“My family moved out of the house we grew up in seven years ago, and our old neighbor sent us this Christmas card,” writes Gloria in Los Angeles. (Gloria herself seems to have made a particularly strong impression.)
Meanwhile, in Providence, R.I., Jessica’s aunt seems to be doing her best to put the “X” in “X-mas.”
related: two birds with one snowman
89 responses so far ↓
#1
Lovey
Could be worse. It could say, “You there” or “The Ugly One”
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:31 am rating: 8
#2
Mishee
What if her name had been Forgot and they actually forgot it?
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:32 am rating: 4
#3
orangetiki
Isn’t that why you write “& Family”
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: 53
#4
park rose
nah, nah, nah… forgot the condom, but what the fuck, let’s go for it anyway. name (child?) 6 = ‘the accident”. Not that we don’t love you anyway.
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:35 am rating: 9
#5
Ti O
“The one that wore the helmet all the time.”
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:39 am rating: 24
#6
unholyghost2003
wow. I mean we have all been there, right? getting ready to send a card and you realize that you can’t remember everyone’s name … call me crazy … but I just address it to “The Smith Family” rather than drawing attention to the fact that I don’t know all the kids’ names. … but then judging from how scrunched up the “forgot” is it looks almost like Gloria’s existence was forgotten completely … until someone else wandered into the room and said “Wait … they have that other kid … whotsername … you know … the one … with the hair? Wore that shirt that one time … that WAS their kid, right?”
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:40 am rating: 37
#7
fantasy
Oh right, remember the birth of Jesus a gazillion years ago but not that one kids name……. Gloria, right !
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:51 am rating: 9
#8
Mishee
Wow kerry is messing with my head this morning.
Anyways, I guess I would rather be off the list instead of on the list… no wait.. I guess that joke only works with “better to be pissed off than pissed on”
*sigh* Monday… the four day holiday weekend’s cruel sister….
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:55 am rating: 3
#9
unholyghost2003
O.K. on note 2 … I have to ask … are Jessica and Kristen “off the list” because they are now “grown-ups” and there is a “no gifts between adults” policy? Or are Aunt Karen & Uncle Louis some of those asshats who only read 1/2 of Emily Post? You know the ones … they get all pissy about not getting a Thank You note … but don’t think about the fact that you thanked them at the time when you received the gift.
Dec 29, 2008 at 10:59 am rating: 9
#10
park rose
Uncle Louie and Aunt???
Well, if Uncle Louie gives you a few small items and then considers you off the list, consider yourself lucky.
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:02 am rating: 3
#11
park rose
Card one, how canibals get down at Christmas.
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 2
#12
Mishee
Note #2 is obviously penned by a woman’s hand… Why is Aunt Karen talking about herself in the third person?
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:09 am rating: 7
#13
Mishee
What Gloria neglected to mention was the reason they moved out of the neighborhood was because they were Jewish and their ultraconservative, pushy neighbors kept sending them Christmas cards referencing the birth of Jesus in it!
I mean, really! How un-PC. Don’t you know they are called Holiday cards now? Sheesh!
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:12 am rating: 0
#14
Ti O
Uncle Louis?Aunt Lois the effeminate Uncle who is married to the extremely cheap and professional dominatrix Aunt Karen.
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:17 am rating: 0
#15
Ti O
Blerg! Nevermind.
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:50 am rating: 1
#16
MW
In my family you’re off the list when you forget the thank you cards! Maybe that’s what happened here.
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: 0
#17
Canthz_B
Dear Aunt Karen,
You’ve just made my list.
Love,
Jessica
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:10 pm rating: 42
#18
Becky
Wow… that’s just bitchy with a bow!
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:17 pm rating: 10
#19
aaa
“May the good will and peace of this Christmas season be yours throughout the coming year.”
But you only get a year’s worth of good will and peace. Once it’s Christmas 09, you and Kristen will only receive a nihilistic sense of emptiness.
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:31 pm rating: 40
#20
funkychick
I think Jessica & Kristen are off the list because they either turned 18 or finally moved out of their parents’ place.
You are off my list when you either turn 18, quit school, or steal something from my house. We are quite the dysfuctional family!
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm rating: 4
#21
aaa
Y’know, I wish my schizophrenic aunt would take me the fuck off her list. I’m tired of getting useless shit she picked up from Walgreens and pictures of her and her million cats. >:c
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:34 pm rating: 8
#22
claw71
There’s really nothing more passive-aggressive than a Christmas card. People get so smug about sending them out and if they get theirs to you before you get your own in the mail they know that you only sent it in response and that makes them better than you. They’ll never come right out and say it, they just ooze it. They stink of the sense of smug satisfaction that wafts off of somebody who actually believes that Jesus is keeping track.
But I wonder if Jesus is keeping track of these people who crank out their cards with an Access-based macro. Do you get heaven points if you mass-mailed your cards? Does the thought really count when the only thought you put into your holiday correspondance was cut and paste message lifted from a website full of pithy seasonal quotes? I don’t think so.
I also don’t think that Christmas is the time of year to rub religion in the face of your favorite atheist. Why is it the guy who expresses the tiniest agnostic thought gets bombarded with the most overtly religious cards? Did they run out of Shoebox cards at the card store or do you really think you’re going to save a wayward soul with a heaping helping of sanctimony sent through the USPS?
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:40 pm rating: 26
#23
Sue Do Nim
Did Kristen get her own you’re-off-the- list card or did Jessica have to break the news to her?
Someone needs to show Aunt Thaun where to sign cards.
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:44 pm rating: 13
#24
aaa
Too bad people are too spineless to send cards that say “Hey Fatty! I think you suck balls, and that’s why you’re not getting any more Xmas gifts.” That would make the holidays way more exciting.
Dec 29, 2008 at 12:56 pm rating: 6
#25
Juliet
Sometimes it is in the details – Has no one yet commented on “Uxcle Louis” yet? Uxcle? Check it out, there are maybe more ‘n’s that are written as ‘x’s.
And what is the aunt’s name? Is it Yharen? Oops, I mean, Yharex.
Dec 29, 2008 at 11:12 pm rating: 1
#26
Canthz_B
May the birth of What’s-his-name be at the heart of your Christmas celebration.
Dec 30, 2008 at 12:40 am rating: 6
#27
Scarlet
Maybe Jessica and Kristen are girlfriend and girlfriend and the aunt and uncle don’t approve. So they are sending a Happy Jesus but very Hateful message.
If that’s the case, then they are true asshats.
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:16 am rating: 1
#28
Sandy
My boyfriend and I have been living together for ten years and some of his family members still aren’t quite sure what I am….not quite an in-law, not quite a stranger, and damn, she keeps showing up at holiday gatherings and eating the food!
From the time his nieces were about 10 to 18 I stupidly persisted in giving each girl thoughtful, often relatively expensive ($50 or more) items…..probably out of an ill-conceived desire to prove my legitimacy as a quasi-relative to the family.
For one year the parents made the girls send me thank you notes. No thank you notes, phone calls, or any acknowledgement that I existed from then on.
This year they turned 18 and they didn’t get a damned thing. Not giving into that tribal mindfuck of “I’m kind of a family member, please like me, pretty please!” thing again.
Sand
Dec 30, 2008 at 7:20 pm rating: 1
#29
Jacqueline
my grandparents had a policy with all their kids/grand kids that when they turn 16 they got one last gift and after that we were cut off. when i turned 16 i got a birthday card from my grandparents that said something along the lines of “happy birthday, now that you’re 16 you will no longer receive any more gifts from us.” i think that they were trying to fool my parents, as i had never once received a birthday/christmas/any other type of gift from them for as long as i can remember; i have always been the unloved grandchild. i never said anything about it to my parents, but after this, and a note on the christmas card that year that was similar, i told them about how i had never gotten anything while all my other cousins and brothers had, but never said anything because i didn’t want to “create waves”. 6 years later and i still have never received anything from them, i no longer get christmas cards but everyone else does get them on christmas morning, along with a cheque for $25, even though they are all beyond the age of 16.
Dec 31, 2008 at 11:19 am rating: 0
#30
bobby
I feel like if they are telling them you you are off the list it is a joke. This seems like a misunderstood attempt at humor to me. Is your relationship with them like that at all? Or are they very serious and always blunt about things like this?
Jan 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm rating: 0
#31
Jinx
My mom used to give to her nieces and nephews until her siblings all moved out of a 20 minute driving range. She sees it as I spent money on a gift, you can use your gas to pick it up. All my uncles and aunt agreed to it, but never showed up. My mom is afraid to send it to them because she thinks the post office will steal it. So, now, they’re off the list so to speak. I think they’re just avoiding us but oh well. They’re just money grubbers and their kids get more than the customary $50 that seems the norm and the 5-25 I got before I hit 18. Yes, I seriously got 5 bucks from people who making a lot of money. So, I’m not too sad my mom’s not throwing money at their kids.
Jan 3, 2009 at 3:22 pm rating: 0
#32
Mo
My grandma decided that this year would be the last year she gets gifts for the over-eighteen crowd. We understand completely, I’ve got about 13 cousins, but I wish she had done it this year. It was a little embarrassing to watch my sister open panties (in front of said 13 cousins, aunts and uncles plus cousin boyfriends and girlfriends) and to figure out what she meant by giving me a book on co-dependency. Um, yeah, please take me off the list!
Jan 4, 2009 at 5:19 pm rating: 0
#33
christine
i think i’d prefer the “off the list” warning than what i got from my aunt and uncle — they just out of the blue stopped buying presents for all the teenage and up cousins… while all the rest of the family still buys stuff for their 25 year old son (this happened a couple years ago and we still get him gifts, that takes balls)
Jan 5, 2009 at 12:29 am rating: 0
#34
Kate
I was “Frau….” on the work Christmas card. Niiice!
Jan 8, 2009 at 12:14 pm rating: 0
#35
Liza
Folks, the best part of jessica’s card is that the cover is a little snowman in an adorable hat looking up at the stars. The caption says, “You are not alone!”
No word of a lie.
Jan 29, 2009 at 11:34 pm rating: 0
#36
pony girl
I want more info.
What did Jessie do?
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:01 am rating: 0
#37 Stuff this in your stocking, sister. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] putting the “x” in “x-mas” [...]
Jul 6, 2010 at 10:50 pm rating: 0
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