We didn’t “steal” your muffin — we leveraged it

November 10th, 2008 · 128 comments

Sigh. Half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.

All in the name of shareholder value!

Stealing food, especially Muffins, is UNACCEPTABLE!

(Leaked by Sayf in Greenwich, Connecticut.)

related: Lean cuisine
extra credit: Morgan Stanley cancels Christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]

FILED UNDER: Connecticut · Greenwich · money · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · touching


128 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shirky

    waah! I missed the funny. damn flickr-taker-downers.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   hall monitor

      Very creative (and effective) use of bold, underline, and CAPS.

      Here’s an idea…Eat your muffins at home!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Goldie

      Aw, HM, you are so freakin cute… You know, you remind me of my son when he was little.
      “Mom, can we order a pizza?”
      “No.”
      five seconds later.
      “Mooom pleeease can we order a pizza?”
      “Dude, I said no.”
      two minutes later.
      “Mooom, I promise, if we order a pizza, I won’t eat any more junk food for a YEAR.”
      “Dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?! You asked me twice, I said no!! Which part of NO don’t you understand?!!!”
      “alright, alright mom, i get it, no pizza.”
      Ten minutes later.
      “Mooom, can we order a pizza, please?”
      Mom gives up, orders pizza.
      I would tell you more about it, but I suddenly have this urge to go visit http://detentionslip.org, so I’ll talk to ya later.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   se

      “waah! I missed the funny. damn flickr-taker-downers”
      so, just to be first poster, you wrote an inane, unfunny comment?

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:54 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Goldie

      PS. Thx HM :)

      Nov 11, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Sleazy P. Martini

      Hello Goldie aka Hall Monitor. Nice to see you have an alias to promote your site.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Goldie

      Hello Dale Gribble aka Sleazy P. Martini. I see you have uncovered a giant PAN conspiracy. Truth is, everyone here is Hall Monitor. And now that I’ve told you that, I’m going to have to kill you. Sorry, nothing personal.

      Srsly, HM had the link in his/her sig. He/she later pulled it. It’s good for everybody. Any more questions?

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Becky

    I see it. I couldn’t in my reader, but when I clicked on the link I can see it. And get a life indeed, Morgan.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Halley

    under the PAN of the day, there is an ad for 1800SUICIDE. . . it says “four years ago I wrote this suicide note… and I’m still alive.”

    I got confused for a second that THAT was the PAN. Does it make me a bad person that it seemed whiny and PAN worthy?

    Anyway, the fact that Morgan’s muffin being fucking delicious aside, there are a ton of different ways to handle muffin theft. . . perhaps a muffin chastity belt. . .

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:28 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lin

      I thought the exact same thing!

      Nov 10, 2008 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   MoxieHart

      I got confused for a second that THAT was the PAN. Does it make me a bad person that it seemed whiny and PAN worthy?
      No, I thought it was a PAN too.
      I also thought it was a terrible suicide attempt. Four years is much too long to take to kill yourself, unless you’re building and perfecting some kind of Pee Wee Herman Suicide Machine.

      Nov 10, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Canthz_B bang

      Why did you think clinically depressed procrastinators live so long?

      You can find the PAN under its title.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   James

      Dear YOU KNOW WHO.

      4 years ago you told me in a fit of hopeless depression you were going to COMMIT SUICIDE.

      Yet here we are 4 years later, and ahhh… you’re still alive. Which, like, isn’t totally annoying or anything =) =)

      Um, yeh so, if you don’t want to “get on with it”, maybe you should let ME in on the news, so I know not to leave my good tarpaulin on the bathroom floor and stay up baking a ham for your parents every weekend for NEARLY HALF A DECADE.

      So if in the future you decide to commit suicide AGAIN, then selfishly renege on the deal AGAIN without letting me KNOW, I’m just not letting you use my Wii anymore.

      Just a thought, or whatever =)

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:16 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   bob

      I half-heartedly attempted to kill myself 4 years ago, but soon lost interest in the project. I would apologize, but I hate lying.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:46 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Blizz

      Hahaha, I loved the broken glass PAN.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 2:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   aaa

    I can’t tell which is more of a dick move, stealing other people’s food or posting a whiny note where “muffins” and “company” are capitalized.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   emma

    I am a shareholder and I am fucking pissed. Muffins are the foundation of any company and generating revenue without them is impossible.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Juliet

      I was pretty certain the shareholders would be really pissed off at someone stealing another’s snack. Ch-ahh! Like they care.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   MoxieHart

    Why is it especially bad to steal muffins? Are muffins the new currency?

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:37 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Holiday Djinn

      Bottle caps are the new currency. Play Fallout 3 and get with the times. GEEZER!

      /only 30
      //get off my lawn!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   MoxieHart

      I’ll geezer you. And I’ll get off your lawn when you give me back the frisbee that landed on yours.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   TS

    That muffin was fucking delicious.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   jess

      too late. halley beat you to it.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   secondsout bang

      Halley was already an imbecile and in need of a unitard. TS, you are a double troll for using the tired FD joke, and also being the second one to use it. The unitard may have some snail tracks around the butt. Enjoy.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Frankie bang

      I’m starting to think they like getting the unitard. Maybe from now on when they use the (READ THIS PEOPLE) tired “fucking delicious” joke we should just start calling them a mean name… Maybe something they wouldn’t like or would know is synonymous with non-awesomeness… like Monkey-fisted Shitwaxer.
      I like it.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Mishee bang

      Frankie – I am still waiting for my opportunity to tell someone to “Cock Off!”!!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Juliet

      Monkey-fisted shitwaxer… hee hee! I am still a fan of “mumfucker’ from a little while back. But to this I’d add a hearty “Son of a toilet munching, cumdumster-breathed kangaroo”.

      (Sorry I’m having a hard time coming up with anything better than ‘shitwaxer’ which is just awesome. I need more coffee.)

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Canthz_B bang

      I’m partial to “Asspanda”, but “Mini-bus Retard” has a degree of nostalgic charm.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Timo bang

      Ah yes CB like “Short bus Mongie” . :razz:

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Frankie bang

      I also am partial to “Husky Tits” as it works for either a man or a woman… Or a shitwaxer.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Anonymous me

      Why not just call them “Republican?”

      Nov 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   CanadianMoose

    Next time they should just steal the muffin top, since
    a) it’s the best part of the muffin
    b) Morgan would schedule a office-wide seminar on the ramifications of stealing food
    c) the image of hearing a angry/exasperated scream and a muffin stump fly by sounds too comical pass up

    I wonder what would happen if someone took Morgan’s blueberry danish… oh the humanity!

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   secondsout bang

      But if everyone just eats the muffin tops, then soon there will be a huge buildup of muffin bottoms, and one would need to hire a bus to take them to the dump or something.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   aaa

      Naw, you just give the bottoms to the homeless people.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:33 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Sydney

      Muffin bottoms are too hard to eat. They come all wrapped in paper and shit. Who wants that? If I wanted to exercise I’d go to a gym, not spend half a day ripping paper off a muffin butt.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:05 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Sarah

      Top o’ the muffin to ya.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:12 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   James

      Ironically if you don’t work hard to remove the paper shit from the muffin bottom, you’ll develop a “muffin top” overhanging your jeans.
      But not me, I almost never wear shirts with an exposed midriff.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 6:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   BarelyKnitTogether

      As a resident of Virginia, where overabundant trash from the northern states is shit…er, shipped, I am staging a protest regarding the eating of muffin tops only. The note should thank the thief for being environmentally responsible and taking the whole thing.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Holiday Djinn

      I would just like to say I love the term “muffin butt”. Thanks Syd.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   aaa

      Kellogg’s does make Eggo Muffin Tops.

      http://www2.kelloggs.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=10550

      Although they’re more like muffin top-shaped frozen pancakes. They’re still pretty good, though.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   claw71 bang

      They’re pretty good, you say? LIAR!

      I’ve sampled these rubbery pastries and the only thing they’re good for is patching tires. You work for Kellogs, don’t you? I recognize a dirty viral marketing tactic when I see it.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Brian

      Good comments all … I’m a Seinfeld fan too. Tomorrow let’s work in everything that happened in the “Puffy Shirt” episode.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   aaa

      I wish I worked for Kelloggs, then I’d be making more than minimum wage. But you have to keep in mind, they’re prepackaged, frozen breakfast food and prepackaged, frozen breakfast food can only be so good.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   Canthz_B bang

      Bah! Only Tony the Tiger makes more than minimum wage there.
      He gets residuals.
      They’re Grrrreeeaaattt! ;-)

      Nov 11, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   BurstingAtTheSeams

    So, shareholders should be pissed… that should is the kicker there, Morgan. They should be, but are they?

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   falterdecadence

    Muffins are a legitimate breakfast food in the US? I need to get my arse over there.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      They’re part of a Continental breakfast, oddly enough.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:15 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   falterdecadence

      Unfortunately I’m island-al. So muffins for breakfast must be eaten surreptitiously

      Nov 12, 2008 at 2:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Canthz_B bang

      We can eat whatever we want, whenever we want…that’s why so many Americans are over-weight and one of the freedoms Dubya thinks the world hates us for.
      What an idiot that guy is. :-|

      Nov 12, 2008 at 2:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Julia

    While the note is poorly written, I feel the writer’s pain. Nothing sucks more than some douchebag eating your food.

    Of course, they’re working with animals, at least as far as I can tell from the “PAWS OFF,” so they should have expected it, really.

    Nov 10, 2008 at 11:58 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   bellabeastie

      Muffin thiefs = asspandas

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:56 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   HS

      I’m thinking Morgan = asspanda…

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   aaa

      Asspandas aren’t endangered. Why not institute a culling program?

      Nov 11, 2008 at 7:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   bellabeastie

      Oops… I meant “thieves”… it was early.

      Totally in favor of culling all asspandas and their relatives, the asshats. Oh, wait– we just voted them out of the White House..

      Never mind.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   claw71 bang

      That explains why Morgan used the expression “paws off.”

      Still, I wonder if asspandas sometimes take the blame for things other people do. I’m not sure but on the morning in question Mike from marketing had crumbs on his shirt and banana nut breath.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:33 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Goldie

      Asspandas, animals intelligent enough that they can read, yet cunning enough to steal people’s muffins… Sounds like an awesome pet! I should totally get me one.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Timo bang

      Those were scabs and Mishee Mom breath hence the strong yeasty overtones.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   bellabeastie

      *banana nut breath* hheheee

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   secondsout bang

    What happens if the muffin is mine and has someone else’s name on it? I just don’t think Little Debbie is actually going to come claim it.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:09 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lurker

      Or conversely, if I put my name on someone else’s muffin, does that make it OK for me to eat it? It no longer fulfills both conditions.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   claw71 bang

      I wouldn’t mind filling Little Debbie’s snatch cake with cream, I’ll tell you that.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Timo bang

      Or ice her face with man frosting.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   secondsout bang

    “Steal my food again and you will pay!”

    Pay? Isn’t that antithetical to the idea of stealing? If I’ve paid, it isn’t stolen.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:11 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   jess

      you are on a roll tonight lol

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   djr

      He’s on a muffin, actually.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:04 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   secondsout bang

    Morgan, eh? Are muffins part of the Captain’s hangover cure?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   bean

    Ok, sure. Stealing muffins makes for moody employees, but so the fuck does PMS. Damn bitch! No one, especially the stockholders, gives a good god damn about what’s going on with your muff

    -in.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:15 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   you suck at craigslist

    Why is stealing muffins worse than anything else?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Troy McClure bang

      Is it worse than a disgusting lady?

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Troy McClure bang

    If muffin theft is so powerful a demotivator, perhaps Morgan should consider his Company’s competitors as possible culprits.

    Also, does it actually create unproductive and moody employees? I’m not sure what their legal status would be then, but I think with a bit of tweaking this could be very profitable. The Company should experiment with the theft of other, more legitimate breakfast foods, in the hope exnihilating some cheerful go-getters. Maybe waffles? Beans on toast? Krygsíld? (Where is your arse now, Falterdecadence?)

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   secondsout bang

      Beans on toast? If someone stole that from me, all my co-workers’ moods would suddenly improve, not to mention their quality of life.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:01 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Canthz_B bang

      They serve that on the North side of the building.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:04 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Troy McClure bang

      Beans on toast is a favourite British breakfast. I’m thinking falterdecadence’s arse looks British.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Canthz_B bang

      That would explain London fog.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 4:27 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Timo bang

      Mmmmm eating mashed peas and sausage in a trenchcoat.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 8:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   bellabeastie

      Whaaaat? So you have to wear a trenchcoat and eat mashed peas ? Where does the sausage come into play?

      Don’t answer that…

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   bellabeastie

      I’ll just have coffee and a fruit cup. ;-)

      Nov 11, 2008 at 10:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.8   Timo bang

      London Fog is a famous brand of trench coat.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.9   Canthz_B bang

      Trench coat, sneakers, socks, bangers and mash…all the well appointed perv on the go needs for a complete breakfast.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 2:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    I wonder if “Get a Life Morgan” is related to “Anytime Stan”?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:55 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   bellabeastie

      I dunno– excessive use of exclamation points and verging on excessive ALL CAPS + underlining… I’m thinking more like THX SANDRA. However, absence of clip art means that note leaver loses points for creativity/Word skills .

      Surely due to lack of muffins.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe they can get the shareholders to support a line item in the budget to provide “motivational muffins” to all employees.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 1:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    You’d think that someone who works at the “Company” would be able to apprehend a muffin bandit.
    But then again, they were wrong about WMD in Iraq, so maybe not. :-|

    Nov 11, 2008 at 1:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    This actually makes sense.

    Stealing (bran) muffins leads to constipation (unproductive), which leads to irritable (moody) employees.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 1:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Goldie

      What the F does their company produce, if constipation renders them unproductive? I’m not sure if I wanna be their shareholder.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      When you’re constipated you’re unproductive by definition, Goldie.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Scaryduck

    It wasn’t me. I’m a jam donut kind of guy.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 4:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Fred

    Okay, Morgan. From now on I’ll just rub my dong on the muffins and put ‘em back. You win.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 5:54 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Wade bang

    “I don’t know. Every man has his breaking point.”

    Morgan “Get A Life” Freeman from “The Spunkmeyer Redemption”

    Nov 11, 2008 at 6:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Timo bang

      “I don’t know what them two Italian ladies were singing about, could have been the missing muffins from the commissary…”

      Nov 11, 2008 at 8:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   secondsout bang

      “His first night in the joint, Andy Dufresne cost me two blueberry muffins. He never made a sound.”

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   claw71 bang

      Since I am innocent of this crime, sir, I find it decidedly *inconvenient* that the Muffin was never found.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   secondsout bang

      What are you in here for?

      “Stealing muffins that weren’t mine and had someone else’s name on them. Only guilty man in Shawshank.”

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Holiday Djinn

    I would think baking a batch of chocolate muffins laced with a laxative would put an end to muffin thievery pretty quickly.

    Another way would be to get a hooker with a really bad herpes outbreak on her lips to lick the muffin before you put it in the fridge. If you cannot find a proper hooker, just ask Mishee to lick it. :-)

    Nov 11, 2008 at 7:44 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mishee bang

      The element of this thread that actually has me most in shock is that out of 70 comments, this is the ONLY ONE TALKING ABOUT ME? WTF People? Did you guys drop the ball or what??

      All Mishee All The Time, dammit! Chop, chop!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 10:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Aw, Mishee, I totally just logged in to see if you had been mentioned. I can’t believe Holiday beat me to it. Ah well, all is right with the universe again.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 10:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Timo bang

      Mishee and muffins, these are things I adore.
      Make me chose between the two, the muffin is on the floor.
      Dear Mishee is the greatest, this tribute overdue.
      But her mom is such a whore.

      I ran out of motivation… someone else fix this. :lol:

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Timo bang

    The Muffin Man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 8:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   claw71 bang

      Some people… some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say
      There is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of gods gray
      Earth as that prince of foods… the muffin!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   bellabeastie

      Do you know the Muffin Man?

      He lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

      Soon moving to Drury Lane.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 9:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   claw71 bang

      Girl you thought he was a man
      But he was a muffin
      He hung around till you found
      That he didn’t know nothin’

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   bellabeastie

      Nothin’ ’bout nothin’
      Said Mr. Muffin
      Gonna get me a moose.
      No Huffin’ an Puffin’
      Got me a new gun
      Watch where you walk. son
      neo-cons on the loose.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   claw71 bang

    No, M, I most certainly will not pay. That, my dear, is more or less the point. If your Muffin is that important I would advise you to implement more effective Muffin security measures because an unattended Muffin is a community Muffin.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 9:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Goldie

    This note was actually written by Morgan Spurlock, from Supersize Me. Ever since that movie, Morgan has been addicted to McMuffins. Steal a muffin from Morgan and face his wrath. On an unrelated note, did you notice there’s been a lot of Hollywood actors dying lately?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   GhostWriter bang

      Losing a whole McMuffin, Morgan can deal with. It’s when the thieves steal only the top and bottom muffin halves that he blows a fuse.

      No, it’s NOT OK- I quit the Atkins Diet a year and a HALF ago!!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 10:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   GhostWriter bang

    When a hungry Morgan finally returned home, he noticed the muffin he had left on his kitchen counter that morning.

    Sure, he left the sign up; sometimes people just gotta vent.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 10:44 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Woman on the Verge bang

    Obviously this is a muffin Company. The capital ‘C’ points out its shadowy connections to a government conspiracy which Morgan is trying desperately to contain. As a shareholder, I am deeply concerned about muffin theft which is directly eating into the Company’s profits and thereby assisting my stock holding’s rapid descent into hell.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 10:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   claw71 bang

    In spite of everything the shareholders aren’t pissed.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 11:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   JoelWhy

    Anyone else get the feeling that Morgan=Dwight from The Office?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   claw71 bang

      Nope

      Nov 11, 2008 at 12:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   GhostWriter bang

      I just got the feeling that Morgan=Dwight from the Eisenhower presidency.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Canthz_B bang

      I like Ike, you like Ike, everybody likes Ike…for President!

      Eisenhower: “Fore!!! Why does my left arm hurt?”

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   secondsout bang

      “I like Ike” was a good slogan for the Eisenhower campaign. Sadly, nobody warned his VP (Nixon) not to use the slogan when he ran in 1960. “I like Dick” just doesn’t have that same ring to it.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:42 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Canthz_B bang

      Eisenhower warned us about the Muffin-Industrial Complex.

      ROTFLMAO, Sout! :lol:

      Nov 11, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Andy

    Paws? Fins do a damn fine job, too, Morgan!

    Get a life!

    - Freddie Mercury

    P.S. That Muffin was fu…. ah, forget it.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 12:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Goldie

      Give a betta fish a muffin and he’ll have food for one week. Teach him how to steal muffins and he is set for life. Good for you, Freddie!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Lurker

    It all makes sense now. The stock market crash didn’t have anything to do with subprime mortgages. Shareholders were just pissed off about the lousy customer service they were getting from unproductive, moody, underfed, hypoglycemic, constipated, lifeless office drones.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 2:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Nunavut Guy

    On today of all days,only chew that muffin and not swallow.

    Lest we digest.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Canthz_B bang

    Is failing to reveal on your résumé that you don’t work well unless you have your daily muffin grounds for termination?

    Nov 11, 2008 at 4:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Goldie

      “Unless you have your daily muff-” – what?
      I’m pretty sure it is, CB.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Canthz_B bang

      That would be having your “muff” daily “in” something, Goldie. Something such as a penetrating situation. :-P

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   MW

    Fuck muffins. Eat a bagel.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 5:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Goldie

      I can only guess at this, being a girl, but shouldn’t it be more convenient to fuck a bagel? I mean, it already has a hole and all. A muffin, on the other hand, requires some work before it can be truly fuckable.

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Mishee bang

      MW=Jew

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   Canthz_B bang

      Goldie…Aye, there’s the rub!!

      Nov 11, 2008 at 5:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Nunavut Guy

    Turning a muffin into a bagel is called foreplay.

    Nov 11, 2008 at 7:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   hydromjstik

    remind me to bring up the muffin theft at the next shareholders AGM….

    Nov 11, 2008 at 10:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Becky

    Even muffins? ESPECIALLY muffins! This is hilarious.

    Nov 13, 2008 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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