We’ve received several copies of this instructive flowchart, which the helpful illustrators of Graph jam have made available to coffee watchdogs the world over.
Seeing people print their passive-aggressive flowcharts off the Internet makes our resident nerd, Eric, sentimental for simpler times. He quietly reflects on time spent wandering the halls of Brown University’s CS department back in 2007. In those days, tech-minded individuals still made patronizing flowcharts the old-fashioned way, using OpenOffice on Linux.
Though such documents are most commonly spotted in offices populated by engineers and other technically inclined folk, even Kerry — who is not earning her Ph.d in Computer Science — can appreciate the clarity of a flowchart like this one:
related: When Ph.ds get frustrated
extra credit: “Flow chart: is it fucked up?” [boingboing]
73 responses so far ↓
#1
cre8tivewmn
I love that the stick figure and his coffee cup are falling towards a fully drawn tiger! You’d think the administration would notice the loss of staff, though.
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: 23
#2
yousuckatcraigslist
Oh, snap!
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:43 pm rating: 14
#3
Canthz_B
Finally, an acceptable explanation for what happened to Roy!
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:49 pm rating: 8
#4
T.U.M.
We actually had to convince people to STOP making new pots of coffee in my old office. The coffee maker was super-fast, but something about the pot and burner made the coffee taste scorched if it sat around in the pot longer than about fifteen minutes.
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:50 pm rating: 0
#5
Ida_Knowe
is that “Oh snap or On snap”????
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: 0
#6
sizeXS
Yes, but what are the criteria for the proper tactical usage of “to get told”??
Will you tell me?
(I think I’m about to get told…)
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:52 pm rating: 6
#7
Canthz_B
OK, is this supposed to be water from the faucet, or the basin?
Just how much water should be put into the ice tray?
I suppose the average Ivy League student can figure this out, but mere mortals need more details.
Dec 15, 2008 at 12:55 pm rating: 1
#8
Alana
Ha! This is amazing. That tiger picture almost made me snort with laughter. Well played!
Dec 15, 2008 at 1:36 pm rating: 2
#9
aaa
Y’see, what the first two notes seem to be missing is that the most effective way of getting something accomplished in a group setting is to not do it and wait until somebody more anal retentive than you gets fed up with whatever it is not being done and does it themself. I mean, it works for me all the time and like, nobody hates me at all. I think…
Dec 15, 2008 at 2:55 pm rating: 15
#10
kibbles
That “oh snap” flow chart is now on my dorm room door. Too funny.
Dec 15, 2008 at 3:05 pm rating: 5
#11
Canthz_B
Tigers are notoriously cranky until they’ve had their first cup of human of the day.
Dec 15, 2008 at 3:20 pm rating: 26
#12
Juliet
I’m probably the only person in North America who doesn’t know what ‘oh snap’ has to do with ‘being told’. Why does anyone say this? Can anyone please explain?
Dec 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm rating: 0
#13
Amber
LOVE the “oh snap” flow chart. Printing it out!
Dec 15, 2008 at 3:24 pm rating: 1
#14
claw71
Dear White People,
We hate to inconvenience you considering all you have done for us but in light of recent cultural developments we have to politely request that you stop using African American colloquialisms in an effort to enhance your superficial familiarity with out culture.
Sadly, most of these phrases were never “cool” in the first place but the few that were immediately lost their allure when they gained popularity with the rank and file members of white society.
It’s not our desire to exclude you from out culture, it’s just that you don’t seem to get it. These phrases, such as “oh, snap” are often abused by white people who simply lack the cultural experience to appreciate the nuanced situations when the usage of these expressions is appropriate.
It’s unfair for you to continue doing this. During the 1970s you did not see black people borrowing expressions such as “tits” or “boss”. You also don’t see African American people trying to utilizes phrases such as “cool beans” or “okey-dokey”.
We embrace a society where equality, tolerance and understanding are the norm, but we hold these truths to be self evident that certain means of expressions should not be utilized by everybody.
In addition to rendering cool expressions lame, your continued use of failed experiments such as “oh snap” or any of the Snoopisms only serves to remind us of just how silly we must have sounded when we first coined them. Think about the “Valley Girl” gibberish you engaged in the 80s and consider how you would feel if you were constantly reminded of those failed contributions to popular culture. You are perpetuating our misery!
So it is with the utmost respect and sincerity we say to you: Whitey, stop talkin ghetto.
Love,
The Brothas
Dec 15, 2008 at 3:42 pm rating: 44
#15
Amanda B
Nice post up at Stuff White People Like about this very topic. We cling to things that were once cool to validate our cultural awareness. “See, I’m not so white and nerdy.” – “See, I’m not racist – I listen to jazz.”
Dec 15, 2008 at 5:28 pm rating: 0
#16
Canthz_B
A flow chart is what they call a blueprint at the Tuskegee School of Architecture.
Dec 15, 2008 at 5:55 pm rating: 1
#17
magickat
Oh my GOD! The stick figure falling towards the evil cat has me completely dying. That chart has made my day.
My year!
Oh thank you, thank you, PAN.com
You complete me!
Dec 15, 2008 at 5:58 pm rating: 1
#18
Wade
As per flow chart #1, Terry Tate Office Linebacker says:
“You kill the joe, you make some mo’!!”
Dec 15, 2008 at 7:09 pm rating: 8
#19
Kou
I’m still a CS student, so the brilliance of the tigerdoom chart must be printed now saved until a later date when I actually have a job and a break room to place it in.
I imagine one day sitting at my computer in my back office cave wondering why I didn’t go to business school like my rich friends did when, out of nowhere, a coworker will walk up and ask who the jerkoff was to took the last of the coffee and didn’t make more.
I will go home and carefully unpack it from its special folder with the penguin stickers, then go back to work the next morning and carefully tape it to the cabinet above the coffee maker. Only then will I be complete.
Dec 15, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: 17
#20
Trillian
LOL! Kou you crack me up. That’s so true of most of the people who put up these signs. Though at least the downloadable flow chart has no spelling mistakes or crazy add ons (Thanks Terry).
plus the little stick man with the stealth tiger of doom kills me.
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:13 am rating: 0
#21
Crash
Did you make coffee ?- –> No —> Feed self to tigers —> Oh Snap !
Dec 16, 2008 at 2:40 am rating: 11
#22
Dee Vee
I truly heart that last one.
Dec 16, 2008 at 9:16 am rating: 0
#23
GhostWriter
There is a potential problem with Flowchart #2.
If the 2nd ice tray is empty, then, by following the flowchart, you would pour water over top of, and thus probably degrade, the last two ice cubes that were ready to deploy. How could you have a nice day after doing that?
Dec 16, 2008 at 10:08 am rating: 0
#24
Amanda
Seems so simple, but still some need gentle reminders, lol.
http://perplexikon.blogspot.com
Dec 16, 2008 at 11:43 am rating: 0
#25
GhostWriter
Anyone who can properly use the term “tactical” is my nomination for our new SecDef. Congratulations, notewriter #3!
Dec 16, 2008 at 11:47 am rating: 0
#26
Dani
I actually posted the first flow chart in my office and it engendered its own passive aggressive note asking the “geniuses” on our floor to make their own coffee.
I still don’t know if he misunderstood the flow chart, or was just THAT angry.
Dec 16, 2008 at 1:38 pm rating: 0
#27
Mishee
Notes like these are why people piss in the communal coffeepot.
Dec 18, 2008 at 10:15 am rating: 0
#28
osCommerce
Thanks great post.
Jan 29, 2009 at 6:14 am rating: 0
#29
Satya
“tech-minded individuals still made patronizing flow charts the old-fashioned way, using openoffice on linux.”
Whoa, what?!
The old-fashioned way would be LaTeX (pronounced “la-tech”, I kid you not) or Postscript on Unix.
Jan 29, 2009 at 9:23 am rating: 0
#30
Jasper von blowhole
Why do people take the time to take a crappy, blurry picture they want to share with others? This is like having glaucoma. Is it too much to have you master your camera? Yes, I’m aware this is passive aggressive. (Yes, I’m aware this is passive aggressive.)
Feb 28, 2009 at 2:23 am rating: 0
#31
Gemma
we would forget our annoyance at your self-aggrandizing and cloying determination to post a link to your P.O.S. site in your signature in a prominent post without adding anything to the community
facia
Apr 8, 2009 at 1:02 am rating: 0
#32
Shamone
Oh snap! They didn’t refill the ice cube tray after they used the last cup of coffee to make their iced coffee.
Jun 10, 2009 at 1:40 pm rating: 1
#33 …since we’re a community
[...] related: the nerd’s guide to passive-aggressive behavior [...]
Oct 25, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: 0
#34 If you’ve ever suspected the tech support staff of acting a little bit passive-aggressive… | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Passive-aggressive flowcharts [...]
Jan 24, 2011 at 7:07 pm rating: 0
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