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Merry Christmas, you junkie scumbag lowlife

December 26th, 2008 · 68 comments

Libby from Sydney, Australia found this note taped to the wall of the IGA supermarket in Newtown, Sydney. “Feeling sympathetic though somewhat amused, I took a photo of it — I didn’t really think it would be fair to take it with me.” (That is, of course, more than can be said for a certain junkie scumbag lowlife.)

If it was you that stole the wheel off my bicycle when it was locked here, about 11, on Christmas fucking eve, rest assured that I look forward to hunting you down and separating your head from your body, you junkie scumbug lowlife

related: an inconvenient truth

FILED UNDER: Australia · bicycle · Christmas · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · Sydney

68 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Kyle w.

    I didn’t realize Australians said/wrote aboot…actually, I don’t even think Canadians write aboot…served me wrong

    Dec 26, 2008 at 4:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   tee

      nah it’s a squished up hurried angry U….

      Dec 28, 2008 at 8:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      tee…master of the obvious.

      Dec 28, 2008 at 11:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Brooklet

      Aussies say and write pretty much anything we like :) We’re schizophrenic already, juggling the conventions of “mother England” and big buddy America (especially scientists, cos we have to write all our journal papers in american english if we want em published).

      And did I mention that Canada is totally like our brother by a different mother, what with the large territory, relatively small fringe-dwelling population, free health care and laid back, level headed attitude :)

      Only other place that comes close is New Zealand, and that’s close enough, tyvm!

      Nov 28, 2009 at 3:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   kibbles

    I’m assuming the image cut off an L and it’s supposed to say “wheel” and not a misspelling of “wii”. It’s mush more sad if his wheel was stolen, because an idiot deserves their wii to be stolen if it was sitting on a locked bike. Hah.

    Dec 26, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   0falcon8 bang

      i think it was the actual “WHEE” of joy you say when you are having fun on the bike. not he’s unable to enjoy riding it. it’s sad, really

      Dec 26, 2008 at 4:50 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Doug

      I thought it was supposed to be “wheed” or “weed” only with a an extra h. After all he is a lowlife junkie scum bag c.

      Dec 27, 2008 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Ange

      I agree! If you lock a Wii to your bike it will probably get stolen. Even if it were Christmas day. I hope Santa got her some common sense for Christmas.

      Dec 27, 2008 at 3:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   RandyinReno

      Any weed locked to a bike will not make it through Christmas eve, either.

      Dec 30, 2008 at 5:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   unfortunate names

    i didn’t know you could put inline ads on paper!

    Dec 26, 2008 at 4:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #4   0falcon8 bang

    the nafarious unicycle bandit strikes again!

    Dec 26, 2008 at 4:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Flaboy2425

    To whee or not to whee?

    Whee owners, unite!

    Scumbag alert! Someone is stealing whees.

    Dec 26, 2008 at 4:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      Whee shall overcome.

      Dec 29, 2008 at 12:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #6   Commentator

    Is junkie scumbag lowlife hunting season even here yet?

    Dec 26, 2008 at 5:00 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   fantasy bang

      Not until “Fucking New Years Eve”, that’s when you can bag a lot of junkie scumbag lowlife!

      Dec 26, 2008 at 6:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   steveholt!

      even then, you need a proper permit.

      Dec 31, 2008 at 9:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   Woman on the Verge bang

    When is Christmas Fucking Eve, anyway? Is it a completely separate holiday or does it piggyback on the traditional?

    Dec 26, 2008 at 5:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   snee bang

      so that’s why santa says: mo fo ho!

      Dec 26, 2008 at 5:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   paul of the clue-by-four

      I think it has to do with when you start the actual Christmas Fucking.

      Dec 26, 2008 at 5:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   fantasy bang

      “Piggy back” I can read all kinds of delight with “piggy back”, must be one helluva game to play!

      Dec 26, 2008 at 6:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   fantasy bang

      Poor Eve, she gets fucked every fucking Christmas.

      Dec 26, 2008 at 6:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   ryanmalloy

      Christmas Fucking Eve is Thanksgiving Fucking Adam’s Wife

      May 11, 2009 at 10:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Thanks!

    Whee! That sounds like a roller coaster ride, or possibly a sleigh ride? Though not in Australia. In any case, a whee sounds like a damn good time and I would have stolen it, too.

    Dec 26, 2008 at 5:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   zenvelo

    everyone else’s whee only goes to 10, his goes to eleven…

    Dec 26, 2008 at 6:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    I thought Adam was fucking Eve? 8-O

    Dec 26, 2008 at 8:05 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mat Colwell

      HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Love it.

      Peace and Love

      Dec 27, 2008 at 3:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   park rose bang

    You separate the wheel from my bike,
    I separate your head from your body.
    Reciprocity, that’s what it’s all about.

    Then, I put your head in a box, and post it to your beloved, because it’s December 26th, and what better way to illustrate the true meaning of Boxing day? :evil: :twisted:

    Dec 26, 2008 at 8:23 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #12   park rose bang

    I know Kerry or the poster has covered up words of a delicate nature with the smiling Santa. Of course, now it looks like Santa wrote the note, and if so, that’s one scary St. Nick.

    Don’t be fooled by the smile; that’s no idle threat. It’s too hot for reindeer in Australia, so Santa uses a bicycle to deliver presents. And he’s got a list. After all, He sees when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake… That means even you, junkie scumbag lowlife …

    Dec 26, 2008 at 8:49 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Ti O bang

      There is going to be a long line of elves to get all medieval on yo scumbag junkie ass.

      Dec 27, 2008 at 11:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #13   John in IL

    I always look forward to separating a junkie’s head from his body. It’s a Christmas tradition.

    Dec 26, 2008 at 10:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Bunnee

      Do you use chestnut stuffing?

      Dec 29, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Ti O bang

      “chestnut” :grin:

      Dec 29, 2008 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   aaa

    What, sober jackasses can’t steal bikes? I know I’m always sober when I steal shit so I can better appreciate the consequences of my actions.

    Dec 26, 2008 at 10:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   damon

    So what’s that word hiding behind the Santa? It’s not the dreaded C-bomb is it?

    Dec 26, 2008 at 11:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Resident Grammarian esq bang

      I’m sure it is. Isn’t it gorgeous?

      Dec 27, 2008 at 12:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   ruby


      Dec 27, 2008 at 1:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Whut?

      ….or ‘Canthz’

      Dec 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   stringyhair

    Why is it assumed that junkie lowlife scumbags can read? I’d have much preferred this to be an illustrated note to insure that the JLS would get the point.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 1:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   aaa

      That would’ve been fun to look at. I’m imagining some angrily scrawling of some skanky-looking vagina (if we’re going to assume that the Santaed-out C-word is cunt) with track marks enveloping one of the bike’s wheels, followed by by a stick figure attempting to decapitate the thieving vagina (I’m sure it’d be hard to find the head on the thing).

      Dec 27, 2008 at 2:54 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Olson

      You’re a guy, aren’t you?

      Dec 27, 2008 at 11:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   aaa

      No, not the last time I checked. Although my vagina has yet to imbue me with stereotypically girly characteristics like neat, loopy handwriting and the urge to piss all over the toilet seat.

      Dec 27, 2008 at 6:16 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #17   ian in hamburg

    I think the word fooking is jealous because coont got a Santy sticker and they didn’t.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 4:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jinx

    If it were ME, and I’m not saying it was, I’d get my ass a bullet proof vest. Hint hint, wheel theif. XP

    Dec 27, 2008 at 5:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   matthew

    So why are we censoring cunt with a santa face? All the “fucks” and “shits” thrown around here all the time, and we have to be careful not to be offensive?

    Dec 27, 2008 at 10:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Thanks!

      I think Libby put the Santa sticker on before she took the picture, maybe she is intimidated by her cunt and picturing it as a fat bearded man makes her feel better…

      Dec 27, 2008 at 6:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #20   Goldie

    Great, the note writer scared the cunt. Good luck hunting down the cunt now. Instead of warning it, note writer should’ve lured it with the second whee, then made good on the promise.
    Srsly, I would’ve probably written, or at least thought, something similar if I got stranded in a supermarket at aboot 11PM on Christmas fucking eve.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 11:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   Sara

    I’m offended that “cunt” is too naughty to say. Cunt was originally the proper commonly used word for vagina. Grow some fucking balls and don’t censor anything on this site, especially something that refers to female anatomy. Geezus.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 11:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   aaa

      I didn’t realize that our cunts were more worthy of not being censored than dicks or fucking. (And I also didn’t realize that anyone other than Kerry had the power to demand her to do anything relating to this site.) Damn, maybe I’m missing out on the whole being entitled thing.

      I’ve got a cunt, dammit, and I’m more worthy of existing than you dicked subhumans!

      Dec 27, 2008 at 6:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #22   tsel bang

    Why the fuck would anyone steal a bicycle wheel anyway?

    Dec 27, 2008 at 1:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      Car thieves are not born, they’re made.

      Dec 27, 2008 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   tsel bang

      From bicycle parts? That’s freaking awesome!

      Dec 28, 2008 at 10:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #23   Fluffy Fox

    Don’t forget to wash your whee!

    Dec 27, 2008 at 4:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   summer

    At least she’s not bitter.

    Dec 27, 2008 at 7:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Thea

    hahahaah I live like a few blocks from where this was posted and it pretty much sums up the feelings about the local population of thieves :)

    Ah… Aggression – it’s just passive-aggression, Australian style!

    Dec 27, 2008 at 8:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    Al Qaeda’s power has been severely degraded. They are now down to riding bicycles, but are still determined to decapitate their enemies.

    Dec 28, 2008 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   mamason bang

    I’m pretty sure that the writer of this note is the same guy who wrote that suicide note 4 years ago and still hasn’t followed thru, so I think the junkie scumbag lowlife c 8-O has plenty of time left to clean up his act.

    Dec 28, 2008 at 7:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      I look forward to hunting you down, when I get some free time? :-P

      Welcome back, mamason!

      Dec 28, 2008 at 7:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   mamason bang

      Whee! I’m back! :-P

      I admit it. I stole the whee so I could celebrate.

      Dec 28, 2008 at 8:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   Saysh bang

      YAY!! mama is back!!!

      Dec 29, 2008 at 4:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   mamason bang

    I think everyone should have something to look forward to even if it is hunting down and decapitating whee thieves. It’s important to set goals.

    Dec 28, 2008 at 7:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #29   SuperMe

    That whee was fucking delicious!

    Dec 28, 2008 at 9:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   claw71 bang

    So this is Christmas
    And what have you done?
    Another wheel stolen
    You’re such low life scum
    And so this is Christmas
    I’m getting my knife
    If ruined my bike
    I’m taking your life

    A fucking merry Christmas
    you dirt bag cunt thief
    your head from your body
    to you I bequeath

    And so this is Christmas
    you did me so wrong
    so I posted a message
    it’s really quite long

    You fucked up my Christmas
    and I want you dead
    I’m hunting you down now
    and taking your head
    Fucking, fuck, fuck Christmas

    Fuck you you fuck bag
    fuck, fucking fuck fuck fuck
    you fucking future headless fag
    Fuck, you and your Christmas
    I hope you fucking die
    I hope that the wheel
    breaks off on the fly

    Dec 29, 2008 at 9:27 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Ti O bang

      Now I can’t get the sound of Yoko screeching “dirty cunt thief” out of my head. :razz:

      Dec 29, 2008 at 9:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   park rose bang

      bra-fucking-vo! ( :mrgreen: )

      Dec 29, 2008 at 9:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Ti O bang

      This may have been Yoko’s comment to Heather Mills. :razz:

      Dec 29, 2008 at 10:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   park rose bang

      Well, I heard this song today: but wilier people than I will have to hunt it down so that you can hear it:

      Bring Me The Head Of Paul McCartney On Heather Mills’ Wooden Peg

      The Brian Jonestown Massacre, apparently.

      Dec 29, 2008 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   ladri di biciclette

    [...] related: no, daddy, i asked for a wii! [...]

    Jul 11, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   I don't want to know, and you're still talking

    Couple years ago a story in the media how girls in Bayview-Hunter’s Point were going into puberty at a progressively younger age, as young as age 7.
    A very bad sign::::Early cut-off. It draws the boys attention and they subsequently make sexual mistakes, very similar to what typical people experience nearly a decade later.
    When they “turn” people on and start telepathically talking to them with this technology is very similar::The end of their chance. They segment families, convince them “earning” is the way, etc.
    I tell people to examine the change between when they were children and after they began to hear. It is the difference between good and evil.
    I understand people’s confusion:::They literally hear “God” in their head, as opposed to what was taught to them in some church’s classroom. But this technology is one of the God’s tools, and much like their other tools, clone hosts and prophets, they use them as temptation.
    They didn’t begin speaking to me until I began working for ownershit group. “You went to work for evil.” “And you were punished.”
    They began talking to these kids long before puberty, long enough for first-born son to become corrupted and throw away his good looks when punished.

    The Gods offered a clue about the Italians in the movie “The Matrix”:::They casted an Italian as the traitor of the group, the one who betrays them all.
    As they did humanity in the 20th century (see “clone hosting”).

    Nov 28, 2009 at 12:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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