:

    Be respectful of my beliefs. Please Touch!!!!!!!

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Juliet

      PASHY!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   hydromjstik

    but Jebus touched us all…

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   secondsout bang

    Don’t touch that Jesus guy. He’s been hanging around with lepers, and you don’t want to get all of that all over you.

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mishee bang

      Not to mention whatever STDs he may have picked up from a crazy night with Judas and the boys running a train on Mary Magdalene.

      Apostles get to have all the fun.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   secondsout bang

    I’m still not quite sure how Jesus, who lived in the Middle East, looks like he came from Helsinki.

    Given that he was Jewish, can’t you at least give him that Jew ‘fro – aka an Isro?

    Nov 2, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   aaa

      I once saw a thing on Jesus’ life on the History Channel where everyone was Middle Eastern looking except for Jesus. He looked like Hitler’s wet dream.

      Nov 2, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Jokerista

      You are so right – but hey, we do have middle easterners with afros here in Helsinki :)

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   John

      The contributor should get a picture of “black Jesus” and post it in whatever (if any) space is still allowed to him. Then sit back and wait for the new lady to have a cerebral meltdown.

      This whole situation is foreign to me. There are 50 people in my office and not a single one of them has anything like this in their work area.

      Human sacrifice cults creep me out. Yecch.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   aaa

      You know, we used to have a black Santa refrigerator magnet. Maybe that’ll do.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   MoxieHart

    Someone else noted that it looks like there’s a black cat decoration near Jesus. I’m concerned that Jesus is awfully close to that cat’s butt. Please don’t put Jesus near the cat butt, he’s suffered enough.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:03 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   JesFoolin

      What, Jesus can’t get near some pussy?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   MoxieHart

      Nope, not after his fan club has been promoting abstinence-only edumacation.

      Nov 4, 2008 at 1:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Sloper bang

    I didn’t realize it before, but her Christian beliefs align perfectly with Human Resources’– Don’t touch.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Julia

    I love this run-on sentence she’s got going on. Is that one of her beliefs, as well?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Halley

    haha! I lived in Salt Lake City for three years. It’s the typical Jesus in the Cubicle picture! I’ve seen it at least a dozen times.

    I don’t know. If I always had my “supervisor” staring at me all day, I think I would feel self-conscious and my work might find itself lacking because of it. . . I like my Messiah to only watch me outside of the work place.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    They tried to get Jesus to smile for that portrait, but he looks like he’s ashamed of his new braces.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:18 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Please be respectful of my obsessive-compulsive behavior…I’m going to straighten your sign every day, three times a day until Jesus weeps!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    I’d pay good money to see her get that picture up there without touching it.
    She must have “believed” it to the wall.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:47 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    The Lord is my placard, I shall not want…

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:54 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Scaryduck

    Wait – Jesus is a white guy?

    Live and learn.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 4:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Canthz_B bang

      He’s not White on his come-back tour:

      “”Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden girdle round His breast; His head and His hair were white as white wool, white as snow; His eyes were like a flame of fire, His feet were like burnished bronze, refined as in a furnace, and His voice was like the sound of many waters; in His right hand He held seven stars, from His mouth issued a sharp two-edged sword, and His face was like the sun shining in full strength. When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as though dead. But He laid His right hand upon me, saying, “Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the Living One; I died, and behold I am alive for evermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.” (Revelation 1:12-18 RSV)

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   HairySwede

    if only the catholic priests would take the advice of the morman jesus:

    DON’T TOUCH!!!!!!!!

    (That’s right… I counted how many exclamation marks were used, 8 for those of you wondering)

    Nov 3, 2008 at 5:09 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Oink

    Any chance of seeing the rest of the wall?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 6:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   amy d bang

    Do not touch my beliefs, they will crumble.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 7:12 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   kmd

      This.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Morgaine

    Okay, so she would kill me if she knew I was writing this, but that same exact Jesus picture was hanging on the ceiling in my sister’s room for most of high school. Right above her bed. So if you looked up you would see Jesus.

    She did it to prevent herself from masturbating.

    Creepiest thing ever.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 8:23 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Ti O bang

      I do the same thing with a picture of Mishee’s Mom.

      Is it too early for inserting Mishee into the middle of things?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Mishee bang

      NEVER too early Timo! :)

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   se

      or inserting things into Mishee?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   Mishee bang

      *loves having things inserted in her*

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Juliet

      Morgaine, I am totally creeped out to hear about anyone using Jesus imagery to prevent masturbation. However I bet it was highly effective.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.6   Ti O bang

      ” Mishee inserts”

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.7   Morgaine

      I had a party right after I graduated while my parents were out of town, and one of my guy friends who was going to spend the night, went to lie down on her bed and about five minutes later he came back out and was like “Um, yeah there is Jesus on the ceiling?” He wouldn’t sleep in her room because it was too creepy. It was pretty funny.

      Nov 6, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Ti O bang

    Verily I say unto you what this cubicle needs is more cowbell!!!!!!!!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 9:22 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Saysh bang

      YES! YES! YES!

      This!

      Go Timo!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Dare

    A priest, a rabbi, and Jesus walk into a cube…

    Nov 3, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   GhostWriter bang

      The priest says, “I guess we’ll be working together…”
      The rabbi says, “Don’t count on it- Oy, this place needs some redecorating.”
      Jesus tacks his picture to the wall and says, “How’s this for starters?”

      Nov 3, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   claw71 bang

    OK already! I won’t touch your precious beliefs…even though you put them out there like you want everybody to…but you can’t stop me from thinking about them, especially late at night when I’m fondling my own.

    (btw, is that a picture of Gordon Lightfoot?)

    Nov 3, 2008 at 9:29 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Juliet

      … even though you put them out there like you want everyone to…

      Gordon Lightfoot does look like Jesus.

      PASHY!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   GhostWriter bang

      Call me crazy, but that pic of Jesus got a little Robert Deniro in him, eh?

      …or maybe it’s Duvall…

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Ti O bang

      I don’t know I was getting a Merle Haggard or Jim Croce vibe.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.4   secondsout bang

      I’m never sure why the Christians insist on worshiping the image of someone with a mullet, but who am I to judge?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 6:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Joseph R.

    If you touch, baby jebus will cry!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Lurker

    *waves hands around, half an inch from Jesus picture*

    Does this bug you? I’m not touching your Messiah!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   claw71 bang

    Jesus: Let me have your attention for a minute…is everybody here? I don’t care, I’m going anyway. Let’s talk about something important…PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN!!!! Coffee is for closers! Do you think I’m fucking with you? I’m from downtown. I’m from Mitch and Murray and I’m on a mission of mercy. What’s your name?

    Simon: I’m Simon.

    Jesus: Well I’m calling you Peter because you’re a loser. Simons are winners. Simon says. Peter is a whiny bitch who can’t get them to sign on the line which is dotted.

    Matthew: I don ‘t have to listen to this shit…

    Jesus: That’s right you don’t, pal. Because the good news is you’re fired. The bad news is you have one week to earn your jobs back. Oh, I have your attention now?

    Thomas: What’s your name?

    Jesus: Fuck you, that’s my name. You know why, mister? Because you rode a donkey to get here and I walked on water. That’s my name.

    Jesus: ABC. Always Be Converting. ALWAYS BE CONVERTING!!!! AIDA. Attention Interest Decision Action. Do I have your attention? Good. Because it’s fuck or walk gentlemen. A man doesn’t walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. Just waiting to give you his soul. Are you man enough to take it?

    I’ve got these leads…these are the new leads….the Galilee leads and they’re gold. And you don’t get them because to give them to losers like you is to throw them away. They’re for closers.

    I’d wish you luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it. I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   olivia

      Glengarry Glen Jesus?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Fern

    WWJD?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 10:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Jesus would probably take it down … I mean how creepy to have your cubemate posting pictures of you in your cube … celebrating your birthday … can you say stalker?

      Nov 3, 2008 at 11:43 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   maude

    Wtf? This is UTAH. Why would she expect a picture of *Jesus* to be defiled?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 11:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   olivia

      To quote South Park’s Mormon episode… “dumb dumb-dumb dumb-dumb.”

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Andy

    In the words of Jesus Christ (AKA Marvin Gaye)

    When I get that feelin’
    I want spiritual healin’
    spiritual heeeaaalllin’

    But no touchy feelin in THIS cubicle, you disrespectful Mormon heathens!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   bikerbabeee bang

    She could have at least waited until after Thanksgiving to put up the Christmas decorations!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   roxy

    I’d be interested in a wider shot. What is that black thing hanging with jesus? Also, it looks like there is more passive-aggressive goodness posted under Jesus’s pic.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   MsUnreliable

    Shouldn’t the push pins be in his hands?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Dare

    “I wanna pray to Baby Jesus cause I like Baby Jesus. If you wanna pray to grownup Jesus, go right ahead.”

    Nov 3, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Andy

      I like to think of Jesus like a dirty old bum. He’s comin’ up to me, and I’m ’bout to sock him one, cause, you know, he’s a dirty old bum, but then I say, “Wait a minute, there’s something… I don’t know, special about this guy.”

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   Andy

      I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk…

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.3   Ti O bang

      Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.4   Ti O bang

      I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.5   Ti O bang

      Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   GhostWriter bang

    I have eight unfinished monthly reports, 50 hours of unexplained absences, and a performance review telling me I “critically need improvement.” How do I expect to pull in a Christmas bonus this year?

    By creating a Miracle Shrine in my cubicle, of course!

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Mishee bang

      GW – That’s what happens when you get addicted to PAN.

      I am not positive, but I am pretty sure I lost my last job because of my PAN obsession.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   mermaid

      Ahhh, thanks Mishee…

      Glad to know I’m not the only one!

      ;)

      Nov 4, 2008 at 5:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   stringyhair

    WWJD? Seriously? I feel a calling to a black Sharpie that causes Jesus (Hay-sous) to have tear tattoos like my prison buddies. Then, I’d have to turn him sideways just to be juvenile. Respect is overrated and the meltdown would guarantee me at least one more PAN addressed to “The Person who defiled my Jesus: “

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   Sirius

      I bet I could draw plenty of pink penises without actually touching the picture

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #47.2   Ti O bang

      You know the craft of making potato block stamps means you don’t actually touch the paper.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   RP

    I hope Anthony moved her things off of his part of the wall after taking this photo.

    Lady is a freaking hypocrite.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   bigtime loser

    Thats supposed to be a professional work environment (?), and there do seem to be too many warning signs on the cubicle. If I was there, this would be reported as a hostile work environment. How can you get work done with PAN all over the place?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 1:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   Kansas girl

      Attention! Attention! Hazmat crew to the north cubicles! All personnel are to avoid the area due to a large PAN spill. That stuff is all over the place!

      Nov 3, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   olivia

    Makes me want to leave a post-it saying “Mazel t’ov” next to her skit.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Dani

    Every time you touch Jesus, God kills a kitten.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   JoelWhy

    The solution is to hang a big upside down cross in your cubicle. Nothing like a little devil-worshiping to make a company develop a religion-neutral environment.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   claw71 bang

    Jesus Christ! We’re talking about a guy who told his band of merry men to eat his flesh and drink his blood at the Last Supper. Every Sunday millions of lunatic Catholics mumble waddle up to the pulpit to take communion by symbolically munching an a messiah cookie and washing it down with a little Jesus juice. That’s creepy and sick. Eat me? What the fuck, was Jesus wearing a Slim Jim jumpsuit? Snap into a Savior

    Why do I have a hard time believing that Jesus would have a beef about getting handled every once in a while? Seems to me, dude was a bit of a freak. I bet he didn’t mind the occasional reach around. I know I don’t.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 2:44 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   olivia

      This reminds me of the Eddie Izzard sketch(es) on the Last Supper:

      “Well, what would you have done?”
      “I would have done cheese and wine, cheese and wine goes together much better than bread and wine. ‘Eat this cheese for it is my body.’”
      “But it’s Judea, Dad. Cheese melts. ”
      “Alright then, ‘Eat this cheese for it is my central nervous system.’ Hmmmm. Alright, alright, ‘Now eat these chicken drumsticks, for they are my legs, eat these carrots, they are my arms, eat this tomato, it is my head, and eat these oysters, they are my kneecaps.’”
      “If you do that Dad, your holy community is going to have priests with big trays yelling, ‘Who ordered the Body of Christ?’”

      Nov 3, 2008 at 5:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.2   Mishee bang

      I always liked this one:

      Jesus – Look dad, I went down there, told them to be groovy, hang out, drink a bit of wine… they split into different groups…
      ya got the Catholic, the protestants, the Jesuits, the methodists, the evangelicals, the free presbyterians, the locked up presbyterians, the Quakers, the Bakers, the Candlestick Makers – the Mormons are from Mars dad, we had that checked out…

      Nov 3, 2008 at 6:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.3   olivia

      I love the part about vampirism and cannibalism. Wish I could remember it off the top of my head. The Izzard makes some good CDs for sitting in traffic in LA.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #54   MW

    I wonder what that dude in the picture’s actual name is? Can you make real money as a Jesus model?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 3:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   GhostWriter bang

      My personal image of Jesus has always been late 80′s Fabio.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 3:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #54.2   secondsout bang

      Wait, wasn’t it John Turturro? Oh, that’s right, he was the Jesus, not just plain ol’ Jesus.

      Nov 3, 2008 at 6:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #55   claw71 bang

    When you were young by The Killers

    You sit there in your cube place
    hoping that some nosey office boy won’t
    touch your savior on his face
    you went to get lunch
    watch out now, here he comes

    He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
    but he’s got a beard and shit
    like you imagined when you were young

    Can we respect beliefs here
    I don’t know
    it’s posted on your cube wall
    I think I’ll take it if you’re gone a while
    Let’s take it easy
    watch it, here we go

    Religious pictures make HR whine
    it started brewin when they hired you in
    when you were young
    when you were young

    I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
    but like some other man, like you imagined
    when you were young

    Nov 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Dare

    And in the category of, “Duh…”

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/11/03/angry.internet/index.html

    Nov 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Canthz_B bang

    Why are we assuming this is a depiction of Jesus?

    Clearly, she worships the Allman Brothers.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   claw71 bang

    I been written up, I been fired too
    I don’t know why I let that CEO make me feel like a fool
    He took all my money, and my company car
    Now he’s promoting one of my high school buddies
    they’re taking my client to a downtown bar

    Sometimes I feel, Sometimes I feel
    like I been stuffed in a cubicle
    stuffed in cubicle
    stuffed in a cubicle
    good lord I feel like I’m filing

    My friends all tell me, I should go back to school
    get myself an MBA and learn powerpoint too
    I try to decorate my cube and make my work seem fun
    But people don’t respect my beliefs they mess with my things, if you ignore my note, you best run

    Sometimes I feel, Sometimes I feel
    like I’ve been stuffed in a cubicle
    stuffed in a cubicle
    stuffed in a cubicle
    good lord, I feel like I’m just filing.

    Nov 3, 2008 at 5:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   Crash bang

    Commandment #11,

    Thou Shalt not lay thy fingers on the things that I say are of mine or of the Father’s.

    But it was never enforced because apparently the Earth belongs to God too…and God didn’t make us with the ability to fly…thus we would have sacrifice too many lambs and for that trespass and that would just upset all the animal right’s activist’s and God would just have to go all Sodom and Gomorrah again and that would just lead to a whole new creation time thing…and that just get’s kind’a boring after a few times…
    So He let that one go….
    And so should this control freak chick,
    She’s not God, I mean…Damn…Chill man.
    For the love of all man kind, let him touch the picture !!
    It’s the way of Hippie Jesus, Peace and Love, man… :roll:

    Nov 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   0falcon8 bang

    isn’t it creepy the way His eyes seem to follow you from whatever angle you stand at?

    Nov 3, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   FurryThomas

    Anyone else notice that this Jesus looks a little like Christian Bale?

    Nov 4, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #61.1   MoxieHart

      Watch out, he’ll drop a chainsaw on you while wearing nothing but high-top sneakers.

      Nov 4, 2008 at 3:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #62   Barry TIkkanen

    Pick up a Newton’s Cradle (the physics toy with the metal balls) for your cubicle and affix your own “Do not touch” sign to it.

    Nov 5, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   noodleguy

    Put up a picture of the FSM on her side with the same caption.

    RAmen brother!

    Nov 5, 2008 at 6:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #64   t

    put up a picture of Buddha right next to Jesus with the same note. put up some quotes from Buddha too. shit, bring in a Buddha & make a point of rubbing his belly. & to really throw her off, get a candle of Guadeloupe. just for shits & giggles.

    Nov 8, 2008 at 1:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   runswithsoda

    I guess it would be disrespectful if I said that I thought Jesus looks hot in that picture.

    Nov 9, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #66   Nikki

    What kind of dump makes you share a CUBICLE???

    Nov 10, 2008 at 6:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #67   MW

    Since when did Christ become caucasian?

    Nov 16, 2008 at 1:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #68   apacalypso

    .

    Jan 11, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #69   Passive Aggressive Christianity | Friendly Atheist

    [...] I’m not sure what Anthony in Salt Lake City, Utah was saying at work, but when a new lady found herself sharing space with him, she placed this message on his side of the cubicle: [...]

    Jul 11, 2011 at 8:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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