The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

FILED UNDER: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet


196 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Juliet

    This just makes me want to piss over as many toilet seats as possible. What’s up with the cute animals? Are they cleaning up the pee afterward?

    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   unfortunate names blog

      It reminds me of that bit Ellen used to have where she described the Olympic scale urinating that must have been going on in the women’s stalls.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Skwerl bang

      Bears are surprisingly absorbent.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:57 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      Oh, unfortunate names, I saw Ellen do that bit live back before she was truly famous… I thought the same thing when I saw this!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 8:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   The Commish

      Let me gues: Woman on the Verge is one of those people who say “I liked that band before they started playing them on the radio.”

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:51 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      Um, Commish, your “gues” is wrong. Actually no. I just was in San Francisco 22 years ago and saw Ellen at a comedy club. The only joke I remember is the one about wet toilet seats.

      Sorry to burst your judgmental bubble.

      Dec 11, 2008 at 8:04 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   PISS-HATER

      YOU ARE A PISSY BITCH WHO PISSES ALL OVER TOILET SEATS SPREADING DISEASE, NASTY BITCH.

      Feb 26, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   PISS-HATER

      YOU ARE NASTY WHORE

      Feb 26, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   zchamu

    If someone pissed all over my toilet seat I’d be asking them to do a hell of a lot more than “wipe the seatie”. How’s “scrub down the entire room with lysol, you disgusting, aim-challenged hosebag”?

    However, if I saw one of those signs, I’d do my best to pee on it. It’s just one of those things that has to be done.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:43 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Jahzzie

      srsly. That falls under command performance.

      Mind you, this reminds me of the other signs I’ve seen in the past advocating water conservation.

      “If it’s yellow, let it mellow,
      If it’s brown, flush it down”
      C’mon people. I’d rather waste a gallon or 2 of water just so I don’t have to see what you had for lunch yesterday.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 3:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   HS

      actually, we practice that ‘yellow-mellow’ here at home. I would never do it in a public place or when we have guests.

      Nothing wrong w/a little H2O conservation.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Jahzzie

      At home is a different story. I’ve seen those Yellow mellow signs in public restrooms. I’ve had to debate on occasion how long I can wait until I can get home after seeing some bathroom attrocities

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   turd ferguson bang

      Wait, can you tell what someone ate for lunch yesterday by looking at their pee? That’s amazing.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:58 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      Not by looking, … but if they had asparagus … oh you KNOW

      Dec 10, 2008 at 6:25 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   sjsm

      the yellow/brown thing is in public toilets? wtf? (are these super eco public water closets?) it seems like a private philosophy to me…
      lots things to take into account…
      what time is it?
      is the bathroom next to somebody’s bedroom?
      are you young, stoned and paranoid about your parents…
      do you live alone and can’t be fucked?

      turd, was my first thought about pee-lunch also

      Dec 10, 2008 at 7:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Bunnee

      ^^^? Did I just have a stroke?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Beelzebubba

      Wait…..Wait….WHAT?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Juliet

    I also quite enjoy the font in the first picture. Someone went to all the trouble to paint that wooden toilet and then they totally skimped on the writing part.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   djr

    No matter how hard I scrub, my spinkle still wont twinkle.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:52 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   mh

      I find that bioluminescent foods help.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:02 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   raiseyourglass

      I was wondering how someone twinkles when they sprinkle…are they peeing glitter???

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Bunnee

    What is the cute little poem for the woman at my work who drips pee on the FLOOR in front of the toilet? “If your pee drips on the floor, wipe it up-don’t be a boor?”

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:03 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Kibby Kat

      On the FLOOR? Are you sure ‘she’s’ a woman?

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Bunnee

      Yes, we have keys to the respective bathrooms on our floor in a high rise building. I can only assume that because she’s so fat, she can’t spread her legs far enough apart and has to stand up to wipe, thus dribbling urine all over the seat and the floor. Yay!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Canthz_B bang

      Please attend anatomy 101., Bunnee.
      Larger girls’ legs spread really nicely!
      Ya just have to know how to ask!! :twisted:

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:59 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Bunnee

      I’m not sure I want to know how you found out how far apart large girls’ legs will spread while sitting on the toilet, CB…..:)

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:13 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Ti O

      If you Blumpkin when yer pumpin.
      don’t be a whore, mop the floor.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:26 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Canthz_B bang

      Many places, many ways, Bunnee!

      I was young…once upon a time… ;-)

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Unruly Duckling

      The sign in the bathroom at my work does have a second verse:

      If you sprinkle more,
      Wipe the floor.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 8:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Goldie

      OMG Ti O, you win this thread! Blumpkin… lol

      Dec 9, 2008 at 9:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   Scaryduck

      Came here with a ho’/flo’ gag, beaten to it by Ti O.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   Ti O bang

      Goldie ♥ :grin:

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.11   Beelzebubba

      To CB,

      I went home with a big girl once a bunch of times.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   target_decoy

    Reminds me of a decorative sign found in my grandparents bathroom: “We aim to please. You aim too, please.”

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:10 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Quite Contrary bang

      My aunt and uncle had a sign that said…”we don’t swim in your toilet, please don’t pee in our pool.”

      Dec 9, 2008 at 11:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Jennie

      My grandparents had a sign that said “Welcome to our _OOL. Notice there’s no P in it. Please keep it that way.”

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   OrangeXenon54

    That seatie was fucking delicious!

    But seriously, some guys have urethra problems. It can come out in two separate streams sometimes. It’s not so much about not being conscious about what we’re doing, it just happens!!!

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Wade bang

      Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The note swings both ways, so we should keep the pee from hitting the toilet seat and floor.
      Dr. Peter Venkman: How?
      Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We’ll cross the streams.
      Dr. Peter Venkman: ‘Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
      Dr Ray Stantz: Cross the streams…
      Dr. Peter Venkman: You’re gonna endanger us, you’re gonna endanger our client – the nice lady, who made the cross stitch, before she went twinkling off to Jamaica…
      Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There’s definitely a *very slim* chance we’ll survive.
      [pause while they consider this]
      Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it! LET’S DO IT!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:26 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Canthz_B bang

      Can I bow more deeply?
      The crossing of the streams from GBers…
      PAN GOLD, SIR, PAN GOLD!!!!!!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      But seriously, separate streams?
      Wash your dick between “rubdowns”, perv.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Ti O

      Bravo maestro bella!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   stimpsonj

      I used to have a prince albert, and now definitely have the two stream problem. The second stream, though, usually doesnt go on the toilet seat but rather down your legs…. It has made for some embarassing dates (usually i can control it by covering the little hole on bottom, but when I am a little tipsy and there is questionable lighting its not such an easy task).

      Dec 9, 2008 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Emily

      omg.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Juliet

      Wade, this was awesome! I LOVE Ghostbusters.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Drew

    Hmm, I guess another myth about the mechanics of female urination has been shattered. I always assumed that “sprinkle” as a result of “tinkling” was strictly a man’s domain, since we’re usually approaching the problem from a good 18-24 inches further away…

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      some women “hover” it leads to sprinkling …

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:15 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Goldie

      Some women think they’re R.Kelly, and everybody’s dying to sit in their piss. Pet peeve of mine.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Holiday Djinn

      “The only thing that would make my life complete, is to turn you face into a toilet seat”

      _R Kelly “Piss on You” remix

      Dec 10, 2008 at 6:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   weird search

    I think I originally discovered this site by googling the sprinkle while you tinkle phrase – glad to know I’m not alone.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Bunnee

    We not only have THAT sign at my workplace, but it continues: “If you splatter, not from the bladder, don’t let it be seen–wipe it clean. If you’ve gone to all that trouble, but now the smell in there is double, go ahead and go all the way–and go ahead and use the spray!” I shit you not. :(

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Goldie

      Gawd, that’s awful. Hey, I just thought of another one you can add to that sign!

      If you’ve done a blow J,
      Be a sweetie, use the spray.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Goldie

      Damn. WordPress won’t let me edit.
      If you GAVE a blow J…

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Bunnee

      I would hope no one is giving BJ’s in a BANK bathroom, but you really never know, do ya’? *shudder*

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Goldie

      If it improves the employee morale, then why the heck not?

      Dec 9, 2008 at 9:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Thanks!

      If anyone is in the bathroom giving a BJ we know it is Goldie.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Goldie

      WTF? That shit was not funny. Anyway, if you hear BJ sounds from a stall, yet only see one pair of feet, you know this is Thanks! He waited for Goldie, but surprisingly she didn’t show up, so he had to do it himself. Yes, some people are that flexible.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 10:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe it’s a sperm bank! HA! A SPERM BANK, GET IT!?

      I’ll be here all week folks, tip your server, and don’t forget to try the veal! ;-)

      Dec 9, 2008 at 10:45 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   Saysh bang

      CB.. have I told you lately how much I love you??

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   Canthz_B bang

      Not since you “borrowed” my ATM card, Saysh…HEY?!?!?!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.10   Saysh bang

      *grin* but.. CB.. “you” got me several lovely “gifts” that make my love for you just grow and grow…

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.11   Bunnee

      Well, I will say that, years ago, I had a co-worker tell me that she and her boyfriend were making “deposits” and “withdrawals” in the back room after hours….and I never worked at that table again.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.12   The Commish

      I hate your work

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.13   Goldie

      I had two coworkers that decided to “christen” every cubicle and office in the building. I couldn’t get out of that place fast enough.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.14   Bunnee

      Ew.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    If you splatted,
    When you satted,
    Wipe your socks,
    Then, call your docs!
    If it’s red,
    Your legs don’t spread,
    If it’s green,
    Bitch, it’s your spleen!

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:19 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   teeg

    I would flush all those signs down the toilet.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Tony Bullard

    I always liked
    “We aim to please.
    You aim too, please.”

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   claw71 bang

      My momma always said: “If you piss on that seat one more time I’ll cut your dick off and feed it to the hogs.”

      We always though she was joking, but only Matthew (now Matilda) put that theory to the test.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    If you sprinkle,
    When you tinkle,
    Then, your thought skills,
    You must hone.
    You mistook sure,
    What I asked for,
    On top of my,
    Ice cream cone!

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   court

    What about…

    If it’s yellow, let it mellow.
    If it’s brown, flush it down.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Bunnee

      What about ….

      comment 2.1

      Dec 9, 2008 at 4:40 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   claw71 bang

      If it’s already been said the humor is dead.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:39 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Bunnee

      And then you’ll turn red because you’re cracked in the head….

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   RigaToni

      If it doesn’t fit you must acquit?

      Sorry.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Anthony

    Rene Hall (squatter) sprinkles when she tinkles and does not wipe the seatie. owes me $64,083 in janitorial fees, thank you terry!

    Dec 9, 2008 at 4:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Mark bang

    On a slightly different note:

    Welcome to our ool.
    Notice there is no p in it.
    Please keep it that way.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 5:07 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   silliyak

    I always liked, “Will the pilot with the short landing gear please taxi a little further up the runway”

    Dec 9, 2008 at 5:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Goldie

      “Don’t flatter yourself, come closer!”

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:27 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   claw71 bang

      If you’d turn the heat up in the fucking bathroom….

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Goldie

      It’s the shrinkage! the shrinkage!!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Canthz_B bang

      ****

      Dec 10, 2008 at 6:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   reyna ulikba

      18.3: George Costanza, is that you?

      Dec 11, 2008 at 9:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    See our toilet,
    Our shit’s cool.
    Don’t piss wildly,
    You’ve left the pool.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 5:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   claw71 bang

    As annoying as these rhymes are I fully appreciate that, although it has been proven that urine is sterile, people find wayward urine disgusting. However, I’ve noticed that, all to often, the offending urine on the toilet seat is not the product of errant drops or even a waning stream but rather the gradual cohesion of the tiny droplets that are generated both by the urine breaking the surface tension of the toilet water and the inconsistencies in the stream at the source (the pee pee hole). As you probably know, urination does not involve a steady stream but rather a series of rapid muscle contractions that link thousands of drops together.

    A considerate man might very well examine the toilet seat and see no sign of urine only to come back five minutes later to find that pools of urine have formed in the tiny depressions on the surface of the toilet seat.

    Knowing this, and being a considerate man, I seek out alternatives. If the sink is at the sufficient elevation I use it. The basin is large enough to capture the urine and I can minimize the distance over which the urine is falling. This decreases the urine’s impact with said basin which in turn decreases the distance the offending urinary mist will travel. A quick rinse is all I need to send my urine on its merry way. This is also very ecologically sound alternative since it uses less than a cup of water to complete the transaction.

    Option two is the tub and/or shower. Since 99.8% of all people contact the tub/shower surface with either their feet or their buttocks this method requires no rinsing whatsoever. Whenever possible I use the tub/shower instead of the toilet because that’s what Al Gore wants. Sometimes I’ll use a tub even for fecal discharge if I believe I can force the turds down the drain. We all have to do our part. That’s how I do mine.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 5:37 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   sosborn

      urine may be sterile, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get hepatitis from it.

      commit to sit! if we all just sit our fannies on the friggin’ seat to begin with there will be no spinkles and hence no need for me to be a sweetie.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   claw71 bang

      But then my penis rubs up against the rim and pee sometimes shoots under the seat.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Goldie

      Claw, this is awesome. And if you shit in the kitchen sink, you can run your turds through the garbage disposal! Al Gore would be so proud of me right now.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 5:51 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   sosborn

      oh god. ok, fine. men, please just don’t use our toiliets. the sink is fine. ladies, sit your asses down to pee.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   aaa

      Urine’s only sterile right when it comes out. Room temp urine out in the open is a fantastic breeding ground for all sorts of nasty crap.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   Ti O

      From now on I am committed to stacking my lincoln logs in the sinkerator.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.7   Jimmy Straightline

      I had been mentally preparing a thoughtful post about ‘a considerate man lifts the seat and doesn’t aim through it’ until I got to the part about forcing fecal matter down the shower drain. Freaking brilliant. Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll do my part too!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 7:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.8   T.U.M.

      Word, sosborn. The hoversprinkle is a self-perpetuating situation.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 8:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.9   Canthz_B bang

      Sosborn, “men, please just don’t use our toiliets (sic). “?

      Try sticking with the ladies’ room and you won’t have much of a problem with that.
      I say “much of a problem”, because I occasionally go on commando raids, wetting down the porcelain in ladies’ rooms. ;-)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.10   Goldie

      Some of us live in an all-male household. Three guys and a guy dog. Picture that! I went through a phase where I had to replace toilet seats every year. Now though, the dog licks them clean. And don’t get me started on splattered floors, walls and occasionally ceilings… and your dear, sweet child blaming it on his, ahem, “morning wood”!
      We also had a guy chinchilla, but he got territorial and started peeing on the carpet, so we sent him to live in New York. I hear it’s standard behavior there.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 12:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.11   Jen

      You can’t get hepatitis from piss! Hep A is a fecal transfer. Unless, you have the habit of liking your toilet seat before you sit. Then, you have bigger problems than hepatitis. Other hepatitis is blood born and can’t survive for long in air. It can irritate your skin if you sit in it, that’s about it. Piss is sterile.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.12   Mishee bang

      Of course I am in the habit of liking my toilet seat before I sit!

      Who wants an uncomfortable toilet seat that they hate?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.13   Canthz_B bang

      Keep up the fight, Jen.
      Someday piss will finally get the respect it deserves!
      Don’t mind me if I still don’t eat the yellow snow, I’m firmly behind your cause! :-)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.14   Goldie

      This reminds me. How come no one has mentioned urine therapy yet on this thread? Urine therapy, ’tis the new HSA. Forget those pesky medical bills, cure all your diseases with your own pee!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Ajbu

    A coffeeshop I frequent has this one:

    “Our aim is to keep this bathroom clean.
    Gentlemen, your aim will help. Stand close, it’s shorter than you think. Ladies, please remain seated for the entire performance.”

    It’s not even a hand-written sign, it’s like a placard they must have purchased somewhere.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 6:07 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   richgirlred

      If I remain seated for the entire performance will I receive a standing ovation?

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   marcopuffin bang

      No, just the clap

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:42 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   aaa

    If you “sprinkle when you tinkle,” why not just sit the hell down on the seat so you don’t contaminate it for everyone else? Seats only get germy after being bathed in room temperature urine.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 6:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      If your pee is coming out at room temperature, you’re probably dead.
      Germs shouldn’t be much of a concern.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 11:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   aaa

      True, true. I can always can on you to point out any awkwardly and inaccurately worded statements, CB. :D

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Saysh bang

      Like that statement you just posted aaa? :D

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Canthz_B bang

      Better me than MW, aaa.
      That chick has issues! :-)

      But, please, don’t can on me! ;-)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Saysh bang

      Yeah.. CB only gets to have *MY* cans.. *grin*

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   aaa

      I just like making a point stick, Saysh. ;)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Saysh bang

      *snicker*

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   Canthz_B bang

      But I hate recycling…Oh…Ohhhh! 8-O :oops:

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   se

      Is a “point stick” what I use to peepee with?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.10   aaa

      Well, I hope it’s not *that* pointy…

      Dec 10, 2008 at 7:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   warinthepocket

    But if you crap,
    fasten your flap
    & leave.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   aaa

    Maybe the Phantom Shitter should have some signs like this. I mean, he did return and all.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 6:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Ti O

    So I was in this fancy place and they had a attendant in the sink area of the bathroom. I noticed he did not have a cover over the dish of mints sitting on the shelf. For that matter nothing was covered. Well I didn’t tip him and left the bathroom as soon as I washed my hands. Who would want a mint that had who knows how much fecal mist from every poo flush in that bathroom?

    *tosses grenade, runs away*

    Dec 9, 2008 at 6:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   AdamAunt

      Oh I saw this on Mythbusters and it is so true! Poo goes everywhere. But you really should tip wait people no matter where they work.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   aaa

      SRSLY, Ti O? You are evil.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Ti O bang

      I am so sorry, I wish I could take it back now.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 7:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   aaa

      Well, you can’t. Now everybody’s gonna be talking about the swirling vortex of poo mist and proper tipping procedure until everybody ends up on Team Bitch Fit. Shame on you. >:(

      Dec 9, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   Goldie

      Ah, man! Think of the poor guy, covered from head to toe in fecal mist, and tipless on top of that.

      aaa, Team Bitch Fit is meeting two posts down, feel free to join us. There’s donuts.

      Dec 9, 2008 at 9:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      So everyone will be on my team?

      Oh! I thought you said ‘Team Bitch’ …. you said Bitch FIT … and we ALL know I can’t be ‘fit,’ I have big boobs and therefor I am fat!

      *Evil Cackle*

      Dec 10, 2008 at 6:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   Maeve

      There is no excuse not to tip, ever. If you used the facilities then a tip is in order. If the man was not keeping up with his duties then a token amount should have been offered. Tips form a large portion of some workers wages and to deny them even the token tip is bad form.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 8:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.8   unholyghost2003 bang

      Maeve, I am saying this because I think you might have been serious and I think you are new … Ti O, comment was referencing a running joke on the site. See there is a thread called this is why your server is cranky. It is better known as the Cranky Server thread. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS UNHOLY don’t comment on it! It is the single biggest turd to stir around here, not only does EVERYONE have an opinion but it makes folks cranky when it gets commented on because it tends to overwhelm new comments on new notes.

      I may have just given ammo to trolls, but I think you are new and I wanted to give you a heads up so you don’t look foolish.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 8:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.9   Ti O bang

      Stop! It was a joke okay. :razz:
      I tip generously and often, in fact I just hand bills to random people whenever I go somewhere ok!?

      Man! There is the nuclear genie and then there is the Cranky server genie and neither can be re-corked I guess.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 9:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.10   claw71 bang

      I rub my tip on everybody, whether they deserve it or not.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 9:59 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.11   aaa

      At least the last comment on that post was 6 Sep and the one before that 2 Aug (which turned out to be mine, BTW…). So we’re not doing too poorly on that matter.

      But SRSLY, Ti O. You know that talk of fecal mist and not tipping turns normal humans into humorless dicks. Shame on you. SHAME!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.12   BetterMan

      I think that it’s interesting that the subjecting of tipping gets taken so seriously here. It seems that the internet is full ofoverly-sensitive tipped employees during the day, which is interesting.

      The way I see it, if you table-waiting losers would stop farting around on sites like this and invest your time in a search for gainful employment or, heaven forbid, pursuing an education so that you can actually build a skill set that has value in the job market we wouldn’t have to delve into this subject on a regular basis.

      In the mean time, consider this missive my tip to you: Get a better job.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.13   Canthz_B bang

      I love the smell of a troll dying in the morning!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.14   random waitress

      25.12, I farted in your entree and shaved my pubes into your soup. Then I went out and got a better job. Are you proud of me??

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.15   Canthz_B bang

      I spoke too soon. :-|

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.16   BetterMan

      Let me tell you something, Random Waitress: YOU SUCK. By better job do you mean you quit schlepping scrambled eggs at Bob Evan’s and picked up a trendier gig at Applebee’s? You’re a loser. While you’re farting on chicken tenders I’m closing a deal on your apartment building. Hope you enjoy the rent increase. Hope your parents enjoy having your ADHD ass back on their couch this spring.

      I know that I’m supposed to respect the little people who live paycheck to paycheck but 99% of the time these people are losers by choice. I could train a monkey to wait tables. In Japan they already do…Do you know why? Because the people who wait tables make monkeys look like geniuses. I’ve taken shits that have more going for them than the average waitress. And if you’re a guy waiting tables go ahead and hold on to the “ress”, you fucking queen. Go out and get a real job, you know, like a man. Assclowns.

      Generally speaking I leave a 10% tip if my service was adequate but I refuse to leave one thin dime if anything was amiss. If you want more than 10% you’d better reach down and give me a hand job. That goes double for you, Brice. I know the pay sucks, but that’s your fucking problem. There’s no law that says you have to wait tables. If you’re going to relegate yourelf to that line of work do it with a fucking smile and stop bitching when you didn’t get a tip because you crowded me out of my salad before I was done with it.

      I’m not going to tip the rest of these assholes who put a cup out. If I’m paying $4 for coffee I’m more likely to swipe a couple of bucks out of the tip jar to offset the cost. I’m certainly not leaving a tip. What did you do? Fill a cup. Get over yourself, you emo doofus. The only reason I’m buying coffee from you is because those wetbacks over at the QwikMart never brew a fresh pot.

      And where do sylists get off? I pay $50 for a haircut and they want a tip. Kiss my ass. If you aren’t getting the lion’s share of what I’m paying then you wasted your money on cosmetology classes. Maybe you should have been studying algebra instead of blowing quarterbacks, eh prom queen? Fuck you. Cut my hair and shut the fuck up.

      So that’s it ladies. End of discussion. The world isn’t fair and I don’t care. Nobody else does either. Tip that.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.17   Sarjo

      i am hardworker new to usa and am living on tipping. payings are 50 cents for an hour only. you white devils never are realizing my having FIVE babbies to feed. if no tips, they DIE!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.18   BetterMan

      Natural selection, my friend. That’s why you mud people reproduce so prolifically. Like rats.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.19   Goldie

      Ah, Better(?) Man, I’ve got to come clean. “random waitress”? that was me. Also, I’ve never worked in the service industry. I made that shit up. I’m a math major, so that should answer your algebra question.
      I haven’t read your post to the end b/c I fell asleep halfway through, but it appears you have misplaced your sense of humor. Maybe you left it in the same room where you closed on that roach motel.
      Also, about those dumb waiters you’re referring to, go check waiterrant.net, I dare you to write a better book/make more money/get more publicity than he has. Oh wait, you can’t, because you’re a moron.
      Sorry CB, I’m gonna stop feeding him now.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:08 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.20   Sarjo

      in spirit of the clean coming, i confess i only has FOUR babbies. other one DIED because of NO TIPS.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:28 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.21   Canthz_B bang

      Aww, Goldie, it’s ok.
      Besides, real men don’t have to say it…and don’t have “stylists”. ;-)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.22   Mishee bang

      HEY! Wait a minute! I have ADHD! Why you gotta talk shit? And why do you have to lump all of us together??

      I mean… oh.. hey… what’s that?

      *wanders off after a butterfly*

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.23   aaa

      *sigh*

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.24   Ti O bang

      Stylist?!? Obviously a bleached tipped, spiked hair douchebag.
      OR
      A wickedly sarcastic undercover turd pot stirrer. Who do we know that could fit that bill… hmmmmmm

      oh yeah…. *sigh*

      Sorry aaa

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.25   Eeyore

      Ay, “better” man, you seemed to have misplaced your holiday spirit. if you don’t wanna tip, fine, so be it…but let me ask you, why so agro? you must be a very unhappy person to feel the need to belittle others in such a manner. here’s a little life lesson for you…it’s not the job you have or the money you make that measures your worth, it’s the way you carry yourself and treat others. From what I’ve seen, you ain’t worth much.

      That being said, I don’t see the sense in tipping a ‘restroom” attendant…I can get my own hand towel and soap just fine, thanks. Hell, I even wipe off the sink when I’m done! :)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.26   snokful

      Anyone concerned about hypothetical “poo mist” should never leave the first world, lest they die of shock poor sweeties. The human body has an adaptable immune system – use it or lose it.

      Dec 11, 2008 at 2:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Laurel

    This is not exactly true faecal coliforms can be found everywhere. If you left a culture dish out in the wilderness you would have colonies probably showing up there too. It is a fact of modern life, we eat poo.

    You should always tip even 10% if you had poor service.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 7:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   aaa

      See, I told you, Ti O! It has begun!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 7:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Mark bang

      It’s a safe bet to say — All bacteria are everywhere. The environment selects which will dominate in any given location.

      Now that I’ve gotten my poo word in, let’s kill this thread… it can only lead to the Abyss (which will stare into you, unless you’re in Soviet Russia).

      Dec 9, 2008 at 7:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Canthz_B bang

      Next thing you know, Laurel will be telling us that microbes from our toilets can end up on our toothbrushes if we flush with the lids up! Preposterous!!
      Who ever heard of such a thing? Life too small to be seen by the naked eye?! TRIPE, I SAY, TRIPE!!

      Dec 9, 2008 at 11:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Maeve

      I am sure it is ten times worse in the boys loo. Messy buggers, they may just as well put in a massive floor drain and clean it with fire hoses every shift. You don’t need to worry your head about the invisible poo there is plenty visible filth to see.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 8:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   Ti O bang

      I bet you have a velcro watch band. :razz:

      Dec 10, 2008 at 9:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   claw71 bang

      I wish they would put a massive drain in the floor…it would be so much easier. No lines, no waiting.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   octavius

      They already do, in France. I had the experience of an overflow in one. The pate de french ass was swilling round my ankles before I escaped.

      No matter how you splatter
      It really doesn’t matter.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 10:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Ti O bang

      I think of France as one massive floor drain. :wink:

      Après tout la France a été éliminée par les Romains, les Huns, les Vikings et les Allemands (deux fois!). Ils sont bien en chiffons d’essuyage et de pulvérisation d’autres peuples fesses.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 11:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.9   Canthz_B bang

      Ha! Ladies’ rooms are far worse than Men’s rooms.

      What would possess someone to put a used sanitary napkin in the toilet tank, and why is it so hard for ladies to put paper towels in trash receptacles in public restrooms? I’m sure they find the trash can at home.

      Ah well, luckily I don’t work at IHOP anymore.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.10   Eeyore

      No kidding, that’s the truth…I see ladies put the towels right next to the trash, or on the lid instead of opening it…not to mention how many don’t flush ( hey, water conservation is great….not in a PUBLIC restroom tho). What really gets me, are the ladies who throw a fit b/c they’re out of seat covers (which really, do nothing)…then leave without washing their hands.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.11   Woman on the Verge bang

      Ah, CB, I can answer the paper towel question. I cannot place my used paper towel in the trash bin because I MUST use it to open the door to exit. I simply cannot, after washing my hands, touch the door handle after countless unsanitary women have touched their many and varied excretions and then unceremoniously skipped handwashing in favor of spreading their nasty germs on the door handles… not to mention all that airborne fecal shit just lying in wait on that handle… So I use my towel to open the door and if the trash is too far for me to throw it in, I drop it.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   T.U.M.

    The boy who misses
    When he pisses,
    Everyone knows,
    He’s Twinkle-toes.

    Dec 9, 2008 at 8:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   yousuckatcraigslist bang

    What if you’re Annie Sprinkle when you tinkle? Then what?

    Dec 9, 2008 at 9:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Canthz_B bang

      Ooops, sorry, my bad…no gigglebrax here. :oops:

      Dec 9, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    So, are we to take it then that lawyers reincarnate as bathroom bards?

    This is clearly the work of Johnnie Cochran.
    “It’s not his pee, so set him free!”

    Dec 9, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    Once while clubbing with her chummy,
    Drinking much, behaving slummy,
    One drunken girl approached
    In awkward stupor, yon bathroom stall.

    As she squatted, nearly out-passing,
    Suddenly her ass song did sing,
    This, no piss nor log she’d seen before,
    Flung itself upon the floor.
    Lamented she viewing excrement of lore…
    Kamikazes, nevermore.

    Could be better, but I lost interest in the project, sorry Edgar. :-|

    Dec 9, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   AuntyBron

    I saw the last sign and thought, “Tweety bird wrote this!”

    Dec 10, 2008 at 1:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Lyn

    I skimmed comments, and didn’t see the Aussie version:
    If you piss,
    And you miss,
    Please be neat,
    Wipe the seat.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 1:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Syn

    That third one HAS to be from Trader Joe’s. I work there and I know that style of signage anywhere. We have similar ones about flushing pads down the toilet in the ladies bathroom.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 1:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Holiday Djinn

      If its red put it in the proper receptacle instead?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 7:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   T.U.M.

      Do they rhyme? PLEASE tell me they rhyme!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 8:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Charlie bang

    I worked in an office for awhile with this girl that would always leave little notes everywhere. One day she had actually placed the tinkle sign at eye level in front of the toilet. So me and another coworker would always flick water after washing our hands onto the toilet. It was fun to watch her take the sign off the wall and go around the office showing it to everyone in case we missed it. :)

    Dec 10, 2008 at 1:52 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Andy

      I would have gone up to her and shook her hand noting that the sign made no mention of cleaning off our hands when we sprinkled on THEM!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 11:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Woman on the Verge bang

    The bathroom in our local grocery actually has, without signage, addressed the sprinkling tinkling like this:

    In each stall there is a little pump spray thing on the wall with “seat cleaner” as well as the ubiquitous toilet seat covers.

    I love toilet seat covers. I actually carry some in my purse at all times.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 8:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   mere bang

    if you pee on the seat then you’re a freak.
    don’t lay your claim, and get better aim.

    yes, i will cross-stitch that on a pillow, or tp koozie (coozie?).

    Dec 10, 2008 at 9:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   maddening crowd

      Pretty sure it’s koozie. (Where I’m from coozie means something else.)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   anglophile bang

      It’s a cosy.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   Canthz_B bang

      A tp cosy? Talk about going ass over teakettles! :-)

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   claw71 bang

    Ladies and Gentlemen, Thin Lizzy:

    Guess who missed the seat today
    that cross-eyed boy everybody says is gay
    if he could see it would matter any way
    he won’t touch his dick because he’s crazy

    I knew that he had been around
    my ass got wet when I sat down
    I was mad, wanted to kill that clown
    Pissing on the toilet seat is lazy

    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down
    I said
    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down

    You know that chick that we think is kind of hot
    She had to pee after doing body shots
    She freaked out when, man, and cursed a whole damn lot
    Dude, I said she was steaming

    And the other night over at CB’s place
    Mishee came out and slapped him in the face
    It didn’t matter if it was his place
    If you piss on the seat you’re gonna get it

    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down
    I said
    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down
    That boy leaves the seat down

    Dec 10, 2008 at 9:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Missy

    This is NOTHING. I work at a law school with a woman who is a big fan of passive-aggressive (and just plain weird) signs. She actually put “if you sprinkle when you tinkle…” signs in every stall of every bathroom on each floor of the law school right before a week that included both an open house for prospective students AND moot court (mock trials) presided over by the leaders and VIPs of our state court system.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 11:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   T.U.M.

      To faculty, and guests, and students:
      Exercise some (juris) prudence.
      After you’ve done up your fly,
      The seat is wet ’til proven dry.
      With legal briefs around your ankles,
      Do not sprinkle, do not sprankle.
      Don’t commit a hygiene tort
      Before returning to moot court.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:59 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Andy

    When you pee, it’s always free
    But let it stay, and you will pay!

    Dec 10, 2008 at 11:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   cre8tivewmn

    I’m very disappointed in the clip art. Nobody went to the trouble of showing a toilet seat, not to mention a splashed one. How are we to understand the message without good clip art?

    Dec 10, 2008 at 12:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   aaa

      I think a dancing piece of feces might be most effective for these signs.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 1:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   Ti O bang

      Hey kids! Mr. Polka Poo say be a Neatie Sweetie and not a Dirtie Bertie.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   Andy

      Wouldn’t this be the perfect time of year for Mr. Hankie the Christmas Poo?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 5:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   Goldie

      Totally! Hiiii-de-ho!

      Mr. Hanky, the Christmas poo,
      He loves me and I love you,
      Therefore, theoretically, he loves you,
      Even if you’re a Jew!

      Awwww… I love Mr. Hanky. Thanks for the reference Andy.

      Dec 11, 2008 at 9:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   Andy

      I share your love of that little brown bundle of joy. You’re quite welcome, Goldie!

      Dec 11, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Joe blow

    faecal coliforms …..hmmm….brings to mind this line of toys I played with as a small child….where you put these colored cut out things like animals, flowers, etc. onto a sticky board, and you could arrange them…. I think they were called Colorforms but after I let my friends play with them they often became faecal coliforms…..

    Dec 10, 2008 at 1:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   claw71 bang

      Speaking of toys and “faecal coliforms”…hmm. brings to mind this line of toys I played with as a large child…where you put these round, colored plastic people into holes cut out to fit them. They also would fit into holes not sized for them if you wiggled them around a little bit. My brother figured out that you could lick them and they would slide right in but I knew where those toys had been and there was no way I was licking them.

      Dec 10, 2008 at 2:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Mishee bang

      Funny, I would’ve thought it would bring to mind memories of your 15th birthday party…

      Your mother showed me pictures, you looked like one uncomfortable young man!

      Dec 10, 2008 at 3:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   Goldie

      Claw, it was Matt… right?

      Dec 10, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Miranda

    If people would just get over their germophobia and sit on the seat this wouldn’t be a problem. I sit on a public toilet at least once a week and I don’t have AIDS. Haven’t been bitten by a brown recluse spider hiding in it either.

    Dec 10, 2008 at 8:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   T.U.M.

    THAT’S NO SPIDER!

    Dec 10, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   terrinoble

    “Be an adult, not a kid,
    Hit the water, not the lid.”

    Dec 10, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Mrs Gorman

    “Pissing eveywhere is not very Chanel”

    From Lagerfeld Confidential. Even Parisian fashion houses get pssive-aggressive.

    http://www.artshub.co.uk/uk/news.asp?sId=167506&sType=review&sc=

    Dec 11, 2008 at 4:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   BTG

    The best one I’ve seen was at Blake’s Camp on Cape Rosier, Maine.

    “We aim to please so you aim too please”

    Dec 11, 2008 at 6:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Lucky Pierre

    How about: ”
    If you sprinkle when you tinkle, lift up the seat before you do anything you disgusting pig. I mean, damn”

    Dec 11, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Singe

    Heh, this also shows up in the animated series “Superjail” as seen here: http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a2505951c9e6456011c9f038c490030

    Dec 12, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   On

    In 7th grade, my coach posted something similar in the locker room stall:

    Be like dad and not like sis,
    lift the lid before you piss!

    Dec 15, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   charley jo

    I haven’t heard of that one..only this one:

    “We aim to please…”
    “You aim too, please.”

    Dec 16, 2008 at 3:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   and yet…the pink flowers?

    [...] appreciate the initial sentiment here — i really do. this website has already condemned the cutesy rhyme that begins with “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” to a water… so, for a brief flash in time, the note-writer had [...]

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   ok

    #1.3 Woman on the Verge

    Oh, unfortunate names, I saw Ellen do that bit live back before she was truly famous… I thought the same thing when I saw this!

    #1.4 The Commish

    Let me gues: Woman on the Verge is one of those people who say “I liked that band before they started playing them on the radio.”

    ===

    lol i thought the same thing

    and getting wet over seeing ELLEN = fail

    Apr 12, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   2 notes, 1 cupcake

    [...] louisiana manages to combine variations on two of the genre’s most irritating cliches — the rhyme that must be flushed and the clip art that must be stopped…with some additional ridiculous floral clip art [...]

    Aug 28, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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