spotted at a local restaurant by kevin in boston…
with a chainsaw?
December 30th, 2008 · 69 comments
FILED UNDER: anthropomorphism · boston · toilet
painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over
- Cop one: Caught him speeding officer. One mile over the prescriptive mile.
Cop two: Book him, just as he was booking us. You know it matters most when it comes to these "Little" Dishonesties.
Cop one: And then what?
Cop two: Book and phylum, of course. Put him in with all the other bi-valves and bottom feeders then throw away the key. This one's fast-tracked for the lower kingdoms. - It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (106)
- infant tyrone: Anybody out there have any success trying to duplicate writing on a TP square with a Sharpie?...
- oi: “jumping on bandwagon for stingy tipping and/or bashing vegan food and /or going to lower kingdoms”
- adam: “Obligitory mentioning of Sandra”
- oi: “PERSONAL INSULTS AND NAME CALLING”
- infant tyrone: Yes, looking for a profit in her own time, she secreted in the fridge what he had previously secreted...
- It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (106)
- crazy is right
- Losing Lisa
- this is why your server is cranky
- it must have been a pretty big bite
- dearest roommate
- office anthropomorphism
- do the rest of us a favor
- it takes a "genius" to come up with a potluck theme like this one
- untitled (broken glass)
- down and dirty down under (dear)
- to each his own microwave
- Are you there, Margaret? God, could you be any more disgusting?
- your to lazy
- the minor gall, the major rift
- cross-country elevator action
- clip art crimes
- Shittiest secret admirer ever?
- Who's the smartass?
- oh, shit!
- so much for turning the other cheek
- Thank you Terry!
- The Mad Bomber
- Your mother doesn't work here
- Jason's farewell e-mail
- Anytime Stan
- Except Graham
- deeply carved writings
- Hot Pockets
- the unitard
- fucking delicious
- rocket pubes
- Thx Sandra
- lost interest in the project
- Daves 4 life!!!
- graphity
- Keep being awesome!
- the very first post
- Take me to a random post!
Kerry's favorites
- (they match the plastic slipcover on the futon)
- 2good 2b 4gotten
- anthropomorphic dishwasher
- don’t hate the playa
- Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Processed Food Fiend
- happy to be of service
- i before e except after c ftw
- I can has guilt trip?
- not a match
- over and over – the warning
- so obsessed that i’m becoming a bore
- The Powerseller of Pompano Beach
- top five musical crimes perpetuated by record store customers
- ultimate office fridge note
- What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?
- Which one of these is not like the other?
Blogroll
- Awkward Family Photos
- Best of Craigslist (Rants & Raves)
- Cake Wrecks
- Don't Even Reply
- FFFFOUND!
- Found Magazine
- It's Lovely! I'll Take It!
- My Mom is a FOB
- My Very Worst Date
- Post Secret
- Postcards from Yo Momma
- Sexy People
- STFU, Marrieds
- The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks
- The Awl
- This American Life
- You Suck at Craigslist
"customer service" "helpful" advice bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach brooklyn california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe d.c. dishes dogs e-mail excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family food frenemies garbage guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene irregular capitalization jesus kitchen los angeles moms & dads money more aggressive than passive neighbors new york noise not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh snap p.s. parking pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell roommates san francisco seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley spelling and grammar police stealing thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet u.k. university virginia whiteboard wtf?
69 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
Flush gently, crap hard!
Dec 30, 2008 at 12:42 pm rating: +22
#2
Canthz_B
♫ Flush me gently,
Flush me slowly,
Flush me easy,
Or I won’t flow. ♫
Dec 30, 2008 at 12:45 pm rating: +22
#3
Canthz_B
Roberta Flack was going to record “Flushing Me Gently”, but the record company made her change it to “Killing Me Softly”.
Dec 30, 2008 at 12:51 pm rating: +9
#4
Bunnee
How, exactly, does one flush “gently”? You push the handle down and then let go– that’s about it….Is someone in there really flushing “forcefully”? How do you DO that? With a jackhammer?
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:04 pm rating: +12
#5
Canthz_B
Queen Elizabeth II flushes gently out of devotion to her subjects.
It’s known as a Royal Flush!
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:16 pm rating: +2
#6
claw71
Lita Ford might have something to say about this:
I ate a bean burrito last Saturday night
the toilet got sprayed, it didn’t smell right
Uh, Huh
It was a big stink
The turd was floating and the stench was bad
So I cranked on the lever and it came off in my hand
Oh no, I’m stuck with this stink
I opened up the tank and grabbed hold of the line
pulled up the flapper, I thought it was fine
but no, I broke that hook thing
So the toilet backed up
and now we’re all walking in poo
and the house is jacked up
and you’re all blaming it on me
Yeah, yeah
Flush it once
Flush it Twice
Just be sure you try to flush it gently
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:17 pm rating: +15
#7
Goldie
I wonder what CB has to say about this one…
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:20 pm rating: +1
#8
Mishee
The water comes out more gently when you flush gently and *poof* that’s how you fix the fecal mist on your toothbrush problem!!
Then the lid doesn’t need to be down!
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:34 pm rating: +1
#9
unfortunate names blog
The toilet was obviously asking for it.
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:49 pm rating: +9
#10
San Antonio Sue
I must say, I am evermore apalled at the state of plumbing, cleanliness, and general upkeep (or lack thereof) of restrooms in restaurants. When I owned a book shop I kept the rr stocked with papertowels, tp, and soap. We cleaned the premises regularly. Leaks and drips were tended to. Judge a facility by its restroom and be afraid, be very afraid!
Dec 30, 2008 at 1:52 pm rating: +2
#11
Shawn
Is this the toilet’s first time?
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:14 pm rating: +33
#12
Woman on the Verge
As a mother of three… yes, three… boys (and still clinging to sanity, thank you very much) I am familiar to the “flush gently” refrain. Apparently they believe it necessary to use their manly muscles to make sure that toilet is well and truly FLUSHED, lest mom yell at them for not flushing. Unfortunately, we then have the dubious honor of frequent lever repair.
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:15 pm rating: +1
#13
Frankie
At my house we have to flush patiently. If you don’t stand there and hold the lever down while simultaneously offering “John” some moral support he turns into the little engine that just can’t quite….. Sometimes I tell him about the starving children in Africa, but I get the feeling he’s not listening.
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: +33
#14
Amanda
The toilet has never been flushed!!!
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:16 pm rating: +1
#15
LuLu
God, flush thee toliet gently,
Leave nothing to display
Jesus Christ, your derriere
Did clog it yesterday
To save us all from plumber’s costs,
Flush soft and be on your way
Good flushings of tidiness and joy
Tidiness and joy
Good flushings of tidiness and joy
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:19 pm rating: +11
#16
HorribleLicensePlates
I can only hope this was at a Zanzibar’s
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:21 pm rating: +4
#17
Frankie
This makes me want to steal the lever. How pissed off would you be if you sat down and did your business then stood up to see this sign and no lever…. and maybe a pair of pliers laying on the floor right on top of the nasty caps that cover the screws at the base of the toilet…
Dec 30, 2008 at 2:25 pm rating: +5
#18
Eva
nice Heathers reference
Dec 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm rating: +4
#19
Raymond
Sometimes you got to flush her gently
Dec 30, 2008 at 6:27 pm rating: +1
#20
Feverin
Doing a job on my hole?
Dec 30, 2008 at 6:47 pm rating: 0
#21
Heather
Best PAN evah.
Dec 30, 2008 at 8:33 pm rating: 0
#22
snee
i broke my parents’ toilet the other day. yeah. broke the tank.
water. mayhem. recriminations.
Dec 31, 2008 at 1:35 am rating: +2
#23
sars
omg whoever wrote that has the same handwriting as one of my best friends
but we don’t live in boston
Dec 31, 2008 at 2:47 am rating: 0
#24
Grey
Philip Marlowe would have said,
Her sign said “soft” but her bowl said, “Harder baby, harder.” So I unloaded on her. I gave her everything I had in me. Right in the chops she got it. I walked away, but she ran. She couldn’t stop running. We should have come clean with each other from the beginning, but she was so full of crap.
Dec 31, 2008 at 12:13 pm rating: +6
#25
Ti O
Do not flush gentle into that good night,
Big business, heavy poo-ers, shiver and shake;
Rage, rage against a flush without might.
Though wise men at their end know easy is right,
Because their shit had greatly piled they
Do not flush gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail flush might have danced in a tidy bowl,
Rage, rage against a flush without might.
Wild men who crapped and sang the fecal mist in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not flush gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who shake with burning shite
Brown holes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against a flush without might.
And you, my father, there on the porcelain height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not flush gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against a flush without might.
Dec 31, 2008 at 12:38 pm rating: +12
#26
Grey
Milton-
Receive thy new flusher- one who brings
A poop not to be changed by force or jiggle
The John is its own place, and in itself
Can make a turd from a Pollock, a Pollock from a turd
Dec 31, 2008 at 1:43 pm rating: +4
#27
Kim
oh boston… we are so classy.
http://howifoundout.blogspot.com/
Dec 31, 2008 at 2:50 pm rating: 0
#28
aaa
Flushing gently helps stave off poop walking.
Jan 1, 2009 at 11:04 am rating: +1
#29
MAMARILLA2
Does anyone know if this is a lo-flo
Jan 1, 2009 at 4:02 pm rating: 0
#30
Thanks!
My toilet likes it when I flush it hard and call it a whore.
Jan 2, 2009 at 9:19 pm rating: +1
#31
My friend Zoids
You must talk to the toilet, tell it nothing is wrong. Once the toilet is assured there is no harm to come from your actions, push. Push slowly, push tenderly. Flush the wrongdoings of humanity down, to be gone forever.
Jan 2, 2009 at 9:32 pm rating: +1
#32
zipzaprap
flush me gentlyyyyy
flush me slowlllyyyy
Jan 3, 2009 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#33
kiddo katsu
i just saw this IRL yesterday! someone had added “its my first time”.
Jan 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: 0
#34
Dave
I’m going to flush the shit out of you
Feb 6, 2009 at 8:53 pm rating: 0
#35
kate
The Heathers reference wasn’t lost on me.
Feb 17, 2009 at 1:00 pm rating: 0
#36
Revitol
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Nov 25, 2009 at 2:53 am rating: 0
#37
Beavis
Flush me gently,
Flush me slowly!
Take it easy,
Don’t you know
That I have never been flushed like this before?
Nov 28, 2009 at 6:15 pm rating: 0
#38 five reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: with a chainsaw? [...]
Dec 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: 0
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