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The Joker

January 5th, 2009 · 85 comments

Because it’s Monday and you’re so thrilled to be back at work, I thought it was as appropriate a time as any to bring you these gems from the Columbia, Kentucky and Melbourne, Australia campuses, respectively, of the University of What The Fuck.

Ladies! I'm sorry about the shower but someone pooped in it. When I get the time I will clean it. That is if I get the time. Kay <- Housekeeping

Who takes a crap in the SHOWER?!? (Why so serious?) Dude...

(And commenters, please note the enormous exercise of restraint demonstrated by the lack of “anal-retentive” punning in this post’s subject line.)

related: If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today

extra credit: Waste management [youtube]

FILED UNDER: Australia · college life · Kentucky · Melbourne · shit · shower

85 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kiki

    Pooped in the shower…..awesome

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   mamason bang

      I’m so sick of this shit.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   hall monitor

      This is what happens when people refuse to replace the toilet paper in the stalls.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #2   RandyinReno

    Shave, Shower, and SHIT!!

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   unfortunate names

      I don’t remember seeing poop listed as one of the steps in taking a shower a few posts ago. i musta missed it.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 5:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Sue Do Nim


      Jan 5, 2009 at 7:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   teeg

    I can’t decipher the third one: “Why so…” … what’s the last word? looks like “serius”

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   John

      are you serious?

      Jan 6, 2009 at 5:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Jazra

    I knew there was a reason i never liked melbourne. it’s full of freaks.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   dare

    What a craptastic way to start the year…

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   Nate

    But honestly, who DOES take a crap in the shower? I can’t imagine it would be easier than the toilet.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   anglophile bang

      Drunk people. Drunk people take craps in showers. Colleges contain a high concentration of drunk people. That is why you get crapped-in showers at college.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Nate, you’d be pleasantly surprised by both the list of practitioners (mostly P-List celebrities: guests on the old Mike Douglas/Merv Griffin talk show circuit; senior members of both Bush administrations; night school students, Walt Disney and Madeleine Albright.)

      Nate, you would also be pleasantly surprised by the sense of liberation one gains from taking such a bold and defiant stand (I’m told).

      anglophile: That is an outrageous accusation! Do you have any evidence (non-ivy league) to back up your allegations?

      As you’re no doubt aware, the Kellogg-Briand Pact, of 1928, established conclusively that drunks poop in bathtubs, not showers.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   secondsout bang

      Oldschool is defensive. Apparently, depending on his time zone, he’s already drunk, sometime between 9am and 12noon.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   TheOldSchool bang

      ME defensive?

      I’m not the one who chose the name: #2s out.

      (I’ll admit, that’s unfair. No one should be teased for the name given by ones parents.)

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Canthz_B bang

      Wouldn’t that be a bold and defiant squat?

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Canthz B,

      Not necessarily. Legs akimbo. Mouth agape. Let freedom ring.

      My former brother-in-law used to waste his money on high colonics. After I tipped him off to getting the same benefits from standing on his head in the shower, he saved enough money to be able to divorce my sister. Win/Win.

      That reminds me, I should probably visit him in the hospital one of these days. Poor bastard. He’s living in the quadriplegic ward. Nasty fall in the shower, I’m told. He couldn’t even attend the divorce proceedings. My sister got everything.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   Canthz_B bang


      Jokes on this site. Do not take literally.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   anglophile bang

      I have nothing but anecdotal evidence gathered during a four-year stint in a Big Ten school, TOS. I hope that suffices.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 3:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   unholyghost2003 bang

      at my hoity toity college a drunk guy once took a dump in a bubbler … but I don’t think there was shower shitting. The maids were not happy about the bubbler though.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   EyeHeartA2

      Bubbler? Are you from Wisconsin?

      Jan 7, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   Mishee bang

      how creepy, are you stalking ghostie? cause if so, STOP, that’s MY job!!

      Jan 7, 2009 at 1:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.12   jelloegg bang

      Oh it’s quite easy to take a dump in the shower……when you’re SIX!

      Jan 16, 2009 at 3:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   unholyghost2003 bang

    Oh boy! this one has Claw written all over it ….

    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   Sadi

    No big jobs in the shower.


    Jan 5, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #9   Thanks!

    bowel control please

    Jan 5, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   ulikba queen

      They can’t. It’s a “treatment effect” of Orlistat.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Juliet

    I like Housekkeeping Kay’s comment, “That is if I get the time.” Treat that type of behaviour with the contempt it deserves!

    Where is Anytime Stan when you need him?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 11:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Housekeeping Kay would be first on my list of suspects.

      Anytime Stan: a close second.

      (If only someone had taken a photo of the crime scene, we might be able to rule out one or the other based merely on stereotypes — just like the real law enforcement agencies do.)

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      Speculate if you must, but the Mad Bomber’s identity is a secret as closely guarded as the alien spaceship in Antarctica! ;-)

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   tinkerbell2

      poor Housekeeping Kay. With a name like that, what choice of profession did she have? I blame the parents.

      Jan 6, 2009 at 7:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   secondsout bang

    Is it just me, or does note #2 have some sort of weird brown shading on it. Like someone used that same sheet of paper to wipe his/her ass?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   TheOldSchool bang


      I don’t care to speculate about that theory, but on a related note: the sheet of paper clearly has a message of some sort on the other side.

      Perhaps we can entice a PAN laptop owner to hold his or her laptop up to the light, in order to decipher the secret code. It would go a long way towards solving this baffling mystery.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Sarcastic Monkey

      No mystery – The shading is just a shadow.

      It’s clearly a cash register receipt that someone used as a notepad.

      Although the question of why someone would color in the smile of the “Why so serious” post is another question…

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   hollow/caustic

      “That is, if I get the time.”

      Translation: You’re on your own, shitbirds.

      Jan 6, 2009 at 9:10 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   hollow/caustic

      Wow. That one nested on the wrong thread entirely.

      As for the receipt, I hope it’s for Lysol.

      And is that chewing gum holding it on the glass?

      Dirty germy fucks.

      Jan 6, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #12   TheOldSchool bang

    If I were HK, I’d call the campus police department’s CSI unit for stool DNA testing, and then request stool samples from everyone at the college — faculty, students, administration, and the campus police.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Especially the police.

      I mean, how does this stuff happen?

      Where were they?

      Part of the tuition money goes to paying their salaries.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Stuffin

      Reminds me of the classic It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode: “Who Pooped the bed?”

      Jan 7, 2009 at 8:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   you suck at craigslist

    My cat poops in the bathtub. (Then again, there’s a litter box there.) If these people are as dimwitted as my cat, maybe this makes sense to them.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TheOldSchool bang


      You’re lucky. My cat hated baths.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   TheOldSchool bang



      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   claw71 bang

    Who is not nearly as intriguing as why. When it comes to defecation I really don’t want to put a face with the poop. True, I’d rather not associate with the sort of person who would leave a steamer in the shower but if I happen to encounter a wayward turd I’d just as soon sever ties with all of the possible suspects because I’d rather not hang around with the sort of people who hang around with shower shitters.

    So that brings us to the question of why. Not why would somebody shit in the shower because that’s obvious. It was either a sudden emergency or the person is just a crazy freak who has an intimate relationship with his or her bodily waste. Crazy more or less explains itself but what about that poor soul who suddenly lost command of his or her bowels? Surely they were taken aback by this apparently involuntary action but why did they not see fit to dispose of the evidence? Unless they suffered a stroke and were rushed off to the hospital you really can’t justify leaving feces on the shower floor. It’s unacceptable. Just grab the toilet brush or a roomie’s back scrubber and mince the poop into a fine paste that will ooze down the drain.

    In fact, I can see why people poop in the shower. I suspect it happens more often than most of us would care to know. It’s efficient and you could argue that it is a technique that actually lends itself to better hygiene since it’s far better to thoroughly scrub one’s ass post defecation than it is to settle for a few passes with the Charmin. The problem is when somebody has the audacity to leave their poop behind for others to see. That’s the question, my friends.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:30 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   RandyinReno


      Neither the toilet brush nor roomie’s back scrubber will mince the corn. Each kernel will need to be pushed through the drain grid with the handle of roomie’s toothbrush.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   TheOldSchool bang

      And yet the fellas in the locker room tease ME for wearing my thigh-highs (rubber boots) into the showers!

      Yes…as you can well imagine, it’s all mitigated greatly by the good-natured towel-snapping and playful rough-housing that later ensues in the sauna.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   claw71 bang

      Corn should always be recycled.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   TheOldSchool bang


      I’m in complete agreement with you about the corn.

      Nothing is more heartbreaking to me than, while I’m out rooting through the neighbors’ garbage cans (usually I’m just looking for tidbits of embarrassing information about them that I can anonymously feed to, but sometimes I hit the jackpot and I’m able to parlay a particular find into a financial windfall via a negotiated settlement), there’s nothing more heartbreaking to me than seeing perfectly good corn placed in the ordinary trash containers.


      Thank you, claw71, for bringing this wasteful travesty to our attention.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   RandyinReno

      I think that by recycling, Claw means that after mincing the poop with the toilet brush, the pooper should use a slotted spoon from the kitchen to retrieve the corn and add it back into the leftover chowder in the fridge.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   Bunnee

      Minced poop paste-delicious on a Ritz! Mmmmmm….

      Jan 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    Talk about getting a crappy education! :-P

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   Andy

    He called the shit poop!

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   CarlSpackler

    That was poop in the shower? No wonder it tasted funny.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   mamason bang

    My oldest son told me, well after the fact, that when he was 4 years old and spending some time at his grandmothers, he thought it would be funny to poop in the shower. So he did. He found it quite funny but even at his tender age he realized immediately after, that Grandma would not be amused at all. He had the good sense at age 4, to squish it down the drain and eliminate all evidence of his shower shitting experiment. I have long suspected that he is a genius and these notes confirm my suspicions. I am so proud!

    Jan 5, 2009 at 1:16 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   TheOldSchool bang


      You could be on to something. If I were you, I’d have the lad tested. If you’re right, you can get him placed in a university early entrance program. By the time he’s 8, he could be out there in the workforce, you can retire, and he can provide for you.

      Aren’t kids great? The little roister-doisters!

      Jan 5, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Goldie

      A wee lad, pooping in MIL’s shower and then clogging her drain with his poo-poo. This can come in quite handy! MIL will never know why her shower stall suddenly stopped smelling like roses and lavender. Or why the water tends to turn brown when she’s soaking in her favorite foam bath. Perfect.

      Jan 5, 2009 at 3:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   sandwich78

      Who lets a four year old take a shower by themselves? I’m gonna have to call bullshit on your son’s story.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   Ida_Knowe

    If I were cleaning lady Kay, I’d stay real busy and not have time to clean it. No one will shower in there but the proud deficator, thus you’ll find your culprit….they’ll be the only without greasy hair and B.O.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   GhostWriter bang

      …they’ll be the only one with greasy hair and B. O.? …in Kentucky? That’s where greasy stinkpots go to blend in!

      Jan 5, 2009 at 4:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   Melanie

    yikes. This is precisely why I wear flipflops in the gym showers. Now, what does Housekeeping Kay propose we do about the gigantic, Cousin It wads of hair stuck to the shower walls?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   secondsout bang

      Wads of hair on the walls? Don’t you mean Rocket Pubes?

      Jan 5, 2009 at 6:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #21   Summer

    Kay’s busy alright, scouring the want-ads for another job if she’s smart.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #22   SuperMe

    does that joker face have a brown smile?

    a shit eating grin, if you will? or if you won’t…
    a potty mouth?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 3:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    On a totally unrelated note, has anybody seen my chocolate birthday cake?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Bunnee

      I didn’t even get a cake, chocolate or otherwise, on my birthday (which is today, fwiw) :(

      Jan 6, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Nacey

    Two girls, one shower stall.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Pooper

    Two Confessions:

    #1 When we were small, my brother and I would take a bath together in the tub – fun city! That is, until the time one of us pooped in the tub and my Mom found the other one playing with it. We argue to this day which of us did which. I’m not so sure which is better!

    #2 When I was a student at a prestigious southern liberal arts college, I was involved in bit of bad behavior (alcohol was involved, naturally.) Our university had a beautiful golf course on campus and nationally competitive teams. For some reason, one of my buddies dared me to take a dump in the 9th hole and I did it. I really hate to imagine the first person who went to retrieve their ball from the hole. Yes, I know: it was a shitty thing to do and I feel badly about it now.

    But at least it wasn’t in a communal shower, eh?

    Jan 5, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #26   Matthew

    Adam Carolla has confessed to pissing in the sink.

    Jan 5, 2009 at 7:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Sonsy

      Alert the media! Oh, wait…

      Jan 6, 2009 at 12:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   hollow/caustic

      My six-year-old has a tendancy to hog the bathroom for up to a half-hour in the morn… Paired with my wife’s proclivity to occupy the half-bath, yeah… I’ve pissed in the kitchen sink, too. And that’s why we buy antibacterial dishsoap, bitches.
      Wanna come over for dinner?

      Jan 6, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #27   Andy

    Let me guess: Kay didn’t get the time.

    Jan 6, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   thirty six red

    Was the turd in question sprinkled with glitter? Because you just can’t polish a turd.

    Jan 6, 2009 at 11:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mishee bang

      But I have heard you can put lipstick on a pig!

      Yes… we can…!

      Jan 6, 2009 at 11:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   Jahzzie

      actually, yes you can. Ask Mythbusters. Thry are the current reigning experts on all things relating to poo.

      Jan 6, 2009 at 5:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   johnnypeepers

    When I was a kid, I defecated in a urinal in the men’s locker room. One of the bad kids got blamed for it and they made him clean it up.

    Jan 6, 2009 at 2:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   hollow/caustic

      Who craps in a urinal? What species of asswad/shitfuck are you, anyway?

      Back in my min-wage days, working in a food joint, I once discovered a massive doodoo log laid across the breadth of the urinal in the men’s room.

      Hell no, I had one of the illegals clean it up. America rules.

      Jan 7, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #30   JamieSays

    Got a good reason, for taking a shit in the shower
    Got a good reason, for taking a shit in the shower, now

    She was a shower shitter
    One-squat taker, yeah
    It took Kay so long
    To clean up, but she cleaned up

    Jan 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   ADam

    It Was Me… I took gothams white knight and turned him into the Brown knight

    Jan 6, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   Meg

    These happenings always interest me, probably because of the whole flip flop revolution.

    People spoke of pee and poop and giant mops of hair in dorm showers; thus, people decided to start wearing flip flops in the showers. It’s reached the point where everyone wears flip flops, all in fear of the of the pee and poop and hair. Everyone is wearing flip flops, yet the pee/poop/hair persists. I don’t understand it.

    Oh wait, yes I do. People are asses. I liked Claw’s response too, but I think people are just asses. Man, that was too easy.

    Jan 8, 2009 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   Tiny Buddha

    I believe shower dookies have been a problem for house keeping professionals since ancient Roman times. I believe also, not proven though, that Ceaser himself enjoyed a good solid crap in the shower after an orgy or two. I also believe what kind of retard drops one in the shower? Shoudl we be worried about the Earth or should we start worrying about the stupidification of its population? Certainly this is the product of inbreeding. No doubt.

    Jan 10, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   Katie

    i just took a dump that honest to god smelled like cat shit – and i havent eaten cat food since 1991. i’m quite concerned about this, cause last time my boyfriend was kissing me, he pat me a few times on my lower back and i jacked my ass up in the air like i was in heat. am i turning into a kitten?

    Jan 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #35   geeklygirly

    way late on this, but I can’t believe no one said it before me…

    that shit is disrespectful!


    Mar 20, 2009 at 5:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   definitely not kosher for passover

    [...] armed forces aren’t quite so “anything goes.” except, it seems, when it comes to shitting in the shower. (but that’s just [...]

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   Chris

    Guess the browns didn’t make it to the super bowl.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #38   ’Bama bombs |

    [...] Who takes a crap in the shower?! [...]

    Mar 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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