He sounds like a real catch

January 13th, 2009 · 87 comments

“This guy at my boyfriend’s office sent out an invite  — using the company email — for a ‘we’re single, let’s mingle party,’” says our anonymous submitter in Brookline, Mass. And apparently, this wasn’t the first time.

Another invite to a party that most of your probably won't show up to

Even funnier than the subject line, our submitter adds, was the party dress code: business casual.

related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · it's my party · Massachusetts · office


87 responses so far ↓

  • #1   guess who

    Isn’t it the worst when you can’t tell if he is serious or joking. All Hail the internet

    Jan 6, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Desuko.

    This sounds less like a singles party and more like a celebration of PA-ness. I can just imagine Thx Sandra, Especially Deborah and all the PA All-Stars rushing to RSVP for this thing. It would have to be a potluck, of course, but what kind? Would everyone fight over who gets to bring the hot pockets? This could be the grandest ball ever!

    Jan 6, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Geek Goddess

      I’ll bring hats. I have some left from New Years, and the elastic is still attached on one side of each hat. Team ‘Sure, I’ll show up’.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Woman on the Verge

      Does the dress code include unitards for all?

      Jan 13, 2009 at 9:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   ~D

      Business casual is fucking delicious.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Jenn

    Seriously? Why would you keep sending mass invites to people that obviously do not enjoy your company?!?

    Jan 6, 2009 at 5:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The undying hope that lives in all mankind.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   unfortunate names blog

      i hope he posted it to facebook too with RSVP required.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 6:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   JamieSays

      Message between You and _:

      Noticed you checked “Maybe” on my RSVP for the party. I really hope you’re not going to give me false hope. I won’t be mad or anything, but if burning bags show up on your doorstep, well…that’s on you.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 7:02 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   JamieSays

    It’s too bad that e-mails can’t leak tears.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   amy d bang

      It’s his party. He can cry if he wants to.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Troy McClure bang

    What the hell is “business casual?” Is it the opposite of “leisure fastidious”?

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Andy

      Nah, it’s like the difference between “green-blue” and “blue-green”.

      And, just like how I ignore all colors that I don’t find in the standard 8 crayon box of Crayolas, when I read things like “business casual” I just show up without pants.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   JamieSays

      Why, when I read this the first time, did I get an image of you coloring without your pants on?

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Andy

      I’m sorry, but creamy white is not a color in the standard box of 8, so I can’t help you.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   JoelWhy

    Ever wonder why you’re single…?

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   you suck at craigslist

    “you just can’t more party professional than that, sir.”

    Um, whut?

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:28 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Troy McClure bang

      I thought that was funny. I picture Howard Moon saying it.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   you suck at craigslist

      I suppose that would mean something to me if I knew who Howard Moon was.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   hibousoir bang

      See: “The Mighty Boosh” – No, seriously. SEE IT. It’s awesome! (If you like abstract Britcoms.)

      Jan 13, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Bunnee

      I had to read it a few times, putting an emphasis on different words, just to see if it made sense in some weird way. Nope, it didn’t.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Doesn’t the fact that you have to state that you are not bitter, really mean that , in fact, you are.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   TheOldSchool bang

    I’m surprised he’s still single.

    Maybe his looks are holding him back.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   MoxieHart

    That sounds like a party I totally want to go to! Only no, not at all.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Frankie bang

    Is he inviting his parents? Have they cleared their schedules yet? I’m not going unless they go. His dad is super hot and I think his mom swings… Or is that just called cheating when only one of the married couple is into “sex with others”? I like “swings” better than “cheats”… But I’m a slut….

    Jan 13, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   TheOldSchool bang

    Has the party already happened?

    If not: Where?When? Do Haggar soil-resistant, fire-retardant, double-knit, poly-blended slacks, topped off with a snazzy turtle-neck sweater, meet the dress code?

    If so: Did anyone capture the bash on video, so everyone at PAN can see what they missed?

    Jan 13, 2009 at 6:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Is the turtle neck in deep teal green with a golden double horizontal center pattern?

      Jan 13, 2009 at 6:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Commentator

      Judging by the decade in which your clothes apprear to be from, I’m guessing that capturing that bash on video involves a big ol’ VHS tape cartridge, which I can’t play anyway.

      So I’m in team “won’t show up at this party anyway”, and I don’t have to watch it either.

      On another note, I was going to ask that you make sure that the crease in those Haggar slacks was crisp and straight, but I recall that you couldn’t get the crease *out* of those slacks, not even by applying nuclear energy.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamarilla2: I was going to head down that highway, but I didn’t like the way my pert, yet manly, nipples disrupted the straightness of the lines.

      The look was reminiscent of jogging in slow-motion on the beach (my fourth favorite thing to do) only to have my natural high totally bummed when I notice two giant warts of water creating visual havoc on the horizon line.

      (How can anyone write poems in homage to Rod McKuen under those conditions?)

      Those turtlenecks do look fantastic on nipple-less mannequins, but I’d rather die than lose my nipples.

      Commentator: I assume you’re on drugs,
      because … c’mon … who in their right mind would ever want to lose that crease?

      They’re aerodynamically designed!

      I love the feeling they give me of slicing through the air.

      Turbulence ahead? Maybe for some, my friend, maybe for some….

      Jan 13, 2009 at 10:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Commentator, I hope you were just razzing me about the VHS. Because, seriously, you didn’t think for a second I would host my mellow home screenings with Beta, did you?

      One more thing, I do believe the crease could survive a nuclear explosion, but, as you probably know, the polyesters that were created for these slacks had a tendency to fuse with split atoms when Haggar and the US Navy jointly tested them a few years back on the Bikini Atoll.

      In other words, one would be wearing radioactive slacks with crisp creases.

      You might think that trousers like that would be “da bomb,” but, sadly, you’d be wrong.

      Radioactivity, for some reason, is a still a major turn-off for the ladies.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Bunnee

      Don’t lose your nipples! Be like Andy on “The Office” and cover them with tape before you go jogging… Wait, I think he ended up a bloody, mangled mess. Nevermind.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   TheOldSchool

      Much like the late Martin Luther King, I had a dream.

      Mine was slightly different than his. In it, I became a giant, mountain-sized nipple — ever part of me licked and sucked from climbers who came from all around the world.

      Big Nipple Mountain.

      Then I woke up.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   TheOldSchool

      P.S., I don’t know if MLK ever made it to the top of BNM with the others, but I’d like to think he did.

      (It was harder to scale than it looked, primarily due to the slickness from the all licking and sucking going on. Question: Why did everyone feel they had to lick it and suck it? Answer: Because it was there.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Canthz_B bang

      *wondering when “the others” all reached the mountaintop MLK was referring to in the I Have A Dream speech*

      Jan 14, 2009 at 11:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   TheOldSchool

      Canthz B,

      I feel like such a boob admitting this, but I’ve never heard the whole “I Have A Dream” speech.

      I’ll admit that I’d be tickled pink if I were to learn that the mountaintop to which the late Dr. King was referring was the steep, pencil-eraser-shaped nubbin atop “Big Nipple Mountain.”

      I have a couple of bosum buddies who keep abreast of the dreams of slain civil rights leaders. I’ll ring them tomorrow. They’ll be able to cross the t, dot the i, and cross the t of this conundrum.

      Jan 15, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, nothing funny there for me.

      May I suggest that you GOOGLE or YouTube the speech?

      Just so you know if your offending anyone by joking about that which you profess to have never even heard.

      Just sayin’…not sweatin’…I mean, your name is “TheOldSchool”, right?

      Jan 15, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   TheOldSchool

      Yes, it is, madame.

      Jan 15, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   Canthz_B bang

      You can research the “madame” as well.

      Homework’s a bitch for the unprepared student. ;-)

      Jan 17, 2009 at 2:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Juliet

    “You’re most likely another woman who probably won’t go out with me. But that’s okay, I’m not bitter.”

    Jan 13, 2009 at 6:04 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Juliet

      You can see why the previous parties have gone over so well…

      Jan 13, 2009 at 6:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   RunBarbara bang

    when i party “business casual” that means i wear a tie, carry a coffee mug and use typing ribbon to fasten on my special stapler strap-on.
    oh, and i give out business cards that i steal from those win-lunch-for-your-office fishbowls at Rubios.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 6:41 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Why would any young woman choose to strap on a stapler?

      Why not carry it in your purse, along with your dope, vibrators, cash, and other office accessories.

      Finally, you do realize that you’ve eliminated entire offices from the chance at a free lunch at Rubinos.

      Suggestion: If possible, why not schedule a private meeting with the Rubinos, and confess to them what you’ve done. Maybe, with the help of hypnosis and pharmaceutical amphetamines, you can recreate in your mind’s eye the names and numbers of every card you’ve ever stolen, and then have duplicates printed at Kinkos.

      The victims of your chicanery need never know, and your conscience will return to a state that is as pure as your soul.

      RunBarbara: when the day comes when the card is fished out of the bowl, I’d like to think that it’s not just a happy horde of office workers who will win the golden meal — there’s another winner, the ultimate V.I.P. “Plus One.”

      That would be me for giving you the idea.

      But I’m not allowed in Rubinos. Long story. You go, in my place, RB.

      But, you’d probably get better service by avoiding any mention of my name, or whereabouts.

      Those Italians. I love them dearly, but those memories!

      Jan 14, 2009 at 12:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   tinkerbell2

      RB, I think you have another pet troll.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 8:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   RunBarbara bang

      You must have me mistaken for someone that eats Eye-talian, Rubios is home of the fish taco (I know, I know, we all thought it was Mishee’s mom’s old Chevy Nova). I have no idea what a Rubinos is, but it reminds me of someplace that the Sopranos ate, so its probably in Jersey and therefore smelly.
      Stealing business cards isnt just a devious lifestyle decision, it nearly borders on a fetish. My conscience suffers nothing from my sensual sticky fingers and when I go home at night, I roll around on my pile of stolen contest entries and imagine that the Free Credit Report.com guy is going to burst in and spank me with a rubber chicken.

      ps- i dont carry my dope in my purse, it goes in my bra. duh.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   TheOldSchool

      Mishee’s Mom has got it goin’ on.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   mamason bang

    Will there be cake and fruit?

    Jan 13, 2009 at 6:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   TheOldSchool bang

      …. AND …..

      Wow. I hope you’re asking tongue in cheek.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   anglophile bang

      And singing? Will we sing the song?

      Jan 14, 2009 at 9:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   TheOldSchool

      Anglophile: Here’s a good old fashioned knees-up:
      ******************************************
      As they pulled you out of the oxygen tent
      You asked for the latest party
      With your silicone hump and your ten inch stump
      Dressed like a priest you was
      Tod brownings freak you was

      Crawling down the alley on your hands and knee
      I’m sure youre not protected, for its plain to see
      The diamond dogs are poachers and they hide behind trees
      Hunt you to the ground they will, mannequins with kill appeal

      The halloween jack is a real cool cat
      And he lives on top of manhattan chase
      The elevators broke, so he slides down a rope
      Onto the street below, oh tarzie, go man go

      Meet his little hussy with his ghost town approach
      Her face is sans feature, but she wears a dali brooch
      Sweetly reminiscent, something mother used to bake
      Wrecked up and paralyzed, diamond dogs are sableized

      (will they come? )
      Ill keep a friend serene
      (will they come? )
      Oh baby, come unto me
      (will they come? )
      Well, shes come, been and gone.
      Come out of the garden, baby
      Youll catch your death in the fog
      Young girl, they call them the diamond dogs

      In the year of the scavenger, the season of the bitch
      Sashay on the boardwalk, scurry to the ditch
      Just another future song, lonely little kitsch
      (theres gonna be sorrow) try and wake up tomorrow

      (will they come? )
      I’ll keep a friend serene
      (will they come? )
      Oh baby, come unto me
      (will they come? )
      Well, she’s come, been and gone.
      Come out of the garden, baby
      Youll catch your death in the fog
      Young girl, they call them the diamond dogs

      Jan 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   RunBarbara bang

      i think you are secretly spying on me as i danced around to this just this morning while putting laundry on.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   TheOldSchool

      I know.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Glitter Fun Time

    But that’s ok, I’m not using the company e-mail to be even more socially awkward.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 7:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Why is this young woman getting invites to these singles’ wing-dings from her boyfriend’s co-worker?

      Trollop!

      I’m forced to conclude that her trusting boyfriend caught her red-handed with the invitation while she getting tarted-up for her night of sin with these horny lechers.

      I can easily envision her sneaking her slinky, lace, crotch-less crocheted (from organic, untreated silk) panties and matching peek-a-boo bra (underwired by fair-trade wage-earning artisans for maximum uplift) into the bathroom while her sad dupe of cuckold beau is in his easy chair pencilling out a moderately difficult sudoku puzzle, trying to forget mocking smirks from his bachelor co-workers.

      She emerges from the bathroom, reiterates for the fifth time that she’s on her way to her mother’s. He stands to kiss her goodbye, and his newspaper scrapes against her jacket pocket, somehow dislodging the invitation.

      “What’s this, darling?” He asks.

      Adept at thinking quickly both on and off her feet, the cunning she-vamp instantly chuckles,
      “Dean…. You’ll really get a laugh at this. One of the temps at my office was sent this pathetic invite.”

      She shows it to him.

      Dean is more confused than normal. “But… why do you have it? He stammers.

      “Remember that web-site I told you about?” She asks in her business-casual, nonchalant voice.

      “YouPorn?”

      “No, silly,” she says, “PassiveAggressiveInvitations.com. I’m going to send it to them, so everyone on the net can see what dorks these losers are.”

      Dean gives her a kiss on the forehead. “Say hi to your mother.”

      “I’ll do that,” she says, and then facetiously adds, “You’re welcome to come, Dean. Mom would love to see you.”

      “I’ll take a rain-check. I’m gonna finish this puzzle if it kills me.”

      She exits. He tosses the puzzle into the fireplace, slides onto his Aeron chair, types in “YouPorn.com and unbuttons his trousers. He’s got some business that requires his immediate attention.

      The party she attends turns out to be even better than the first one. Wow. And the first one was awesome.

      She slinks back in around 3 a.m.. Dean is snoring predictably. She quickly showers, and puts on her night gown.

      She nudges Dean to see if he’s interested in a late night romp, knowing full well that he’s too tired to even open his eyes.

      The next morning PAN receives the crazy invite.

      It appears on their site on the afternoon of January 13, 2009.

      Dean gets the call from his sweetheart telling him the news. He shakes his head, thinking: “It’s cute the way she gets excited about the goofiest little things. So innocent.”

      As he’s leaving the office, he can’t help but notice the young office turks guffawing over some web site. “Get a life,” Dean says to himself.

      I don’t feel sorry for the Dean, the habitual masturbator. I feel sorry for PAN and all its commenters who bought in to this obviously concocted story.

      Perhaps closer scrutiny of a submitter’s motives, might lead to the formulation of more heartfelt and contemplative answers from those who make comments.

      I like to think this site as the potential to fill the vacuum left when Dear Abby and Ann Landers had their columns stolen from them by greedy daughters.

      There are a lot of people who need help.

      They are reluctant to turn to PAN, because of the tendency for insincere letters to slip in through the gaping crack.

      Let’s not let these people down. They deserve your “A” Game.

      Now, I’ve got a sudoku puzzle around here that requires my immediate attention.

      Jan 13, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   GhostWriter bang

      I got to the part about wing-dings, and went for a snack.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 10:46 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Goldie

      I got to the part about the trollop, then went to this dude’s party. No one was home.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   RunBarbara bang

      i got to the part about sudoku and then realized youre a nerd.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   amy d bang

      I only got to

      Why is this young woman getting invites to these singles’ wing-dings from her boyfriend’s co-worker?

      and then realized I didn’t care. Then I sat and stared at the wall for a couple of hours.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 5:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   se

    The party was probably in his pants, which would explain why no one else ever shows up.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      If only Vanessa in Accounting hadn’t told everyone he was bitter “down there” after the last blow-out…

      blow-out :-P

      Jan 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Canthz B,

      I’ve misunderstood everything from the start.

      I had no idea that he was located in the same building. (How many floors below? Does anyone know?)

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Canthz_B bang

      um…yeah…right…

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   hibousoir bang

    Boy, who could refuse a party invitation with a subject line like that?! Oh . . . everyone, I guess.

    I bet he’s one of those guys who sees himself as the nib and everyone else is ink just waiting to be dipped.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 8:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   TheOldSchool bang

      The biscotti to our cafe creme?

      The pig’s foot to our large jar of pickle juice?

      Well…. Forget that! He’s the DIP!

      He can take his blank and insert it elsewhere!

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   hibousoir

      LOL! Awesome.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   blueangels7901 bang

    Considering it’s cold-and-cootie season, one wouldn’t want to tempt fate and catch a social disease from that guy.
    Clarification on a few things: Why would he keep sending invites? He’s just another guy who doesn’t understand the word “no” or its implications, and he’s trying to disguise his desperation in hooking up with the girl in HR. Why is he single? He’s single because he’s used the same guilt trip and PA tactics in his past (and few) relationships.
    Solution? Zanax and a PA support group (do they have 12-step programs?).

    Jan 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Geek Goddess

      Yes.

      Step one: We admitted we were powerless over our spelling – that our communication had become unintelligible

      Jan 13, 2009 at 9:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   blueangels7901 bang

      Ohhh, I just know you’re not talking about me! Team Unintelligible!

      P.S. Where are the other 11 steps?

      Jan 13, 2009 at 9:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Geek Goddesss

      I couldn’t write them all out. My highlighter ran out of ink. I think someone in the next cubicle borrowed it when they went to shred some paper.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Woman on the Verge

    We have one person at work who sends out these invites (although without the PA overtones) every other week… to the entire staff. I don’t even know who the bitch is.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   aaa

    Lemme guess, he’s one of those “nice guys” who go onto Craigslist and whinge about how nice guys like him never seem to get dates because women only seem to want to date “good-looking meatheads.” Listen fella, people don’t like you because you’re bitter and awkward and make everyone around you uncomfortable. Everyone likes the popular dudes because they’re fun and sociable and don’t make people wish they were somewhere else.

    Jan 13, 2009 at 10:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   TheOldSchool bang

      aaa,

      I hadn’t made my my mind up about him, one way or another, until I read your post.

      If your hunch is correct, and I don’t have reason to believe it isn’t, I think we should round up a posse of ornery vigilantes and show him what’s what.

      Better yet, let’s round up a posse of fun, sociable and popular guys, and then take him to a private space where we could patiently teach him social skills and the proper ways to go about sending invitations for social get-togethers to co-workers and other casual acquaintances.

      I’d tag along, but, regretfully, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. My engagement calendar is booked through November 2011. If you find a spot with video conferencing capabilities, I’d be happy to offer insights via my i-phone for a few minutes.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Woman on the Verge

      Personally, I think the vigilante route would be much more fun.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 7:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   aaa

      Or we could send him to that pickup artist show that was (Is?) on VH1 and have that Mystery dude fuck him up even more. There’s nothing more annoying than a nerd with annoyingly cliché pickup lines and silver lame pants.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 8:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Andy

      I think the first step sociable, popular guys take to invite people to a get together is to avoid email and go be sociable by actually talking to the the invitees.

      Then again, I’m not speaking from experience and only guessing here since I have to work up enough courage to even post on someone’s wall on facebook.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Julia

    Wow.

    You’re not bitter.

    And I’m not commenting on your lack of bitterness right now.

    Nope.

    Jan 14, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   bbb

    Yah, I know the type:
    Nice guy looking for a woman who isn’t a bitch, if there are any, a woman who will appreciate all the things I tell her to appreciate me doing for her.
    No fatties.

    Jan 14, 2009 at 1:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   The Old School:

    Perhaps this will come across rude but it must be said. You are crazy psycho posting every day all day. Could you please relax? In addition could you please refrain from typing a book each time you post.
    K thxs Bye.

    Jan 14, 2009 at 8:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   TheOldSchool

      Dear Sir,

      When I first read your doppelganger critique, my mind started racing with variations on about 20 different ways to respond. (Maybe 18.)

      The moral, in each of my thought cloud responses, was that I think you’re taking PAN far too seriously.

      Then I reread your post. To my surprise, I found myself thinking that everything you said was true.

      I should show more self-restraint, but this site is so chock-a-block with moles, it’s hard to resist the urge to swing the hammer.

      My comments are too long.

      Really?

      Just kidding. I know. I even skip them.

      Now, for you. Yes, you, my pretty.

      Darling,

      Here’s an analogy:

      Let’s say PAN is a brothel.

      I’m one of the new whores.

      You, however, are NOT the madam.

      You may think you are, and you certainly act like you are, but everyone knows that you’re not.

      You’re just one of the old whores. (Maybe the oldest, at least in terms of time of service, not even including your free-lance hustling at your family reunions.)

      You always resent new girls for not doing things the way did them, but there are some things about me that really annoy you.

      I’m always ready to “make love,” sometimes I go on way too long, and, worst of all, our rooms are right next to one another, so you hear the bed springs loudly squeaking. A constant irritant that stops for just long enough for a quick douche on the bidet, then…..BAM……I’m back…..SQUEAKA SQUEAKA SQUEAKA SQUEAKA……..

      You’ve put in for a room swap, but no one wants to trade.

      I don’t have a clue who the madam might be, but I know for certain that it ain’t you, babe.

      So you might want to dial back the condescension a smidge.

      Finally, not to be catty, but a lot of the girls laugh about your overdoing the make-up and cologne. They say you like like a cross between Dr. Frankenfurter and Madeleine Albright.

      And some of the regulars have told me in private that your windsong doesn’t just stay on their minds — it lingers in their clothes. “Stinks” is the word they use. You should skip the cologne altogether. I do.

      Anyway, gotta go. A tourist bus just pulled up outside.

      Thanks for the note! Good luck! Smiles!

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Secret Squirrel

      Sissyboy sub recently relocated from Serbia. seeking dominant shemale to degrade and punish me. Sort of like a cross between Dr. Frankenfurter and Madeleine Albright.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   TheOldSchool

      SS,

      Can you stick around awhile? The she/male you’re waiting for isn’t here right now. S(he) is trying to hitch-hike to Wal-Mart in order to shoplift some more lipstick. Poor thing has been standing out at the roadside since 8:20 this morning. Everyone’s in such a hurry these days.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   claw71 bang

    This guy just doesn’t get it. Single people don’t “mingle” with coworkers. It’s just too weird. Married people, on the other hand, seem more than happy to shit where they eat.

    Jan 14, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Goldie

      Where he got the list of all “single” people in his office, is what I want to know. Does he keep tabs? “Beth moved in with Jason last weekend” (crosses both off his list). “George’s gf dumped him” (adds George to list).

      Jan 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    I have shown up to every single one of your so-called “parties”, which consist solely of you sitting on the couch next to me, head in hands, lamenting the fact that “Nobody’s Here!”

    Can you not see me next to you, gulping shots, hoping against hope that you’ll look up into my eyes and see my longing? Have you not noticed my low-slung collar, my stilettos, my fishnet stockings? …and yet, here we sit, wondering together why Janice didn’t show up again.

    The ultimate embarrassment will come in the office tomorrow, when you announce to our coworkers that nobody attended your mixer, and that I can attest to the fact. Then, I will spend my lunch hour shopping for the perfect lipstick for our next “date.” Yes, perhaps it was the lipstick…

    Jan 14, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Juliet

    If people aren’t showing up to your parties it just might be time to stop throwing them.

    The public has spoken, guy.

    Jan 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   TheOldSchool

      Hang on. It could be that these are intended to be intimate gatherings.

      Jan 14, 2009 at 4:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Jendra

    Aw, pathetic aggressive.

    Jan 19, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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