our anonymous submitter in new jersey found this note taped to every apartment door in his complex. “we do indeed have a problem with feral cats in our neighborhood, but my sense is that they’ve been around for many (cat) generations…not that people are buying new ones.”
adds our submitter: “now that i think about it, i’m probably a bad person for finding this funny, but really, the all-bold, all-caps “LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!” is just so perfectly over the top. (personally, i would have gone with “A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”)
related: i can has guilt trip?
290 responses so far ↓
#1
stringyhair
You know with cats it is all a matter of who “owns” who…
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: +6
#2
John in IL
Where is Sally Struthers when you really need her?
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:27 pm rating: +3
#3
J
Am I the only one would found this really sad? The poor kitties.
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: +106
#4
John in IL
Yes. So far you are.
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: +5
#5
bcteagirl
I feel sad for the image of others this woman is giving her daughter J… does that count?
Nov 25, 2008 at 11:56 pm rating: +20
#6
Skwerl
Won’t someone think of the kittens!
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:09 am rating: +10
#7
Canthz_B
They finally purr-fected fusion at the Princeton Plasma Physics Laboratory.
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: +10
#8
snee
she could have saved a lot of ink and gone with:
everyone but me is a FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: +59
#9
Canthz_B
These kittens were in the bushes outside her apartment.
She waits until they die to blame her neighbors?
Sorry, Lady…tell your kid that the kittens died because mommy didn’t call animal control.
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: +54
#10
Amber
Didn’t they ever tell her that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten? Maybe she should get a boyfriend.
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:44 am rating: +26
#11
Parvles
Why couldn’t it just be feral cats that had the kittens? It happens a lot.
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:46 am rating: +8
#12
Canthz_B
Why is she leaving the dead cats to rot outside her apartment?
Is she planning on putting in roses next Spring?
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: +38
#13
Amandah
SHE WAS A FIGHTER.
She died.
SHE COULDN’T FIGHT ANYMORE.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: +7
#14
jadefirefly
I’m disappointed. She managed to keep the whole thing mostly within the realms of good grammar and spelling until right near the end. She was doing so well, too!
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:13 am rating: +1
#15
HolyHamstersBatman
This woman is one step below whoever the pro-lifer was that decided it was a good idea to go around sticking flyers with a picture of a dead fetus on it in all the mailboxes of my neighborhood.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:27 am rating: +23
#16
Canthz_B
Leila’s death may not be on her head, but the other four kitties’ deaths are still on her doorstep.
The most effective Trick-or-Treater repellent yet devised by Man!
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:31 am rating: +12
#17
HolyHamstersBatman
I have to say though, I just ran over someone’s cat last week on accident (it was foggy and road was wet, I was driving slow, curvy road, black cat, I had no choice in the matter) and I felt terrible about it..but also kind of pissed at people that let their cats wander about on highways. So out of sadness for poor dead kitties, I kind of sympathize with this woman’s anger. Still a ridiculous note though.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:32 am rating: +23
#18
bikerbabeee
Ok, I have sympathy for the kittens, really I do.
I cannot, however, control the urge to submit the following.
Thank you, Dr. Demento.
Dead kitties,
Dead kitties,
Dead kitties aren’t much fun.
They won’t cry in the bush,
They can’t leave their brother’s tush,
Dead kitties aren’t much fun.
My kitty died,
She was bottle fed,
LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!!
Dead kitties aren’t much fun.
(Sing the chorus with me now everyone..)
Dead kitties,
Dead kitties,
Dead kitties aren’t much fun.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:33 am rating: +11
#19
Canthz_B
If Leila was thriving, has it occurred to Mom that her daughter could tell her why Leila had to die?
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:47 am rating: +5
#20
Vlad the impaler
Does anyone else find the tone of this note a little too “The Crucible”-eque, ie “a fart on your head, John Proctor”?
Nov 26, 2008 at 5:05 am rating: +5
#21
Rowdy
I’m not having much fun on PAN today
Nov 26, 2008 at 5:26 am rating: +11
#22
tim
Why are you all assuming the dead animals were kittens?
To me, it looks as if the animal in the picture is a hedgehog.
Mutant, crazy hedgehogs, that were courageously terminated by the residents cats.
Nov 26, 2008 at 8:53 am rating: +8
#23
Debris Blanc
Yep, cats and most other small predators have evolved over millions of years to live exclusively inside human houses, it’s their natural habitat. Whatever you do, be sure to be a responsible pet owner. Make certain you keep them confined all their lives inside a 15′ x 20′ apartment and never let them experience fresh air, sunshine, or the feel of soil beneath their paws. And while you’re at it, by all means be sure to chop their balls off or cut them open and rip their uteruses out. They love that shit, it makes them feel like they’re loved by someone. And whatever you do, don’t let them eat meat-most predatory carnivores actually prefer fancy name-brand processed pet food that contains lots of brocolli, spinach, carrots, whole-grain wheat, and other healthy things that brainwashed non-feline yuppies like to eat. That’s exactly the diet that their digestive systems are naturally adapted to. Oh, and how dare they have the natural instinct to screw and reproduce, it certainly must be the your neighbors’ fault that they’re like that. Don’t they realize that they only exist for the pleasure of us responsible pet owners? Surely the pinnacle and eventual goal of of all evolutionary development is to be dressed up in uncomfortable fucked-up outfits and photographed for the amusement of other responsible pet owners? Few people realize that cats and dogs are actually just small, oddly-shaped humans that share all our opinions, tastes, likes, and dislikes. People who don’t understand this great truth are irresponsible pet owners. Like me. My cat has balls. It has never been in the house in it’s entire life, and never will be. It eats rats, mice, rabbits, and table scraps. He’s a fighter, too-he fights other cats, possums, skunks, and anything else that enters his territory. One night he’ll probably meet a big coyote and won’t be able to courageously fight any more. In other words, he’s a cat, and seems to be quite happy just being a cat, too.
Nov 26, 2008 at 9:48 am rating: +35
#24
whew
Oh man Debris Blanc, you should print that up and post it around your apartment complex. It should definately be a submission rather then a comment.
Nov 26, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: +9
#25
Dani
Let her death be on your head!!!! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!
I think my favorite part, personally, is the snazzy Broadway font for the title.
Nov 26, 2008 at 10:23 am rating: +4
#26
anglophile
Probably Leila had to die because the operation to separate her from her three siblings didn’t go well. It’s a high risk procedure, but the surgeon thought it might be possible for one of the four to have a normal kitten life.
Nov 26, 2008 at 10:28 am rating: +1
#27
Carrieknowseverything
If I’d have been the woman who went through this ordeal, I’d have probably written a note in much the same manner.
Nov 26, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: +1
#28
Mark
The Big Lebowski: They did not receive the money, you nitwit! They did not receive the money! Her life was in your hands!
Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.
Nov 26, 2008 at 10:49 am rating: +2
#29
Lois
Wow, a lot of these comments could be used as the main “passive aggressive notes” post! This is very entertaining!
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:03 am rating: +3
#30
Debris Blanc
Ignorant shit moron reporting back for duty. First of all, I don’t “own” a cat. It appeared. I fed it. It stayed. For six years so far. Is healthy. Has a life. Is not neglected in the least, as a matter of fact, is spoiled rotten. And btw, it does have a barn it can go into if it so desires, just like cats around here always have. How the hell do you know that “my cat” isn’t just as happy or happier than your cat? I expected as much from the great brainwashed mass of anthropomorphic consumerite Kalifornians. News flash: people have kept cats for thousands of years exactly like I describe, and they have apparantly done quite well. It hasn’t been until the last few years that people have completely went off their rockers and decided that cats are people. Feral cats are definitely a problem. Simple solution-kill them. And Carrieknowseverything, the statement that predators can’t live off their natural prey is the most moronic thing I think I’ve ever read in my life. Some people will believe anything the tv commercials tell them. How the hell have many species of cats been around longer than the human species, then? The domestic cat is almost identical to the European/Asian wildcat, which has seemed to survive just fine somehow without you feeding them Fancy Feast Happy Kitty Food. The bobcats around here seem to live just fine off of chipmunks, rabbits, and mice-maybe nobody told them they were malnourished and unhappy.
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:11 am rating: +8
#31
Wade
Where is Hellboy when you really need him?
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:14 am rating: +7
#32
Jane
Why didn’t she call the humane society to get the cats? They probably could have taken better care of them then her.
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:33 am rating: +7
#33
organ donor
Maybe if the bitch had a job she wouldnt have so much time on her hands with which to offend other hard-working folks. Idle hands make the devil’s work. And by the way, cats are considered delicacies in other lands and there is nothing that makes you morally any better than them. You can only say so becasue you are spoiled americans who do nto really understand what starvation is. take this lady. she is likely overweight and would eat that cat in a heartbeat if she was denied Big Macs for a month straight. So really, she is most like a spoiled fat bitch whose only purpose on life is to make other people miserable and try and make herself feel better for the waste of space she actually is.
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 0
#34
fantasy
I have some nieghbors that need to be spayed
and neutered, they have been leaving feral
children outside to fend for themselves.
You can tell that they are indoor children!
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:49 am rating: +22
#35
taste like chikren
if you live in america and eat chicken, pork or beef you are a complete hypocrite for even caring. why is a cat any different? because it has fur? I raise cats for food stock to feed my hungry children. are you saying cats are more important than human children?
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +2
#36
taste like chikren
why would i neuter my food stock?
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: +3
#37
taste like chikren
OH HOW MANY TREES MUST DIE FOR ONE SINGLE FURBAG?
WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE TREES?
AND THE CHEMICAL POISON IN TH INKS THAT RAN INTO TEH GROUND MADE MY BABY BE BORN WITH ONE EYE AND A CLEFT LIP
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:53 am rating: +2
#38
cheezes
OHHH NOOOOESS!!
THATS WHERE MY CHEEZEBURGERS WENT
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:54 am rating: +1
#39
truedat
how pathetic. meanwhile her taxmoney is splattering babybrains on the hot sidewalks of Iraq…but i dont hear any crying about that
hypocrites.
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:57 am rating: +1
#40
kristen
Seriously… this lady needs a swift kick. And probably has no business having children. All her six year old is learning from her is that its okay to blame and judge others.
I find it insulting that she looks down on people who have pets. My cat was a stray who showed up on my doorstep. Should I have let her die of pneumonia outside rather than “own” her?
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: +1
#41
tangocats
Feral cat population problems is a very sad issue. There is a group in NJ that has spayed/neutered and returned feral cats called Whiskers Rescue. A woman has a non-profit E-bay store that sells jewelry (vintage/costume/fine jewelry) quilts, etc. 100% profits go to rescuing cats. If you have jewelry or other items to donate, please contact her – what a great cause.
http://whiskersrescue.org/wp/
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: +5
#42
GhostWriter
Intoducing Kittys Who Died
(sing-along link with a great VJ intro…)
Kitty got fused to her sibling’s corpse
Smells like a shoe by Apartment Nine
If you let 11 strays into the yard
Thousands more in a matter of time
Leila crawled away from there, up to my door
She looked like she might thrive, then she died
She was a fighter feline!
Those are kitties who died, died
You should all be ashamed, how they died
See- by the porch you smell the kitties there, rotting
Something died up in the attic; it’s foul in the bathroom
Slimy kitty corpse , undiscovered and wet
Funky odor’s horrendous, you were right that they were dead
Those are two more dead felines
Two more cats that died
Those are kitties who died, died
You should all be ashamed, how they died
You should take drive by just to smell the fumes
Rotten pungent smells, like the smell of a tomb
Leila gave out, you should be ashamed
Really bad shit; cruel and inhumane
and really, that’s what I’ll tell my six-year-old daughter
You people like the slaughter!
Those are kitties who died, died
You should all be ashamed, how they died
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +4
#43
J
Did it never occur to the note writer that these kittens most likely came from a STRAY cat, not somebody’s outdoor pet? What a dummy.
Nov 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +2
#44
BaronVonObvious
Goodness I believe that the animal in question is a stray and not a pet of someone. Quickly someone needs to get word to this aggrieved fair lady.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:11 pm rating: +1
#45
Juliet
I want to know what word is crossed out.
Nov 26, 2008 at 1:58 pm rating: 0
#46
Debris Blanc
Baron VonObvious can tell you that this is to the tune of the Hendrix song:
Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that knife in your hand?
Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that knife in your hand?
I’m goin’ down to castrate my kitty
So he won’t knock him off a piece and overpopulate the land
Hey Joe, I heard you cut some parts off of your kitty cat
Hey Joe, I heard you cut some spare parts off of your kitty cat
Yes I did, yes I I cut them off
I told him it was for his own good but he didn’t believe that
Hey Joe, who you gonna castrate now?
Hey Joe, who you gonna castrate now?
I’m gonna de-ball all the urban humans
and solve most of the world’s problems right now
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:13 pm rating: +4
#47
Apropos
I just want to know how this person knows the kitty’s name is Leila.
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:23 pm rating: +7
#48
slmd
I hope everyone realizes that feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic (and feral?) cats.
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:27 pm rating: +3
#49
AC
Gee, sure sounds like the queen abandoned her litter. She should write it a nasty note.
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:29 pm rating: +1
#50
Rebecca
She was a fighter…
She was a fighter…
SHE COULDN’T FIGHT ANY MORE.
[removes sunglasses]
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: +3
#51
fantasy
people just need to watch out what they do with thier litter of cats and the cat litter!
Maybe the litter was thrown out with the litter. Why else would they meld together?
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm rating: +1
#52
Debris Blanc
Actually, my cat has morals, dammit. Don’t dis him unless you know him. He is practicing abstinance and saving himself for marriage. He’s waiting until he meets that “special someone” that he can fall deeply in love with.
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:41 pm rating: +2
#53
M'lyn
When did irresponsibility equal selfishness? I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means.
Nov 26, 2008 at 2:48 pm rating: +1
#54
Frankie
I’m going to get into a fight with myself.
Frankie. Why don’t you learn to quit treating life like it’s one big joke. You need to get fucking serious or you’re never going to have real friends.
Nov 26, 2008 at 3:58 pm rating: +2
#55
vitaminC
@ Andy
“I think this comment reveals a fundamental problem:
only cats have true cat-like reflexes. Perhaps they should be the ones driving the cars!
Ahh, I can see the lolcats now… oh wait, I just did about 395 different times.”
I dunno… Toonces didn’t seem to do a very good job…
Nov 26, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: +1
#56
cee
i give a thumbs up to the note-writer. keeping a cat outdoors is cruel.
Nov 26, 2008 at 5:44 pm rating: 0
#57
RandyinReno
I re-read the PAN.
I can’t tell if she’s a cat Nazi: “No cats for you!”,
or a cat Jihadist: “Let the death of a thousand cats be on your head, Infidel!”
Nov 26, 2008 at 7:43 pm rating: +3
#58
maggie
HolyHamstersBatman,
How DARE you talk about the millions of people killed in the Holocaust like they were just a bunch of stray cats??!!!
Those were real live innocent men women and children!!!
You are totally insensitive if you can’t see the difference between your story and the stories of six million murdered people!
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:37 pm rating: +2
#59
Cara
Last night around midnight I was turning left onto my street and I saw a cat limping and pulling itself through a puddle of blood in the middle of the intersection. I guessed it had already been partially run over, and I made the mistake of turning back around. I don’t know what I thought I could have done for it, seeing as I would have gotten run over if I had gone to help and I didn’t have anything to carry it in and who knew if it had rabies or something. Just as I pulled up and spotted the cat, a car going about 50 mph ran over it and the body flew up in the air. I sobbed for about 10 minutes. It was the most grotesque thing I had ever seen in real life. So it makes me real fucking mad that people don’t spay/neuter their pets, or they let their cats roam around everywhere, because that’s what fucking happens.
Nov 26, 2008 at 11:38 pm rating: +2
#60
EyeHeartA2
Q: What do you call four dead kittens?
A: A good start
I’m surprised the corpses lasted for very long. Must be no Koreans looking to cook up some #7.
Nov 27, 2008 at 12:22 am rating: +2
#61
Charlie
I had a litter of kittens rotting outside my job once. My boss tried to make me pick them up with a shovel and put them in a garbage bag, but the smell actually made me throw up. His response was that he’d eaten sandwiches that smelled worse. So I made him go do it and laughed hysterically when he started gagging.
Nov 27, 2008 at 1:50 am rating: 0
#62
matt
I wish everyone would just STFU already, seriously! PAN is supposed to be entertaining to read – not full of this BS bitchfighting.
Nov 27, 2008 at 7:14 am rating: +1
#63
Woman on the Verge
Well, I came here for a Thanksgiving laugh before I start cooking, but … wow. Starting with the dead fused kittens is not what I had in mind. CB, Mishee – anybody got a drink?
Nov 27, 2008 at 9:35 am rating: 0
#64
Woman on the Verge
Whoa. Way too cute. I still need a drink.
Nov 27, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#65
Larry
That seems agoraphobic to me.
Nov 28, 2008 at 11:07 am rating: 0
#66
Betty White
more animals
Nov 30, 2008 at 12:15 am rating: 0
#67
Sophie
Agree that the the note is completely melodramatic and over the top. But the note write is excused since they have just watched animals die when they were trying to help them.
Horrible.
Dec 1, 2008 at 11:06 am rating: +1
#68
m Andrea
I know several people who think it’s a good idea to provide shelter and food to feral cats — without ever considering that there are groups they can call on the phone who will humanely trap and neuter these feral cats at no charge. The feral cats, having all they need to reproduce dozens of even more feral cats, do just that. There’s no excuse for having thousands of feral cats run around everywhere.
So yeah, making fun of people who care about animals makes no sense.
This website is run by folks who are cruel and stupid. It’s underlying premise is: “anytime someone hurts my fweelings, they must be wrong and so I’ll make fun of them for hurting my fweelings”. Not much logic here…
You must have the IQ of a gnat.
Dec 8, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: 0
#69
pc800
Most of the time, I find the postings here humorous and irrelevant. This posting, however, is neither.
Homeless/feral pets, esp. cats, are a real problem. Whoever wrote this has every right to feel this way, and I certainly don’t find it “melodramatic” or “over the top” as some have posted.
If you’re really so callous as to find the suffering of animals humorous, then I pity you. And I pity the world we’re stuck living in.
I also find the fact that you would post this rather disturbing, and I don’t think I’m going to be coming around here anymore. Anyone who finds this amusing certainly isn’t the kind of person I want to associate with.
To equate this with a note complaining about dirty microwaves in the office or excessively playing show tunes is frankly unforgivable.
Dec 19, 2008 at 10:53 am rating: 0