Our anonymous submitter says this display is just one of many microwave missives his coworker has created. “Someone tore it down and threw it on the floor once,” he says, “but she put it back up, laminated with heavy-duty tape.”
And of course, the art-imitating-life inspiration for this post: Pam Beesly.
related: To each his own microwave
extra credit: The Office: “Frame Toby”
126 responses so far ↓
#1
Lisa
You had me at “sinage”.
Seriously, I feel you. Nothing worse than a microwave piggie.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:09 pm rating: +4
#2
Eric B.
If anyone’s being inconsiderate of the people on the floor, I bet it’s the people on the ceiling. I hear that their spiritual leader, Lionel Richie, is very floorist.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:16 pm rating: +35
#3
eddy
It must be tough having to work at a job with a bunch of sinners and all their sinage going around.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: +12
#4
Julia
The only thing this note is really missing is a few f-bombs. That would make it pretty much perfect.
“Nuke” is a nice touch, as well.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:19 pm rating: +1
#5
cw
I’ll pay anybody who works at this office $50 to blow up a hot pocket in that microwave.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: +24
#6
snee
all that’s really missing here is the “listen assholes” beginning.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:24 pm rating: +6
#7
snee
why no clip art?
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:25 pm rating: +1
#8
richgirlred
Verily, verily I say unto thee: Let he who is without sinage scorch the first weenie.
I agree–clipart would really get the point across to the genuises (or is that genuis-i) at this joint.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: +3
#9
harmonicpies
This sort of logic abounds at my workplace. She sneers at the “genius” of her co-workers, yet her solution to the ineffectiveness of her signs is to post more signs.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:31 pm rating: +8
#10
snee
passive aggressive notes for dummies
caps — check
bold — check
underlining — check
red — check
highlighting — check
dictionary definition — check
font size variation — check
excessive exclamation points — check
lamination — check
f-bombs — che–WAIT! FUCK!!!!
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:32 pm rating: +30
#11
Flaboy2425
If the writer thinks paper made a mess, just wait until tomorrow when I heat up a dish of pinto beans…..uncovered.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:33 pm rating: +5
#12
aaa
Aw, now that’s not fair. Pigs are very intelligent and are very clean if you let them be.
Nov 20, 2008 at 11:50 pm rating: +3
#13
Canthz_B
No foreign matter.
Everyone must eat domestic foods.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:03 am rating: +7
#14
Canthz_B
Silly co-worker.
If I had a pig that could blow shit up in a microwave, I’d be in show business!
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:05 am rating: +17
#15
Chris D.
Did someone submit this because they saw the exact same thing on “The Office” tonight?
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:06 am rating: +4
#16
Canthz_B
I’m starting to think this person will only be happy with a microwave oven that can prove its virginity.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:08 am rating: +7
#17
Canthz_B
This is what happens when telecommuting is discontinued.
You just can’t put Humpty-Dumpty back together again.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: +1
#18
snee
could be tricky. sometimes the seal is broken during rough handling in the factory.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: +1
#19
Canthz_B
If this person had not been obsessed with defining “clean” and “cleanliness”, perhaps they’d have had time to study up on microwaves and not used that unfortunate “nuke”.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:27 am rating: +2
#20
Ash
She can’t spell “signage”. It makes the baby Jesus cry.
Nov 21, 2008 at 1:18 am rating: +3
#21
HolyHamstersBatman
If I worked in that office I’d cosine, tangent to her sinage. I fucking hate people using the microwave to blow up paper. I need it paper-free so that my blown up Hot Pocket can leave nice, neat, scalding hot, and fried on cheese splatters everywhere. Assholes.
Nov 21, 2008 at 1:20 am rating: +18
#22
cee
nice office reference!
Nov 21, 2008 at 1:23 am rating: +2
#23
Canthz_B
Obsess: Miriam-Webster definition:
1) to haunt or excessively preoccupy the mind of
2) to engage in obsessive thinking : become obsessed with an idea
Kudos to you and you obsession with our microwave’s cleanliness. Now, try re-directing some of that energy towards your in-box.
Nov 21, 2008 at 1:38 am rating: +7
#24
souldesqueeze
Were they raised by Joan Crawford?
Nov 21, 2008 at 2:26 am rating: +1
#25
Sam
I hope everyone watched The Office tonight and thought of PAN during the microwave fiasco.
Nov 21, 2008 at 2:49 am rating: +2
#26
Tyler
hag /hæg/
–noun
1. an ugly old woman, esp. a vicious or malicious one.
2. a witch or sorceress.
3. a hagfish.
Nov 21, 2008 at 3:38 am rating: +1
#27
anglophile
I suppose the next logical step will be for her to cut the clam–cloak page out of her dictionary, highlight the appropriate entries and post that.
Of course, that will leave her without clearance, which might make future PANs difficult.
Nov 21, 2008 at 5:25 am rating: +2
#28
Wade
I had no idea Emmanuel Lewis was such a neat freak.
Nov 21, 2008 at 6:54 am rating: +2
#29
fantasy
What inconsiderate Pigs.
What? Are they walking on the people on the floor?
Isn’t that where pigs do their business? I would be more worried about that situation.
Nov 21, 2008 at 7:11 am rating: 0
#30
rumblefish
Sounds like Gallagher and the “Sledge-O-Matic” got old so he moved on to blowing up “paper, or whatever” in microwave ovens, beautiful. Watch out you people in the front row this could get messy.
Nov 21, 2008 at 7:12 am rating: 0
#31
fantasy
Please, for the love of Gawd, don’t leave your mixture in the microwave.
I so do not want to see your mixture all dry and crusty.
It makes me want to hurl.
Nov 21, 2008 at 7:21 am rating: 0
#32
Wade
“Coworkers,” [the notewriter] said quietly, “do you know who is responsible for this? Do you know the enemy who has used blow up paper and soiled the microwave? SNOWBALL!!” she typed in all caps. “Snowball has done this thing! In sheer malignity, thinking to set back my plans…, this traitor has crept here during break time and destroyed all my previous helpful notes…”
Nov 21, 2008 at 7:33 am rating: +8
#33
fantasy
I have yet to have a job with access to a computer, but I most certainly would love one.
Does everyone in an office just do arts and crafts and make signage, where does the work come in?
To get paid for being artsy and then worry about lunch all day, how cool.
Nov 21, 2008 at 8:17 am rating: +7
#34
claw71
claw71’s definition of cunt:
female who is:
1. Free from decorum; uncouth; rude
2. Free from the sense to realize nobody cares
3. Habitually free of congeniality
claw71’s definition of cuntiness:
Excessively bitchy, condescending, rude, pedantic, arrogant, stupid, childish…refer to acting like a female equivalent of dick, shit dripping asshole with bitch sprinkles.
Nov 21, 2008 at 8:29 am rating: +12
#35
hollow/caustic
This Used To Be Some Puling Cunt’s Microwave Now It’s Ours!
Kudos Police
Nov 21, 2008 at 8:34 am rating: +2
#36
claw71
SERIOUSLY ASSHOLE -ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. IF YOU CAN’T TAKE A HINT LIKE YOUR SIGN ON THE FLOOR THEN DON’T DO IT. YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE IGNORANCE OF ALL THE SIGNAGE WOULD DRIVE HOME THE POINT THAT NOBODY FUCKING CARES.
WHOEVER HAD THE GENIUS IDEA TO POST A NOTE OR WHATEVER YOU LAMINATED AND DIDN’T USE YOUR BRAIN, KUDOS TO YOU AND YOUR BITCHY BEHAVIOR. I AM ASSUMING YOU LIVE EXACTLY LIKE A SPINSTER WITCH.
Nov 21, 2008 at 8:39 am rating: +9
#37
Andy
You bought me a house!
Nov 21, 2008 at 9:26 am rating: +2
#38
Thanks!
Dear Coworker,
Can you teach me how to make paper blow up? And can I borrow your dictionary, I want to look up sinage.
Thanks
Microwave Nazi
Nov 21, 2008 at 9:33 am rating: +4
#39
Mishee
I wonder if this guy was the one using the microwave…
(its about 5 minutes in, but a very interesting watch either way)
(and if that’s the case, its NOT PAPER – that’s the whole point you idiot signage maker!)
Nov 21, 2008 at 10:14 am rating: 0
#40
Andy
Dear slut bag,
Look closer at the microwave mess. Yup, that was your cat, fluffy, and he was fucking delicious.
Keep it up and your first born is next.
Nov 21, 2008 at 10:25 am rating: +2
#41
Kansas girl
The total failure to recognize that more notes will not help, but will instead only tick people off enough that they leave a mess on purpose, is what really elevates this PAN to brilliance.
I just keep wondering whether the use of “kudos” is sarcastic, or whether the writer doesn’t actually know what it means. I’m leaning towards the latter.
Nov 21, 2008 at 10:28 am rating: +2
#42
Dare
These posters makes me want to explode a plate full of Oysters Rockefeller in the microwave.
Nov 21, 2008 at 10:52 am rating: +1
#43
JD
I seriously laughed my ass off when I watched the Office last night and yelled at the TV – OMG! Passive Aggressive Note!!!!!!! I really really wish Michael Schur would have credited your blog because that would have been hilarious.
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: +2
#44
unholyghost2003
I NEED a picture of what the microwave looked like with “blown up paper” I need it, I need to know what a microwave looks like in order to make someone think paper was blown up in it.
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: +1
#45
HairySwede
pas·sive-ag·gres·sive (p?s’?v-?-gr?s’?v)
adj. Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in occupational or social situations, as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.
courtesy of dictionary.com
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:25 am rating: 0
#46
Mishee
This office is full of sinage.
They should all go to church.
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: 0
#47
secondsout
Shouldn’t the definition of cleanliness be right next to the definition of godliness?
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:37 am rating: +5
#48
MW
And the definition of the cunt who left that note is “psycho bitch with too much time on her hands.”
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#49
fantasy
Those are not bits of paper, you silly woman.
My panties really needed to be washed and I had
to dry them somehow.
So I guess you could call it panty waste….. or
wasted panties!
Whatever!
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:03 pm rating: +1
#50
phyllis
I love your shout out to The Office in the title. Thinking of this website made the part with Pam’s note so much funnier. Yay for office microwave notes!
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:39 pm rating: +2
#51
T.U.M.
In an ironic coincidence, Noah Webster was a total slob who drove his assistants crazy blowing up cornbread on the office potbellied stove.
Nov 21, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: +4
#52
aaa
I’m curious, am I the only human on Earth who hates The Office?
Nov 21, 2008 at 1:10 pm rating: 0
#53
beefstuckinteef
“sincerely disappointed? please, get off your high horse”
Nov 21, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: 0
#54
Chelsea
Why aren’t you as mad or interested in this as me???
Nov 21, 2008 at 5:05 pm rating: +2
#55
Juliet
In the days before the internet I once had a roommate who once went out until the wee hours of the morning and then left signs up everywhere saying we had to be quiet due to the roommate’s late night and the fact this person was a light sleeper.
The tone of this microwave note reminds me so much of the tone of the ‘be quiet’ notes. So self-righteous, so condescending and so bitchy. Like their notes were to be obeyed without question. Not knowing the notes would be relevant 15 years later I never took a picture of them, alas.
The other roommate and I laughed at the signs and ignored them, and wrote a P-A note back and stuck it on the sleeping roommate’s door. It read, “Buy earplugs.”
Nov 21, 2008 at 5:09 pm rating: 0
#56
Beelzebubba
….For the wage-age of sinage is death-age.
But after taxes it’s just kind of a depressed feeling….age
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:17 pm rating: +1
#57
Cady
I think all the sinage around the microwave is what’s really unclean. At least that’s what my priest says.
Nov 21, 2008 at 11:56 pm rating: 0
#58
MoxieHart
Nuke the whales!
You gotta nuke something…
Nov 22, 2008 at 9:36 pm rating: 0
#59
Jackson
We can’t see the clip as Hulu/NBC won’t allow viewers outside of the US. Could you post clips on a host that will allow other countries to view… i.e. youtube… pan does have a worldwide fanbase after all. Cheers.
Nov 28, 2008 at 12:16 am rating: 0
#60
RP
I think the best solution to this problem is to clean the microwave before using it and then re-creating the mess once you’re done so that someone else will have to clean that up.
That way if everyone else still insists on not cleaning the microwave you end up being the only person using it.
Dec 3, 2008 at 12:18 pm rating: 0
#61 hi kids, it’s your old pal, fluffy!
[...] passive-aggressive notes are good enough for prime time, surely there’s room for fluffy’s bathroom antics in today’s lackluster saturday [...]
Dec 20, 2008 at 11:35 am rating: 0
#62
From a concerned web citizen
Dear PAN mistress, I am sincerely disappointed because people outside the US can’t see those two videos. Please be nice and make sure future ones can. Thanks so much with a glace cherry on top!
Jan 4, 2009 at 11:59 pm rating: 0
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