“these are the results of your typical no-one-washes-their-dishes-at-the-office situation,” says our submitter in portland, oregon.
“there used to be a note above the sink that said “NOT YOUR MAMA,” but it was replaced with these gems, both of which sort of creep me out (and neither of which has ameliorated the dirty dish issue).”
meanwhile, elsewhere in oregon…
114 responses so far ↓
#1
zchamu
Oh lordy. That first one smacks of “I think my grandchildren are the cutest things in the world no matter what and SO SHOULD YOU”. Prime suspect: Bluehair with the obnoxiously large pictures of 2 rotten grandkids hanging from oversize keychain with 473 keys.
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:29 pm rating: +16
#2
secondsout
Yeah, haven’t we always wished for a cop where we knew we could kick his ass? This kid better have mace.
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:32 pm rating: +16
#3
secondsout
Does this company employ small children? No wonder they don’t do their dishes. I’m guessing it’s a Nike factory in Indonesia.
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm rating: +12
#4
Canthz_B
Why does that mom feed her daughter broken lamps?
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:40 pm rating: +39
#5
secondsout
The picture is a little unclear. Is the woman spanking the child or waving away her fart?
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:43 pm rating: +21
#6
0falcon8
Officer MacPull-Ups just doesn’t seem to command a lot of respect
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:43 pm rating: +3
#7
se
Does anyone else think that first note is shaped like a penis?
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: +11
#8
Canthz_B
Another example of younger workers pricing older folks out of the labor market.
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:48 pm rating: +6
#9
Canthz_B
Mom: “Like this, Dear?”
Girl: “No, Mommy. Uncle Chester puts his hand inside my pants!”
Nov 16, 2008 at 9:51 pm rating: +10
#10
BarelyKnitTogether
I am not getting this dish situation. How many fucking dishes are there? Why does this woman feel the need to clean up after princess? Move them out of the way and get on with it already.
Also, I think the kid in the SS uniform probably has something to do with the silverware genocide…
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:03 pm rating: +6
#11
0falcon8
Do your dishes-It’s the Law!
Grime does not pay!
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:07 pm rating: +24
#12
you suck at craigslist
The second cartoon has had the original dialog whited out and replaced with the current nonsensical dialog … the original cartoon can be seen here:
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/epa0436l.jpg
Which means that this person actually had to look for a cartoon of someone being punished/spanked and then change the dialog. Creepy. Very creepy.
Even better, it looks like that might be the place the person got it from, and they whited out the copyright/reproduction notice on the top left as well.
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:13 pm rating: +17
#13
Maybe it's inbreeding?
With the kid’s head screwed on backwards like that, it’s no wonder she knocked over the lamp. Jussayin’.
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:19 pm rating: +8
#14
John in IL
Honey, I shrunk the Nazi!
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:23 pm rating: +21
#15
maude
Two notes to cover everyone in the office – those who fear Nazi children and those who fear their mother.
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:27 pm rating: +6
#16
aaa
If they really wanted to intimidate people into doing their dishes they would’ve given that Hitler Youth there a gun. I mean, some kid without a gun? Not scary at all. A young child with poor motor skills and an undeveloped prefrontal cortex? Well, I think I just crapped myself.
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:35 pm rating: +11
#17
Canthz_B
That first picture was taken from a copy of “How To Raise A Serial Killer”.
Children given too much authority too early develop dominance issues.
Nov 16, 2008 at 10:56 pm rating: +8
#18
MoxieHart
It’s a little known fact that the Maytag Man’s first job was the Office Dish Police.
Nov 16, 2008 at 11:00 pm rating: +13
#19
Canthz_B
Oh, look! A recruitment poster for the Smallville P.D.
Nov 16, 2008 at 11:06 pm rating: +1
#20
Sophie
The second picture disturbs me. I don’t think that shit is suitable for the workplace.
Nov 16, 2008 at 11:24 pm rating: +3
#21
aaa
Special Dishes Unit? How about the Special Letters Unit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5121VjLwqZM
Nov 16, 2008 at 11:24 pm rating: 0
#22
matt
I think I’d be breaking more than lampshades if I had to get up and go to work everyday with a psychopathic matriarch hellbent on child abusing. I’m guessing this wasn’t put up in the kitchen of the Dep of Child protection.
Nov 16, 2008 at 11:33 pm rating: +1
#23
Tmarie
I am thoroughly disturbed by the second picture.
I would not want to work with someone who was even remotely amused by posting that. I would be looking over my shoulder and posting motion detectors in my cube.
Nov 17, 2008 at 12:07 am rating: +4
#24
Joyful
As a dish do-er, those pictures would make we want to stop doing dishes, just to irritate the picture poster.
Nov 17, 2008 at 12:14 am rating: +10
#25
bean
It’s times like these that I thank god I work in an office that A. has a dishwasher, and B. an office manager that realizes she gets paid to keep the office kitchen clean.
oh right, and co-workers who aren’t total assholes.
Nov 17, 2008 at 12:25 am rating: +4
#26
fantasy
Keep you kids from obesity, spank them at
every meal for dirty habits and give them all kinds of crazy.
Before they are 14 they will be puking in all your potted plants and plugging up the toilets with their big jobs.
Nov 17, 2008 at 12:46 am rating: +1
#27
Canthz_B
There’s nothing funny about that little snot-nosed cop getting his pension at age 30.
Lucky flat-foot.
Nov 17, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +7
#28
souldesqueeze
The kid in the cop suit looks like an underage stripper. I just picture him saying, “Did somebody say…party?”
Nov 17, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: +7
#29
fantasy
So Mom didn’t get out of bed to go to work?
Just setting a good work ethic for her daughter, every once in awhile someone will want to give you a spanking! So get used to it!
Nov 17, 2008 at 2:00 am rating: +2
#30
claw71
This submission is brought to you by NAMBLA and Butterfly Kisses.
Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, kids are sexy too.
Nov 17, 2008 at 8:19 am rating: +6
#31
Dare
Who has cinnamon in the office kitchen? Maybe if they did less baking and made fewer frothy coffee drinks on the espresso machine, they’d have fewer dishes to wash.
Nov 17, 2008 at 8:33 am rating: +2
#32
Timo
Kitchen Reichsmarschall Hermann Böring was very sensitive about his small stature.
Nov 17, 2008 at 8:42 am rating: +15
#33
T.U.M.
There was a woman in my last office who would swoop in three or four times a day and throw out any dishes in the sink. If you’ve got that level of obsessive-compulsive behavior, a large office full of people probably isn’t the best place for you to work.
Nov 17, 2008 at 8:56 am rating: +4
#34
matt
I’m thinking Kitchen Reichsmarschall Hermann Böring’s real purpose is to weed out and eliminate from the workplace OCD/extreme type A personalities and generally anyone who gives a damn what they see in the sink
Nov 17, 2008 at 9:10 am rating: 0
#35
Mishee
That second one reminds me of what happens when I don’t do the dishes at home and my husband gets sick of seeing them piled up in the sink…
Hence, why I don’t do the dishes.
Duh.
Nov 17, 2008 at 10:05 am rating: +4
#36
claw71
I’m sorry, this post bothers me. The submitter used the word “ameliorated” in the back story. Now, I do enjoy a dandy vocabulary and there are times when I will pepper my speech with a few grandiose words but it’s a tricky business. Just because a word looks impressive with its multiple syllables and curious etymology does not guarantee that it will fit the context into which it will be thrown. Moreover, you don’t want to waste a ten dollar word on a two dollar conversation…which is exactly what our submitter did.
It makes me wonder if Mike Tyson has taken up residence in Portland and now works as a customer service rep in an office that has a community kitchen.
The point I’m trying to make is that just because you have a “word-of-the-day” calendar doesn’t mean you need to use that word on that particular day.
Nov 17, 2008 at 11:23 am rating: +4
#37
Mishee
Just another example of how Portlandiers are freaks of nature.
*shudder*
Nov 17, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +1
#38
MW
Looks a bit like child abuse humor to me, but what do I know? I’m just a random interloper.
Nov 17, 2008 at 1:32 pm rating: +1
#39
Somewhere in Portland
Hot damn! I got posted on one of my favorite websites. Sadly the tone of the note is completely lost when you don’t work in my office. Child abuse jokes and evading law enforcement are daily occurrences. Only by attaching these highly relevant issues can one truly tackle a problem as severe as dishes left in the sink. The flaccid phallus shape was a comment on the state of the Portland police department and the spanking of children was a satire on child labor practices in foreign countries. I am proud of and stand behind these statements.
Nov 17, 2008 at 1:41 pm rating: +3
#40
se
Ok, S.I.P, you’re saying that Portland police try to be pricks but come across as limp weenies?
and, if one was to visit Portland, not to let anyone there keep your child overnight?
this was meant to be nested… hmmm
Nov 17, 2008 at 2:22 pm rating: 0
#41
Timo
Never attempt the little know exorcism spanking, household items will get broken.
Nov 17, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: 0
#42
Goldie
Hey, Amanda! Portland called. They found your underwear, it’s in their sink. Come and get it as fast as you can, the whole office is freaking out. They have already called in the Underage Cop and the S&M Motivational Team to ameliorate this issue.
Nov 17, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: 0
#43
resonanteye
The kid in the first picture needs the help of the detective in the flickr picture, obviously.
Nov 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm rating: 0
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