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January 11th, 2009 · 89 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Cleveland found this note taped to the office paper shredder. “My first thought was, ‘Wow, this person has issues deeper than the full shredder.’”


related: Especially Deborah

FILED UNDER: Cleveland · crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · office · Ohio · spelling and grammar police

89 responses so far ↓

  • #1   T.U.M.

    Wow, I didn’t know Shatner got an office job.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

  • #2   Sirius bang

    I’m calling BS — I’m convinced that office workers everywhere are cognizant of the benchmarks by which true PAN is judged:

    * Mixed CAP/lower case
    *Mixed Highlighter color
    *Excessive !!! exclamation points
    *Misplelling (sp?)
    *Poor sentence structure
    *Note in question took more time to create than the time necessary to just correct the offending problem


    and said workers are writing notes with these benchmarks in mind, in order to be recognized here, and get the opportunity to start a Mishee-related discussion

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mishee bang

      There is always an opportunity to start a Mishee™ related discussion.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 8:23 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Are those of us who aren’t related to Mishee allowed to participate? Or do we form a subset?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Clumber bang

      i thought we are all related to Mishee….?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Mishee bang

      Not everyone is, but for 5 small monthly payments of $99.99 I will pencil you in my family tree.

      It makes a great Valentine’s or Hanukkah gift!

      And you rest easy with the knowledge that you too have helped Mishee buy another bag of the sweet, sweet Mary Jane.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   TheOldSchool bang

      How is clumber pronounced? “Clummer,” “Clum-ber,” “Clue-mer,” or “Cluem-ber?”

      I have the same question for: “dumber.”

      Jan 12, 2009 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Clumber bang

      Would you like the real answer or the smart-ass answer?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   SarahBelle


    Is that like a cross between sighing in disgruntlement and posting a sign?

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   aaa

      Shame on you! Stealing my thoughts like that… Now I’m going to have to actually effort to be creative and witty… :c

      Jan 11, 2009 at 8:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   SarahBelle


      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   Nate

    It pains me to think that there are actually people out there who write like that.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Really though. If people didn’t write like that as often as they do, the whole PAN thing would be nothing but a fog of desire. Or someone would have to create the problem just so we would have something to do whie we are supposed to be working.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Nate, he probably wrote the note on a computer, and then printed it.

      Not many people have such neat penmanship.

      It’s sad, I know. But this is the world we live in.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Sara

    How can anyone resist putting that note straight into the shredder? Then reversing the shredder and leaving the note hanging half out, as a warning…

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Samantha

      that’s probably the best idea ever. haha

      Jan 11, 2009 at 8:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Quite Contrary

      And I’m sure that’s exactly what they did. They just took the photo so they would have a record of it, not to send it to a website for all the wo,…

      Never mind.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Or they could have completely shredded the note, and then spent a lot of company time meticulously piecing it back together.

      T.O. would still get the message, and the employees would look like they were working productively as a team on a group project together.

      By the time the reconstruction was complete, the project participants may have gained new insights into the real people lurking behind the normal formal facades they present to one another each day.

      Mostly regurgitated gossip, but still.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Crimson Sky

      Actually, I would shred it and leave it IN the shredder. That way it works as both a warning and a way to further annoy the note-writer, since that was their whole problem in the first place. ;)

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   RandyinReno

    The writer used some restraint in that s(he) only used paired exclamation points. To accomplish this while maintaining the excess on a single page, a pair must be inserted in the!! middle of a sentence. PAN creativity!!

    Jan 11, 2009 at 8:41 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #7   Flaboy2425

    There’s a whole lot of shreddin’ goin’ on.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Troy McClure bang

    Obviously the grammar shredder was still fully functional.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Most likely because it gets emptied after each use.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 10:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   Julia

    Wow, and I would have figured that emptying it just when it was full would suffice. Thank you, “TICKED OFF,” for alerting me to the errors of my ways!

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   NoExit

    Amazingly, the writer couldn’t even wait until the end of the sentence!! to insert two exclamation points.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   blueangels7901 bang

    “HEY YOU!! Yeah, YOU!! How about putting the shredder back!! where you found it!!”
    Out of curiousity, was “THAT” grammatically necessary? Anywho, makes one wonder what the moron’s reaction would be to an empty coffee pot…

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Canthz_B bang

      …or to extra microwave time. :???:

      Jan 11, 2009 at 11:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   TheOldSchool bang

      …or to cubicles festooned with old Dilbert comic-strips.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   bellabeastie

      …that stinks of popcorn and leftover salmon.

      And don’t touch my plants..

      Jan 12, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Harris Bloom

    I’d love to see how the writer responds to messes left in the microwave (A constant issue in my office).

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   TheOldSchool bang

      …or to ladies who do Big Jobs in the restroom.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   TP

    This is probably the same person that thinks ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

    Did someone set us up the bomb? I’d be careful of this “TICKED OFF” individual were I you.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   Wade bang

    Maybe the note writer was an aspiring Tick villian:

    “So he says to me, ‘You gotta do something smart, baby. Something BIG! He says, ‘You wanna be a super villain, right?’ And I go yeah, baby, YEAH! YEAH! WHAT DO I GOTTA DO? He says, ‘You got highlighters and exclamation points, put a crazy note on the shredder, it’s packed with paper, you’ll go down in SUPER VILLAIN HISTORY!’ And I go yeah, baby, ’cause I’m the Evil Midnight Shredder What Shreds at Midnight! Aaaaaa-hahahahaha!”

    Jan 11, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Saysh bang

      Wade, you will forever be my hero.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, Wade, but I gotta fight for my woman…you understand…nothing personal. Stop being so fucking creative. I know where you live!!

      Sort of :-|

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Saysh bang

      CB, my always and forever love, you have nothing to worry about with Wade.

      Mostly because NO ONE knows where he lives.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      Wade resides in our computers.

      An insidious program is he!
      How does one fight an algorithm?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   Saysh bang


      You will be assimilated. Or be a part of the Matrix. or something. LOL

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   anglophile bang


      Jan 12, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #14.7   Frankie bang

      Wade actually lives in my right pants pocket. It’s a common misconception that he comes from the U.S. Capitol or possibly Maryland. In reality he was born of a demi-god and a fairy princess and after a brief stint as a muse for the band Styx he somehow came to live in my pants.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.8   Bunnee

      You would never let him get away with too much time on his hands…..

      Jan 13, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Scarlet

    He has issues alright. Spelling and grammar issues. ha haha ha amirite? amirite? high five! no? ok….

    Jan 11, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #16   Wolverine Girl

    It looks like this note has been stuck crappily over another highlighted rant. I get the feeling TICKED OFF!! makes a habit of this.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Nice observation. I just wish I could see the color composition he chose to use on his earlier rant.

      Without that information, I regret having to inform T.O. that I’ll be unable to help him.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 10:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Mark

    Why would you have to empty the shredder after each use? That’s ridiculous. Wait until it’s full.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 10:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Kathy

      Seriously. You’re gonna empty it after shredding one piece? I call BS on the sign.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 7:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   JamieSays

    When are people going to learn that correct grammar is the way to get people to listen, and possibly make them want to have sex with you?

    Jan 11, 2009 at 10:24 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m pleased to note that you qualified your assertion with the word, “possibly.”

      There’s so sense in getting the troops too hopped up on learning grammatical rules for the wrong reasons.

      They’ll learn soon enough about the futility of everything.

      Jan 11, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   TheOldSchool bang

    Ticked Off should have used more yellow and less orange.

    The color composition is obviously hurried, but doesn’t excuse its grievously flawed execution.

    At first glance, T.O.’s snarling note seems overtly hostile.

    Upon further reflection, I’ll suggest that his eye-piercing sign is actually a pitiable death-wail from someone who, even while knowing that the cracked dry lips of unfathomable despair are engulfing what is left of his limp manhood, is to unimaginative to do anything other than succumb to the excruciating dullness that pervades his being — thus going overboard with the orange marker and skimping on the yellow, much as one could easily predict from a case-study of this type of cubicle-dwelling, suburban-living, corporate fuckwit.

    In conclusion: I think he needs to get laid. (in fact, they all do. Any volunteers?)

    Jan 11, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Geek Goddesss

      I was going to give this comment a ‘+’, but then I read the last line, and was concerned that my response to TOS could be misconstrued as volunteering.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   anglophile bang

      This comment leads me to conclude either (a) TOS is TO, or (b) TOS is findin’ it hard to be a pimp and has been reduced to trolling blogs for new employees.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Mishee bang

      Well Glo, its hard out there for a pimp.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   TheOldSchool bang

      1. Well, it’s hard out there for art aficionados, too.

      2. A pimp would never use such garish colors.

      3. Maybe I’m just keenly sensitive to human suffering where ever I find it.

      4. Which of you biatches wanna be my ho(s)?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   claw71 bang

      You know it’s hard out here for a temp (you aint knowin)
      When he tryin to get that shredder to shred (you aint knowin)
      The invoices you chopped up after 10(you aint knowin)
      got all jammed in that bitch’s shit (you aint knowin)
      now he gotta take apart that bitch’s shit (you an’t knowin)

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.6   Type A

      I agree with your sentiments. However, I think you mean “too unimaginative”.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.7   TheOldSchool bang

      With all the money that PAN is raking in from book sales, one would think the global conglomerate that owns the site would be willing to spring for proof readers.

      Sigh…. It looks like I’ll be giving one of the girls in steno a good, hard, bare-bottom spanking.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    This is obviously a stunning waste of time.
    The glaring failure to anthropomorphize the shredder shows an utter lack of proper PA note-writing skills.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But the whole guilt thing, speard wide to cover all who use the machine.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   TheOldSchool bang

    I’m also troubled by PAN’s intro:

    “our anonymous submitter in cleveland.”

    Are you referring to the person who forwarded you note, or are you referring to a masochist you met in an Ohio leather bar?

    If it is the latter, and if his name is Ernie, please let him know that I’m sorry I lost those keys. I trust he was eventually freed by the CFD.

    I hope he can laugh about it, now. He couldn’t then. I still get a chuckle when I think of the exasperated look on his face when I told him I had a flight to catch.

    Memories….. of the way I was.

    Jan 11, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #22   Lose That Girl

    Peeps in this office won’t be getting any other work done if they’re constantly emptying the shredder. Someone should tell the note poster to lay off on their usage of highlighters. Wasteful!

    Jan 12, 2009 at 8:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Clumber bang

      Not that I want to ruin the tempo with practical suggestions, but perhaps THAT yes THAT office needs a larger-capacity shredder? Perhaps an Enron-sized one? Cleveland… KeyBank lives there, right? Hmmm….

      Jan 12, 2009 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Mishee bang

    At least now we know how Roger Waters is making a living nowadays, since his solo albums were just crap.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   claw71 bang

      Hey you,

      out there by the bin shredding papers that came in
      can you hear me?

      Hey you,
      don’t leave the scraps in there because there are people here who care
      can you hear me?

      Hey you! Don’t you know what actions are right?
      You left it for me, now we fight.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 9:02 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Roger’s really a trip when you get to know him.

      He and his brother, Muddy, and I have been kicking around some ideas for an upbeat conceptual blues musical. I’ll keep you posted.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   HorribleLicensePlates

    I am in exclaimation point hell. Someone save me from this place.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 8:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   claw71 bang

    Surely this sign isn’t directed at me.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 8:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #26   claw71 bang

    Of course being a native of Cleveland I am shocked by this submission. I didn’t think they had shredders in Cleveland. Actually I’m doubly shocked. First, that there are actually people employed in Cleveland and, secondly, that they would need a shredder. I figured the overwhelming sense of urban decay would be enough to dispatch any sensitive documents.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #27   mahlookma

    Please, oh please–shred the sign.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 9:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Commentator

      I’m going to *have* to shred the note in order to use the shredder. The damned note is taped over the paper feeder slot!

      And if I had seen who put that note there, the shredder would be emptied on his desk every time I used it. (Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.)

      Jan 12, 2009 at 10:43 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #28   anglophile bang

    Yet more proof that the person causing all the problems in today’s workplace is YOU.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Does YOU post here?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #29   Bunnee

    If the submitter can find out who wrote the note, he/she should empty the shred bin all over the writer’s desk when he/she is at lunch. (Be sure to stuff some in the cabinets, too!)

    …dang, sorry, Commentator. Guess I should finish reading posts, first. :)

    Jan 12, 2009 at 11:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #30   GhostWriter bang

    Nice form, but a half-point deducted for lack of light blue highlighter usage.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 12:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   TheOldSchool bang

      GW: I was troubled by that, too.

      Well, “troubled” isn’t the right word.

      I was personally offended.


      Ready to knee T.O. in the nutsack and give him an impromptu colostomy, then hurl his precious shredder out the window.

      But I decided to blog about my feelings, smoke a blunt, and drink a decaf latte (w/splenda), instead.

      GW, I have to tell you that I think you’re being a little harsh on T.O.. A half-point deduction is a bit of an over-reaction to a relatively minor discrepancy.

      Please reconsider your verdict, GW. I think even deducting a quarter point is a bit over the top, but, obviously, it’s your decision.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   GhostWriter bang

      I just huffed up two grams of hash through a hookah, gulped a double espresso with triple raw sugar, and still hold to the half-point deduction.

      The colors, however, are quite luminescent.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   claw71 bang

    I like the shredding arrangement in my office. We have one cross-cut shredder that is hopelessly too small to handle our daily shredding needs. It’s also prone to jam if too many papers are fed into it at one time. So, rather than allocate the funds necessary to spring for a secure shredding service to come and shred our documents on a weekly basis, we have one of the admins in our fax room operate the shredder. Nobody else is allowed to use it. We take documents to the fax room and when the bin is full our shred girl, Traci–yes, with an “i”–takes the bin to the shredder and performs this necessary function.

    It’s great because the shredder is on the floor just across from my desk and Traci has to bend over to feed the documents in. Quite often I’ll jam a stray piece of plastic into the blades so she’ll be forced to wrestle with it — on the floor, with her top riding up in the back to expose that cheap stock butterfly tat she had stamped on the small of her back during the first of her two years in “design school”.

    Yeah, I’d hit that.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Commentator

      “Yeah, I’d hit that.”

      Well, it’s “Traci” with an “i”! How could you not?

      Jan 12, 2009 at 3:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   TheOldSchool bang


      If this is the same Traci I think she is, you might want to back away.

      Remember: If it smells like cologne — leave it alone.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.3   claw71 bang

      I said hit it, not eat it.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 7:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   robyn

    you know what? i dont know if anyone saw this, but theres another note underneath it. also highlighted. if you look realllllll close. you can see it. i wonder what it says haha

    Jan 12, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Louisa

    Maybe Wolverine Girl saw it at post #16.

    Jan 12, 2009 at 6:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   claw71 bang

      If you’re going to be jump on somebody for violating PAN-iquette then you should make damned sure you have your shit together and don’t do anything untoward like– oh i don’t know– fail to place your snarky retort in the reply thread of the comment to which you are addressing.

      Robyn and Louisa, you both suck at PAN. You ruined it for everybody. Now take off your clothes and make out with each other.

      Jan 12, 2009 at 7:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   Sirius bang

      Ummm… Robyn is Traci’s brother

      Jan 12, 2009 at 7:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.3   Jackson

      Even better!

      Jan 13, 2009 at 4:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.4   Louisa

      Yeah, yeah, I know, I knew someone was gonna point that out the second I posted. Being too inept to even be passive-aggressive effectively on PAN is one of the reasons I have lurked for years and rarely reveal my inner ineptitude for public ridicule. I leave that to my husband. Who also likes the making out idea btw. (eeew)

      Jan 13, 2009 at 7:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #34   Mishee

    Everybody hates Mishee

    Jan 14, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Frankie bang

      I love Mishee.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #34.2   amy d bang

      Yeah, especially people who use her screen name. They obviously hate her. :roll:

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #34.3   JamieSays

      If by obviously hate you mean “has a full shrine to her in their bedroom”.

      Like me..

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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