Why you don’t want to go to B-school, in two words

November 17th, 2008 · 161 comments

Group projects.

#5, however, is what really seals the deal.

kindly direct your attention to point #5

(click to enlarge!)

related: please ladies please

FILED UNDER: a little uptight · bullet points · California · e-mail · hygiene


161 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Paige

    But I can’t pee barefoot! :(

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:17 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Flaboy2425

      I can pee barefoot, but, because of spillage, I have to wash my feet afterward.

      To pee or not to pee?

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   john

    then what happens during the “standing rehearsal”?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:19 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Eric B.

      They’re going to practice peeing standing up, so that they don’t make a mess when they go back to his apartment.

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   BredWell

      I was wondering about that stand up rehearsal myself . . . it makes #5 doubly funny!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Joanne

      Peeing sitting down is very common amongst men in Germany, where I live. I guess they get taught to do it by their mothers, who hated cleaning up after them! In an on-line chat group, this was once discussed, and I put forward the theory that only men with long penises could pee sitting down, and that peeing standing up probably indicated a short penis :-)) This of course assumes that the men are sitting on the toilet when peeing….peeing whilst sitting on the sofa or the floor does not necessarily require a long penis.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Canthz_B bang

      I think the opposite. You need something substantial to grab hold of and aim with precision when peeing standing up.
      You can’t aim a mushroom cap. ;-)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 6:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Sam R

      Hmm… I have been all over the world and have yet seen a country where men pee sitting down. Also, my question is… if i had a large penis… it would be a mess trying to get my penis in the bowl WITHOUT touching the germ trap and pee without dipping it in the water…. my fellow gender just need to improve their aim and not be so darn lazy as to coat the whole restroom with urine!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 6:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Jonesey

      as a dude who prefers sitting and has a reasonably sized member – morning wood does quite suck. you learn to sit further back.

      sitting is cleaner, more comfortable, and gives me an excuse to read a magazine.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 7:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   bean

    I love it when germaphobes want me to take off my shoes, cuz I gots no problem being a dirty barefoot hippie. It’s even better when they ask you to please put them back on because they’re cleaner than your feet :D

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:22 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   T.U.M.

    Well, I DO hate getting caught sockless in a no-shoes house.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:22 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    The schedule has been made for the rest of the days?

    REPENT SINNERS!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:28 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Krystal Pistol

      Isn’t spillage one of the plagues?

      Nov 18, 2008 at 5:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   unfortunate names blog

      and why “spillage” anyways, missage or leakage sure, but spillage seems a bit extreme.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 7:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   chick

      Or why not “spills” or “spilling”? What’s with all these “-age” words that everyone is throwing around these days? Spillage, missage, leakage, signage….I see it everywhere and it drives me freakin nuts.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 8:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Olson

      Maybe he’s a big Paulie Shore fan…

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Goldie

    “Please be clean”?! But that’s impossible. How the hell are they supposed to get through those meetings without hard drugs?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:30 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Goldie

    The infamous #5 is, in fact, not so bad. He told his guests to pee sitting, but didn’t specify where they should sit. I’d take it as a personal invitation to squat on Gary’s rug.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:32 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   AuntyBron

      When I read #5, I pictured a man sitting on the toilet and whizzing about the room (bad aim, don’t ya know)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:58 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Pedant

      Awww man, that rug really tied the room together!

      Nov 19, 2008 at 8:46 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Mishee bang

      Pedant – Its better than taking a bath with a fucking marmot!

      Nov 19, 2008 at 11:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Pedant bang

      Or being fucked in the ass by a nihilist, Mishee.

      Nov 19, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Me? A Mom?

    So this begs the question…does GARY sit when he pees in his bathroom? You know, to minimize spillage and all?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   MoxieHart

      Gary pees in mason jars and saves them for the future.

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Canthz_B bang

      That’s why they’re often called pickle jars! :-P

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:21 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   secondsout bang

      Gary must pee sitting down. He’s obviously telling the men to do the same. You don’t need to tell a woman to pee sitting down. Other than RB’s mom, but that’s because she’s a tranny.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   mac

      he must be related to howard heuse

      Nov 18, 2008 at 7:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Peasey

      Misusing the phrase “begs the question.”

      http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000693.html

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   liloleme

      @ #8.5: ZZZzzzzz

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Sarcastic Monkey

      “howard heuse” – Excuse me? Howard Heuse? Are you KIDDING me? The one time richest man in the world and you can’t spell his name… How lame. Even Bill Gaites could get that right.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    They need to rehearse peeing standing on Friday and Sunday?
    You’d think they’d do that prior to the next two meetings.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    I know small food is all the rage these days, but food small enough to fall off a crumb just doesn’t seem very appealing.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:36 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   0falcon8 bang

    so if i have to pee sitting down, can i shit standing up?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:37 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Bunnee

      Only if you have mastered the art of non-ploppage. You know, to prevent the feces-laden water drops that would cover his bathroom in the event of a big job.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   K Dog

      Is there any other way?

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Proposed change: Can we pleeese not meet at Gary’s place?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:39 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    Gary came across as a real straight-shooter…until #5.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   harmonicpies bang

    I’m with Gary. Letting everyone know in advance that your home will be a hostile work environment is an excellent strategy for manipulating someone else in a group of freeloading students to host the meeting instead. Personally, I take the opposite tack. I let them know that they are welcome at my place, as long as they don’t mind being slobbered on and used as a butt cushion by several large, hairy dogs. I can’t remember the last time we had a meeting at my house, but I always offer!

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   harmonicpies bang

      Darn it, CB. You must’ve posted #12 while I was composing my own. Maybe I should type faster. Or think faster.

      Nov 17, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      Great minds think alike! ;-)

      Nov 17, 2008 at 10:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      harmonicpies, that is just what I was thinking … but maybe Gary will like our homes … I mean I don’t know about your place but mine is pretty crumb free since the dog eats all the crumbs that fall to the floor

      Nov 18, 2008 at 8:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Goldie

      I love giant hairy dogs! Send me directions, I’m coming over. (hopefully) do they hump?
      UHG, my place is also crumb-free and the carpet is extra shaggy, thanks to the dog shedding on it 24×7. Our guests don’t mind, though. We’ve found that, with just the right amount of tequila and brandy, the guest can quickly come to see those things as positives.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:25 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   harmonicpies bang

      Come on by, we love company! No humping, sorry. Well, not the dogs. The snacks are plentiful, if you don’t mind a few stray hairs. And the floor is definitely crumb-free. Only dog-fur tumbleweeds. You are welcome to skate around in your socks and take some of it home with you, we have plenty to spare.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 8:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   pinball_machine bang

    thank you, GARY!

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   pfctdayelise

    what is “b school”?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Troy McClure bang

      Business school. Where you learn how to do your business.

      Nov 17, 2008 at 10:59 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Mishee bang

      Don’t be silly Troy – we all know there is no business like show business.

      Hence the standing rehearsal.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 9:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   se

    I think it would be really funny for someone to leave a really nasty dump in Gary’s toilet.. stink up the bathroom and overflow the toilet.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 11:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   0falcon8 bang

      or hit ‘em with an upper-decker ;)

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   se

      yes…. out”standing”

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Canthz_B bang

      You know, if you flush Gary’s toilet with the lid up, you can leave a germ-filled mist on his toothbrush.
      Beats the fuck outta wearing shoes in the small room of his small condo!

      Nov 17, 2008 at 11:54 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   AuntyBron

      Or we could just dip his toothbrush in the toilet before we flush.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   BurstingAtTheSeams

      Yes, nasty dump in the toilet – and pee (standing up, of course) in the sink. Make sure drain is closed.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   Ti O

      Drydock a few loafs in the tub too while yer at it.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   MoxieHart

    It’s good to see that Howard Hughes is still alive and has a condo.

    Nov 17, 2008 at 11:10 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   dare

      Considering the bath ole Howard took on that Spruce Goose thing, it’s about time he went to business school too!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   se

    Gary says we will meet in my small room. Is the meeting going to take place in the bathroom?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 11:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   BurstingAtTheSeams

      It could be the closet where they are meeting.

      My small room in my small condo makes it sound kinda like he’s hoarding some larger condos somewhere.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:55 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   maude

    Bitch school?

    Nov 17, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   sasha

    This is classic! :) You guys are so funny.. to be perfectly thruthful, I had no idea what the whole thing was about while I was reading the excerpt. That’s why at the end of reading #5 I was thinking, “Eugh. What?? This guy is posting his rules for Blowjob school? ” Darn. I was giggling so hard until I stumbled on your comments and read every single one, thus making the realization dawn on me that it was not, in fact, about a blow-job school. Still, this was a really entertaining read. You guys go rock business school. :)

    Nov 18, 2008 at 12:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   secondsout bang

    All this talk about #5.

    If #1 is pee,
    #2 is a dump, then what?
    #3 puking?
    #4 menstruating?
    #5 rubbing one out?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   leoncub bang

      @secondsout:

      A #3 is already firmly established as “rubbing one out” as you put it. Well, at least it is here in Britain.

      Nov 19, 2008 at 11:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   secondsout bang

    Spillage? You have to piss an awful lot to make the toilet overflow.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:04 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   TP

    I would show up wrapped in Saran Wrap and wearing plastic gloves. I would also promptly fit trash bags over my feet upon entering.
    I wonder if that would send a message, eh?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:14 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   globalnole

    Clearly a German.

    Anyone who knows anything about the Germans would quickly recognize number 5 as the infamous (and dreaded) SITZPINKEL.

    In addition to this mans sitzpinkel requirement it is also clear that he is not a native English speaker, albeit his English is better than THX Sandra’s….

    I direct you to the website for more information on the sitzpinkel. Enjoy.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:28 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mishee bang

      I see Gary as more of a mildly neurotic Asian guy, who wasn’t smart enough to get into Med School and who may or may not be gay, with a major superiority complex.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Goldie

      I followed the link. We had the exact same toilets in Russia. Must be a European thing? You cannot tell a Russian man to pee sitting down, though. It will offend his masculinity. So they do that hovering over the toilet thing instead, as I’ve witnessed a few times.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   liloleme

      When I first read this I thought it was sitzTinkel — that would have been so appropriate for Gary. Interesting (and disgusting) article… thanks for the read!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   Canthz_B bang

      I like to learn something new each day, so I followed the links.
      Today I learned that I have no desire to visit Germany! :-P

      Nov 18, 2008 at 6:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   aaa

    What, is this an Engrish.com submission that got sent to PAN by mistake?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Robin

    Does this mean that I can eat food that will drop crumbs in the bathroom if I am sitting down to prevent spillage?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Scaryduck

    It’s OK, I always pee in a paper cup at other people’s houses, and leave it in the kitchen to dispose of as they wish.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 4:29 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Holiday Djinn

    If God wanted me to pee sitting down he would have given me a vagina.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 7:02 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Troy McClure bang

      If God wanted you to know where women pee from, he would have given you a girlfriend. ;)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 7:13 am   rating: 97  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Holiday Djinn

      Apparently you believe in women pee magically flows from their nose?

      Seriously, both men and women have an urethra.

      Tell us Dr. McClure where do you think a women’s is? What area of the body?

      The suprising thing is you got 23 people to give you a thumbs up on that one.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   anglophile bang

      I am a woman, and I guarantee you that I have never, not even once, peed from my vagina.

      *slips HD a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves*

      ;)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:59 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Mishee bang

      I only pee from my vagina occasionally.

      But I am special.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:02 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   aaa

      I don’t have a urethra. But then again, I am a mutant freak.

      The TV wants me to have the Detrol discussion. Ha, foiled again, Pfizer!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   Goldie

      I’ve had really freaky things come from my vagina, but never pee.
      The freaky things are now in 7th and 10th grade and hopefully don’t read this site!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:31 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   Penelope

      Troy, you are the best. Thanks.

      But it seems that Holiday Djinn still needs more in terms of clarification.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.8   Canthz_B bang

      Jeez, didn’t HD ever read his mom’s tampon instructions as a kid? There’s a cool cross-section diagram of the whole package.

      Maybe that birth “canal” part threw him! :lol:

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.9   unholyghost2003 bang

      HD seems to have confused vagina with vulva see the vagina leads to the cervix and then on up to the uterus while VULVA means the whole lot … the vagina, the labia major, labia minor, the urinary meatus, all of it.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.10   tinkerbell2

      I think he was just trying to say ‘God would have made me a woman’ but in a funnier way. If I say ‘If God had wanted me to drive like a moron, he would have given me a penis’ , it doesn’t mean I think men drive with their cocks. I agree that it didn’t quite work because of the context..

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.11   Mishee bang

      I’m just wondering why HD would think that “Dr. McClure” would know anything about vaginas… I mean, we all remember him from such roles as Todd, the worlds unluckiest dentist in “A Bridge Too Far” – but DDS and OBGYN are two totally different specialties!

      And his filmstrip “Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide To You-Know-What” never once mentioned the word “vagina”

      I mean, its not like he is Charlton Heston recording the book on tape for Madonna’s “Sex” book.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.12   Holiday Djinn

      Yes, because i am the only person ever in history to refer to the whole lot as a vagina.

      Next time, i will just say, “Vee-jay jay”

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.13   Frankie bang

      If you eat too many hot wings you can pee out of your butt.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:37 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.14   Mishee bang

      vee-jay-jay?

      Can you not even watch Oprah right? I guess you really ARE a male!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.15   GhostWriter bang

      Wasn’t VJ Jay one of the five original MTV VJ’s?

      “If God had given me a vagina, I would have whined about how flat-chested he made me.”

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.16   Ti O

      “the urinaryus meatus” :shock:
      Seriously!?

      I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus and his wife Urinarus Meatus.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.17   Penelope

      Holiday Djinn, you can say the words vagina and uretra and vulva, they won’t hurt you. VJ-Jay is for children who still cannot reconcile to the fact that they came out of a vagina themselves. But now that you are growing up and learning something about female anatomy, you can use the proper word.

      So that you can better visualize the concept: http://www.mum.org/NunapIns.htm

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.18   Canthz_B bang

      For such a small word, vulva sure is a mouth-full. :-P

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.19   amy d bang

      You can have a mouth-full of my vulva anytime, CB. ;)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.20   claw71 bang

      The virginal Viscount viciously vilified Victoria’s venereal vulva verily verifying he had been victimized by her vocal vagina.

      Translation: Vicky queefed, and her faggy boyfriend freaked out.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:51 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.21   Canthz_B bang

      amy_d:

      Nom, nom, nom…Mmmm-boy! That’s good vulva! :twisted:

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Milkweed

    How tiny is your food if it can fall off of crumbs?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 8:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Pip

    Was that sent out to my stepson’s 1st grade class? Because I think I have said many of those things to my stepson over the past few years.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 8:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Rowdy bang

    Hi Gary,

    Thanks for the warm invitation to host. I will need to bring my incontinent Nan with me. Unfortunately she is Type 1 Diabetic so she will need to keep her shoes on, and you will need to provide meals at designated times. But on the up side I have persuaded her to make some of her lovely crumb cake. Yummy!

    Look forward to nice and pleasant rehearsal.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 8:52 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Rich Uncle Skeleton

    I completely forgot this episode of Monk.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 8:57 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   mere bang

    gary is a genius. really. he doesn’t want anyone in his condo. if you make the rules this strict, you get out of hosting.
    wow.
    it’s like screwing up a task so you’ll never be asked again….

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   GhostWriter bang

    Here’s the problem; these guys never have a foyer. Their carpet runs right up to the front door. So, do you take your shoes off outside, and track doormat dirt in? …or take them off inside, and lay them in a germy pile on the carpet?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Mishee bang

      Well, it is a small room of a small condo.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   anglophile bang

      Duh, GW!

      You leave them in the car and levitate yourself to the door. You know nothing about manners, do you?

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:07 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’m Black, I’m used to just climbing though the window, preferably when you’re not at home.

      don’t hit subm-

      Nov 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.4   Mishee bang

      You remind me of a bad racist joke I knew when I was young:

      Q: What do you call a black man running?

      A: Thief!

      And the new racist joke I just heard the other day:

      “Did I tell you I am no longer going to tell racist jokes?”
      “No, why is that?”
      “Cause racism is a crime, and crime is for black people”

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.5   Canthz_B bang

      Mishee, that’s not ” a thief”, it’s “a suspect”, and it’s not a joke…it’s in the Patrolman’s Guide to Community Policing! :lol:

      You’re a good Irish girl.
      What do you call a bottle of booze at an Irishman’s house?

      EMPTY!!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.6   Mishee bang

      I call it “Recycling” – but then again, I am a good Irish girl from California.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.7   Canthz_B bang

      Touché! :-D

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.8   GhostWriter bang

      Hold on, it just hit me-

      Q: What do you call a black man running?

      A: He’s not running anymore; he won, and he’s called Mr. President-Elect.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:45 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.9   Mishee bang

      Point taken GW – I will change it to:

      Q: What do you call a black man with a bicycle?

      (another one is:
      Q: What do you call a black man in a suit?

      A: the Defendant)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 4:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.10   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, Mishee, you’ll have to lose the suit joke as well.
      I wonder if we can get Obama onto a bicycle for CNN’s cameras?

      Nov 18, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.11   se

      The next time Bush invites him to the white house, maybe Obama could steal Bush’s bicycle.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.12   JoeInLA

      I first heard the joke as “Q: What do you call a black man in a million-dollar home? A: Thief.” Of course, here in LA the answer would have to be “Someone who owns a home in South Central,” which pretty much ruins the joke. And now that Obama’s won the election, I guess the answer would have to be “Mr. President.”

      Nov 19, 2008 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   commentator

    I’m a (sometimes) nudist. I swear the next time someone tries to make me take my shoes off in their home, I’m going to take off my shoes, followed by my shirt, then pants. You want me to start undressing in your home, you’d better tell me when to stop.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:12 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   GhostWriter bang

      Just so we’re clear, I’m saying Stop right now.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   claw71 bang

    Gary:

    I understand how you feel about restroom spillage but sitting while urinating presents two problems for me: 1. My penis tends to rub the toilet seat and the rim. As you can probably imagine, this gives me the willies.
    2. If your restroom is cold, i.e. under 88 degrees, I fear that I might experience shrinkage which will likely cause my stream of urine to squirt under the toilet seat.

    Don’t despair, however, when I was previously at your condo I was happy to discover that your sink is situated low enough to afford me a viable urinary option. I find that it is much easier to control my flow and direct the urine into your sink. Furthermore, because the basin is rather large, most of the droplets that splatter as the urine makes contact with the basin are too heavy to escape the sink. Due to my success at availing myself of this option I believe you should present it as a possible solution to your other guests.

    Thanks for hosting! Look forward to seeing you soon.

    Love,

    claw71

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:38 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   bullwinkle

    As someone just pointed out to me, he also wrote this at 4am. He must have been up for hours scrubbing his toilet.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Rach

    Maybe it’s because I’m Canadian and it’s normal here, but I don’t understand why people have such an issue taking their shoes off at someone else’s house. As soon as I’m through the door that’s the first thing I do. Even if people tell me to keep them on, I usually take them off.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 9:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Mishee bang

      They are not suggesting you keep them on, they are telling you for the love of God please put them back on.

      There’s a difference.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:03 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   Goldie

      I tend to take my underwear off when entering somebody’s house. As soon as I’m through the door, it’s the first thing I do. People keep telling me to leave it on. Silly people, trying to be polite. I don’t want to track my dirty underwear all over their chairs!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   MoxieHart

      That’s how Amanda lost hers.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   Mishee bang

      Goldie – If you have had a 7th and 10th grader come out of your vagina, I would prefer that you leave your underwear ON when visiting my home.

      I’m just thinking that kids those size might’ve warped it a little and now it might not be as watertight as before…

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:13 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   Ti O

      I like to scoot on my butt across a nice shag floor so I tend to drop trou as soon as I get in the door too.
      :lol:

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.6   Canthz_B bang

      That’s one way of being territorial, Ti O.
      I prefer the tried and true, pee standing up “spillage” method. ;-)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.7   Timo bang

      pee into a fan for sparking flinging fun!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.8   Joe bang

      Timo: make sure it’s the back of the fan, first! :)

      I honestly wish I could try this!

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.9   Goldie

      Mishee – yeah, I kinda wish they had stayed in there till 7th/10th grade. But no, they popped out as tiny babies and, right away, started annoying me! So now I’m watertight, but pissed. (pun NOT intended… I f-n hate puns)

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.10   Juliet

      I’m Canadian… I leave my shoes on whenever possible. As everyone knows, Canada is a frozen wasteland once you cross the border, and that our floors are literally made of ice (because we all live in igloos and our computers are powered by teams of dogsleds since we have no electricity) but in winter, honestly, those floors are c-o-l-d. Even with the thickest socks. Why don’t we have heated floors like the Japanese? It just makes so much sense to have heated floors.

      Maybe Gary should provide them with special slippers so his guests’ socks don’t spread germs around his austere bunker.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.11   Mishee bang

      Timo – I have a board game you would love!!

      Its called Don’t Pee On The Electric Fence.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   lc

    At least, you’ll know exactly what you are getting into when you go to the meeting.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Carrieknowseverything

    Please, come having eaten.

    (another obscure reference for Mishee to get)

    Nov 18, 2008 at 10:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Mishee bang

      *crickets*

      Nov 18, 2008 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Mishee bang

      *still doesn’t get it*

      Nov 18, 2008 at 11:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   Mishee bang

      *still waiting for explanation*

      Nov 18, 2008 at 2:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.4   morpho aurora bang

      please come, having eaten

      :P

      Nov 18, 2008 at 4:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.5   Carrieknowseverything

      Sorry, Mishee….

      It’s a Kids in the Hall thing… you got the Puck thing so well…. wellllllllll

      and look I am fully gigglbraxing now

      Nov 18, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.6   Mishee bang

      I love KITH.

      Lopez!! I know you’re in there Lopez!!

      But alas, in my old age I must’ve forgotten this one…

      Nov 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   dare

    I’m so glad that Gary has made a schedule for the rest of the days. One less thing for me to do before Armegeddon.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 10:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   dood

    i will sit down to pee just for you, but im rubbing my tool all over everything while im in there.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   BredWell

    Pickle jars? OMG . . .
    {{peeing herself from laughing so hard}}

    Nov 18, 2008 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   MoxieHart

      Don’t forget your jar.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Consumee

    Dont worry about the crumbs. My ferrett will gobble them right up.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Rowdy bang

    Dear Gary, I will not be attending the standing rehearsal on Friday. I was already taught to pee at a very young age. Thanks anyway and best of luck.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Dani

    Now we know why he’s “Gary, Unmarried.”

    Nov 18, 2008 at 12:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   MW

    Thanks for the invitation, Gary. Would it be better for you if I just hold in my piss until I faint? It would eliminate the spillage factor altogether.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   souldesqueeze

    Why are we meeting at Howie Mandel’s house?

    Nov 18, 2008 at 1:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   bob

    Where does this Gary live? He claims to have a condo, the refers to it as a house, then an apartment. And he talks about using his restroom. Aren’t restrooms found in public places and bathrooms found in private homes?

    Perhaps he has four residences and different rules apply to different places?

    So confused…

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   leftfoot

    you know, Gary didn’t mention that there was no smoking in his house. Just to irritate the bejeezus out of him, I’d light up, even though I don’t smoke.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Goldie

      I see a few more things Gary missed…
      He didn’t say there was no sex allowed in the living room, between his guests, while he’s doing the standing rehearsal.
      He didn’t say not to wipe on curtains after said sex.
      He actually didn’t say not to barf all over his couch. Given that he *will* be serving drinks… courageous.
      In addition to letting his guests smoke inside, he didn’t say not to use his favorite mauve duvet for putting out the cigs.
      It just dawned on me — Gary is truly a maverick host. Let’s all go trash his condo, since he doesn’t seem to mind.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 5:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #51.2   Mishee bang

      2008: The year the word “Maverick” was used the most since 1986.

      Nov 18, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   Sherilyn

    At least he offered his apartment, though it sounds like it was a bit begrudgingly.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Timo bang

    He didn’t say where to sit to pee. Maybe he has the Poppy pee couch.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Flaboy2425

    The Scrubbing Bubbles ™ meet Mr. Tidy Bowl ™.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   LES

    Thats the kind of place you go to just to take a dump on the floor.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 3:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Legaleye

    I don’t think Gary is even on the lease/contract. He lives in the spare closet and doesn’t want his cover blown. He pees at the Texaco, eats in his car, and sleeps standing up (which he rehearses quite regularly).

    Nov 18, 2008 at 10:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   slymaple

    Sam R, You obviously have skipped the Middle East. Saudi arabs and most wahabbi muslim pees sitting down, owing to their belief that only dogs pee standing up (they have not seen a female dog obviously).

    Nov 18, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   Shady Acre's

    I’m with the piss in the sink idea. Although I have to admit that some of my colleagues and I do this already. I am a political campaign consultant here in the U.S. and we have a running contest of whose houses we can do this in. Like a mayor’s house is worth more than a member of the council’s house and a senator’s sink is worth more than a member of the house. Senate is the highest any of us have gotten ( not easy). Though this generally applies to the bathroom sink there are major points for the kitchen sink. This has only been accomplished once (in philly). Almost forgot to mention you have to photograph the act for proof and send it to crew.

    Nov 18, 2008 at 11:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   JoeInLA

    In Gary’s defense, I’ve noticed how much pee splashes around the rim of the toilet and the surrounding floor when guys pee standing up. Of course, one only notices when one is the person who has to clean up the dried pee-splashes. Also, I don’t have a great sense of smell, but I’ve known people who could walk into what appeared to me to be a perfectly tidy bathroom and smell urine (from those dried up pee-splashes).

    Nov 19, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   riley

    I would love to volunteer my apartment. Starting right now, so we don’t have to go to Gary’s place.

    I wonder what kind of non-crumbly snacks he plans on serving… he’s so adamant that they will be taking care of their own meals, but he will provide snacks? lol there’s the passive part of it… trying to be “nice” yet being a dick.

    Nov 20, 2008 at 12:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Fern

    If a group of people go missing, at least we know what pscyho has them….

    Nov 20, 2008 at 2:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   HolyHamstersBatman bang

    Gary should just do what I do. Fit everyone with catheters and pee-bags at the door. If he is still paranoid about spillage, he should invest in jumbo sized bags. He should also know that they are cheaper if bought in bulk, though I’m guessing a box of 20 will last him a lifetime of visitors (lifetime for him anyway).

    Nov 20, 2008 at 7:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   your are welcome to our home

    [...] related: why you don’t want to go to b-school, in two words [...]

    May 22, 2009 at 8:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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