writes monica in salt lake city, utah: “the hip abduction machine has been broken at my local gym for almost the entire year. the powers that be claim it will be fixed ’soon,’” monica says, but it looks like one fellow gym-goer decided to take up the issue with an even higher power.
related: evidently, yes
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FILED UNDER: gym · holiday spirit · salt lake city · utah
— Wade
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56 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
So, my two front teeth was too much to ask?
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:09 pm rating: +2
#2
Canthz_B
I was going to start working out by jogging each day, but my hip was abducted!
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:11 pm rating: +41
#3
Canthz_B
Santa’s clerical department returned this note advising that, while anonymous requests cannot be honored, machine #11 is still operational.
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:16 pm rating: +3
#4
Ti O
“…. on the twelfth day of Chroistmas my true love gave to me; Twelve hip abductor reps…”
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
#5
Melissa
The note writer should hand this stocking to an employee who is in the middle of giving a tour to a prospective gym member. Chances are (s)he’s wearing a Santa hat anyway.
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: +5
#6
Denagh
Damn sad that the poor gym rats have to resort to asking Santa to fix stuff..what on earth do the gyms use all the money we pay them for any how??
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:32 pm rating: +1
#7
Denagh
Oops I hit the button too many times….
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:32 pm rating: 0
#8
MoxieHart
Since this is Salt Lake City, shouldn’t they be asking Moroni to help them?
Dec 16, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: +13
#9
C
As a personal trainer, I think people use machines too much anyway. They restrict your range of motion. Hit the hip abductors as follows: stand on one foot, and move the other leg in circles. Then move the leg in circles in the other direction. Repeat with the other leg. You can even do it lying down on your side. If you’re desperate enough to shrink your ass that you’d buy a dollar-store stocking and pin a note to it, you should be desperate enough to Google some alternative hip workouts.
That being said, this is one shitty gym if they leave equipment broken for a year. It looks like a fairly new machine, too.
Dec 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm rating: +9
#10
Girl Friday
I asked Santa to “pretty please implore” me too but it turns out he prefers to Dom.
I guess that explains the black patent accessories.
Dec 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm rating: +9
#11
Andy
I’m sorry, Monica. I’m the one that broke the machine. The reason they won’t fix it is because last year I strained so hard abducting my hips that I shit all over the machine and no one wants to get near it.
Dec 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm rating: +6
#12
Debris Blanc
Wouldn’t a hip abduction be a gang of beatniks kidnapping someone while wearing berets and digging some jazz on the portable hi-fi?
Dec 16, 2008 at 4:00 pm rating: +25
#13
Ti O
Hey crazy man like this cat is ding dong done.
*snap snap*
Dec 16, 2008 at 4:24 pm rating: +9
#14
aaa
Perhaps this is a rather, *ahem*, obscure question to be asking, but why the hell is Monica still at that gym?
Dec 16, 2008 at 4:51 pm rating: 0
#15
monica
aaa, because it’s cheap, nearby, and I never really used that machine anyway.
Dec 16, 2008 at 4:53 pm rating: 0
#16
Debris Blanc
To the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town:”
Oh, I’ve got a huge ass
I’ve got some big thighs
but I can’t work out
and I’m telling you why-
The hip abductor is still broken down
I made up a note
Wrote it real nice
Pinned it to a stocking
In a cute Christmas-sy guise
But the hip abductor’s still broken down
You see, I’m always eating
Chips and pies and cake
I even ate my roommate’s Outback bread
‘Cause it was fuc….uhm, I mean really good……for goodness sake!
So- I’ve got a big gut
I’ll tell you no lies
The cheeks of my butt are basketball-sized
‘Cause the hip abductor’s still broken down
Dec 16, 2008 at 8:58 pm rating: +21
#17
Phalange
Someone’s really this distraught over the hip abductor machine? The one where you sit spread eagle like you’re about to receive a pelvic exam?
Dec 17, 2008 at 8:13 am rating: 0
#18
claw71
I always call that machine the vaginator and you can usually find me seated on the floor a few feet in front of it. Best show in town.
Dec 17, 2008 at 8:49 am rating: +5
#19
biscuit
Ah, excuse #273 for not working out.
Dec 17, 2008 at 9:46 am rating: 0
#20
Amanda
I’ve always wanted to leave a passive aggressive note on these machines, or the gym in general.
“If you get on this machine or one similar to it, please wear pants because most likely your shorts will ride up and expose yourself to the entire gym”
Ew! So perhaps this broken machine is a blessing in disguise
Amanda
http://www.theperplexikon.com
Dec 17, 2008 at 11:58 am rating: 0
#21
GhostWriter
Don’t fall for it! A woman never really means, “All I want for Christmas…” Go ahead and fix the machine, but give her no other presents; you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Dec 17, 2008 at 12:59 pm rating: +1
#22
monica
Okay, so nobody is reading this thread anymore, but it’s worth noting that I went to the gym last night and the machine had been magically fixed.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR WORKS!
Dec 24, 2008 at 1:42 pm rating: 0
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