One night last summer, Sylvia in New York was just chillin’ out watching TV, when she noticed a cat had wandered through the open window. Sylvia, an animal-lover, assumed he was a stray (he didn’t have a collar), and because “he was super cute and affectionate,” she says, “we let him stay a little while. he decided to make himself comfortable and fell asleep.”
The cat was gone by morning, but a few days later, Sylvia saw the same feline running down the sidewalk outside her apartment. Not wanting the poor kitty to get hit by a car or picked up by animal control, Sylvia scooped him up and brought him inside.
“I was going to ask around and see if anyone nearby owned him,” she says, but her neighbor beat her to the punch. “She knocked on our door and explained that an employee at the nail salon downstairs had seen me take him inside, and I told her I thought he was a stray. The woman seemed okay, took the cat, and I thought that was the end of it.”
The neighbor, it seems, thought otherwise.
related: A new tagline for the price is right?
268 responses so far ↓
#1
john
thanks, Sliver chho!
Jan 24, 2009 at 4:21 am rating: 8
#2
Troy McClure
That’s so spooky. A few days ago I dreamt a hot Chinese girl and an illiterate woman who seemed okay were fighting over me. I woke up very aroused and with the taste of catfood in my mouth.
Jan 24, 2009 at 5:17 am rating: 78
#3
Canthz_B
I’ve seen my share of Kung Fu movies, and I supect some blood will soon spill onto the 3lf Floor!
The writer’s, the cat-napper (since when is cat-naooing bad?) or the cal, who just wanted that can of sardines that’s been in the cabinet since that air raid drill in 1958.
Jan 24, 2009 at 7:53 am rating: 1
#4
anglophile
If I were Sylvia, I’d start leaving tuna on the window sill.
Jan 24, 2009 at 8:32 am rating: 17
#5
Girl Friday
Dear 3rd Floor Chinese Girl,
Please do not just “take” my cat to your apartment without asking.
If you care to do anything besides JUST “taking” though feel free to do it without asking.
Taking the cat to your apartment AND keeping it would be fine.
Thanks, lot!
(salty wife)
Jan 24, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: 5
#6
HairySwede
dear downstairs nail salon employee:
please do not just “let” your cat into my apartment without asking.
Thanks lot!!!
3rd floor chinese girl
Jan 24, 2009 at 9:30 am rating: 38
#7
aaa
Judging from this neighbor’s handwriting and the fact that the cat got out twice (that we know of), she’s about nine and probably isn’t responsible enough to have a cat of her own.
(Although, to be fair, Sylvia also shouldn’t have just “taken” the cat. Without calling the animal shelter first, of course.)
Jan 24, 2009 at 9:48 am rating: 4
#8
MAMARILLA2
No one bothered to ask the cat, did they?
Jan 24, 2009 at 10:02 am rating: 35
#9
you suck at craigslist
There’s clearly only one solution to this. Get a pet skunk and train it to go over to your neighbor’s apartment all the time.
Jan 24, 2009 at 10:05 am rating: 7
#10
amy d
Third floor Chinese girls are hot!
Jan 24, 2009 at 10:07 am rating: 8
#11
Woman on the Verge
Dear Shooter CHffo,
Please do not use inappropriate “quotation” marks. It pisses me off. I was not taking your cat. I was preparing the first course of my dinner.
Love,
Hungry 3rd Floor Chinese Girl
Jan 24, 2009 at 10:50 am rating: 36
#12
Olivia
Sylvia is really Swedish, isn’t she?
Jan 24, 2009 at 11:01 am rating: 2
#13
souldesqueeze
DOWNSTAiRS NaIL SALoN EmPLOYEe:
Please do not just “let” your cat roam the neighborhood unfettered. THANKS lot!!!
Local Bird Population
Jan 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm rating: 9
#14
Ti O
Coming this summer. The action picture event of the year; “Attack of the Three Story Chinese Girls!”
Jan 24, 2009 at 12:20 pm rating: 7
#15
The Queen
OMG, ROTFLMAO… I think I *peed
I’m sorry but that note struck me as so funny.
Jan 24, 2009 at 12:47 pm rating: 0
#16
Nix
That cat was fucking delicious.
Jan 24, 2009 at 1:01 pm rating: 2
#17
Sera M
Dear neighbour –
Please put a “collar” on your cat if you are going to “let” him outside. Wouldn’t want anyone to “mistake” him for a stray and turn him in to “animal control”.
Jan 24, 2009 at 1:02 pm rating: 20
#18
Nacey
I’d laugh, but this poor cat isn’t being taken care of properly.
Jan 24, 2009 at 1:33 pm rating: 9
#19
gypsylor
Attn: Nacey,
I laughed til I cried . . . . your words will forever be in my heart . . . . waiting, lurking even, for that perfect moment to say them to someone else.
Jan 24, 2009 at 1:40 pm rating: 0
#20
nikki
C’mon, I just wanted some pussy.
Is that so wrong?
Jan 24, 2009 at 1:48 pm rating: 13
#21
aaa
Is anyone else having issues with commenting? I had a comment (considerably more humorous than the one that did get posted) that seems to have been eaten by the might WordPress… :c
Jan 24, 2009 at 2:02 pm rating: 2
#22
racerx
1. lull cat into false sense of security
2.”Cats have a strong flavor. Dogs taste much better, but if you really want cat meat, I can have it delivered by tomorrow,” said the butcher, who gave only her initials, 3FCG.
3. Profit Denied! by super alert nail salon employee and the Sherlockian (?) detective powers of cat owner.
Jan 24, 2009 at 4:54 pm rating: 5
#23
C
The 3rd Floor Chinese Girl should now go over every day and ask to take the cat to her apartment. Apparently that is what the owner wants.
Jan 24, 2009 at 5:42 pm rating: 13
#24
EricP
Wait for the cat to come back through the window and then slingshot it out into the street. Problem solved.
Jan 24, 2009 at 7:53 pm rating: 1
#25
Dan
I ended up letting a neighbor’s cat come in a few times and the neighbors left in the middle of the night without telling anyone, leaving no forwarding address. So I ended up with the cat. Pretty good deal, though. He was very sweet and low maintenance and always smelled good.
Jan 24, 2009 at 8:26 pm rating: 8
#26
Canthz_B
Dear neighbor,
Just because when I speak I make an ‘L’ sound in place of an ‘R’ sound, and an ‘R’ sound in place of an ‘L’, doesn’t mean you need to spell to me that way!
Signed
Third Floor Engrish Speaker
Jan 24, 2009 at 8:26 pm rating: 3
#27
dan
My neighbors had a cat that absolutely hated them -he was always jumping out windows trying to break free. I used to take pity on him and bring him in whenever I could. One night the neighbors left in the middle of the night and left no forwarding info. So I ended up with the cat. Good deal thought because he was sweet and low maintenance and alwyas smelled good – unlike my other stinky butt cat whose flatulence would sink a thousand ships.
Jan 24, 2009 at 8:29 pm rating: 3
#28
MoxieHart
I have an idea! They can cut the cat in half, then they can both have the cat.
Jan 24, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: 2
#29
two cents
Just a thought…I think the notion that saying all those of a certain group look the same is more about exposure and less about bigotry.
My husband is from West Africa–I’m white–and until we started dating, he’d not had a lot of close relationships with any Caucasians. He still doesn’t describe a white person to me in more detail than “um…a smallish girl”. He doesn’t see the same things I do, since he grew up looking at other black people and recognizes people by different qualities than I do.
Jan 25, 2009 at 12:45 am rating: 4
#30
Anon
Has anyone else noticed that the cat wandered in the window on the THIRD FLOOR?
Jan 25, 2009 at 12:49 am rating: 3
#31
MJWalrus
Logically, wouldn’t the Third Floor Chinese girl have some kind of IN with the nail salon? Aren’t they ratting her out to whitey?
Jan 25, 2009 at 2:17 am rating: 3
#32
strike_a_light
anarchy for retards: a correspondence course.
lesson 1. don’t let the establishment brainwash you with their pads of ‘lined’ paper. you don’t need the lines to guide your semi-literate scrawl horizontally across the page. just spin it 90 degrees and avoid the man’s conformist blue guidelines as you, at last, express yourself, free from the shackles of geometry and punctuation.
lesson 2: decipherable signatures are for pussies and robots.
next week – lesson 3: cat retrieval…
Jan 25, 2009 at 12:10 pm rating: 5
#33
Olivia
I love that the ad currently running next to this post is for the LMAO T-shirt on BustedTees (http://www.bustedtees.com/LMAO).
Jan 25, 2009 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#34
wow
“I’ve been trying to mind my own bee’s wax lately, but that “He’s African so we all look alike to him” BS got under my skin.
I still think I’ve been pretty nice to two cents so far though. She hasn’t gotten a real taste of the CB treatment yet.
I hope she shuts up before I have to give it to her. ”
Seriously, you are beyond pathetic CB.
Jan 25, 2009 at 2:25 pm rating: 23
#35
Wade
The note writer has it all wrong.
In Soviet Russia (and everywhere else) cat owns you.
Jan 25, 2009 at 3:08 pm rating: 8
#36
Woman on the Verge
This is so a karma thing. In a previous life the cat was murdered by 3rd floor Chinese Chick. Now he is out for revenge. Having cunningly manipulated a racist homicidal schizophrenic neighbor into adopting him, he plans to continue to escalate this lovely little encounter into a bloody Chinese Chick Massacre.
Jan 25, 2009 at 3:28 pm rating: 4
#37
Rebecca
Reminds me of my friend who lived in a ground floor apartment next door to slobs who made their kitten stay outdoors in -20 C temperatures. It would just sit there and mew the most awful mewing. She let it in to her own apartment one time because she felt so sorry for it and they got all pissy at her. I don’t think she could really say anything to them though, I think they were drug dealers or something.
Jan 25, 2009 at 4:13 pm rating: 2
#38
Neeners
Wow sounds like that damn cat started more than one fight!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder so many people hate cats….
Jan 25, 2009 at 9:55 pm rating: 1
#39
TheOldSchool
I leave you kids alone for a couple of days…..
This whole note is fishy. If Sylvia took the cat to her apartment on the 3ld(?) floor, how did the employee at the alleged “manicure” salon know which unit Sylvia lived in?
Sylvia references “we” in her submission, but she doesn’t specifically mention a roommate.
Therefore, I conclude that Sylvia is a lonely, mentally-deranged, not-so-borderline schizophrenic, who is in the habit of trading her prescribed medications for the exhilaration she gets from street drugs, which enable her to lose her inhibitions and brazenly act upon fulfilling her hunger for freaky sex with random strangers.
When the drugs wear off, the paranoia and the voices return. She starts inventing stories about stray cats and hostile manicure/pedicure professionals.
For just $3 a day from everyone who uses the internet, I believe I could help Sylvia.
Manicuring nails is demanding enough without having to look over ones shoulder in fear of a paranoid nymphomaniac barging in through your door making bizarre and ludicrously false allegations.
In fact, the more I think about it, I doubt the veracity of this entire tale.
There is no salon.
There is no cat.
There is no Sylvia.
And whatever didn’t happen, I can guarantee you that it didn’t happen in Brooklyn, either. This mental wank-a-thon has Queens written all over it. Most likely, Howard Beach.
I’m sorry you people wasted all your time trying to unravel a non-mystery.
I’ll speak with Kerry about reimbursing you for your time and effort, but I’m not making any promises. Given the state of the economy, I’d say that half of you are lucky to still be getting paid for your hackneyed commentary.
Keep it fresh. And, for chrissakes, keep it short!
Jan 25, 2009 at 10:14 pm rating: 4
#40
TheOldSchool
And where the hell is my picture? Don’t tell me it’s being used as a Viagra-subsitute for Canthz B….
But, seriously….. where me is?
Jan 25, 2009 at 10:17 pm rating: 0
#41
TheOldSchool
And when I get a fingernail massage, I still want a happy ending. We can use the manager’s office.
She can get off the phone, and take a look at what’s going on out on the floor.
On second thought, I think the three of us can do great things….together….right in here.
You like? He’s growing fond of you two, too.
Like Pinocchio!
Well that one is Ben. This one is Jerry.
Yes. Like the ice cream, but better tasting.
Jan 25, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: 2
#42
thirty six red
I find it difficult to tell cats apart- I don’t know they just all look the same. Anyway if any of this is true- said cat should be damn glad that it wasn’t found in South America as they are being used as live bait for fishermen. See- Save Our Cats From Fishermen. Truly disturbing but what puzzels me is that apparently no one give a rats ass about the fish. In summation I can only say that her perfume did smell like shit.
36
Jan 26, 2009 at 12:30 pm rating: 1
#43
racerx22
OK so I saw an episode of law and order where they had this white kid describe a white female suspect to a sketch artist and the drawing ended up looking like Jennifer Aniston AND WTF DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH A STRAY CAT THAT WOULD PROBABLY TASTE GREAT WITH SOME FARVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI?
ps did I spell that wine correctly?
Jan 28, 2009 at 4:09 am rating: 3
#44
Tegan
@ 29.37 “Saysh”:
Are you serious? This is a virtually anonymous chat room yet people “don’t want to fuck with you”? Are you kidding me? Get over yourself!
Jan 30, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 1
#45
TheOldSchool
Amy D,
Thanks for clarifying what anglophile meant to say.
You are such a dear thing.
Clairvoyant, too, apparently.
Or just… something.
Jan 30, 2009 at 5:40 pm rating: 0
#46
TheOldSchool
Anglophile,
I’m happy if you’re happy. I just thought it was presumptuous of amy d to be translating your ambiguously worded intentions to someone else.
I just have a big bugaboo about people who waddle about like haughty Armenian bridal shop owners on the hunt for potential business — when all we wanted to do was lay on a blanket by the fucking river.
Leave us alone, Amy D! We’ll tell you if we want to get hitched!
At least she didn’t botch up your intended meaning. I’m sure you’ll make up the lovelier half of whatever you attach to, anglophile. Just don’t let Amy D be the one who says, “I do,” for you. I wouldn’t put it past her. (She’s a ventriloquist.)
P.S. I , too, have a fondness (a love, really) for glowing angles. (Files, too, but not as much.)
Jan 30, 2009 at 10:10 pm rating: 0
#47
TheOldSchool
I think it’s marvelous that the Catholics have eased up on the forbidden nonsense regarding nun on nun sex. I might just give a leper a nickel, out of respect for the Pope’s open-mindedness.
When you stop and think about it, you’ve got to admit that it was surely overdue. The priests have been having their way with altar boys for eons.
And who can blame them? What, with the provocative way those shiny-faced lads dress. Not to mention their seductive expressions.
At least the parish doors are finally swinging in both directions.
Be careful though with sister Amy. I heard that she was born in a brothel and got some rare std from a toilet seat that was in the can next to the pecker checker’s waiting room.
Jan 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: 0
#48
TheOldSchool
Oh my heaven’s gracious, most merciful heavenly father guy! Look at the time. I’m late for Friday Night Service! Ten Hail Marys….In Flagrante Delicto….Confession.mumbo…Confession.jumbo…Amen.
Jan 30, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: 0
#49
Arkay
but its ok for her to take the cat if she asks? kitty playdate!
Jan 31, 2009 at 1:07 pm rating: 0
#50
Iheartmywhatever
#43- Wine is spelled right but the beans are not. All caps are annoying.
“Dear nail salon biatch,
Please do not just LET your cat outside in an urban environment where it could be killed, maimed, run-over, eaten by the 1st gen chinese girl on the scnd floor, or taken by neighbors who actually give a damn about how animals are treated and taken care of…
Thank you belly-moutsch,
3ld floor chinese girl”
Feb 1, 2009 at 11:57 pm rating: 1
#51
Josh D
I skipped most of the racist arguments, PO and others please watch a Lisa Lampanelli stand up ( or insert offensive comedian here ). Humor and being able to take a joke is the first step to ending racism.
Now before i get back in my pick-up to take my cousin out.
I wanted to point out the lack of comments on the fact that the majority of Nail Salon employees are Korean and the cat-napper was Chinese…
I live that line open for Y’All.
Feb 6, 2009 at 11:50 am rating: 0
#52
Bob
Dear Jews,
Please give our money back that you stole.
Regards,
Europe.
Mar 30, 2009 at 10:13 am rating: 1
#53 I'M A CAT. It's OK for me to play outside. Seriously. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Cat fight! [...]
Feb 6, 2011 at 5:21 pm rating: 0
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