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Facebook: the ultimate nostalgia-killer

January 9th, 2009 · 147 comments

Writes Liz in Dublin: “I’m submitting a message I received via Facebook to show that while Facebook is a great place to reconnect with old friends, it is an even better place to reopen decade-old wounds of teenage angst.”

Explains Liz: “The e-mailer and I never spoke in high school, and I thought it was odd that she added me as a friend on Facebook in the first place. In the spirit of being nice, I added her back, kept her on for few days (I figured she just wanted to see my pictures) and then removed her. That was about two months ago, so it’s interesting that she’s bringing it up now.”

Not that I'm super offended or anything...

Meanwhile, Michael in Lexington, Kentucky received a similarly out-of-the-blue message from an old high school “friend” he hadn’t heard from in about ten years. “To be honest,” says Michael, “I’m not sure what ‘ties’ she’s referring to.”

funny how we're not friends

related: tant pis, mon amie
extra credit: 30 rock “reunion” [hulu]

FILED UNDER: Dublin · Facebook · frenemies · Ireland · just wondering · Kentucky · Lexington · smiley

147 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee bang


    I hate Facebook Friday almost as much as I hate it when RunBarbara brings out the liquid latex and the myriad of lit candles.

    How much melted wax does it take to cover a grown woman, you ask? You don’t want to know… And, why does she need it topped off with the liquid latex? Believe me, you really don’t want to know!!


    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ti O bang

      It really depends on how thick you want the outer layer to be.

      “Lay her”

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Craig

      Mishee, no more than I hate your stupid posts such as these. Perhaps you could find some more material that is amusing? Oh nevermind, you can’t.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 99  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Mishee bang

      craig, why don’t you go back to your damn list and find some crack whore to meet up with and trade a Wii and ten rookie Cal Ripken, Jr. baseball cards for a blowjob and a finger in the ass?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   RunBarbara bang

      you cant get someone from craigslist to put a finger up your ass? swell!
      so long, polk street.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   aaa

      Smart crack whores (well, smarter crack whores) have learned to stay the fuck away from Craig and his list. All Craig’s left with is the overweight hairy dudes that post pics of their shriveled dicks in Men Seeking Men and the people who keep selling the “French Prudential” furniture.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Ti O bang

      Craig has naked hairy overweight dudes with shriveled dicks and brandishing knives selling French Prudential furniture whilst standing on his porch. His Mom just wants to trade for some butt plugs.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   aaa

      Awww, but it’s so fun to watch them flail about and make a mess of themselves! Can’t we feed them just a little bit more? Can we? Canwecanwecanwe huhhuhhuh? *creepy japanime big watery eye sparkle*

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   Ti O bang

      Ooooh dang! Sorry aaa I backedited out my “Don’t feed the trolls” comment.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   you suck at craigslist

      I’d just like to state for the record that I had nothing to do with any of this.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Craigslister

      Damn, I’m one Cal Ripken, Jr rookie card short.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   Mishee bang

      I’m sure she will accept a Barry Bonds, as long as its before the all juicing.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   TheOldSchool bang


      Thanks for the tip. I’ve done some checking around, and I can now report that some — but not all* — of the French Prudential offered on craigslist is of dubious authenticity.

      I hate to alarm people unnecessarily, but I have sources in Interpol informing me that a rogue antiquities trader in Aix-en-Provence has formed, what they call “une alliance profane” with a master antiquities forger in Pyongyang.

      Apparently, the fake French antiques (most, if not all, from the highly desirable “Prudential” period) are so meticulously crafted that they are even able to deceive even the notoriously eagle-eyed antiquities dealers on craigslist.

      Obviously, everyone would love to acquire French Prudential for their own estates. As an investment, French Prudential is rock solid.

      But only if it is true French Prudential.

      One foolproof method for determining whether the dining room table is authentic:

      First, tip the table on its side. Examine the underside for names that look like they could be from the Prudential region of France. (Queen Prudence = AAAA++++)

      Next, use your German pocket saw to saw off one of the legs.

      Count how many rings to determine the table’s age.

      If there are tons, it’s legit. If not, contact interpol. There could be a reward.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   TheOldSchool bang

      * The television cabinet, to my eye, looks authentic.

      People in the Prudential region of France watch a lot of television in order to avoid tourists. Queen Prudence was said to have televisions throughout the palace — even in her pièce de torture et de récréation!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   Ugh

      I am the only one that has seen “mishee” on flicker? *shudders*

      Jan 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Canthz_B bang

      Ugh, a new low in childish is hard to reach here.
      You’ve done a pretty credible job of getting close though.

      Mishee probably looks better than your Mom did at her GED Prom. Oh, that’s right, she couldn’t go because her pimp said no one else could run that hot corner like she could!


      Jan 9, 2009 at 9:02 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   Ugh

      My job here is done.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Ugh

      Btw, it isn’t my fault that someone was hit with the ugly fat stick…..

      Jan 9, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   Canthz_B bang

      See what I mean. You’re a loser. You almost had the Gold, and settled for a Bronze.
      I didn’t bring up your Mom’s fat stick assault, you did that.


      Jan 9, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.19   morpho

      and today’s prize for “ugliest troll” goes to…

      let’s give it a hand folks, it didn’t even have to show its face to prove how ugly it is.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.20   M

      I’m pretty sure ugh was talking about your wife, cb.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.21   JamieSays

      I really can’t believe the dickery of some people.

      Ugh, unglue yourself from the computer chair and go outside. Meet people, learn manners, and try to work on that wit of a third grader while you’re at it. If you can believe, you can achieve. Go get them, sport.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.22   Mishee

      I know I am not “classically pretty”, and even a little on the heavy side… that’s the price you pay when you are a super awesome person with a brain (and super rockin’ awesome creepy internet friends) like mine. That’s why kerry sent me a free autographed copy of the PAN book.

      Cause it’s all about the Mishee™…

      If you could only be so lucky… but alas, you aren’t. Sucks for you!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.23   morpho

      well since we’ve already awarded ugliest troll
      M gets the prize for gratuitous assholery

      Jan 10, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.24   morpho aurora bang

      i know we shouldn’t feed the trolls
      but i think M and Ugh really need these lovely russula emetica mushrooms i found

      Jan 10, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.25   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe, M…my wife (rest in peace) was more woman than many men can handle.
      Just the way I liked her…what, did you think you were going to offend me?

      I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
      You would too, if you weren’t so insecure about that small penis you have. ;-)

      Jan 10, 2009 at 2:26 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.26   Mishee bang

      To quote Day-Day in Next Friday: “Fat bitches need love too!”

      And even better, Friday After Next: “All want Santa Claus is two fat bitches and a bag of weed and two bag of chips to give to the fat bitches”

      At least someone gets us AND realizes how hungry we are, and that we love to get high…

      Jan 10, 2009 at 3:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.27   mamason bang

      First, let me just say, ((((Mishee)))) & ((((CB)))) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

      Wow. I have some free time today so I come here to play and find that there are a couple of low-life inbred mouth breathers showing off their total lack of wit and creativity. I almost feel sorry for ugh and m because it’s so painfully obvious that their complete lack of intelligence and grace of any kind, makes them the kind of social retards that have people crossing busy highways to avoid them. I mean, it is pretty pitiful when someone has such low self esteem that the only way they can feel even remotely good about themselves is to take cowardly cheap shots at others. I don’t usually like to advocate violence but in this case I’ll make an exception and say that if I were to ever meet either one of these punk-ass mother fuckers, I’d take the afore mentioned stick and shove it so far up both their asses that it’d have to be removed via their mouths. I think I’d then like to bludgeon them both about the face and neck until I no longer had the strength to continue.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.28   Mishee bang

      mamason – you are the wind beneath my wings.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.29   mamason bang

      Mishee – you are the cream in my panties! :-P

      Jan 10, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.30   Canthz_B bang

      Child abuse is unacceptable, mamason…unless you let me watch!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.31   Canthz_B bang

      Mishee has wind beneath her pantie shields? 8-O

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.32   Mishee bang

      Only on chili night.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.33   MAMARILLA2 bang


      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.34   Tricky Dick

      Chili farts.

      I almost had a deal on peace in the Middle East, but at a critical moment Henry blasted a chili fart and Arafat thought he was being attacked by nerve gas!
      Never take your Secretary of State to lunch at Wendy’s before a crucial meeting!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.35   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Then it’s not a compliment?

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.36   Mishee bang

      Sounds like the same type of rule as not giving the President raw fish when meeting with the Prime Minister of Japan.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.37   Canthz_B bang

      Or giving Dubya something to say in English in public!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.38   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Even giving him a door to walk through.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.39   Canthz_B bang

      He’s great for our dodgeshoeball team though!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.40   Mishee bang

      Make sure to keep him away from the snack foods… especially the pretzel bowl…

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.41   M

      CB, my comment was just me throwing in my own smart ass remarks to add to the others. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am sure your wife was a beautiful person, inside and out. Peace.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 7:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.42   Canthz_B bang

      That’s just what happens when you throw in your own smart ass remarks without thinking.

      Good to know that you understand that you are an unthinking mother fucker.
      Had you been thoughtful enough to view my blog, you’d have known what you were talking about before you spoke.
      But that is in the past. You can’t unsay what you said.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 8:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.43   Sara

      This thread has reached 40 plus relipes?
      All you do is give satisfaction to those who make negative comments when you reply. People like that don’t care if it is a negative or positive reaction. They win when you respond to them. Period.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 12:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.44   Frankie bang

      I’m prettier than all you bitch ass Trolls, and I’ve seen the Mishee and I think she is beautiful. And no, I’m not being full of myself by saying that I’m prettier than you, I’m just super fucking honest. And I agree with Sara, but I still had to say something because I stand up for my friends always. PEACE!

      Jan 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.45   tee

      this thread is like a really, really long facebook what would you call it? conversation? war? PA without more a tad more A than P?
      some real funnies in there though

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   Ti O bang

    Does there need to be any more proof that Facebook is mainly for crybaby fucktards?

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   claw71 bang

      Crybaby Fucktards? They opened for Panic! At the Disco in Spokane last summer…that was an awesome show.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #3   Frankie bang

    Thanks for ruining my life when we were in highschool! Sure, it’s probably a wee bit immature to continue blaming you for all of current short comings and failures in the “making friends” department, but you were the one that talked “mad trash” thereby obliterating any chance for me to get people to like me based on my honest personality. Douche Tard!

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Ti O bang

      Frankie ♥ !

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   TheOldSchool bang

      I just hope this Facebook topic doesn’t open the door for all the high school graduates to start flouting their academic credentials.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   BeamInMyOwnEye

      Surely flaunting rather than flouting?

      Jan 11, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   TheOldSchool bang


      In an effort to give back to my community, I do a lot of volunteer work . One of the activities that gives me the most pleasure is mentoring wayward young women.

      Most of them have dreams of becoming successful entrepreneurs, but they are lacking in even the most rudimentary of business skills.

      To paraphrase the late Robert F. Kennedy:

      Some people look at things that that never were, and ask: ‘why not?’

      I look at things that never were, and ask: ‘how come?’

      Beam, these young women have made mistakes in their lives. They’ll not deny that.

      Sadly, there are many in our Puritanical society who fervently believe that, because these frolicsome lasses have been naughty in the past, they’ve somehow forfeited their right to ever have goals, hopes, dreams, schemes, and desires.

      Beam, I have dedicated my life to standing as a lightning rod for desires and fantasies of every woman who has ever succumbed to the alluring, yet fleeting, delights that temptation can dangle, or erect, enticingly before her.

      I envision a 21st century where the sensual pleasures of making love (combined with good listening skills) are equally respected in peace negotiations.

      Sasha is one of my newer interns. When I said “flaunting,” she must have heard “flouting.”

      Her creamy thighs were quivering to such an extent that my words must have been muffled by the harmonic reverberations.

      Thank you for calling attention to the error. I’ve already made a mental note to add ears to the the orifice checklist during preliminary physicals.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   BeamInMyOwnEye

      Your kind explanation calls to mind my own experience with a young, strapping intern from Brazil who, for the sake of privacy, I shall simply call “Rodrigo”.

      Imagine my delight when, a few days after days after complaining that I couldn’t give a flying fuck, Rodrigo arranged a joy flight around the harbour of Rio de Janeiro with a waterbed precariously carried in the main cabin.

      Ah, halycon days and truly a Face worthy of being immortalised in this electronic Book I keep hearing about

      Your faithful servant


      Jan 11, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   tinkerbell2

    hmm.. so Michael isn’t sure what the ‘ties’ were, but doesn’t deny talking the ‘mad trash’..?

    *strokes chin pensively*

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Given that the locale is Kentucky, the “ties” she’s referring to are most likely, literally, leather horse reins and dog leashes.

      This woman was probably keeping these students at some sort of rural processing plant while awaiting placement.

      The ones missing four teeth or less were likely sold as sex slaves to farmers, miners, moonshiners, and bourbon-bottling-plant professionals.

      Those missing five or more teeth were either used as bait in human/animal hybrid experiments, or sold directly to third world zoos.

      I haven’t decided whether Michael’s decision to cut their ties was a good one or not, but I can certainly understand why his friend is still upset by his actions.

      Those students were probably worth $30 a head (in 1999 dollars!).

      Jan 9, 2009 at 6:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   pry

    liz, just don’t add someone as a friend if you don’t want to be their friend. you’re playing facebook games, dear.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   aaa

      B-but, if I don’t friend everyone that friends me back, then I’ll look like a losery, hateful Facebook witch! And then people will make fun of me for having so few friends! I mean, how am I going to have 500 Facebook friends if I only friend my actual, real-life friends and family? *sob*

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Friend Muncher

      I think the new standard for popularity should be the number of friend requests a person does not respond to. For example, I have 16 people who want to be my friend who I haven’t friended. Therefore, I am more exclusive then people with 500 friends.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   mere bang

      ^^ LOVE IT f.m. ! ^^

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Is that like reindeer games?

      Jan 10, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Canthz_B bang

      Yes…but are you more exclusive than they are?
      Then we can talk about it, FM. ;-)

      Jan 10, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Joseph L. Harris, Sr.

    Maybe it’s just me, but the middle line of text in the final response in the last image looks a lot sharper than the rest. Crappy Photoshop to change the content?

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mishee

      Good eye Joe… that crossed my mind also…

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Joseph L. Harris, Sr.

      Heh, I’m a photog and spend a lot of time in Photoshop.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Frankie bang

      Maybe bigfoot is just blurry?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   TheOldSchool bang

      How can we be certain that you’re really not Joseph L. Harris, Jr. pretending to be Joseph L. Harris, Sr.?

      Because, face it, that’s the type of stuff he’s known for on Facebook.

      Well, that, and his madcap “I was a teenage prison bitch” confessionals that he serializes on youtube.

      That he stands while telling these yarns adds an air of authenticity to his tales.

      I’m surprised there has not yet been a congressional probe.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m an idiot.

      Jr. could easily be photoshopping himself standing.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   aaa

    Yeah, I guess you should get over how “poorly” people treated you ten years ago considering your “mutual ties” only consisted of you stalking Michael’s friends and the “talking mad trash” was only Michael telling them to call the police next time you showed up on their doorstep naked with a knife and a dozen roses.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #8   T.U.M.

    “Hannibal, that crazy foo’ talkin’ mad trash again!”

    Jan 9, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #9   Bunnee

    Damn, that Liza sure has a difficult time with friends and roommates! Oh, wait….

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   desiree

    whenever i spend too much time on facebook, i end up having dreams that i see everyone i did not talk to in high school. usually they’re really tall. but yes, i agree that static-screen-picture girl does need to get over it. and probably needs to get over a few other things as well.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #11   TPS

    God, I love Facebook drama.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   leftfoot

    … another reason why I’ll never get another facebook (or myspace) account.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   TheOldSchool bang


      Please, at least ….. consider…… giving facebook and myspace another chance.

      Look, I know both sites have their flaws, but, at the end of the day, we have all got to realize that these sites aren’t anything but collections of people.

      If there was just one thing I think that I was certain all of us (@PAN) could absolutely agree on, it is this:

      People are great!

      Reconsider your stance, leftfoot.

      All we are saying is give people a chance.

      Open some more accounts. It’s a win/win/win scenario for you, us, and everyone on the planet.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Zibba bang

      Oh the guilt and self loathing you’ll feel when you finally do open an account. Never say “never”!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   tee

      that’s right…only sometimes say never! :o)

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   Jinx

    I don’t care what anyone says. The first girl seems like a megabitch and a shit stirrer. While girl two seems cool and the type who’s blunt and tells it like it is now because she had no friends in high schoo l (Now, we know why! LOL). I’m sick of people adding people they hated in school and haboring resentments and hate. Anyways, the behavior in the first exampe = passive aggressive. Where as the person who got bitched out (in a no PA way) is being passive aggressive by not knowing what to say and posting it here.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Forget it, Jinx. It’s Kentucky.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 6:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   Juliet

    I love Facebook Fridays! I love how no matter how old people get, the drama is still the same.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   PennyKarma

    I have a dingbat in my life who loves to headline her MySpace page with whatever she’s doing this week with the one guy most despised by her former boyfriend (who left her for me, for all intents and purposes). It tickles me.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Lose That Girl

    Some people just loved high school so much, they just continue on with the nonsense. Too bad the FB school friends didn’t come face to face at a reunion. I doubt they’d be so bitchy to one another in person.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 12:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Olivia

      I’d want to go to there.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      Of course they’d be bitchy to one another in person…just like back in high school way back in 1999.

      I thought that was kinda the point.

      Facebook is where Toys R Us kids live after their parents throw them out of the house.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   tee

      I prefer kindergarten and primary school friends on fuckbook myself…it’s like diet bullshit with less fake contact

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   RunBarbara bang

      i prefer kindergarteners, too, but for entirely different reasons.

      they just like to cuddle….

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   tee

      ooh mah!

      Jan 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Andy

    Sandal wearing feet are notoriously full of self-doubt. Of course they wouldn’t be sure how to respond to that.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Andy

      Not only that, but Michael’s from Kentucky. Is any guy in Kentucky sure of anything beyond his hot sister and the father of her child?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 12:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Olivia

      “Is any guy in Kentucky sure of anything beyond his hot sister and the father of her child?”

      Aren’t those two one and the same in Kentucky?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   TheOldSchool bang

      And the state’s initials: KY.

      It seems as if they’re almost proud of their backwards orientation.

      Well, they probably can’t help it. That’s the way they “was reared.”

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   Frankie bang

      You hear that he wants to “rear your child”!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Andy

      Olivia, that’s kinda what I was getting at…

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   JoelWhy

    I checked my Facebook account this morning, and one of the updates for a friend has the dreaded “xxxx went from being ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single.’” updated. How sad. Sad in so many ways…

    Jan 9, 2009 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   TheOldSchool bang


      This is a bitter blow, indeed. xxxx had never looked happier.

      Oh God. Life is not fair.

      I just wish I could be there for xxxx, but I’ve already booked a testicle massage from Roberto.

      Extend xxxx my heartfelt sympathies. Wow, what a shock.

      Maybe I should book a follow up session with Roberto’s mom?

      No. Too secretive.

      Another threesome it is. One for all. All for one.

      None for xxxx.

      Sad, indeed.

      Oh well. Gotta run. Ciao!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #19   Laura

    I noticed my friend count decrease by one the other day. I shrugged and got on with life.

    I wish I had as much stamina as Liz’s “friend” to trawl through and work out exactly who it was and make them pay God Damn It!

    (BTW, Mishee I love you. And your Mum).

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mishee bang

      Everyone seems to love my Mom.

      She’s gets exhausted with all that love.

      You keep your limey hands off her Duchy Originals!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   TheOldSchool bang


      You don’t happen to have a brother named Roberto, do you?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Laura


      So many references I won’t ever understand…

      Damn being Cornish!

      Jan 11, 2009 at 6:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   tee

      you know what mum’s like? enya!

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   thrall38

    Thank goodness she’s not super-offended or anything. Perhaps that could be rectified? It seems a waste…

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   TheOldSchool bang

      In Kentucky? Hell yes, it can be rectified.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   thrall38

    Thank goodness she’s not super-offended or anything. Perhaps that could be rectified? It seems a shame…

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   Franklin

    This could be easily prevented by blocking users rather than deleting. When you block someone, it removes them from your friends list, and it also makes it impossible for them to find you or contact you through Facebook again. That way, they’ll just think you’ve deleted your account. It’s the ultimate passive way to get rid of people you don’t really ever want to interact with again.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   W

      Yes that option is a valuable tool in the quest to avoid facebook drama. On the other hand, perhaps advertising the ability will spoil it for some ; I do know certain individuals, somewhat lacking in the “actual life” department, who set up nom de plume accounts simply to check for these things! :-D

      Jan 9, 2009 at 1:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   W

    Well, as far as Facebook is concerned, I believe most users are guilty of some “passive-aggressiveness”, no?

    Asking a friend you’ve drifted away from to add you on his “list” and then not saying a single thing ? Childishly toying with the “wall” (look! I keep notifications of all “new friends” but deleted yours, despite the fact I was the one requesting to begin with!). And generally reliving high school. ;-)

    It is almost impossible to avoid some of this silliness, but in my humble opinion, it is sometimes even worth it, for the possibility of reconnecting with those few people who actually _do_ like eachother and _honestly_ lost track of one another over the years (yes, it does happen, especially for those of us who went to school before the ubiquity of im, email and cellphone).

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   claw71 bang

    COOL 101

    Lesson 1: Don’t act like you need friends. Cool people have friends but don’t need them.

    Lesson 2: If one of your friends does something unfriendly or disrespectful, don’t say anything…just act like it didn’t happen. Cool people rarely notice such things because they’re far too busy and important to devote their attention to little things. Even if a cool person has a slight pointed out to them, they’ll always assume that it wasn’t intended because they’re just too cool to snub on purpose.

    Lesson 3: Cool people never retaliate. If an alleged friend consistently lets them down they nonchalantly sever ties with them. There’s no need to tell somebody that you aren’t their friend anymore if you’re cool because they’ll surely feel the sudden lack of coolness in their life.

    Lesson 4: Cool people don’t do FaceBook. They might set up an account, but they are far too cool to check it daily and they never do silly things like status updates or deleting friends. A cool person adds friends, after a prolonged waiting period, as a favor but they never delete friends because they don’t value their list enough to perform maintenance on it. A truly cool person’s status is, obviously, cool but a truly cool person never has to tell people.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   W

      1. I like the idea, but what role does generosity play in this bigger picture? Is someone accommodating and generous because he is cool, or could it be construed as an attempt to gain friends? (thus, needy, thus uncool)

      2. I follow this rule. I would submit, though, that nonchalantly pointing out a small slight is not necessarily p.a. nor uncool, though I’m sure many are far too wrapped up in themselves to admit that. Do it nicely and you’ll be “condescending” – do it indifferently and they’ll fume about pa – do it assertively and they’ll complain about overreaction. Ya can’t win with some people.

      3. True, that.

      4. Oh shit.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Canthz_B bang

      Cool people don’t “attempt to gain friends”.
      Others naturally gravitate towards cool people, just like your…never mind :oops:

      Jan 11, 2009 at 5:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   Zibba bang

    We should be helping Michael come up with a response … maybe the following?

    “You really shouldn’t bother yourself trying to get over how poorly I treated you and I’m really glad you appreciate my work. You won’t mind me forwarding this to all your “friends” on Facebook, right?”

    Jan 9, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   claw71 bang

      Mike live sin Lexington, Kentucky…I think Karma has paid him back in spades.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    …but –out of curiosity –why is Tila Tequila still on your friend list?

    Jan 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Olivia

      Ooh….PAN mad-libs!

      …but –out of curiosity –why is Steve Hofstetter still on your friend list?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   claw71 bang

      …but –out of curiosity –why is Mishee still on your friend list?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   Shawn

      but –out of curiosity –why is My Mom still on your friend list?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Olivia

      …but –out of curiosity –why is Wilford Brimley still on your friend list?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #27   Dina

    I’ve actually been messaging all of the people from high school that weren’t exactly “friends”, but have friended me recently. I basically ask them why they wanted to reconnect (in a perfectly innocuous way, of course), and if they respond, they get to stay. If not, they get deleted. If you can’t even respond to a simple message, and I have no fond memories of you, why even bother?

    Jan 9, 2009 at 3:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Because, Dina: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   Zibba bang

      Dina, I’d love to see an actual message that you sent – my mind just races at the high school-type – yearbook-ish responses you receive. Possibly something like “Oh, I just remember we had Biology class together and you were always so funny! Wassup! How ya doin?”

      In cases such as the aforementioned, would you still delete or now feel obligated to write a message/comment back that would be the one and only message you ever left? Hmmm…

      Jan 9, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.3   Dina

      Ask, and ye shall receive:

      So, I got your friend request and I’m a little confused-I don’t really remember you, although maybe I saw you around the high school every so often? I don’t know, my memory is shot. Either way, I’m happy to be your friend, of course-I’m just curious if there was something I’m forgetting. Did we hang out back in the day?

      Regardless, Happy New Year!


      (Note: I’m more than sure that I never hung out with this guy, I just didn’t want to be like “Why are you friending someone you don’t know without even an introduction, jerkface?”) He hasn’t responded and today was the 1 week point, so he’ll be ignored.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.4   Zibba bang

      Love it! You were, in fact, very nice… and maybe a bit passive agressive yourself? Fantastic stuff… you MUST let me know if you ever get a response!

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.5   TheOldSchool bang

      Dina said: “Ask, and ye shall receive:”

      Well, Mr. Happy indicates that he could use some mouth lovin. Sooner rather than later. Busy?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #27.6   claw71 bang

      I’ll tell you why I try to reconnect with my former classmates: revenge.

      By now every member of the popular crowd has suffered the fate of losing their shine. So Vicki the prom queen and Heather the hot snob have saggy tits, yellow teeth, bad dye jobs and all the low self-esteem that goes with it. Sure, they aren’t much to look at now, but the mind has a funny way of seeing what it wants and I know that when the lights are just right they’ll look like they did back in 1989. The only difference is that they’ll be so desperate for validation that they’ll do anything to earn it.

      The revenge factor is when I’m finished using them for my sexual pleasure, I’ll flip on the lights, look at their aging bodies with disgust and ask them how many times the ugly stick hit them after they dropped out of college.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #27.7   se

      Claw, you are a prick. too bad I could only plus you once.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 7:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.8   TheOldSchool bang


      How do these men respond to that question?

      Jan 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #27.9   mamason bang

      I imagine it’s something about the whole tree falling on him. ;-)

      I kid. I kid claw because I love claw, the little fudge packin’ crack snackin’ pud whackin’ claw.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 7:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #28   You Suck at Craigslist

    Step 1: Get tons of friends on Facebook.
    Step 2: ????
    Step 3: Profit!

    Jan 9, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mark bang

      Facebook, Slashdot, and PAN all in one post? Priceless!

      Jan 10, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #29   mamason bang

    I would never open a facebook or myspace account. The risk of rejection is bad enough but the possibility of not even being acknowledged is the stuff of nightmares. To actually be deleted *shudder* would send me over the edge and I’m not going back to jail.

    Worrying about the little +’s here is almost more than I can bear.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   TheOldSchool bang


      Don’t worry about “+’s.” He’s just a mutton-headed weirdo with an unfeasibly miniscule mayonnaise pen. (So I’m told…..cough, cough.)

      Jan 9, 2009 at 7:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   mamason bang

      mmmmm… mutton

      Jan 9, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   TheOldSchool bang


      Jan 10, 2009 at 2:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   teeg

    I confess I would take great delight in NOT adding a certain HS school buddy if she were to ask me to be her FB friend. Or in adding her and then pointedly deleting her. Old grudges die hard.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Someperson

      Been there, done that. With a college friendship that dissolved after graduation, no less. She requested to be my “facebook friend” when she had utterly failed to be one in real life. So I “added” out of sheer petty curiosity about what she’s been up to since (probably her motive, too), and deleted after a couple of weeks.

      Remember that part in high fidelity where Cusack wonders how he could have “edited out” all the frivolity in Zeta Jones’s character, and “made her into the answer to all the world’s problems”? That’s the kind of revelation I had about this vacuous little thing.

      Jan 10, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    I’m having trouble believing that Michael, a.k.a. Jesus on a bathroom scale, talked mad trash about anyone.

    Jan 9, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   JamieSays

      Bwahaahaa. The mandals gave him away.

      Jan 9, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    Chick #1: “I’m not super-offended or anything…If I were I’d burn your house down with you and your family inside!
    But, Ya’see? It’s all good. I’m just going to feel inferior to all of your other friends on a publicly viewed website. SO THERE! SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT!!!!”

    Jan 10, 2009 at 2:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Tiny Buddha

    Facebook for the socially inept. Why would you accept a friend you didn’t really know or like anyway? There is no cure for being an asshole and if they were one 16 years ago chances are they’re one today and if you’re bleedin’ lucky they probably even bred and have they’re own little assholes running around to tell you about.

    Jan 10, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #34   Agent Inspired

    I limit my friends’ list to people I actually want to keep in touch with. I have a few that are still there because I am too polite to delete them, but they won’t be there forever.

    I block those I don’t want to find me, and I’ve set my privacy up so that I can’t be searched for, thus avoiding much facebook drama.

    For days when I miss that drama, I visit :)

    Jan 10, 2009 at 6:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #35   Harris Bloom

    What is this facebook you all speak so highly of?

    Jan 11, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Not 100 percent certain, but I think it has to do with Rod Stewart’s autobiography.

      I just hope he doesn’t preen. What kind of example would that set for today’s seniors?

      Jan 11, 2009 at 3:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #35.2   Tiny Buddha

      Isn’t Rod’s facebook all stuck together?

      Jan 11, 2009 at 2:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #36   erin

    k, but srsly, there are some people who I don’t even remember from high school who add me as friends and people who I remember to be serious snobs who all of a sudden want to be BFFs with me. I left high school for a reason.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 1:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   TheOldSchool bang


      How old is the baby, now?

      Jan 11, 2009 at 3:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   TP

      I know this question was not meant for me, but I have one thing to ask: How would you like me to read this question?

      It sounds like you are admonishing her if the comma placement is correct. Normally questions like this are asked with intention of ascertaining the age of the baby in the current moment.

      So what kind of question are you trying to convey with this unusual use of the comma?

      Jan 11, 2009 at 3:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #36.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’m just trying to figure out if TP knows what “admonishing” and “convey” mean…

      Erin, pick a format and stick with it. If you’re going to text…text. If you’re going to write…write.
      Don’t offer up “k” and “srsly” and then give us “people” instead of “ppl”!

      Reading is FUNdamental…but not always. :-|

      Jan 11, 2009 at 4:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #36.4   TheOldSchool bang


      The comma was placed there in error by an intern.

      I’ll accept responsibility for it, though, because I was dictating the response from a position under the desk while the young lady typed. She assumed, from my inflection, that I was emphasizing one thing, when, in fact, I was zeroing in on another.

      We’ll go over everything once again in a remedial lesson scheduled for later this evening.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 6:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up


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