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…or just Jewish.

December 23rd, 2008 · 60 comments

Writes Alex in Denver: “Last year, my roommate Luke got frustrated that our undecorated tree was still sitting in the basement on Christmas Eve. We decided to get retribution by moving the tree into his room.”

I think it's funny that it's X-Mas Eve and we still haven't put up our X-mas tree...God...we're either really lazy, or just Jewish. -Luke

Happy Hannukah, everyone!

FILED UNDER: Denver · holiday spirit · roommates · whiteboard

60 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Roger


    Dec 23, 2008 at 10:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   aaa

      SRSLY? Did you not see the thing that told you not to post “First!”? Or are you just the kid that’s confused by missing candy canes. Seriously, man. Not cool.

      Dec 23, 2008 at 10:20 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   aaa

      Or maybe I’m confused by missing candy canes with that missing question mark, there. :/

      Dec 23, 2008 at 10:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      Roger…over and out, asspanda.

      Dec 23, 2008 at 11:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   snee

      i am so annoyed by that “FIRST” that i’m not even going to dignify it with a respons–crap.

      Dec 23, 2008 at 11:56 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   bobby


      Dec 24, 2008 at 12:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Isuck


      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   aaa

    Is Luke quadriplegic, or can he only enjoy Christmas if somebody else does the decorating?

    Dec 23, 2008 at 10:21 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   unfortunate names blog

      which is worse for luke. being just jewish or just a quadriplegic?

      Dec 23, 2008 at 11:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   park rose bang


    Dec 23, 2008 at 10:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   Goldie

    goD… is Luke dyslexic? Did he mean to say Dog?

    Dec 23, 2008 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   aaa

      Dogs aren’t very useful when it comes to putting up the Christmas decorations with the whole opposable thumbless-ness and all.

      Dec 23, 2008 at 10:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Ti O bang

      The patience and boundless love of a (lol)Dog makes as strong a case as any other theology to Luke. ” The Book of Luke and the parable on the snausages and bones.”
      Just sayin’.
      Happy holidays Goldie. :grin:

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:10 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Goldie

      Ah, thanks Ti O! Happy holidays to you too!! BTW you’re right about the unconditional love of Dog. If only he didn’t shed all over the place, he’d be perfect.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Melissa

      au contraire, aaa.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 12:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   aaa

      O_O Damn.

      Yeah, my dog was never skilled enough to decorate the tree. Although she was really good at unwrapping presents.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    They don’t have a fireplace, so when Santa comes down the chimney he’ll end up in the basement.
    It’s not all about you, Luke!

    Dec 23, 2008 at 11:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #6   Goldie

    Using his immense power in the Force, young Luke Treehumper decorates a X-mas tree without his roommates’ help. It is not until Luke’s mission is completed that he finds out that he is, in fact, a lil Jewish. His real father’s name is Mort Veyder. Luke is heartbroken. Never will he decorate a tree again.

    Dec 23, 2008 at 11:22 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #7   unfortunate names blog

    that sounds like the name of a new blog “just jewish”

    Dec 23, 2008 at 11:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Ti O bang

      You can find them in the mall next to the “All Things Scottish!” store.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Aimee

    I feel sorry for Luke. He is desperately trying to become closer with the other guys in the house, and thinks that this little joke will make him look witty and cool. Poor Luke, he’s the guy that runs out to the living room with a Scrabble board, asking for high-fives while the “real guys” chug beer and make fun of his lisp.

    Or maybe not.

    Oh yeah. Eighth! High five!!

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Canthz_B bang

      I feel sorry for Luke because he’s the only one who bought presents!

      Dec 24, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   se

      Alex feels that his presence is enough

      Dec 24, 2008 at 8:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   secondsout bang

    So was this a live tree or a plastic tree? If it’s a live tree, the man has a point. If it’s a fake tree, he just needs to give it up and wait until next year.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   secondsout bang

    Just Jewish? Dammit, forgot to put up the menorah, too!

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #11   secondsout bang

    “I think it’s funny that it (sic) x-mas eve and we still haven’t put up our x-mas tree…”

    I agree – hilarious, in fact. You know what else is funny? Carrot Top! Just can’t get enough of his madcap antics.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #12   Debb

    oh gosh this is so funny

    Dec 24, 2008 at 1:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   moleinthewall

    Wow, these responses have been stupid so far.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 1:19 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Sue Do Nim

      Yep, every single one.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 2:22 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   aaa

      Maybe you could enlighten us with some witty responses of your own? Or are you like Luke, demanding witty responses from others, but somehow unable/unwilling to produce some of your own?

      Dec 24, 2008 at 2:40 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Everybody’s a critic. :roll:

      Dec 24, 2008 at 3:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   morpho aurora bang

    i thought all christ’s disciples were jewish

    happy holidays PANsters

    Dec 24, 2008 at 1:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Ti O bang

      Happy holidays to you M-A! :grin:

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Saysh bang

      have a wonderful holiday M-A! *hugs*

      Dec 24, 2008 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   park rose bang

    I was going to run with that one, M-A. Then I Googled. Luke was Greek (and I guess Christian, but am not enough of a theologian to really know). I guess the thing is that the gospels were written after the event, and by that time I don’t know if the writers still called themselves Jewish or Christian or other? Mark was Roman. Matthew and John were Jewish, I think… but – Troy McClure or Wade, where are you? Clarification needed.

    I’m sure anyone can help. Sorry for the ignorance here.

    :oops: Should be giggle-braxed under #14

    And, happy holidays to you, to Morph ♥

    Dec 24, 2008 at 3:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Bunnee

      I was going to run with the whole Matthew, Mark, Luke and John thing. I’m glad I read all the comments before making a lame joke like: Luke doesn’t know it, but they are waiting for Matthew, Mark and John to join them for holiday decorating!

      Dec 24, 2008 at 9:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   claw71 bang

      Luke was Greek? When did he have time to write a gospel with all that naked wrestling?

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   park rose bang

      You’d have to ask Alex about that. Maybe inbetween conquering the Persian Empire? (I know, I know, my times are way out).

      Also, I just googled, could be wrong, though it seems wiki (needs citation) supports me.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Luke needs to have a long talk with his parents if he doesn’t know if he’s Jewish or not.
    A peek in his own pants, while not definitive, could be a starting point.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 3:55 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #17   teeg

    I think “Lazy Jews” would make a good name for a band.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 8:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #18   claw71 bang

    Jews put up Christmas trees but they do it after Christmas because that’s when they can get a really good deal.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 9:00 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Andy

      Damn, I was pretty much writing out the same exact thing when I saw your post, Claw.

      How about… You can always tell a Jewish Christmas tree because all the ornaments still have their tags on them for easy store returns.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 9:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   claw71 bang

      There’s always room for more Jew/money jokes. They never get old.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   claw71 bang

    T’was the day before Christmas and all through the unit, no decortations were up because no one felt like doing it.

    Luke got frustrated and posted a note, but the roommates all laughed at the message he wrote.

    So they waited ’til evening, when Luke was asleep and did horrible things to the crabby creep.

    Mike peed in his earhole, John spat in his mouth
    Rhonda shaved all the hair that grew way down south

    Luke stirred when they raped him with a candy cane, but returned to his slumber and moaned the name Blane.

    They took all his laundry, the dirty and pressed
    and gave it to the hobo so he could be well-dressed.

    Then they called Luke’s mother and told her this fact: Luke stole all her savings so he could buy crack.

    When Luke awoke he felt like he’d died. There was poop in his slippers and a tree by his side.

    His roommates had left, but a note was in view

    handle Christmas yourself!
    love, your flatmates–the jews.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 9:15 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Goldie

      Claw, I think I love you.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 10:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Bunnee

      I second that emotion.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 11:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Saysh bang

      Everyone loves Claw. He has his own fan club. The initiation ceremony is a little brutal, but if you still want to join….

      Dec 24, 2008 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   RunBarbara bang

      good luck getting through me.
      and by “through me” i think you all know exactly what i mean.

      Dec 24, 2008 at 11:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   Bunnee

      Well, I think I’m up to the task. How brutal can it be? Or wait, maybe I should be surprised? Gosh, what’s a girl to do? :wink:

      Dec 24, 2008 at 12:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.6   se

      Bunnee, if you were a guy, you may be “up to the task”, but being a girl, realize that RB can take a licking, take a licking..
      damn, got stuck on that note..

      Dec 24, 2008 at 3:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Badger

    With a New Testament name like Luke, prolly not Jewish. Just a guess.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   JoelWhy

    Damn antisemites!

    Dec 24, 2008 at 11:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Damn stalagmites while we’re at it! Freaking cave-dwellers!

      And who the fuck does Dolomite think he is anyway?!

      Dec 24, 2008 at 2:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #22   shonda

    Now that my sons are using the damn bulbs are warfare, I wish I was like you and Luke with a boxed up tree and a cleaner house.

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   aaa

    Now, I’m wondering if Luke’s roomies put up a Festivus pole the day before. Maybe the Feats of Strength and Airing of Grievances are so similar to his everyday life that Luke didn’t even notice it was Festivus…

    Dec 24, 2008 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Woman on the Verge bang

    Posted just under this note:

    We think it’s fucking hilarious that you took the time to write this note rather than to get out the damn tree. Oh, and as far as the Jewish thing? Not too tough to figure out if you consider which God’s name you were taking in vain…

    Dec 24, 2008 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Canthz_B bang

      It’s Yahweh or the highway?

      Dec 24, 2008 at 3:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    They tried to put the tree together right after Thanksgiving, but they couldn’t find the central pole.
    That stick was too far up Luke’s ass!

    Dec 24, 2008 at 4:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Chris

    Among us, bored russian jews is jewland, it is customary to form the hanukiya (the hanuka candle-holder) from the tree, for lulz and to annoy the general public.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 3:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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