Dale in El Segundo, California has the thankless job of ordering office supplies, coffee and whatnot for the cube-farm where he works. Really, really thankless. This note appeared on his desk one day attached to a packet of no-sugar-added hot chocolate.
![Seriously Dale, Did you think this would get past me? Sugarless Hot Chocolate will not work. Dan "When your [sic] pushed, killing is as easy as breathing" - Rambo](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2045/2266787934_a65871ba90_o.jpg "Seriously Dale, Did you think this would get past me? Sugarless Hot Chocolate will not work. Dan \"When your [sic] pushed, killing is as easy as breathing\" - Rambo")
related: refrain/stop/discontinue
182 responses so far ↓
#1
john
wtF
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:07 pm rating: 90
#2
MoxieHart
That’s why Rambo has the dia-bee-tus.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:09 pm rating: 90
#3
Paradox
Um…. can’t you just add sugar? Like, from a sugar packet?
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:09 pm rating: 90
#4
JamieSays
Hot chocolate is serious business.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:26 pm rating: 90
#5
Troy McClure
Yeah. Dan’s all about sweetness.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:27 pm rating: 90
#6
jfruh
It appears that Dan signed his name, then realized that he had the perfect Rambo quote to put in there, but misplaced the original pen he had first wrote the note with, so he had to use a red one. I’m not sure if that adds or deducts points.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 90
#7
chekur
Is it the wrong time to tell Dan he’s getting laid off?
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 90
#8
anglophile
Serlously, Dale. Just order the guy some sugar-filled hot chocolate. Walk away from this fight.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:32 pm rating: 90
#9
jessie
“Did you think this wouldn’t get past me?”
Is he the gatekeeper to the cocoa now?
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:35 pm rating: 90
#10
TygerAKC
Dude, add enough marshmallos or whipped cream and it shouldn’t matter! Besides, you should be thankful the office provides you with hot chocolate to begin with!
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:38 pm rating: 90
#11
Mishee
Funny… last I checked an employer wasn’t required to provide you with anything extra, they just do so for better functioning and happier employees.
If they want to give you sugar free cocoa, then oh fucking well! Take it! I never bitched at the hoity toity company I used to work at that all they had was organic rabbit food as free snacks… that’s their choice and their money… and I either take it or leave it.
Gift Horse meet mouth.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:40 pm rating: 90
#12
chekur
I should get with Dan. At least there’s SOMEONE out there who takes hot chocolate seriously.
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:41 pm rating: 90
#13
VB
Doesn’t it seem like Dan’s had enough sugar already?
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:47 pm rating: 90
#14
Mishee
*sitting tight*
Jan 15, 2009 at 6:48 pm rating: 90
#15
Sirius
When you’re pushed, falling on your sugar-addicted butt is harder than getting back up again
Jan 15, 2009 at 7:00 pm rating: 90
#16
blueangels7901
Well, at least Dale’s looking out for everyone’s health. Dale should be the next Surgeon General! As for Dan, he may want to lay off the caffeine, too. Think Prozac or Zoloft, lightly sprinkled, would take the place of sugar and make Dan less likely to use Rambo as an inspiration for his violent alter-ego?
Jan 15, 2009 at 7:23 pm rating: 90
#17
TheOldSchool
I’d like to think the Rambo character said, “When YOU’RE pushed….” But, given the fact that he was played by Sylvester Stallone, Dan is probably quoting accurately.
Jan 15, 2009 at 7:28 pm rating: 90
#18
Melissa
I bet Dan also says “Hey, I have a present for you!” when he wants the receptionist to throw away his trash.
Jan 15, 2009 at 7:42 pm rating: 90
#19
Dina
Clearly, Dale was trying really hard to conceal this trickery from the whole office…by placing the clearly marked hot chocolate in plain sight for anyone who wants to use some.
Sneaky sneaky!
Jan 15, 2009 at 7:58 pm rating: 90
#20
se
Don’t be that asshole who tries to decide what other people should drink.
Buy both kinds of hot chocolate. Replace more of whichever runs out first.
Team Dan
Jan 15, 2009 at 8:05 pm rating: 90
#21
TheOldSchool
I’ll bet there’s a force field of sexual tension that powerfully radiates from Dale’s desk whenever Dan comes by with one of his sweet ‘n’ sour notes.
I’m guessing they work at “Pup Tent City.”
Jan 15, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: 90
#22
...
seriously dude,
did you think this would get past me? your=/=you’re will not work
Jan 15, 2009 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
#23
Canthz_B
If sugarless hot chocolate will not work, then sugarless hot chocolate will not eat!
Jan 15, 2009 at 8:32 pm rating: 90
#24
Whistlin'Dixie
I’m reasonably sure that Rambo would not drink something as pussified as hot chocolate. Dan should have quoted someone a little more milquetoasty in its defense. On the other hand, if Dale had gone so far as to replace the office tequila with Sunny D, then Rambo would definitely be in order.
Jan 15, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 90
#25
TheOldSchool
Why is Dan even involving Dale in this? Where’s the company barista?
Jan 15, 2009 at 9:35 pm rating: 90
#26
Canthz_B
“Did you think this would set pus & me?”
I know sugarless hot chocolate isn’t a good make-up gift. Maybe if you gave your girl a better nickname than “pus” she’d forgive you.
Jan 15, 2009 at 9:42 pm rating: 90
#27
LaHerbert
Dan must be a real sugar-daddy.
Jan 15, 2009 at 10:12 pm rating: 90
#28
aaa
Y’know, it’d be really funny if Dale sent this to some authoritative figure like, y’know, the police, because it’s common knowledge that employees who “joke” about blowing away the office usually aren’t joking. And by funny, I mean fucking creepy ‘cuz disgruntled office psychos aren’t fucking funny.
Jan 15, 2009 at 10:20 pm rating: 90
#29
Olivia
“So if you could go ahead and try to remember to get sugar-added hot chocolate from now on, that’d be greeeeeaaat.”
Jan 15, 2009 at 11:07 pm rating: 90
#30
Flaboy2425
Dan would have to work opening the sugar packet. I suspect the one thing Dan dosen’t do is productive work. He’s too busy complaining and writing post-it notes.
Jan 15, 2009 at 11:42 pm rating: 90
#31
mamason
Can’t you just see Dan? He’s probably a good 350 with thick dark rimmed glasses. His round pimply face always a little flushed. He’s constantly out of breath and on the edge. There he was that day, waiting. Waiting for Dale to finally return with the break room supplies. If he could just hold on until then… Imagine the dismay, the horror upon finding the sugarless hot chocolate. Imagine that horror building into rage as Dan’s pink face turns crimson. “Dale! Dale did this to me!” Dan’s thoughts race and tumble as he tries to come to terms with this tragedy. Then, “No! No! I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore! I’ll leave a note! That’ll teach that bastard Dale that he can’t get one past me!”
Empowerment. Yes.
Jan 15, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: 90
#32
Drexler
I’m going to start adding adverbs before I address people in writing
is seriously an adverb?
Jan 16, 2009 at 3:08 am rating: 90
#33
spike
Someone might die over hot chocolate? Some people’s priorities are SO screwed up.
Jan 16, 2009 at 3:53 am rating: 90
#34
Annette
I’ve gotta support Dan here. He’s so right. Hot Chocolate without sugar is the same as ice cream without fat. Where’s the fun?
I’m just surprised that this note came from a guy. For girls it’s clear: YOU DON’T MESS WITH CHOCOLATE (hot or otherwise)
Jan 16, 2009 at 6:16 am rating: 90
#35
Katzndogz
If Dan wants to take on the 32 Weight Watchers in the office who forced the switch in the first place, he can go right ahead.
Jan 16, 2009 at 7:21 am rating: 90
#36
claw71
Attica! Attica!
Jan 16, 2009 at 8:16 am rating: 90
#37
Julie
Maybe the status of his hot chocolate wouldn’t upset him so much if he washed the sand out of his vagina.
Jan 16, 2009 at 11:06 am rating: 90
#38
Nix
Um…making a thinly-veiled death threat in an office over a package of processed artificially-flavored powder is NOT a good idea. If I were Dale, I would have walked that right over to HR (after I made a copy) and told them to deal with it. Completely unacceptable.
Jan 16, 2009 at 11:43 am rating: 90
#39
Andy
OH MY GOD!
Dan killed a red pen and then wrote with its blood!
Jan 16, 2009 at 11:52 am rating: 90
#40
GhostWriter
Dale has been trying to slip Dan some sugar-free Swiss Miss ever since Dan drank some at the Chrismas lunch and started singing spontaneous Karaoke.
Dan is on to him, as is Dan’s Dwight-like office assistant, who gets a kick out of quoting Rambo sayings at work.
Jan 16, 2009 at 12:00 pm rating: 90
#41
morpho aurora
Seriously Dan
Do you really think I give a fuck? You and your chihuahua Rambo can kiss my ass.
lovehugsnkisses
Dale
P.S. It’s your fault anyway, everyone is tired of seeing your fat overflowing the sides of your chair. And the vegans on the north side of the office say the smell of bacon is making them ill.
Jan 16, 2009 at 12:51 pm rating: 90
#42
ssb
that’s “when YOU’RE pushed…”
Jan 16, 2009 at 2:08 pm rating: 90
#43
TheOldSchool
When asked to name a species that will eat virtually anything, people tend to answer, “goats.”
Has anyone at PAN ever seen an obese goat?
Maybe humans could learn a thing or two from our goat cousins.
Off the top of my head I can suggest we start with the “garbage diet” and “breast milk cheese.”
Let’s kick some ideas around. I’m tired of head-butting my head against the wall. Besides, I’m horny again.
I kid you not!
Jan 16, 2009 at 7:21 pm rating: 90
#44
Chantel
What a thing to kill over…
Jan 16, 2009 at 7:25 pm rating: 90
#45
lin
the no-sugar added hot chocolate is actually pretty good.
it doesn’t have extra sugar added, nor does it have artificial sweetner.
the sugars from the milk are enough to make it sweet.
Jan 16, 2009 at 7:28 pm rating: 90
#46
JoelWhy
Hey, where’s my Facebook Friday update? I was tempted to change my profile status to “Joel will not let sugarless hot chocolate get past him!” and submit it just to get my passive aggressive fix:)
Jan 16, 2009 at 8:20 pm rating: 90
#47
Jinx
After the O O effect wore off, I started to suspect mayhaps Dan and Dale are the same person.
Jan 17, 2009 at 5:14 am rating: 90
#48
C
In the description, it says this was “no sugar added” cocoa, and in the PAN it says “sugar-free.” This must be clarified, because there is a HUGE difference. “No sugar added” still has some sugar in it, it just hasn’t had a crapload extra dumped in, and it is a delicious chocolatey treat. “Sugar-free” is nasty crap. If it is in fact “no sugar added,” Dan needs to get off his fat ass, get to the microwave, and try the stuff.
Jan 17, 2009 at 12:04 pm rating: 90
#49
Neeners
Wow…………. if Dan has no shame talking to his employer that way after getting a freebie without any fear of getting fired, then I can only imagine what happened at home growing up when he didn’t get his way…….maybe his name is Dan “Menendez” Jagoff!!!!
Jan 17, 2009 at 2:39 pm rating: 90
#50
Neeners
aaa, let me comment on this one, I think you are right (comment 28). I was once shaken down for taking a popsicle from the office freezer after the owner said I could have it. One of the breakroom SS officer lookouts was on me like stink on sh*t…..even after explaining myself over a popsicle, it was an all out f#*cking war that would not die…..Moral: watch your back in the office breakroom …. you never know who is watching you.
Jan 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm rating: 90
#51
tania
snap!! I’m not the only person on the internets from the tiny hamlet of El Segundo. props, dale!
Jan 17, 2009 at 6:57 pm rating: 90
#52
kiko
Dwight Shrute…is that you?????
Jan 19, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: 90
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