spotted at a local restaurant by kevin in boston…
Entries from December 2008
with a chainsaw?
December 30th, 2008 · 62 Comments
Tags: anthropomorphism · boston · toilet
putting the “x” in “xmas”
December 29th, 2008 · 82 Comments
“my family moved out of the house we grew up in seven years ago, and our old neighbor sent us this christmas card,” writes gloria in los angeles. (gloria herself seems to have made a particularly strong impression…)
meanwhile, in providence, r.i., jessica’s aunt seems to be doing her best to put the “x” in “x-mas.”
related: [...]
Tags: "forgot" · family · holiday spirit · los angeles · neighbors · signed with love
no, daddy, i asked for a wii!
December 26th, 2008 · 64 Comments
libby from sydney, australia found this note taped to the wall of the IGA supermarket in newtown, sydney. “feeling sympathetic though somewhat amused, i took a photo of it — i didn’t really think it would be fair to take it with me.” (that is, of course, more than can be said for a certain [...]
Tags: australia · bicycle · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · sydney
p.p.s. do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly? if so, you might want to lay off the cookies
December 24th, 2008 · 39 Comments
writes lisa in orlando: “my 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of santa portraying him with a whip. she wrote him this letter thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”
related: no girls allowed
Tags: "helpful" advice · florida · holiday spirit · kids · orlando · p.s. · signed with love
or just jewish
December 23rd, 2008 · 58 Comments
writes alex in denver: “last year, my roommate luke got frustrated that our undecorated tree was still sitting in the basement on christmas eve. we decided to get retribution by moving the tree into his room.”
happy hannukah, everyone!
Tags: denver · holiday spirit · roommates · whiteboard
just wait ’til he finds out the truth about the whole “fat guy down the chimney” thing
December 22nd, 2008 · 83 Comments
sarah from san fran was taking a little stroll in berkeley, california last december when she saw a house that clearly belonged to the “more is more” school of holiday decorating.
you know the type: “giant candy canes, red bows, lights, even one of those life-sized plastic snow globes that blows confetti snow all around inside [...]
Tags: guilt trip · holiday spirit · moms & dads · stealing · vandalism
hi kids, it’s your old pal, fluffy!
December 20th, 2008 · 103 Comments
once upon a time, our anonymous submitter informs us, a plucky young fellow who goes by the name “fluffy fox” found his way onto the walls of this underutilized florida dorm shower. as an avid personal hygiene enthusiast, fluffy has always been all too willing to provide grime-infested student bodies with his full rundown of [...]
Tags: bathroom · florida · hygiene · shower · toilet · university
we’re not naming names, but…
December 18th, 2008 · 72 Comments
valediction: a forbidding warning
December 17th, 2008 · 94 Comments
our anonymous submitter, a college student in california, thought he was “flying under the radar” in his poetry class, but as later he discovered, the “stealth mode” setting on his ipod touch was a little buggy.
Tags: cell phone · university
all i want for christmas
December 16th, 2008 · 56 Comments
writes monica in salt lake city, utah: “the hip abduction machine has been broken at my local gym for almost the entire year. the powers that be claim it will be fixed ’soon,’” monica says, but it looks like one fellow gym-goer decided to take up the issue with an even higher power.
related: evidently, yes
Tags: gym · holiday spirit · salt lake city · utah
the nerd’s guide to passive-aggressive behavior
December 15th, 2008 · 64 Comments
we’ve received several copies of this instructive diagram, which the helpful illustrators of graph jam have made available to coffee watchdogs the world over.
seeing people print their passive-aggressive flow charts off the internet makes our resident nerd, eric, sentimental for simpler times. he quietly reflects on time spent wandering the halls of brown university’s CS [...]
Tags: coffee · flow chart · ice · kitchen
the pointed politics of spoon ownership
December 13th, 2008 · 52 Comments
the spoon may lack the aggressive physique of its more acute brethren, the knife and fork, but make no mistake: it is the passive-aggressive utensil of choice.
why else would these spoons, spotted by melissa at her office in harlingen, texas, be assuming a leadership position among this group of discontented silverware? we received word of [...]
Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Spoons · office · visual aids
no, really — it’s just research for my andrea dworkin paper!
December 12th, 2008 · 48 Comments
“there’s a lot of foot traffic at a certain computer lab at our university,” says our submitter in ypsilanti, michigan, “but it can only seat 30 at a time.” in order to (in theory) alleviate the problem, and in practice, to give waiting students some new clip art to focus their rage upon, the university [...]
Tags: actually totally reasonable · clip art catastrophe · facebook · im-speak · rebuttals · university
oral argument
December 11th, 2008 · 69 Comments
our defendant, lee in austin, was just finishing off a travel-sized toothpaste from a recent business trip when lee’s roommate — apparently oblivious to this small change in routine — became convinced that lee was mooching off her tube of advance white.
“my roommate told my fake boyfriend that she had left me ‘a note,’ and [...]
Tags: austin · meta · roommates
what’s black, white and totally over?
December 11th, 2008 · 100 Comments
from canberra…
to london…
to washington, d.c…
…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.
(sigh)
related: love, apt. #3
Tags: australia · canberra · d.c. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought
the rhyme that must be flushed
December 9th, 2008 · 191 Comments
apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here!)
so, um, yeah…i’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. i’ll leave [...]
Tags: CAPS LOCK · bathroom · ellipses-crazed · highlighter · toilet
the rules for strip bingo
December 8th, 2008 · 62 Comments
spotted in the basement of a church where people play bingo all the time, says yamis in garfield, new jersey, who adds: “i guess we know the demographics of the crowd.”
related: more like hardly working
Tags: CAPS LOCK · jersey · old folks · spelling and grammar police · temperature · your/you're
just a friendly reminder [you hussy, you!] :)
December 7th, 2008 · 297 Comments
“my supervisor sent me this email because apparently someone in our office complained about my shirt,” writes our anonymous submitter in spokane, washington. “the shirt in question was a run-of-the-mill top with an empire waist…but as i’m currently 7 months pregnant, i could be wearing a turtleneck and still be showing ‘too much’ cleavage.”
related: “so [...]
Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · attire · e-mail · preggers · smiley · spokane · that would be greaaaaat · would you mind?
reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile
December 4th, 2008 · 99 Comments
the icing on top here, says our submitter, is the second comment — the one from billy. why? because, well, that’s the guy slade just broke up with. (adds our submitter: “awkward pretty much sums it up.”)
related: please pick up your dirty laundry asap
Tags: breakup · ex drama · facebook · oh no you didn't
i’m not a doctor, but i was an extra on ER once?
December 3rd, 2008 · 144 Comments
jen says this liquor store in chicago’s lincoln square is completely plastered with notes like these, but — vexingly enough — the guy at the register was such a hawk she was only able to snap a few photos. happily, i’d say jen scored a hat trick for insolence with these three.
related: free markets, free [...]
Tags: blitzkrieg approach · chicago · irregular capitalization · obnoxious definition

