Entries from November 2008

So if I start selling drugs I can drive an Escalade, too?

November 19th, 2008 · 131 Comments

A little object lesson for the kids in Tulsa, Oklahoma…

This Used To Be A Drug Dealer's Car Now It's Ours!

(Where’s the line item for window decals in the budget for the war on drugs, ya think?)

related: Tokyo Police Club

Tags: excessive capitalization · Oklahoma · the po-po · Tulsa

“That’s what she said”

November 18th, 2008 · 201 Comments

Spotted by Randi in Charlotte, North Carolina, this one’s straight out of the Michael Scott playbook.

Do not forget to say hello to our special employee of the month Janet G. She may be slow, but she trys.

related: to the victor goes the bile

Tags: faint praise · most popular notes of 2008 · North Carolina · now that's management · oh no you didn't · spelling and grammar police

Why you don’t want to go to B-school, in two words

November 17th, 2008 · 161 Comments

Group projects.

#5, however, is what really seals the deal.

kindly direct your attention to point #5

(click to enlarge!)

related: please ladies please

Tags: a little uptight · bullet points · California · e-mail · hygiene

Law & Order: Special Dishes Unit

November 16th, 2008 · 114 Comments

“These are the results of your typical no-one-washes-their-dishes-at-the-office situation,” says our submitter in Portland, Oregon.”There used to be a note above the sink that said “NOT YOUR MAMA,” but it was replaced with these gems, both of which sort of creep me out (and neither of which has ameliorated the dirty dish issue).”

Do your dishes - It's the Law!

I didn't get out of bed and go to work just to clean up after you princess!!!   I promise I will do all of my dishes here at [redacted] as soon as I finish eating!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oregon

Tags: dishes · kinda creepy · office · office cop · Portland

The Scarlet Status Update

November 14th, 2008 · 189 Comments

Today’s Facebook Friday submission comes from an anonymous onlooker in College Park, <aryland. (read from the bottom up.)

GUESS WHO CHEATED ON ME AMANDA

related: I challenge you to an emoticon-off!

Tags: ex drama · Facebook · spelling and grammar police

The silverware segregationist

November 13th, 2008 · 166 Comments

I’d say this whiteboard notice — from a student at Northwestern University in Evanston, illinois — is neck-and-neck with this for “most unnecessary and inappropriate analogy ever.”

Ever notice how, in Plex, the Asians are in one hall, the Latinos in another, and the black in another still? The silverware's like that too. The knives + spoons don't want to live together.

‘Plex, by the way, refers to (in the words of our anonymous submitter, the note’s recipient) a Northwestern residence hall, Foster Walker Complex, “that’s full of disinterested seniors and minorities.”

(Sigh)

Change is on the way?

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: a little insensitive · Chicago · college life · Illinois · roommates · whiteboard

An arguably heated dispute

November 11th, 2008 · 363 Comments

Technically, Mike in Boston only has two roommates, but roomie #2′s ever-present girlfriend has become the apartment’s de facto fourth resident…the non-rent-or-utilities-paying kind.

Explains Mike: “We only have one thermostat for the whole apartment, but our rooms are so tiny that we can typically keep the heat off and the place stays at 68-70 degrees.” Once winter came, however, the girlfriend wasn’t too pleased with this arrangement…and took to surreptitiously cranking up the heat into the mid-80s.

After one too many nights of waking up in a sauna, Mike and his allied roommate decided to fight back —in true passive-aggressive style — by removing the (detachable) thermostat from the wall. Drama, of course, ensued.

It's Fucking Freezing. Put the Heat thing back. If you think it's nice cold then open your window. It doesn't get warmer without the Heat.

Mike’s roomie then posted a counter-attack:

If your [sic] cold turn the heat on at YOUR APARTMENT! Otherwise...we took a vote 2 to 1 heat stays off. :)

Grammar aside, that one pretty much did the trick.

related: kill hamster too?

Tags: Boston · energy usage · oh snap · roommates · smiley · temperature · your/you're

We didn’t “steal” your muffin — we leveraged it

November 10th, 2008 · 128 Comments

Sigh. Half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.

All in the name of shareholder value!

Stealing food, especially Muffins, is UNACCEPTABLE!

(Leaked by Sayf in Greenwich, Connecticut.)

related: Lean cuisine
extra credit: Morgan Stanley cancels Christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]

Tags: Connecticut · Greenwich · money · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · touching

Next on fish with low self-esteem

November 9th, 2008 · 139 Comments

“As a college student used to her freedom, I’m sometimes gone for days at a time when I’m home for the summer,” explains Jesse from Gurnee, Illinois, admitting that during this time, her betta fish, Freddie Mercury, tends to go unfed.

“My 14-year old-sister has shown him mercy a a few times,” Jesse says, and admirably, “she’s never asked for thanks.” But Freddie, it seems, has had just about enough of this neglect.

Tiffany fed me, no thanks to you. Do you want me dead? Just feed me to the cat.

related: Through a glass bowl, darkly
extra credit: “You can call me the manatee!” [youtube]

Tags: anthropomorphism · family · guilt trip · Illinois · most popular notes of 2008

Tant pis, mon amie

November 7th, 2008 · 165 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Amie and I were friends since junior high. We had plans to go out for my 22nd birthday, but she canceled the day of. I said it was cool and that we should reschedule, and then I never heard from her again…until four years later, when she requested me as a friend on Facebook. I rejected her. She friend-requested me again, and I rejected her…again.”

Amie, however, didn’t seem to get the message.

I heard about your wedding and I just wanted to say congrats and that I was really excited for you, thats all. I don't know why you wont accept the facebook-friend invite.

Adds our submitter: “For the record, my response was, ‘Thanks for the congrats!’”

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits.

Tags: Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · weddings and bridezillas · xoxo