Entries from December 2008

The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 Comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet

The rules for strip bingo

December 8th, 2008 · 61 Comments

Spotted in the basement of a New Jersey church where people play bingo all the time. Adds submitter Yamis: “I guess we know the demographics of the crowd.”

IF YOUR [sic] COLD WEAR A COAT. IF YOUR [sic] HOT TAKE IT OFF. IT YOU GET HOT FLASHES WEAR LESS. -THE GENERAL

related: More like hardly working

Tags: CAPS LOCK · New Jersey · old folks · spelling and grammar police · temperature · your/you're

Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your Facebook profile

December 4th, 2008 · 104 Comments

The icing on top here, says our submitter, is the second comment — the one from Billy. Why? Because, well, that’s the guy Slade just broke up with.

Adds our submitter: “Awkward pretty much sums it up.”

Trust me. Being single is not bad at all. I am having more fun now, and you should too! (I disagree.)

related: please pick up your dirty laundry asap

Tags: breakup · ex drama · Facebook · most popular notes of 2008 · oh no you didn't

I’m not a doctor, but I was an extra on ER once?

December 3rd, 2008 · 151 Comments

Jen says this liquor store in Chicago’s Lincoln Square is completely plastered with notes like these, but — vexingly enough — the guy at the register was such a hawk she was only able to snap a few photos. Happily, I’d say Jen scored a hat trick for insolence with these three.

i'm not a doctor, but i was on extra on ER once...

vexing and insolent!

please refer to Strunk & White for further explanation

related: Free markets, free people, free papers

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · cell phone · Chicago · irregular capitalization · obnoxious definition

Ceci n’est pas une poubelle

December 2nd, 2008 · 100 Comments

I hereby declare the writer of the second note in this exchange (from a college art studio in Texas) the winner of the season’s official “oh, snap!” award.

(Sure, the original note-writer might have a case — but just like those pesky BCS rankings, style points count, baby!)

This is NOT a trashcan! If you think it is you should rethink your life choices!

related: i before e except after c ftw

Tags: art · Austin · college life · garbage · oh snap · Texas