a new tagline for the price is right?

November 25th, 2008 · 275 comments

our anonymous submitter in new jersey found this note taped to every apartment door in his complex. “we do indeed have a problem with feral cats in our neighborhood, but my sense is that they’ve been around for many (cat) generations…not that people are buying new ones.”

adds our submitter: “now that i think about it, i’m probably a bad person for finding this funny, but really, the all-bold, all-caps “LET HER DEATH BE ON YOUR HEAD!!!” is just so perfectly over the top. (personally, i would have gone with “A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!”)

related: i can has guilt trip?

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FILED UNDER: cats · exclamation-point happy! · guests · jersey · neighbors

275 responses so far ↓

#1 stringyhair

You know with cats it is all a matter of who “owns” who…

Nov 25, 2008 at 11:26 pm rating: +5

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- #1.1 anonymous m
  
  That kitten was FUCKING Delicious!
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 5:56 pm rating: +5
- #1.2 Frankie
  
  We can see what time you posted this at dumb ass. Just because you posted it in a higher altitude it doesn’t make you fucking first.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 6:03 pm rating: +8
- #1.3 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  HAHAHAHA!!!…burn.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 9:40 pm rating: 0
- #1.4 Devoid
  
  You know, in the country, people can’t afford to spay a barn cat that’s likely to be eaten by a coyote, owl, or run down by a car. The procedure for an abundance of kittens has traditionally been drowning of litters. It’s an affordable, sustainable, and time tested method of dealing with cats. You may think it’s cruel, but if you eat meat, just remember, so do they, and they would eat you if you weren’t bigger than them.
  
  Dec 9, 2008 at 6:34 am rating: 0
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#2 John in IL

Where is Sally Struthers when you really need her?

Nov 25, 2008 at 11:27 pm rating: +3

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- #2.1 unfortunate names blog
  
  She only volunteers for African kitties.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 3:51 pm rating: +1
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#3 J

Am I the only one would found this really sad? The poor kitties.

Nov 25, 2008 at 11:30 pm rating: +92

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- #3.1 jfruh
  
  It is indeed sad, in two distinct ways:
  
  *It’s sad that kitties are born in such conditions and die needlessly.
  *It’s sad that the note-writer lives in a pit of paranoia and is convinced that *all* of his/her neighbors are letting their unspayed/unneutered cats run free, just for the fun of creating more dead kittens.
  
  Nov 25, 2008 at 11:50 pm rating: +81
- #3.2 Nacey
  
  Yeah, I can never laugh when there are dead and suffering kittens.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 5:22 am rating: +28
- #3.3 Fresca
  
  The note-writer was obviously sad and pissed off when writing the note. I can’t blame him/her. People who don’t fix their pets and then let them run around outside are douchebags.
  
  I don’t agree that having an outdoor cat in general is always bad (especially if you don’t live in an urban area), but I’m willing to cut the note-writer some slack for the upsetting experience of having to deal with dead and dying kittens.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 7:26 am rating: +45
- #3.4 Sarah TX
  
  Yeah, I don’t blame her for writing the note, but it takes an annoying level of self-righteousness to print off a bunch of copies and hang them on everyone’s door.
  
  She never asked herself, “Is it more cruel to let a feral cat starve?”
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 8:02 am rating: +22
- #3.5 pope suburban
  
  I would propose that this note is sad in a third way, because this stupid, hateful bitch is going to tell her daughter how everyone else in the world is horrible, and how all her nice neighbors are secretly kitten-killers, and how DEATH is ON THEIR HEADS. Which is pretty fucked up, given that this would be a good time to explain that we are responsible for our pets. I mean, if it was a problem, I’d use my time to ring up the Humane Society or animal control instead of using it to write probably the worst note you could ever find on your door.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 10:20 am rating: +40
- #3.6 Jane
  
  I agree. I usually come here to read the funny, ridiculous notes people post, but this one just made me want to cry. People are a**holes sometimes. They have something here called SNAP where they have a mobile surgical unit they will spay or neuter for like $10.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: +8
- #3.7 Chinchillazilla
  
  Me too. I am telling myself that it was all made up in a massive passive-aggressive plot to upset the neighbors.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 12:23 pm rating: +1
- #3.8 minnaloushe
  
  Yes, they may be feral, but someone at some point didn’t take care of them - it is just sad. Can’t really laugh a suffering, dying kittens ;-(
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: +11
- #3.9 Evil Bastard
  
  I agree that dying cats is a sad thing, but I laughed so much at the “FUSED to their dead brother” line that I spat coffee everywhere. Am I going to hell?
  
  Dec 4, 2008 at 7:02 am rating: +4
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#4 John in IL

Yes. So far you are.

Nov 25, 2008 at 11:42 pm rating: +3

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#5 bcteagirl

I feel sad for the image of others this woman is giving her daughter J… does that count?

Nov 25, 2008 at 11:56 pm rating: +20

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- #5.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Once again, it’s the humans who suffer.
  
  BLAME. It’s like a sheep’s bladder — easy to toss around (or heave, hurl, punt, bat, hike, kick, pass, lob, throw, bounce, or roll) — but more difficult to accept, catch, or dribble.
  
  The woman who created this flier has made a classic error. In her fit of furious indignation, she has lashed out at the very people who are closest to her: her neighbors.
  
  If she’d paused long enough to think things through, she’d have realized that her fury was being misdirected.
  
  If she’d made herself a nice hot toddie, dimmed the lights of her boudoir, put on a nice negligee, and then stared at her reflection in a full length mirror (from the most flattering angles), she would have recognized where the blame for the all the dead kittens truly lies.
  
  Feral cats should not be having unprotected sex.
  
  It’s irresponsible.
  
  Don’t kid yourselves. Unwanted pregnancies aren’t the only problematic end result. The rate of feline STDs is as high now as it has ever been.
  
  We’re talking “rocket pube high.”
  
  For just a few dollars a day you could help me help her supply every feral cat in the neighborhood with nine lifetimes’ worth of kitty condoms.
  
  (Ribbed for purr pleasure.)
  
  Jan 2, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: 0
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#6 Skwerl

Won’t someone think of the kittens!

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:09 am rating: +10

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#7 Canthz_B

They finally purr-fected fusion at the Princeton Plasma Physics Laboratory.

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:28 am rating: +10

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- #7.1 Sarjo
  
  Bastards need to be doing fission instead.
  
  Dec 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm rating: 0
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#8 snee

she could have saved a lot of ink and gone with:

everyone but me is a FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:29 am rating: +56

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#9 Canthz_B

These kittens were in the bushes outside her apartment.
She waits until they die to blame her neighbors?
Sorry, Lady…tell your kid that the kittens died because mommy didn’t call animal control.

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:34 am rating: +51

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- #9.1 tinkerbell2
  
  and also - she saw the weird triple Siamese kitten die, then left it to rot outside? surely she could have buried it? or put it in the garbage? oh, the humanity…
  
  oh, sorry, CB, you’ve posted the same point further down (retreats in shame)
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 7:53 am rating: +18
- #9.2 Frankie
  
  No. Better to leave them out there rotting as a testament to whoever may gaze upon thier carcasses that everyone else is fucking up the world with their negligent cat pandering. It’s really a great visual aid for her young daughter especially.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 11:58 am rating: +14
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#10 Amber

Didn’t they ever tell her that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten? Maybe she should get a boyfriend.

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:44 am rating: +26

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- #10.1 harmonicpies
  
  For some, it’s better that the kitten should die than the rabbit.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 3:52 pm rating: +2
- #10.2 Mark
  
  The rabbit dies either way, for what it’s worth.
  
  Maybe they should have used feral kitties instead of rabbits?
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 3:57 pm rating: +1
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#11 Parvles

Why couldn’t it just be feral cats that had the kittens? It happens a lot.

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:46 am rating: +8

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- #11.1 Canthz_B
  
  Because, for some people, shit doesn’t just happen. It must be someone’s fault, and it’s her duty to assign blame because she certainly had nothing to do with it.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 12:51 am rating: +38
- #11.2 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  She is hoping word will get around to whoever let the first un-neutered cat roam free in the neighborhood, even if it was like, 100 years ago.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 2:13 am rating: +5
- #11.3 oberdada
  
  *grandpa looking both ways.* “It wasn’t me…”
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 10:42 am rating: +5
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#12 Canthz_B

Why is she leaving the dead cats to rot outside her apartment?
Is she planning on putting in roses next Spring?

Nov 26, 2008 at 12:47 am rating: +37

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- #12.1 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  Yes, but they will be tainted with the sickly sweet smell of dead kitten. She will then lay one on each of her neighbors’ doorsteps on every anniversary of Leila’s death.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:36 am rating: +31
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#13 Amandah

SHE WAS A FIGHTER.
She died.
SHE COULDN’T FIGHT ANYMORE.

Nov 26, 2008 at 1:10 am rating: +6

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- #13.1 tinkerbell2
  
  I had a cat named Snowball.
  She died! She died!
  Mom said she was sleeping.
  She lied! She lied!
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 7:57 am rating: +44
- #13.2 matt
  
  …so i went inside
  on my bed I did lie
  and cried (and cried)
  another snowball i will buy
  snowball and I
  in our dreams will fly (will fly)
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 8:06 am rating: +3
- #13.3 matt
  
  but the kittens outside..
  in the sun - they fried
  just bred maggots and flies
  left in bitterness -
  by an old ex-bride
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 8:22 am rating: +1
- #13.4 James
  
  No, it’s:
  
  Why oh why is my cat dead?
  Couldn’t that Chrysler have hit me instead.
  I had a hamster called Snuffy
  He died-
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 7:25 pm rating: +3
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#14 jadefirefly

I’m disappointed. She managed to keep the whole thing mostly within the realms of good grammar and spelling until right near the end. She was doing so well, too!

Nov 26, 2008 at 1:13 am rating: +1

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- #14.1 RandyinReno
  
  But please; look at the BOLDED CAPS, all of the exclamation marks!!!, the “quotation” marks… I think she did fabulously.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:25 am rating: +10
- #14.2 Canthz_B
  
  And how “…in a bush…”, became, “…crying in a bush…”.
  That’s professional heart-string tugging right there.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:34 am rating: +6
- #14.3 SarahBelle
  
  … That’s what he said.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:46 am rating: +2
- #14.4 harmonicpies
  
  That extra bit of descriptive imagery was just the right touch for maximum melodrama.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:47 am rating: +2
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#15 HolyHamstersBatman

This woman is one step below whoever the pro-lifer was that decided it was a good idea to go around sticking flyers with a picture of a dead fetus on it in all the mailboxes of my neighborhood.

Nov 26, 2008 at 1:27 am rating: +22

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- #15.1 harmonicpies
  
  At least she used a picture of the surviving kitten instead of the two rotting carcasses outside her apartment.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:35 am rating: +23
- #15.2 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  Someone should tell the pro-lifers that carcasses don’t exactly pull the sympathy vote. Though I’ve got to say, even living pictures of newly born things don’t particularly make me care if they live or die. A newborn kitten is however, better looking than a newborn baby.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 2:02 am rating: +20
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#16 Canthz_B

Leila’s death may not be on her head, but the other four kitties’ deaths are still on her doorstep.
The most effective Trick-or-Treater repellent yet devised by Man!

Nov 26, 2008 at 1:31 am rating: +12

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#17 HolyHamstersBatman

I have to say though, I just ran over someone’s cat last week on accident (it was foggy and road was wet, I was driving slow, curvy road, black cat, I had no choice in the matter) and I felt terrible about it..but also kind of pissed at people that let their cats wander about on highways. So out of sadness for poor dead kitties, I kind of sympathize with this woman’s anger. Still a ridiculous note though.

Nov 26, 2008 at 1:32 am rating: +22

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- #17.1 Canthz_B
  
  Maybe if you’d used the brakes…by purpose?
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 1:38 am rating: +17
- #17.2 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  Well, under normal conditions yes. However, hitting the brakes on a wet road combined with the fact that I had some asshole seriously tailgating me, would not have been particularly advisable. I think my options were either risk wrecking my car or kill the cat. Had I had time to actually weigh them.. in reality I didn’t see the cat until it was about 2 feet in front of my car. Like I said, it was foggy and the cat was fucking black. I didn’t even know it was a cat until I went back to see what I hit and if it was still alive. I then cried all the way home. It totally had a collar.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 2:07 am rating: +19
- #17.3 Canthz_B
  
  Then you seriously weren’t driving very slowly and, if you can see something that’s on the ground only two feet in front of your bumper, you totally have an odd shaped car.
  Luckily, it wasn’t a person clad in dark clothing that you couldn’t see until he was two feet from your car.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 2:20 am rating: +14
- #17.4 HolyHamstersBatman
  
  Are you shitting me?
  
  Slowly is a relative term sure, so if you want me to be specific- I was going 25ish in a 50. I would love to have your apparent mad awesome eyesight that allows you to be able to see a black cat, in the pitch black of night, on an unlit road, and in the fog, before it is right in front of your car. Not to mention the cat-like reflexes required to brake in the short distance between you and said cat. There are also a number of animals that may be on the road at night in my area, so yes doubt as to what the fuck exact creature that was, is warranted until closer examination. It has nothing to do with the shape of my car, which is a ridiculous suggestion I might add. I could see that there was something there obviously. Discerning what it was EXACTLY in the space of 1 second under said conditions is an entirely different matter.
  
  Had it at least been daylight, I probably would have seen the cat much sooner and successfully avoided hitting it. So fuck you.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 2:59 am rating: +83
- #17.5 Canthz_B
  
  If there are a number of animals which frequent your roadways, you should be all the more ready to meet such a circumstance, not less so.
  I too wish you had the reflexes required to operate a motor vehicle safely on a foggy night. By your own admission, you do not, Next time don’t drive in conditions you can’t handle safely.
  You’d probably be better off not exaggerating so.
  Like “pitch black of night” when I assume you were using your headlights.
  Your view has everything to do with the shape of your car. A longer hood means that the visible road surface is farther away from your car. A shorter hood, closer. Two feet…damn near no front hood.
  No thanks on the offer of a fuck. You don’t sound like my type.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 3:20 am rating: +20
- #17.6 Canthz_B
  
  “Slowly is a relative term sure, so if you want me to be specific- I was going 25ish in a 50.”
  
  While “slowly” is a relative term, the proper way to measure it would be relative to the road/weather conditions, not the posted speed limit.
  
  To do otherwise is “a ridiculous suggestion”.
  
  Just take responsibility for killing the cat and stop blaming everything from the Sun for setting, the air for being foggy, and the cat for being black.
  
  SHEESH!!
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 3:51 am rating: +10
- #17.7 alban
  
  I for one congratulate HolyHamstersBatman. Some brainless twats choose the other option. http://www.stuff.co.nz/manawatustandard/4773537a6003.html
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 4:00 am rating: +8
- #17.8 Canthz_B
  
  I’m not against killing the cat.
  Don’t get me wrong.
  I’m against making silly excuses for doing it.
  
  Trust me, there’s no bleeding heart here.
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 4:17 am rating: +1
- #17.9 ihityouinthenose
  
  the very first sentence of HolyHamsterBatman’s very first comment admits to running over the cat. additionally, anyone who has been through a driver’s ed program has been taught that it’s better to hit the animal than risk your own life by slamming on brakes. yes, it’s sad…but sometimes it must be done.
  
  honestly, Canthz B, do you start shit just for the sake of starting shit?
  
  Nov 26, 2008 at 4:33 am rating: +63

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