Our defendant, Lee in Austin, was just finishing off a travel-sized toothpaste from a recent business trip when Lee’s roommate — apparently oblivious to this small change in routine — became convinced that Lee was mooching off her tube of Advance White.
“My roommate told my boyfriend that she had left me ‘a note,’ and about a week later he asked me if I had seen it. I had not, because, in fact, I had never touched her damn toothpaste. But now, every time I reach for my toothpaste, I see this.”
And by the way, adds Lee, “She [said roommate] is currently out of shampoo.”
related: Oh, please. Do I look like someone who uses drugstore shampoo?
69 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
Like anyone would steal Arm & Hammer toothpaste! Ha!
Dec 11, 2008 at 11:58 pm rating: 9
#2
Canthz_B
I once used a whole tube of Advance White, but I didn’t get 3 shades whiter.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:01 am rating: 8
#3
mh
I love the self-awareness inherent in the first part. Even though I’m not sure what “pacsive aggressive” means…
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:07 am rating: 0
#4
Walrus
A “fake boyfriend?” Is this a gay? Or is it someone your just passive aggressively fucking?
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:10 am rating: 32
#5
Aimee
What’s a fake boyfriend? Filled with air? Imaginary? I just don’t understand.
That toothpaste totally sucks anyways.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:14 am rating: 4
#6
Aimee
“to top it all off, observes lee, “she (said roommate) is currently out of shampoo.””
What does this mean?
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:19 am rating: 0
#7
Canthz_B
Didn’t Lee Majors play Steve Austin, the six million dollar man?
I thought they gave him hi-tech dentures!
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:23 am rating: 3
#8
warinthepocket
lame.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:35 am rating: 0
#9
mahlookma
I have to wonder whether or not Lee, knowing that said roommate reads this blog, sent this in to communicate Lee’s side of the story in some kind of meta-passive-aggressive move.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:38 am rating: 19
#10
candybeans
i am, also, way more concerned w/fake boyfriend and wtf the shampoo had to do w/anything than the note. Perhaps she started using lee’s travel size toothpaste as her shampoo, and that’s what’s pissing him off?? it’s thick, but it sure does make the scalp tingle, that toothpaste.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:51 am rating: 0
#11
harmonicpies
If it takes Lee an entire week to finish off a travel tube of toothpaste, perhaps he (or she) ought to reconsider his (or her) oral hygiene habits.
Dec 12, 2008 at 1:14 am rating: 10
#12
aaa
I had a fake boyfriend once, but then I turned to Second Life. *sigh* RealDolls only go so far.
Dec 12, 2008 at 1:18 am rating: 13
#13
Lee
To answer a few questions; you are an astute crowd.
1) I did indeed realize this was the ultimate passive aggressive way to get back at a passive aggressive note, which is why I sent it in.
Now, do I show it to her?
2) “Fake boyfriend” is a term I (passive aggressively) gave to a guy who would not commit but treated me like me his girlfriend. Believe me… this does not need to be discussed in any more length.
3) I bought toothpaste after the travel size ran out – I didn’t see the note until a week later.
4) I found out she started keeping her shampoo & other shower things in her room so nobody uses them.
5) She is a great roommate but this was too good to not send in to passiveaggressive notes.
Dec 12, 2008 at 1:37 am rating: 18
#14
fantasy
Lee concerning question # 2, your fake boyfreind?
Why bring it in here if you don’t want it discussed at length?
By the end of the day this will be ripped to shreds and eaten because this is PAN and that is what we do.
Dec 12, 2008 at 7:58 am rating: 7
#15
fantasy
awww no gigglebrax or edit.
Dec 12, 2008 at 7:59 am rating: 0
#16
HorribleLicensePlates
Ah, roommates. I do not miss them.
Dec 12, 2008 at 8:21 am rating: 6
#17
Thanks!
I had a fake boyfriend once, he kept stealing my toothpaste, the good arm & hammer kind, then my roommate took him from me…
Now the joke is on her, I found a real one and he doesn’t use toothpaste.
Dec 12, 2008 at 9:25 am rating: 14
#18
Andy
I’d rather have airborne fecal mist on my toothbrush than Arm & Hammer toothpaste.
That chalky shit is disgusting and easily the most effective passive aggressive method to keep your roommate from stealing from your tube.
Dec 12, 2008 at 10:28 am rating: 6
#19
Goldie
Geez guys, do I have to spell it out for you? A fake boyfriend is something many of us have, also sometimes referred to as a husband. He starts out as fairly real, and then gets faker as years go by.
*if Mr.Goldie reads this, I am soooo screwed* just kidding, Mr. Goldie, just kidding!
Dec 12, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 9
#20
Ti O
My sisters fake boyfriend seemed to demand that she buy a lot of “c” cell batteries. But she seemed quite cheerful about it. I think she has a new fake boyfriend now. Last week she came home from the market with two packages of “D” cell batteries.
Dec 12, 2008 at 10:46 am rating: 12
#21
Canthz_B
I don’t think I could use a product that sounded like slang for a reach around.
Dec 12, 2008 at 10:58 am rating: 3
#22
Paul
I guess I’m the only one who can’t read the note. “Please pay your own?” “Please bay your own?”
Dec 12, 2008 at 11:18 am rating: 0
#23
claw71
Why would Lee have to handle her roomie’s toothpaste to get to her own? Just grab your tube of Aim, and brush those Cheez-its you call teeth.
I think Lee is a big fat liar.
You’re too cheap to buy a whitening toothpaste so you periodically swipe a squeeze of hers. You probably snagged a squirt of her Pantene every now and then as well because you wondered if the reason your boyfriend is “fake” is because he’s put off by your thin, dry hair and brittle split ends. Yeah, Lee, you think you’re so clever calling him a “fake” bf, but right now he’s telling all of his friends about his “booty call” with the roommate who is “really put together.”
Dec 12, 2008 at 11:24 am rating: 7
#24
Canthz_B
Bicarbonate of soda toothpaste was a pretty good idea. They tried using Alka-Seltzer first, but it wasn’t pretty.
Dec 12, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 0
#25
Jenny P.
Okay, I actually don’t understand what’s going on here. Lee was using travel-size toothpaste, so the roommate assumed (why?) she was using the roommate’s toothpaste, so the roommate wrote on Lee’s full-size toothpaste? Is this advance white Lee’s toothpaste? Did the roommate not see the travel size? Why did Lee not see the note for a week if it was on her toothpaste? I am confused.
Dec 12, 2008 at 12:35 pm rating: 7
#26
Rebecca
Ugh. My psycho ex-roommate pulled something like this once. She left a note on our fridge dry-erase board that we had to immediately “stop using her razor, it’s gross!!!” Apparently she hadn’t noticed that there happened to be two razors in the shower that were exactly the same color, shape and brand – one mine, one hers. She thought that I’d used her razor and then put it back in a different place than usual. It was kind of fun pointing that out (also on the dry-erase board, of course, in true PA steez).
Dec 12, 2008 at 1:45 pm rating: 1
#27
Clumber
Wait… ummm… Ok, is this one of those story problems? I think we still need to know which train station the toothpaste was purchased in, and what speed the other train would make in 20 minutes….
And what about the butler, dammit?! WE MUST KNOW!
Dec 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm rating: 1
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