“My 8-year-old daughter was concerned about all the pictures of Santa portraying him with a whip,” says Lisa in Orlando, “so she wrote him this letter, thinking he might appreciate her helpful advice on taking care of his animals.”
related: no girls allowed
42 responses so far ↓
#1
Resident Grammarian esq
p.p.p.s
And btw, are those real leather boots? I have a fresh jar of paint with your name on it… fascist.
And don’t forget my Barbie!
Dec 24, 2008 at 9:48 pm rating: 57
#2
aaa
Damn, PETA gets them young now, don’t they?
Dec 24, 2008 at 9:55 pm rating: 18
#3
Canthz_B
P.P.P.S.
And have your blood sugar checked you grotesquely obese gnome. If you go blind because of diabetes, who will bring me toys? Not my cheap-ass parents, that’s for damned sure!
Dec 24, 2008 at 9:57 pm rating: 40
#4
aaa
Dear Ariel,
You’re supposed to scare the crap out of the animals with the whip crack, not hit them. You should watch more History Channel.
Love,
aaa
Dec 24, 2008 at 9:59 pm rating: 10
#5
secondsout
I whip the reindeer because they like it. They’re dirty bitches. The safe word is nativity.
Love, Santa
Dec 24, 2008 at 11:20 pm rating: 159
#6
secondsout
Ariel, the Santa suit is made out of real fur, too. Made out of the reindeer who gave me too much lip.
Dec 24, 2008 at 11:22 pm rating: 42
#7
secondsout
The nose that’s red like a cherry, that means you’re an alcoholic. How about you lay off the sauce, you fucking lush? You’re going to kill someone when you careen your sleigh into the side of a house. Bastard.
Dec 24, 2008 at 11:35 pm rating: 27
#8
summer
whoa, those cookies were fucking delicious!
Dec 24, 2008 at 11:41 pm rating: 5
#9
Serena
Wow, guys. I thought the note was really cute; can’t we just appreciate its cuteness (her care for the reindeer and use of “holly jolly”)?
Dec 25, 2008 at 2:53 am rating: 26
#10
amazon
And yet, this note has better grammar and penmanship than most notes we see written by adults.
Dec 25, 2008 at 2:54 am rating: 69
#11
snee
and fewer pink penises.
Dec 25, 2008 at 3:07 am rating: 6
#12
snee
santa gets the cookies. the reindeer get the carrots. (but no broccoli because that makes them gassy.)
Dec 25, 2008 at 3:22 am rating: 2
#13
Canthz_B
Santa would never whip his reindeer.
Those lazy little elves on the other hand…
Dec 25, 2008 at 3:27 am rating: 3
#14
Canthz_B
Silly Ariel,
If the reindeer didn’t have Santa’s cookies, it would take longer to load his sleigh.
Dec 25, 2008 at 4:26 am rating: 2
#15
souldesqueeze
Dear Santa,
Why are you always dressed in red? Did the North Pole go for McCain?
Dec 25, 2008 at 7:27 am rating: 9
#16
Hod
Do we really have nothing better to do on Christmas Day than complain…or are we just Jewish?
Dec 25, 2008 at 10:57 am rating: 4
#17
Woman on the Verge
Little Ariel is a bossy little bitch, isn’t she? Do this, don’t do that… She’s definitely on the naughty list.
She’s in good company there, though. I have it on good authority that CB, RB, claw, mishee, wade, and many other PANites are there. I am personally at the top of the list.
Dec 25, 2008 at 11:16 am rating: 2
#18
Quite Contrary
Orlando? Really? I think Lisa and Ariel are from Marin County.
Dec 25, 2008 at 11:28 am rating: 2
#19
se
It’s odd that Lisa would submit her 8 y/o daughter’s note to this site.
Maybe next year there will be a new Christmas song…
“I saw mommy kissing Santa’s balls
underneath the mistletoe tattoo..
If only daddy could see
what Santa’s doing to me..”
Dec 25, 2008 at 5:09 pm rating: 4
#20
Bridge
This reminds me of the best christmas song ever:
Why do you sit there so strange?
Is it because you are beautiful?
You must think you are deranged
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?
You must think Santa Clause weird
He has long hair and a beard
Giving his presents for free
Why do police guys mess with peace guys?
Let’s get Santa Clause ’cause;
Santa Clause has a red suit
He’s a communist
And a beard, and long hair
Must be a pacifist
What’s in the pipe that he’s smoking?
Mister Clause sneaks in your home at night.
He must be a dope fiend, to put you up tight
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?
Arlo Guthrie The Pause Of Mr Claus lyrics
Hear it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQbyT0cUMNc
Dec 27, 2008 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#21
johnny
SREhLR Thanks for good post
Dec 29, 2008 at 6:20 am rating: 0
#22
RunsWithSoda
Team Ariel! Love the PA part at the end.
Jan 3, 2009 at 12:01 am rating: 1
#23
allanacranston0184
Nice post.
Jan 3, 2009 at 7:48 pm rating: 0
#24
Andy
What kind of hippies are running these schools anyways? Of COURSE Santa whips his deer. And he feeds them the bodies of questioning little sh-ts.
Jan 6, 2009 at 11:59 am rating: 0
#25 startin’ young
[...] related: p.p.s. do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly? [...]
Aug 3, 2009 at 8:39 pm rating: 0
#26 A Thanksgiving Poultry Slam | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Dear Santa, do you abuse your animals? TweetShare0mail [...]
Nov 24, 2010 at 4:01 pm rating: 0
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