Entries from January 2009

Seriously?

January 29th, 2009 · 171 Comments

Kait’s roommate in Providence, R.I. was already pissed that the animal house next door was throwing a party on a Tuesday night before a big exam, but it was the shitty pop-rock that really pushed her over the edge. And like so many other college-aged females, “over the edge” means…colored markers.

We love music too, but why so LOUD? Seriously...Sugar Ray?

Adds Kait: “It didn’t stop the noise, but we did get a [sadly undocumented] written response: “Come by if your [sic] fit and into doggie.”

related: Do that to me one more time

Tags: college life · high on highlighter · music · Providence

The Future Homeowners’ Association Presidents of America

January 28th, 2009 · 119 Comments

Complaining about how stores put up holiday decorations earlier and earlier every year is neck-and-neck with the over-or-under toilet paper debate for the title of “most tiresome pet peeve kept alive by syndicated newspaper advice columnists and lite-fm morning DJs.”

But if you want to get into some seriously self-righteous shit, just bring up “those people who keep their christmas lights up, like, all year.” Then, stand back.

Take, for example, this dorm hallway from South Dakota State University. “I walk by this room pretty much every day to go to class and the complaints on their whiteboard keep growing,” our submitter says. “I’m pretty sure they’re going to leave their Christmas decorations up for even longer now, just out of spite.”

CHRISTMAS IS OVER!

related: A deep-seated issue

Tags: college life · holiday spirit · South Dakota · whiteboard

Silent protest

January 27th, 2009 · 101 Comments

Tara in Vancouver organized a meetup for “progressive, radical and lefty librarians” at a place called Subeez Cafe. It wasn’t until afterwards — when she took a look at the contact sheet she’d passed around — that she realized at least one attendee was less-than-pleased with her choice of venue.

“They didn’t complain to me directly, they didn’t even write it on the front of the paper,” seethes Tara. “Were they hoping for a bucket of hummus at a squat?”

Subeez is neither radical or progressive!

related: a matter of taste

Tags: politics · spelling and grammar police · unsolicited feedback · Vancouver

Deviled egg, anyone?

January 26th, 2009 · 119 Comments

As Rick in Tennessee can attest, sharing a fridge with more than two unrelated roommates can get tricky — even in the rare event that everyone manages to keep their paws to themselves. The upside? “While there’s no space in the fridge for food, I’ll never have to worry about running out of condiments.”

Things we DON'T need

Meanwhile, in Washington…

regarding my mustard

related: Crying over sour milk

Tags: D.C. · fridge · roommates · Tennessee

Cat fight!

January 24th, 2009 · 268 Comments

One night last summer, Sylvia in New York was just chillin’ out watching TV, when she noticed a cat had wandered through the open window. Sylvia, an animal-lover, assumed he was a stray (he didn’t have a collar), and because “he was super cute and affectionate,” she says, “we let him stay a little while. he decided to make himself comfortable and fell asleep.”

The cat was gone by morning, but a few days later, Sylvia saw the same feline running down the sidewalk outside her apartment. Not wanting the poor kitty to get hit by a car or picked up by animal control, Sylvia scooped him up and brought him inside.

“I was going to ask around and see if anyone nearby owned him,” she says, but her neighbor beat her to the punch. “She knocked on our door and explained that an employee at the nail salon downstairs had seen me take him inside, and I told her I thought he was a stray. The woman seemed okay, took the cat, and I thought that was the end of it.”

The neighbor, it seems, thought otherwise.

3rd Floor Chinese Girl: Please do not just "take" my cat to your apartment without asking. Thanks lot!!!

related: A new tagline for the price is right?

Tags: cats · neighbors · New York · thanks (but not really)

Mean boys

January 22nd, 2009 · 159 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Brooklyn received this e-mail from his 28-year-old male roommate after purchasing a similar (not identical) blue toggle pea coat. “We are rarely out of the apartment together,” our submitter notes. Hmm, wonder why?

Hey, so i wanna get something off my chest. I know it's a little silly, but it really bugs me that you bought the same coat as I did. for some reason it's really gotten under my skin and it's probably made me a bit of a jerk over the past few days. you mentioned that it's the same as those shoes - but i don't really see it that way. i asked you before i bought those shoes. first. and second, they were work shoes. there was very little chance of us wearing them at the same time. i'll take back the coat, which, to be honest, sort of upsets me, but i guess i'll have to get over it. so, anyway, i guess i just wanted to say that...before i got any meaner.

related: Gossip Boy

Tags: attire · Brooklyn · e-mail · frenemies · martyr complex · roommates

Just another picture to burn

January 21st, 2009 · 74 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Pittsburgh says this note was sitting atop a copy-room filing cabinet — and a stack of 50 or so identical print-outs of the Jo Bros. “Guess someone in the office is on Team Taylor Swift!”

GREAT USE OF RESOURCES!

related: Let’s not mince words

extra credit: Taylor Swift’s passive-aggressive swipe at Joe Jonas [youtube]

Tags: ex drama · office · office supplies · Pittsburgh

Sausage-shaped, but lumpy

January 20th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Tom took notice of this “open letter” — a thoughtful missive that clearly merits our collective attention — on a telephone pole in San Francisco.

If we’re really lucky, perhaps this Richard Asshat character will grace us with an open response in the comments, whiteblizzard70-style!

An open letter to the asshat who uses Osgood Place as their own personal shitting grounds

An open letter (close up)

an open letter (close up)

(Note: For your further enrichment, here’s a less faded graphic of the bristol stool scale.)

related: when ph.d.s get angry
extra credit: mcsweeney’s open letters

Tags: dogs · San Francisco · shit · visual aids

America the not-so-beautiful

January 19th, 2009 · 271 Comments

Pandering to xenophobes, from sea to shining sea.

SE HABLE ENGLAIS

Unofficial Border Patrol

america the not-so-beautiful

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: casual xenophobia

Southern Comfort

January 18th, 2009 · 121 Comments

Though the issue might not be top of mind for sophisticated and urbane readership of this website, let this serve as your warning: Should you find yourself in, say, Fayetteville, Arkansas (like Melissa, a California expat currently attending the U of A) you’ll soon realize how important it is to lay down the law with regard to proper cud disposal.

I know that we live in Arkansas, and we like our tobacco, but the water fountain is not a spit cup for you're [sic] chewed tobacco. It is clogging up the drain. Please refrain from using the water fountain for this purpose.


Of course, when you live as far north as Baltimore and notice that your boss has taken to spitting chaw in your trash can, the situation becomes that much more dire.

Spit in my trashcan and I'll take a dump in yours :)

related: evidently, yes

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Arkansas · Baltimore · garbage · southern charm · spelling and grammar police · spitting · your/you're