so if i start selling drugs i can drive an escalade, too?

November 19th, 2008 · 129 comments

a little object lesson for the kids in tulsa, oklahoma…

(where’s this line item in the budget for the war on drugs, ya think?)

related: tokyo police club

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FILED UNDER: excessive capitalization · oklahoma · the po-po · tulsa

129 responses so far ↓

#1 you suck at craigslist

Are they trying to say you can still buy drugs from it?

Nov 19, 2008 at 8:43 pm rating: +22

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- #1.1 hall monitor
  
  Did CarFax sponsor those decals?
  
  Hall Monitor
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 7:23 pm rating: 0
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#2 Mishee

Really?

Mine is still a drug dealer’s car!

Want a hit?

Nov 19, 2008 at 8:50 pm rating: +30

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#3 Canthz_B

You know your city’s budget is in shambles when the police dept. has to advertise for Carfax.

Nov 19, 2008 at 8:50 pm rating: +13

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- #3.1 bean
  
  You know the city’s budget is in shambles when the cops hafta steal cars from drug dealers!
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:02 pm rating: +31
- #3.2 Canthz_B
  
  They misunderstood the rules of Cops and Robbers. They thought they were supposed to be both.
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:07 pm rating: +23
- #3.3 BurstingAtTheSeams
  
  Seems like a good cost savings measure… maybe they can have the prisoners service the cars too? Surely there must be some good mechanics in prison.
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 10:48 pm rating: +3
- #3.4 claw71
  
  Hey, hey , hey! What are you trying to say there? Look, just because you got tricked into paying $59.95 for a blinker fluid flush and fill doesn’t mean all mechanics are crooks.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:49 am rating: +10
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#4 You!

That Note Is A Capital Offense.

Nov 19, 2008 at 8:53 pm rating: +43

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- #4.1 Ti O
  
  Bravo!
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:09 am rating: 0
- #4.2 The Commish
  
  Huzzah!
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: +1
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#5 Mishee

*thanks God that at least it didn’t say “Now It’s Our’s*

And WTF Is Up With Capitalizing Every Damn Word?

Nov 19, 2008 at 8:53 pm rating: +14

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- #5.1 unfortunate names blog
  
  that font is a crime
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:46 pm rating: +4
- #5.2 Frankie
  
  No Mishee. Oklahoma. Remember. Thank God it didn’t say, “NOW IT’S ARES”
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: +3
- #5.3 Frankie
  
  No Mishee. Oklahoma. Remember. Thank God it didn’t say, “NOW IT’S ARES”.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:33 pm rating: 0
- #5.4 Frankie
  
  Just picture me and a twin me on tricycles coming down the hall at you and saying that at the same time.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:40 pm rating: +2
- #5.5 Mishee
  
  that’s how I imagine you all the time.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:57 pm rating: +1
- #5.6 Xtroll
  
  Yo, Did You Knot No Tay Had The Drug Dealer Putt The Decaels On The Kar Allso
  
  Nov 21, 2008 at 8:37 pm rating: 0
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#6 Ashes

Wow “this used to be a drug dealers car, but we had it melted down and rebuilt into an oversized SUV”

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:04 pm rating: +9

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#7 Canthz_B

Nobody likes a braggart, Tulsa P.D.
Stop showing off your new toy unless you plan to share it with the class.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:05 pm rating: +14

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- #7.1 Narg
  
  I believe they are “sharing it with the class.” The vehicle now provides services for the community does it not? In this case, I think bragging is very well accepted.
  
  Nov 25, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +1
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#8 bean

Well I didn’t really need another reason not to move to Tulsa, but thanks.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:06 pm rating: +24

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#9 Hod

My car used to belong to John Voigt.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:08 pm rating: +32

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- #9.1 K Dog
  
  Yea! I am the first person to get this reference!!! A thumb’s up for you, Hod!
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:12 pm rating: 0
- #9.2 anglophile
  
  Did you find his pencil in the glove compartment?
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: +3
- #9.3 James
  
  Whoops, you spelt Jon wrong, turns out it wasn’t his car at all.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:53 am rating: +10
- #9.4 secondsout
  
  I would like to purchase Barbara Mandrell’s skateboard.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 3:29 am rating: +2
- #9.5 Ti O
  
  Scarlett Johhhannssssonnnn’s bicycle.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:12 am rating: +2
- #9.6 Mishee
  
  Timo you just wish your face was Scarlett’s bicycle seat.
  
  Don’t lie.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 9:42 am rating: +7
- #9.7 Ti O
  
  it is sooooooo true.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:21 pm rating: +1
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#10 Canthz_B

Don’t you think they’d catch more junkies without the sign?

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:11 pm rating: +20

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#11 Canthz_B

Moral of the story:

If you sell narcotics, drive a hooptie.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:14 pm rating: +11

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- #11.1 Holiday Djinn
  
  This used to be a drug dealers Kia, now its, just ewwwww!
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 7:17 am rating: +5
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#12 Troy McClure

Is the plate blacked out for the benefit of the drug dealer? Because I think the cops have already pretty much demolished his privacy in this regard.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:17 pm rating: +13

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#13 Molly

Thank god for small favors they got “it’s” right.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:18 pm rating: +1

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- #13.1 anglophile
  
  Smaller favor: ,
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 6:54 am rating: +6
- #13.2 claw71
  
  Ah, irony …it’s not just how water tastes in Colorado.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:50 am rating: +13
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#14 unfortunate names blog

and don’t they know escalades are so last year. all the cool drug dealers are driving hybrids.

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm rating: +10

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- #14.1 Hod
  
  I think all the cool drug dealers DON’T live in TULSA.
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 9:50 pm rating: +19
- #14.2 Mishee
  
  Just because Nancy on Weeds drives a Hybrid doesn’t mean the gangstas of Tulsa do.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 9:43 am rating: +7
- #14.3 zeevee
  
  Well they’re coming out with hybrid Escalades now, so it’s the best of both worlds!
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 10:34 am rating: +3
- #14.4 Ali
  
  @zeevee:
  
  Are you accusing Miley of being a drug dealer, now?
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:50 pm rating: +2
- #14.5 Frankie
  
  She’s definitely using. That’s for damn sure.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:35 pm rating: 0
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#15 Canthz_B

What kind of petty criminal used to own the blue pick-up?

Nov 19, 2008 at 9:53 pm rating: +7

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#16 Julia

I wonder if all the drugs they seized from the dealers now say, “This Used To Be A Drug Dealer’s Joint Now It’s Ours!”

(Man, that missing punctuation is really driving me nuts!)

Nov 19, 2008 at 10:01 pm rating: +12

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- #16.1 Troy McClure
  
  Me too. With no punctuation, it’s similarly constructed to “He’s probably harmless now he’s taken his medication”, but I don’t think that’s what they meant, unless they’re travelling into the past & selling cars to drug dealers. (Maybe with webcams hidden in them or something. The Terminator approach to the war on drugs.)
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
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#17 Muzzy

Clearly, they hired a drug user to write that run-on sentence. Time to come down, man. Go visit the Yugo in the police lot to see if you can score some downers.

Nov 19, 2008 at 10:13 pm rating: +3

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#18 HS

yeah, the po-po might have gotten the escalade from a drug dealer, but it’s OUR TAX DOLLARS paying for the gas for them to drive it around !!!

Nov 19, 2008 at 10:33 pm rating: +15

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#19 John in IL

GM, Ford and Chrysler might want to run with this theme:

This Used To Be A Car Company Now It’s Ours (The Taxpayers).

Nov 19, 2008 at 10:46 pm rating: +10

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- #19.1 ralph nader
  
  The Taxpayers might want to run with the theme: If we didn’t buy those giant gas guzzling SUV’s GM, Ford and Chrysler would have stopped making them years ago. Demand and supply Baby!
  
  Nov 19, 2008 at 11:46 pm rating: +7
- #19.2 John in IL
  
  That “we” would only makes sense if every taxpayer bought a Giant, Gas Guzzling SUV, Ralph.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 12:21 am rating: +5
- #19.3 ralph nader
  
  You assume that bailing out the big three saves only the big three.
  You forget about all of the businesses that rely on the money spent by those employed by the big three. Businesses that are not otherwise connected to the auto industry. The restaurants, hardware stores, dry cleaners, accountants and yes, even Joe the plumbers who rely on patronage from those workers.
  They and others all die if the big three die.
  
  Don’t be a short-sighted prick, OK?
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:50 pm rating: +1
- #19.4 Mishee
  
  Yes, Joe the Plumber relies on them, since they are all full of shit.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: +9
- #19.5 Canthz_B
  
  Joe will be ok if the Big Three die.
  His motto is : “Have plunger, will travel.”
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 2:17 pm rating: +3
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#20 Walrus

Fuck tha police!

Nov 19, 2008 at 10:51 pm rating: +3

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- #20.1 claw71
  
  …and Ren said it with authority.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:52 am rating: 0
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#21 maude

I’m totally gonna get a sign like that for my Subaru.

Nov 19, 2008 at 11:01 pm rating: +1

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- #21.1 claw71
  
  There are lesbian drug dealers?
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 8:52 am rating: +10
- #21.2 Goldie
  
  Subaru=lesbian? So, if I have always wanted to test-drive an Outback someday, what does this make me??
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 9:14 am rating: +1
- #21.3 claw71
  
  Bi-curious.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 9:29 am rating: +11
- #21.4 Mishee
  
  Just make sure you leave your velcroband watch at home.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 9:45 am rating: +2
- #21.5 Ti O
  
  Be sure to check out the Indigo girls special edition.
  
  Nov 20, 2008 at 1:24 pm rating: +3
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#22 aaa

Is anyone else reminded of the episode of Reno 911 where they get the bitchin SUV and only drive one block before they run out of gas?

Nov 19, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: +2

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painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

so if i start selling drugs i can drive an escalade, too?

November 19th, 2008 · 129 comments

129 responses so far ↓