On a recent road trip around southern Maine, Noelle and her friends Hilary and Misha spotted this puzzling little note posted in the back of a gas station convenience store.
![Pat [redacted] has no authoreity [sic] over anyone, not employees, salespeople, or customers. Pat's job is maintenance of the laundrymat [sic]. Store and grounds and stocking the cooler.](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3256/2817759649_16fe2a8490_o.jpg "Pat [redacted] has no authoreity [sic] over anyone, not employees, salespeople, or customers. Pat's job is maintenance of the laundrymat [sic]. Store and grounds and stocking the cooler.")
When they left, Noelle says, “The manager ran after us, screaming, ‘What were you girls doing, taking pictures of my store like that?!’” Noelle and her friends fessed up, explaining that they thought the note to Pat was funny, is all. The manager’s reply: “Oh, Pat! Soon as we put up that sign, he quit! That was five years ago. Haven’t seen him since! We just haven’t gotten around to taking the sign down yet.
related: all your baristas are belong to us
extra credit: “laundrymat”
60 responses so far ↓
#1
Aimee
I first read it as two seperate sentences and got really confused there for a minute. Why couldn’t they cut out that huge bar of nothingness for me?
Poor Pat. I can see why he quit.
Nov 5, 2008 at 11:36 pm rating: 2
#2
Tee
This note worked like a charm. I wonder
if a similar note would get rid of my arch-nemesis at work?
Nov 5, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: 12
#3
Canthz_B
Pat had to take charge of these nimrods.
Five years and they still haven’t gotten around to removing a sign to an ex-employee? Pathetic.
Nov 5, 2008 at 11:54 pm rating: 46
#4
Canthz_B
“AUTHOREITY” and “LAUNDRYMAT” aye-yup, that’s how we spell-em’ in these pahts.
Nov 5, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: 22
#5
Canthz_B
It’s been five years, yet Pat still roams the countryside claiming to be the manager of the Gas-o-laundro-quickie-mart!
Nov 6, 2008 at 12:02 am rating: 10
#6
Robin
What is even more funny is that someone decided to take a “roadtrip” in southern Maine.
Nov 6, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: 15
#7
Troy McClure
Pat sought to build some authority
Stocking a cooler in Kittery
His plan was half-assed
Now five years have passed
Since he disappeared into obscurity
Nov 6, 2008 at 12:59 am rating: 32
#8
Julia
They haven’t seen him since? What if he killed himself? I mean come on, he must have felt so good knowing he had authority somewhere, and to be told otherwise, well, it must have crushed his spirit. What have these people done?
Okay I can’t keep that one going. Pat must have been a dick.
Nov 6, 2008 at 1:55 am rating: 3
#9
claw71
Pat knew that he was probably exceeding his responsibilities when he began to take charge, but it was that Tony Robbins seminar that started it all. If you can see it, you can be it Tony said. Act as if was another concept Pat embraced.
In the end it wasn’t the public castration this note represented that forced Pat out, it was yet another mantra that compelled him to move on and seek bigger and better opportunities. You can’t fly like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys is what Pat thought as he noticed the spelling errors and terrible grammar within the laminated note that was directed at him. It was at that moment Pat realized that his lofty aspirations were being squandered at the Ogunquit Fluff and Fold.
Nov 6, 2008 at 8:09 am rating: 23
#10
James
This note gives me the impression that Pat was some sort of Goonies-like “Sloth” creature, made to do menial tasks using his unique strength.
“Stay away from Pat! He just stocks the cooler and wears an overly tight superman t-shirt… he’s obviously not in a position of authority!”
Nov 6, 2008 at 8:36 am rating: 8
#11
Dare
I always wondered where Pat Robertson started his career. Based off this note, Southern Maine isn’t as good a place for evangelicals as he had originally thought.
Nov 6, 2008 at 9:28 am rating: 8
#12
Lurker
Salespeople and employees are two separate groups of people? Heck, I’d open a store if I could get volunteer salespeople.
Nov 6, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: 1
#13
Mishee
I guess Pat got sick of living with Rene Hall and all her smoking, so he moved up to Maine, only to be outcast from the local QuickieMart/LaundroCity – and if that wasn’t enough… artist’s block…
Poor Pat.
Thank You… Terry.
Nov 6, 2008 at 10:56 am rating: 3
#14
Frankie
In what store are we, as customers, voluntarily going into where anyone is given any kind of authority over us? Well except for femdom houses.
The customer is always right. Unless they’re paying to be wrong.
Nov 6, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: 2
#15
GhostWriter
Pat’s Story -
“One time, five years ago, I muttered, ‘We really need some new dryers around here…‘ How was I supposed to know that a conivving GE salesman, lurking behind our Jeff Gordon cut-out, would take my words as an official order? Those snakes will try anything to make their 2nd quarter numbers! Four dryers show up the following Monday, and Clancy (pronounced, ‘Clan-say’) the manager goes ballistic.
That was the day I enlisted for my tour in Iraq.
Nov 6, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 4
#16
jill
i think there’s something fishy here….
the note still in place after 5 years….
the manager’s reaction to pictures being taken….
the statement “pat left and we haven’t seen him since”…..
i think there was foul play….
Nov 6, 2008 at 11:41 am rating: 7
#17
Summer
…so Pat’s not the boss of ME!!!!!!!
Nov 6, 2008 at 1:00 pm rating: 1
#18
Lurker
Pat (who changed his name from Pete)
Walked around in his stocking feet
While stocking coolers late at night,
And barking orders left and right.
His stocking feet were caked with goo
Because he never cleaned his shoes;
We couldn’t train old Laundry Pat
To wipe them on the laundry mat.
Nov 6, 2008 at 2:20 pm rating: 6
#19
GhostWriter
Bonus Sing-Along Track!
(straight from some Redneck County Fair…)
Oh, we kinda give him his cooler-wide jurisidiction
He likes to get in there and manage the place
Well, he tries to assume he’s “in charge” through some delegation
He forgets his job is only maintenance-based
So I say-
Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his
Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his
Well, he’s been trying to boss around employees, both the guys and women
But Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his!
So I call out to Pat, “Hey,”
I say, “Give me some Sprite on Rack 5.”
He said , “We don’t need no Sprite, we need Sierra Mist.”
He said, “I told Coke salesguy to go home, we weren’t buying”
Ooh, now Pat, you’re really startin’ to get me pissed
And I said-
Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his
Well, Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his
Well, he’s been trying to boss around employees, both the guys and women
But Pat’s no authoreity, authoreity isn’t his!
Nov 6, 2008 at 5:25 pm rating: 4
#20
0falcon8
i fought authoreity, and, well, i won, ’cause pat ain’t got shit!
Nov 7, 2008 at 12:36 am rating: 0
#21
0falcon8
even though pat was denied authoreity over people, the sign did grant him command of the laundymat, grounds, the cooler and its contents. he wielded his power over inanimate objects like an evil despot until he was overthrown from the coup of ’03 and was never seen around the Suds ‘n’ Sudz again.
Nov 7, 2008 at 12:50 am rating: 2
#22
0falcon8
note to self:
if i should ever find myself as the low man on the totem-pole in a local small town gas station/food mart/laundrymat, serious reevaluation of my life choices must be made immediately
Nov 7, 2008 at 1:05 am rating: 0
#23
tom
I know that guy. He’s a complete asshole.
Nov 7, 2008 at 4:21 am rating: 1
#24
john
Misha was on this road trip with Noelle? Wait – isn’t there a new movie out called Pat and Misha Make a Porno?
Nov 7, 2008 at 9:49 am rating: 0
#25
Fern
I think Pat works at Dunder Mifflin now…
Nov 7, 2008 at 12:05 pm rating: 0
#26
Woman on the Verge
The real reason Pat left? He was insulted by the lack of clipart in this note. I mean, really, c’mon. No cute cartoons of guys showing butt crack while working on the washers? No bubbling cans of soda? No red circle with a slash over the name ‘Pat’?
Nov 8, 2008 at 10:14 am rating: 1
#27 we’re not naming names, but…
[...] related: it’s pat! [...]
Dec 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm rating: 0
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