Deviled egg, anyone?

January 26th, 2009 · 119 comments

As Rick in Tennessee can attest, sharing a fridge with more than two unrelated roommates can get tricky — even in the rare event that everyone manages to keep their paws to themselves. The upside? “While there’s no space in the fridge for food, I’ll never have to worry about running out of condiments.”

Things we DON'T need

Meanwhile, in Washington…

regarding my mustard

related: Crying over sour milk

FILED UNDER: D.C. · fridge · roommates · Tennessee


119 responses so far ↓

  • #1   VentureSister

    Reminds me of the shit that went down with my roommate last semester. She decided she didn’t want anyone touching ANY of her stuff so we ended up with TWO Brita filters. She wouldn’t even let us use her filter! She really had problems.

    Also, I’m being entirely serious when I say I have that yogurt and it IS fucking delicious.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   RajMahalBlues

      Plain yogurt is nasty shit not delicious unless it is used as a sauce over real food.
      I could see having four different types of mustard but these look all the same.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Olivia

      Judging by the vanilla buds on the container, however, I’d venture to say that it’s vanilla yogurt. Though I will say this for plain yogurt:

      1/2 c plain yogurt
      1/2 c canned pumpkin
      pinch of pumpkin pie spice, tons of cinnamon, and a dab of brown sugar.

      Now THAT’S fucking delicious.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   pry

      i made this with cream cheese and it was fucking delicious. although i am now going to try it with yogurt….healthier and all.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   fluffy8u

    But please feel free to pick up some Miracle Whip!!!

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:45 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Commish

      I hate to be all stereotypey, but the only people I’ve ever met who like Miracle Whip are Caucasian. Why is that?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   anglophile bang

      I was just waiting for someone to go there! Just because you have heard that some white people like Miracle Whip, all of a sudden you make racist Miracle-Whip-eating whitey jokes? I am disgusted!

      (and it’s really good mixed with ground spam, velveeta, onion and hard-boiled egg and spread on a half a hamburger bun–white, of course–and broiled.)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Sirius bang

      And it’s not just white people. Chinese people eat Miracle Whip on cat sandwiches. (Just putting in my $.02)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 6:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   BeamInMyOwnEye

      Sirius, you just made coffee spurt out my nose all over my suit. I’m sending you the dry-cleaning bill.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   TheOldSchool bang

    Let’s hope that Rick didn’t bother to check the sell-by dates. Our moron herd needs thinnin’.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Heroin

    We currently have five mayos and three mustards in our fridge, and seven BBQ sauces. Sadly there are no roommates to blame, as my husband and I do the shopping together and are clearly a terrible team.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:47 am   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Heroin,

      It’s not you. It’s him.

      I knew it on the day of your wedding. You so beautiful. Him — a dud — walking you down the aisle with an armload of jarred pickles and assorted sundries.

      Dill-juice dribbling down the lapels of his rented waistcoat, coagulating into terraced pools of sure-to-stain vulgarity on his ghastly cummerbund.

      Heroin. Face the facts. You’ve got to kick your hubby habit.

      Go cold turkey. It’s hard, but with a little mustard and mayo on rye bread, you can get through it.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:13 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Sika

      I was just going to say this in general…but Heroin, since you admit to it I shall say it to you too…

      …you know how when you get it in the store the 1. Mayo, 2. Mustard, 3. BBQ Sauce and 4. Ranch dressing are just out there…on the shelf?

      Well, they can stay on a similar shelf in your house, or a cupboard, or a box, or in the garage even. But unless you are stupid enough to open one of these items before you have used up the one in that is open…then I assure you, there is no need to place them in the fridge.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:02 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   anglophile bang

      When this went up as Word! (congrats!) I read this as you currently having five mayors in your fridge. Maybe you need a henchman to get rid of your bodies for you.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Heroin

      Nah, we only have one mayor, and he’s in the deep freeze.

      And thanks. :)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Scandalia

      I used to keep my mayor in my bed…. Then his wife found out.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   areoneoh

    all our mayo’s are months past due. they’ve kinda just separated into their respective ingredients. ha ha ha ha, just use your 9 before they split as well.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   morpho aurora bang

    what, no ketchup?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:00 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    Things we don’t need: Signs x 1

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 62  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Chris Moran

    Nice writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Chris Moran

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   ChrisMoranIsADouche

      Douche.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:29 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   ChrisMoranHasPinkPeniusesDrawnOnHisFace

      Newman’s Own Douche!

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Mishee bang

      Peniuses?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Ti O bang

      :roll: :???:

      Shouldn’t that be Penisii?

      :lol:

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I always thought is was penii.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Olivia

      Penii-s from Heaven?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Ti O bang

      Penii for you thoughts.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:39 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   amy d bang

      Funny, I was thinking about your penis.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   Ti O bang

      and it was thinking about you… :twisted:

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   mamason bang

      He had an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot penisii.

      Not you, Timo. I’m sure yours is more than adequate.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:15 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   Ti O bang

      Mamason! You just really don’t like me do you. :razz:
      If it is yellow and polka dotted a doctor should be consulted.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   mamason bang

      NO! I love you! I don’t know how or why you keep ending up on the receiving end of my crass and vulgar attempts at humor. Please forgive me.

      *so… are we still on for tonight?* ;-)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.13   Ti O bang

      *yes, I will bring the picnic basket of spotted dick! *

      :wink:

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.14   Squrrox

      Dudes, it’s “penes”. I’ve read it but never heard it pronounced. Spread the word so’s someone can school me.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 7:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.15   octavius

      Pea-knees

      Jan 26, 2009 at 8:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.16   Craniac

      Squrrox is right. Haven’t any of you ever studied Latin? “Penis” is a third declension noun, so the nominative plural is formed “penes”. Pronunciation varies depending on whether you’re giving it the original Latin pronunciation or anglicizing it. All of which may be beside the point, but I just thought I’d toss that in.

      Jan 27, 2009 at 10:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.17   Tbunny

      you’re all wrong-it’s “dicks”

      Jan 29, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   HairySwede

    clearly it is time for a picnic

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or an orgy!

      ♫ Slip slidin’ away… ♫ :mrgreen:

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Saysh bang

      HEY!!! That was MY joke :-P You thief! You are gonna get spanked for that one! Oh, wait, we’d both like that too much! Never mind.. proceed. *grin*

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Hod

    The most annoying part is that all that stuff is taking up room on the shelf with high clearance. That’s like a motorcycle in the last parking spot.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:11 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   jenocide

      I’m willing to bet that the note-leaver arranged those things there at the front of the fridge to make it obvious to the reader that the note indeed spoke the truth.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   anglophile bang

      Bikers have equal rights! ;)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   famous_lizzy

    I’m a little disappointed they didn’t go all the way and point out things like:
    eggs x 12
    sierra mist x 12
    yogurt x 2
    I mean, if you’re going to be that anal retentive about multiple things in your fridge, at least be consistent.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   ChrisMoranIsADouche

      You miss the point.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   famous_lizzy

      Nope, I think I got the point just fine. I just took it to an absurd level. It’s kind of what I do.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:38 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   TheOldSchool bang

      I miss the point, but it’s always with me… in my heart.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:02 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Olivia

      Famous_Lizzy, are you related to Fizzy Lizzy? My boyfriend and I have that x infinity in our fridge.

      Mmmm….Fizzy Lizzy.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Ti O bang

      Pomegranate love x ∞ !

      FTW

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Lovey

    Things we DO need:

    1 Ketchup
    2 Seperate fridges
    3 prozac

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Separate houses in different countries would be even better.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:07 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Hod

    Look at the way the second mayonnaise and the fourth mayonnaise fit together perfectly! Proof of God!

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    In times like these I cannot find fault with a no-frills shopper.
    All that’s needed now is a big hunk of government cheese and we’s eatin’!!

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Troy McClure bang

    Are those … mayonnaise lava lamps?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:16 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Saysh bang

      Oh, DAMN Troy!!!

      That was good. Disgusting to think about .. but good.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Rick,

      The third jar is NOT mayonnaise!

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Vautikos

    I must say, I cannnot agree with Rick; you can never have enough ranch.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Or raunch.

      Or farm.

      Are these fellas part of a nonsecular cult? They seem eerily non-debauched.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Quite Contrary bang

      Never mind.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 8:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Tbunny

      damn straight. the only reason i eat salads is to have something to put my ranch on!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 9:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   TheOldSchool bang

    Note to self:

    Never continue reading anything that begins with the phrase: “As Rick from Tennessee can attest….”

    Seriously, is not the sun’s light upon our tiny planet blighted enough by the fog of denseness?

    As saddened as I am by Rick’s desperate plight, I’m humble enough to recognize that I possess a soul not generous enough to fly to Tennessee and sort through his fridge.

    I suspect that few among us would.

    Yet, here we are.

    Offering advice. Subjectively speaking.

    Why do we so eagerly seek out the latest startled catch, staring and leering as it wriggles pathetically before us?

    Why does Claw71 feel the need to unbutton his trousers and stroke himself to a muttering completion as Captain Kerry’s latest catch is dropped unceremoniously from the net and into the PAN?

    Is there not a person here who is unaware that any one of us could be, at this very moment, yet another fish swimming blindly into the amusement du jour of yet another blithe jester’s blog?

    Moral: Find something to praise when you’re mocking others, and find something to mock when issuing praise.

    Zig when they zag.

    Learn to listen to wisdom of the whispering clitoris.

    Always carry a camera-equipped cellphone.

    And please remember to keep your comments short.

    This is an example of one that is too long.

    (I stopped reading after the letter N in Note. I could just tell it would be preachy.)

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Saysh bang

      Are you channeling Tom Robbins?

      Besides, Claw doesn’t stroke “himself”, he strokes the python. Well, technically, he has RB for that. Or Mishee’s mom.

      Yup. I went there.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   tinkerbell2

      It’s only a matter of time before Saysh and TheOldSchool set up a slash site about Mishee and Claw.. such drooling adoration! (Not that it’s unwarranted).

      Jan 26, 2009 at 7:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Mishee bang

      Who says they already haven’t?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Bunnee

      So, TOS, that makes you a “clit-whisperer”?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   mamason bang

      That wasn’t my clit whispering. I queefed… and it was more like a belch.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   TheOldSchool bang

      mamason,

      U.S. Geological Survey Information Services Richter’d it at 2.2. No major damage recorded, so far.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Dina

    Has anyone else noticed that one of the mayonnaise jars seems to have contents that defy the rules of gravity?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   lownote

      Now that you mention it, yes. Hmm, I think that one might need to be thrown out :)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 4:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   tinkerbell2

      I think it must have been stored upside-down, and the notewriter turned it right way up and moved it to the front before leaving the note and taking the photo himself..
      I have way too much time on my hands.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 7:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   C

    Things we don’t need: 4. Underlines under “don’t” x 3

    Jan 26, 2009 at 5:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   T.U.M.

    That note has a chilly tone.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   TheOldSchool bang

      I know. Rick’s toaster oven admonishments are always so much warmer and more effusive.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Mishee bang

      I prefer the oven notes.

      Nothing is better than a Rick Roll with dinner.

      (except maybe Texas Toast)

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Saysh bang

      You should know Mish, as you are the QUEEN of the Rick Roll.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   better on paper bang

    To quote fight club:

    How embarrassing, a fridge full of condiments and no real food.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   amy d bang

      Never talk about Fight Club. It’s the first rule.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Tyler Durden

      Quoting from it is different from talking about it, Tyler Durden has spoken.
      But know that his name was Robert Paulson.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   mazzi

    WAIT! Those are different flavors of ranch. Bacon (mmmmmm) in front… and what is that hidden in back? Spicy maybe? Light? Peppercorn?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   TPS

    What’s with young single guys and ranch dressing?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Melanie

      Is it cheaper than Vaseline?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   TheOldSchool bang

      But who would sacrifice the zesty flavor of vaseline for such meager cost savings?

      Tight Times Call For Vaseline!

      Riiiiiiccccccooooooooooooollllllllaaaaaaaaaa!

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Tbunny

      i take offense to that! it’s young single girls, too!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   jpav

    They probably wouldn’t have this problem if someone would pony up for a lightbulb.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Guest99

      team quit writing notes and buy a fucking light bulb

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   claw71 bang

    I am quite disturbed by the paucity of beer in this refrigerator.

    When you happen to be at the place in your life where you’re “sharing a fridge with more than 2 unrelated roomates” said fridge should either be empty or stuffed to the defrost vents with cheap beer. These people deserve to be inundated with mayo.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Themiki bang

    Things we DO need:
    1. Girlfriends
    2. Hobbies
    3. New roommate

    Jan 26, 2009 at 11:28 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Spakerman

    My roomates and I forced ourselves into a pact whereby we were all prohibited from buying anymore BBQ sauces. I think we had upwards of a dozen bottles.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Julie

    For a split second I misunderstood this note and was under the impression that this was some screwed up math equation. So for a moment I thought the note-writer meant there were:
    9 mayo
    8 mustard
    12 ranch
    The reality isn’t much better, I guess.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   zenvelo

    it’s bad enough to post a PAN, but leaving the fridge door open so everyone can see it???

    Wasteful!

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Ti O bang

      Al Gore Weeps at the wonton waste.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Zenvelo,

      I’m with you. Rick could have easily drilled a small lens-sized hole into the door, and captured the shot he needed that way.

      For what better opportunity is Rick waiting, where he gets to employ his camera’s flash function during his photo shoots?

      He strikes me as a bit of a dim bulb. It’s sad.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Olivia

      Al Gore knows how much Ranch Dressing you buy.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Ti O bang

    Jeez dude needs to maybe seek help for his mustard fixation.
    But if it is fancy goumand stuff I guess I would have to side with him being mad about someone drowning their schnout and asshole hot dog with his good mustard.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   SanFran bang

    If I could choose to eradicate Ebola or Mustard from this planet, I would without hesitation choose the latter.

    Mustard, as a condiment, is Satan incarnate.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Ti O bang

      Let the fire embrace and ravage my soul. I delight and dance with my coarse ground white wine mustard smudged on a chunk of chop.
      I do like saurkraut also, so there is no accounting for my taste. :lol:

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m with you, too, SanFran.

      Mustard is better utilized as a sexual lubricant.

      People continually waste it on the wrong hot dog.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   mamason bang

      Trust me. Mustard burns.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Trust me. Anusol is the worst-tasting toothpaste ever.

      When this tube is finished, I’ll not be giving its manufacturers my repeat custom. Assholes.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   SanFran bang

      TheOldSchool: I said CONDIMENT, not Condoment!

      To better explain my level of discomfort with Mustard – seeing it makes me uneasy, getting it on my skin causes seizures, tasting it – certain death.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   agatha christie

      SanFran, I’m right up there with you about the mustard. Smelling it turns my stomach and tasting it elicits the most violent of gag reflexes. It can only be compared with my feelings towards pickles.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   unfortunate names blog

    Before Dane Cook though jelly made a better joke:
    Do we have any mustard in the house? Do we or do we not have mustard.
    You said we did last time. I’m looking in the cabinets & I dont see
    any GD mustard. I just wanna know if we have any mustard in the house.”
    And she’s egging him on, she’s like [girl voice]
    “I dont even like mustard. I dont even like mustard. I get hives if I even look at mustard. Wha–I dont even know about mustard. I’ve never even–What is mustard.
    I dont even care.” And he’s like
    “I dont even give a shit about the hives. I want mustard in the fuckin’ house.
    Stat. Pronto. Tonite. I dont give a–I will break your neck and pour
    mustard all over your body and pray to the gods of mustard to burn your soul in a mustard like hell. Now get the mustard!”

    Jan 26, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Sirius bang

      If you’re stealing Dane Cook material, that’s OK, because he most likely stole it from someone else.

      If, however, you are using Dane Cook as a source of comic inspiration, please e-mail me your address so I can come to your frat house and kick you in the nuts.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Sirius,

      If you are a guy, and if I was a homosexual, I’d want to sodomize you from now until the Academy Awards Ceremonies begin. (But I’m not, so get off the floor and pull up your trousers.)

      mmmm….Is that Paco Rabanne, I detect?

      Yeah. It is great. Did you know he did the costumes for Barbarella?

      Anyway, Dane Cook has triggered more voluntary vasectomies, lobotomies, and suicides in five years than most of us can hope to do in our lifetimes.

      Have you seen Barbarella on BluRay?

      Then you haven’t seen it! Yeah, I do. Anytime. IM me first.

      Jan 26, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   unfortunate names

      well nothing is really original so i’m just borrowing.

      Jan 27, 2009 at 7:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Harris Bloom

    mustard guy should do what the contestants in the house on The Ultimate Fighter did when someone ate their food – they pee’d in it.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Why would they pee in their own food?

      I’m starting to question the intelligence of some of these ultimate fighters.

      Then again, if urine saturated food builds muscle….

      Jan 26, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   ohREALLYfool

      I hate to admit watching that show but…

      One guy kept eating another guy’s fruit tray- every SINGLE day he would eat an entire tray of fruit while the other team was at practice just to piss this guy off. So… the guy pissed in his own fruit before practice so the second guy would eat it along with his fruit.

      Bored yet?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   steve-o

    that mustard was fucking delicious

    Jan 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   anglophile bang

      *considers getting out the unitard and forcing steve-o into it, but dies of boredom first*

      Jan 26, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Horse

    Why does having an ‘illness’ preclude illicitly eating someone else’s mustard?

    Jan 26, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   alice

      maybe her illness is anorexia?

      Jan 26, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   The Commish

    I’m so glad I live alone

    Jan 26, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   667970

    The wurst is yet to come.

    Jan 26, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    I actually agree with the second writer.
    I prefer my Jesus wafer with a little Grey Poupon® .

    Jan 27, 2009 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Amy

    wow…he really likes his mustard! *lol*

    Jan 27, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Erika

    The joy of living with roommates. If I ever have to do that again, I’m getting my own dang mini fridge.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 7:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   ummmmheyyyy

    Either said roommates are autistic (for arranging their fridge contents in such a way) or Guy who Took the Photo staged it for the purpose of submitting to PassiveAggressiveNotes.

    I vote #2.

    Feb 1, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Jillian C. York

    I love that whomever submitted the email one has Google Labs’ “reply to all” app installed.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 12:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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