The Future Homeowners’ Association Presidents of America

January 28th, 2009 · 119 comments

Complaining about how stores put up holiday decorations earlier and earlier every year is neck-and-neck with the over-or-under toilet paper debate for the title of “most tiresome pet peeve kept alive by syndicated newspaper advice columnists and lite-fm morning DJs.”

But if you want to get into some seriously self-righteous shit, just bring up “those people who keep their christmas lights up, like, all year.” Then, stand back.

Take, for example, this dorm hallway from South Dakota State University. “I walk by this room pretty much every day to go to class and the complaints on their whiteboard keep growing,” our submitter says. “I’m pretty sure they’re going to leave their Christmas decorations up for even longer now, just out of spite.”

CHRISTMAS IS OVER!

related: A deep-seated issue

FILED UNDER: college life · holiday spirit · South Dakota · whiteboard


119 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Thanks!

    A redneck dorm?

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ti O bang

      That would be a extra large ice fishing house that doubles as a bass fishing pontoon boat in the summer.
      Git er done. :roll:

      Jan 28, 2009 at 8:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Thanks!

      Sweet niblets!

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   unfortunate names

      lots of flannel

      Jan 28, 2009 at 5:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Mark bang

    TP should go over, duh!

    I love the barbed penis with glob of jizz.

    Huh? That’s a Christmas tree? But Christmas is Ver.

    Wait, TP is over, but Christmas is just Ver?

    You commie librul atheist heathens! You’re taking the O out of Xmas!

    …oh, wait…

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:10 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   SarahBelle

    Because that “goodwill to all” spirit only lasts until Dec. 24. After that, don’t you holly jolly anything buster until Thanksgiving.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Whenever I see a dormitory hallway erasable dry pen message board like the one above, Mr. Happy turns sad.

      I know that if he could, he would be there tonight, and he’d wipe away all those hurtful comments with his warm, milky tears of love. They’re the texture of melted gum drops, but without as many calories.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Frankie bang

      You really do say the weirdest things.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   candybeans

    I love (what i’m guessing at are) Shannon’s calm replies to the hating.
    “so it is.”
    “still winter.”
    I imagine a HAL-like voice: “I’m afraid i can’t do that. You were going to take down the x-mas decorations, and i’m afraid that is something that I cannot let happen.”

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Christmas lives on, and it’s at an Elvis concert.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   AuntyBron

    Whatever happened to “Keep Christmas in your heart all year”?

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      Lipitor.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   racerx22

    Redneck the halls with bows of holly

    We once had a tree that we decorated solely with aluminum beer cans. My buddy and I left it up until all the needles fell off. None of our room mates complained. The moral of the story…..

    Drink More Alcohol and Nothing Else Matters

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      We once had a tree decorated solely with beer cans and when my buddy climbed up to get the “star” (the last beer in the house), he fell off.
      We watered the tree, so the needles were just fine.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Don’t you hate it when people mistake M.L. King Day wreaths for Christmas decorations?

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   TheOldSchool bang

    The submitter’s last sentence in this posting indicates that her brain isn’t quite right.

    I suspect that she is undersexed and resentful of people with colorful decorations.

    My prescription: Give her massive quantities of E, have her scrubbed, checked, and brought to my quarters.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   warinthepocket

    Mistletoe always has a place in my doorway.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   se

      I have a mistletoe shaped belt buckle.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   AuntyBron

      Real women don’t need mistletoe.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 12:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Canthz_B bang

      Or cameltoe! :-P

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Craniac

    I have a pre-lit tree still up in my living room that doesn’t work that I’ll let go cheap to the best offer.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 1:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose

      $2.00 for the living room that doesn’t work. Okay, okay, it’s a little low: $5.00. After all, I’m sure it has at least 3 walls and a ceiling. ;)

      Jan 28, 2009 at 7:16 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   monstrosity

      It was working fine until we broke the fourth wall.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 3:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Christmas comes but once a year…
    So make that bitch last!!

    Jan 28, 2009 at 2:10 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   zenvelo

      if Christmas only comes once a year, she needs to learn to jill off better…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Julie

      Wait, wait, do people actually use the phrase “jill off”? Because the only context in which I have heard people say it is when they are making fun of feminists who are trying too hard.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Frankie not logged in....

      Julie is just sad that people don’t say Julie off… Just because that slut Jill went up the hill with Jack doesn’t mean that he wasn’t thinking about Jules the whole time….

      Getcha some Julie. Getcha some.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Julie

      Jack always has been such a man-whore.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Frankie bang

      I always said you deserved better…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Ti O bang

      Jack would do it in a hole in a bucket!

      Jan 28, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Frankie bang

      Oh I know. Liza and Henry told me all about that…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 2:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Canthz_B bang

      Jack went down,
      And broke Jill’s crown.
      Jack Jr. was born,
      Nine months after!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   NoExit

    I look at it this way: if you don’t take down your Christmas decorations, you’re saved the trouble of putting them up again next year. Team Lazy.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 2:51 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   racerx22

    Sorry we were team lazy (1st) sixteen years ago when we didn’t water the tree. Would someone get me a beer please?

    Jan 28, 2009 at 3:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   NoExit

      How do you know that my fake tree hasn’t been gracing a corner of my living room for 23 years?

      *psshhht* Here’s your beer.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 3:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   warinthepocket

      23 years would provide for a layer of “snow”

      Jan 28, 2009 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   racerx22

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you…………… and now I don’t care ;)

    Jan 28, 2009 at 3:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   msinformed

    I love how Ellen’s written her name in large, colourful letters, forcing poor Shannon to just scrawl her name below as an afterthought.

    ELLEN’S Message Board
    .
    .
    .
    and Shannon’s

    Team Ellen’s a greedy board-hogging bitch

    Jan 28, 2009 at 3:51 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   BAM

      Usually in college dorms, each roommate has his/her own white board on either side of the door. Ellen did go a little over the top in getting the big-ass board instead of those little ones that people usually get, but if she wants a lot of “randomness” then she probably needs a lot of room for that. Shannon’s a bit of a space-stealer, really.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   msinformed

      hmm. so the board is like your facebook wall, only in real life?

      how old skool!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   claw71 bang

    Being an efficiency-minded guy I really don’t see the harm in leaving Christmas Decorations up. After all, Christmas is less than a year away and you’re going to put those decorations up well before hand, right? So why take them down at all. If you want to acknowledge other holidays you can easily augment most Christmas decorations to reflect the appropriate theme. Even something overtly Chrstmas-y, like a nativity scene, can be altered.

    Baby Jesus makes an excellent cupid and a few match sticks taped to the chests of the rest of the cast will look like he’s shot everybody with his arrows. A month later Baby J can done some green and be a Leprechaun for St. Patty’s day. You can finish off the authentic Irish theme by supplying the rest of the nativity ensemble with little mugs of beer. I’d also suggest having Joseph passed out with the sheep and Mary drunkenly servicing all three of the wise men to capture the true meaning of March 17th.

    Easter can go a number of ways but a few jelly beans and a giant bunny can turn the nativity scene into Easter morn complete with Jesus crawling around looking for hidden eggs, or you can simply have Baby Jesus and the Bunny square off in a death match to see who really controls that floating Holiday. My money is on the Bunny.

    Independence day can be reflected with overt displays of red, white and blue and Halloween is easily adapted to this venue with a few creepy candles and some zombie make-up.

    By then, you’re good to go for Christmas again.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 6:21 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      You’ve gotta submit these ideas to Good Housekeeping! :lol:

      Jan 28, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Mishee bang

      My wedding anniversary is March 17th.

      And that wasn’t a coincidence.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   RigaToni

      Mine too! I’m wife numero 4 (and final) and we wanted he-of-the-many-marriages to remember an anniversary easily.

      Nothing like making your anniversary a good drinking holiday! And when he sees shamrock shakes at McDonald’s, he knows it’s time to remember a gift or card or something (we’re not picky).

      Jan 28, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   mamason bang

      I married Papa on his birthday. I thought it was a very nice gift for him! :-P

      Jan 28, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   ohREALLYfool

      Me too! My in-laws (who were born in Ireland) couldn’t convince me to make the bridesmaid’s dresses, cake, etc all green, but we did have green beer!

      Jan 28, 2009 at 7:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   better on paper bang

      Haha this is all very true.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Even better is to have yur children born on Holidays. Saves so much on extra presents.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Wade bang

    If you tade your shit down, does that produce a fecal mist?

    Jan 28, 2009 at 7:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Wolverine Girl bang

      And where is this shit anyway? I don’t see Mr Hankey anywhere.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   anglophile bang

    You know how every year, when people start putting their Christmas displays up in their yard, there’s always that piece on the local news about how somebody got a Rudolph or a Santa or a Baby Jesus stolen, and they interview the person who’s practically bawling and the reporter shakes their head solemnly and condemningly at the low-life scum who would steal a Baby Jesus?

    I bet when I steal my neighbor’s mishmash of Christmas and Valentine’s Day decorations on February 15, no one will give a damn.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 8:24 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mishee bang

      My BFF has had her eye on the neighborhood’s garish Baby Jesus since we were 17.

      One day she will get it. I just know it.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   zenvelo

      hey, if she can’t get baby Jesus, maybe baby Jose or baby Juan…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Mishee bang

      Well in my neighborhood that is totally possible.

      Some white ladies (like me) came to my door one day and asked for “Juan” – after I told them that “There is no Juan here” (hehehehe) I told her to go out on the street and throw a stone, she’ll hit some Juan.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   TheOldSchool bang

      I’ve never understood why some people, at Christmas time, like to decorate their homes with Baby Jesus.

      How does he relate to this cherished holiday?

      BJ wasn’t Santa’s kid, was he?

      Of course not. But that doesn’t matter to the fanatics. They’re starting with Christmas, but their goal is to associate BJs with every holiday.

      Next, they turn America into a giant theocratic theme park (where all the rides suck!).

      We can’t let them do it.

      To be clear, I’m not saying no more BJs.

      They are totally appropriate in churches.

      But there’s no need for BJs in college dorms, especially during our most festive of holidays.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Canthz_B bang

      Any time is a good time for a BJ.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Saysh bang

      How about now?

      Come here…..

      *bats eyelashes*

      Jan 29, 2009 at 12:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Canthz_B bang

      Saunters over into Saysh’s embrace*

      Be gentle with me, Mistress… :oops:

      Jan 29, 2009 at 1:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I think they should put up some Halloween decorations just to fuck w/ everyone.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   you suck at craigslist

    They’re not STILL up from last year, they’re up REALLY EARLY for this year!

    Jan 28, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Andy

    In my old college off-campus house we put up decorations for each holiday and never took any of them down.

    There’s something endearing about a room with fake spiderweb covering Christmas lights hanging over a turkey standing on a shamrock being shot by cupid.

    Oh yeah, there were also myriad hot chicks in bikinis posters – those were endearing, too!

    Jan 28, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mishee bang

      Funny I just noticed the other day there is spiderwebs and a HUGE fake spider still in the tree in the front yard of my hook-up’s house.

      As I was walking up the other day to get my bag o’ weed a girl walking to the park next door got scared.

      I chuckled… and then I got high.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   zenvelo

    to quote “Elmo’s Christmas Wish” –

    “not every day can be Christmas, that wouldn’t be such a treat.
    you can get tired of chocolate candy if that’s all you eat.”

    Jan 28, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Frankie bang

      Elmo isn’t real. I’m real. I can eat chocolate all the time. I promise I won’t get sick of it…

      Then again Elmo doesn’t have a vag to bleed out of so I guess we can’t hold that against him..

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Mishee bang

      Elmo looks like a used pad anyways Frankie.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   se

      Frankie, If I change my name to Elmo, would you hold yours against me? and yes, you can pull my ears.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Frankie not logged in....

      I prefer not to sit around in my blood
      *shuddershakegag*

      if you can climb on up in there I’ll just pull on your hair to get you out…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   se

      I do prefer bloodless, but…

      reminds me of an old biker song, don’t remember the name, but one line went “last night I got my red wings”

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   Mishee bang

      Has anyone here heard of a Diva Cup™.

      From the testimonials, I would suggest you use that from now on Frankie!

      One girl’s dad even told her to use it!

      *creeped out*

      Jan 28, 2009 at 2:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Frankie bang

      shudder Wouldn’t that thing just shoot out if it got too full? Nevermind. Don’t wanna know.
      I only get my friend a couple of times a year anyway. I’ll be ok. Why are we talking about this nastiness again?

      Oh yeah. Elmo. Chocolate. Red Wings….

      Jan 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Mishee bang

    Wonder what Ellen will think one day when she arrives at her door to some stoner who took her subscript seriously and used the white board to actually knock themselves out.

    That would be quite random.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    South Dakota is in a weird timezone; Christmas isn’t actually over there until February 8th.

    Think of the money they save on after-Christmas sales

    Jan 28, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   GhostWriter bang

    Ellen’s the one that worries me.

    Who labels a message board on their own door like that? That’s like Sharpie’ing “BILL’S IPOD” on Bill’s IPod.

    Then, after a full semester of everybody ignoring her board, she added, “Hey, I know I branded this board as mine, but feel free to add your own random thoughts, which I will review and comment upon, or erase.” …and that’s like trying to make a meaningful chat comment in Club Penguin.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Mishee bang

      GW, you have a point.

      Labeling your own items can sometimes get you into trouble as well.

      Remember when Bart got the radio microphone and dropped it down the well?

      Sting still hasn’t recovered from all that digging.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Mark bang

      ♫ Sending our love down that well… all the way down! ♬

      No, you’ve got to dig up, dummy!

      “all the way down”

      Jan 28, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Mishee bang

      Ahhh, I love the fact that is the only episode where the celebrity guest doesn’t get a last word.

      Homer just yanks him out of the way once he gets to Bart and we don’t ever see him again.

      Why can’t real life imitate art, just once?

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   SoDakGirl

    My parents put up Christmas lights 12 years ago and haven’t taken them down. They’ve become a way to keep people from getting lost.

    “2 miles down the dirt road..second farm on the right..we’ll turn the Christmas lights on so you know you have the right place…”

    Jan 28, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   TheOldSchool bang

      This is a coincidence. I know the place.

      Your parents use the lights to let passing motorists know whether you’re:

      A) home and available,
      B) home, but in the barn, entertaining a traveling salesman,
      C) in town, rustling up business for Ma.

      It all looked so rustic. I couldn’t stop because I was late for an appointment at Wall’s.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Frankie bang

      Seriously. You’ve every right to post whatever you like. I’m not judging you okay…. But please tell me. Do you sometimes lose hours in a day from spacing off and fantasizing “Scrubs” style in your head. Do you have made up friends that you share inside jokes with in front of real people? And finally, do you regularly participate in the “punch-out game” where you let people punch you in the face for fun? Or can you even remember?

      Jan 28, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Frankie,

      One of my self-imposed guidelines regarding the internet is to avoid interactions with dim bulbs, especially ones with obvious mental issues.

      But, I have a tendency towards generosity when it comes to allowing myself ample leeway in these matters.

      Frankie, your #27.2 post was utterly vile.

      What’s more, it was uncalled for.

      SoDakGirl was sharing a bit of her own family history.

      For that, she receives a deranged rant from you accusing her of who knows what!

      I’m not a psychiatrist, but I am often called upon to offer them advice. (Pro bono.)

      I’ll extend to you the same courtesy.

      Look, I can see what’s going on with you, darling. You may be fooling the others, here, but, let’s face it — that’s not saying a lot.

      Frankie, you resent others for a myriad of reasons.

      With the upbringing you had, you’ve got every right to be bitter. (People here joke around about incestuous relatives, a lot, but if they understood what monsters your kin really were, my guess is that attitudes would change fairly quickly.)

      Frankie, you’re not an unattractive girl, physically, at least.

      (Hint: lose the ‘stache a.s.a.p.)

      Surely you’ve got something to offer someone.

      I happen to know that there are many able-bodied men in the deaf/blind community who would tentatively be interested in sampling your wares.

      (Another hint: before the first meeting, shower with soap, use mouthwash, and get him drunk.)

      Finally, I think you owe SoDakGirl a heartfelt apology.

      Good luck, pet.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 8:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Wade bang

      Um, The Old School.

      I am normally not one to inject himself into these kinds of discussions… but I believe, based on the context of the post, that 27.2 was addressed to 27.1, i.e., you.

      Just trying to be helpful.

      ;)

      Jan 28, 2009 at 8:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   amy d bang

      TOS, although I’m sure it’s obvious to you, Frankie’s comment was actually to/about you and not SoDakGirl.

      It’s interesting that you say you have a rule about not interacting with so-called dimbulbs and yet you could not resist responding to her post. Much like you can’t resist giving a response to damn near every post of this site.

      While Frankie’s post was critical, it was also somewhat light-hearted, i.e. humorous. Yours just spews venom at Frankie and insults the entirety of the PAN community. If you have such disdain for us, perhaps you should leave. We’ll find a way to live without you. Based on this community’s reaction to her post, I don’t even think it will be difficult to do so.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Wade and amy d,

      Shoot, if I’d realized the original post was directed at me, I might have ignored her, as per usual.

      As it happens, I once saw a film about a girl who lived on a farm. Ever since then, I guess I’m suspicious of people who attack them. (Farmer’s daughters joke-tellers, in particular.)

      Sadly, I can’t recall the name of the film. The girl had a cute little dog.

      I just reread whatshername’s post. I must say I can’t see how it pertains to me in anyway.

      What does she mean by “scrubs?”

      What is “the punch out” game?

      I hate to say “I told you so,” but I’m afraid I’m going to have to concur with my initial assessment of Frankie’s intellect and mental stability.

      Amy, for your presumption that I disdain the people of PAN, I have to tell you that you’re uncharacteristically mistaken.

      Many of you amuse me greatly.

      That said, I’m somewhat disappointed that none of you seems to be too concerned about Frankie’s well-being.

      Nobody’s perfect. Not even me. But surely you’re not all so self-absorbed as to ignore a young woman’s coded-in-gibberish plea for help?

      Some of us are just more sensitive to others, I suppose.

      Don’t worry, I’m not going to let your insensitivity diminish the regard I have for any of you in any tangible way.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   Wade bang

      *yawn*

      Just trying to be helpful, TheOldSchool.

      Do with it as you will.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Thanks for the pep talk, Wade!

      It means a lot. *wink*

      Jan 28, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.9   TheOldSchool bang

      APOLOGY:

      I’m afraid to admit that in my exuberance to clarify a misunderstanding, I said something I didn’t intend to say.

      In post 27.6, the comment should have read: “characteristically,” not “uncharacteristically.”

      Jan 29, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.10   SoDakGirl

      Wow…even if Frankie’s comment was directed at me it wouldn’t have upset me, and although I appreciate TOS sticking up for me, I wouldn’t have posted if it was a sensitive subject.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.11   Canthz_B bang

      Hmm,TOS… I’ve found, over time, that both Wade and Amy_D usually have a good grasp of things.
      They are rarely mistaken in their perceptions.
      I dismiss the attacks of trolls, but give credence to the words of those PAN regulars who normally do not attack.

      Frankie’s doing fine, but I wonder about someone who would impugn the honor of the family of a commenter here.
      I’d also suggest that you have your memory functions looked into if, during the composition of one posting, you call someone “whatshername” and by name as well.
      That, combined with your tendency to drift off on tangents, leads me to be more concerned with your well-being than with Frankie’s.

      Friendly food for thought.
      I’ve said my piece and am done with it. ;-)

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.12   Frankie bang

      I like SoDakGirl just fine. I was really just playing on the randomness that is your posts for a little laugh. I don’t recall accusing you of idiocy or saying anything too hateful. I probably would have posted the same thing to anyone else and they would have played along with the joke. It was funny. I don’t feel the need to defend myself seeing as you are the only one who didn’t think so. And you’re just hateful. My shenanigans are cheeky and fun shenanigans… (for Mishee)

      Everyone notice. TOS can make jokes about you and you can make jokes about everyone else, but nobody make a joke about TOS. He can’t handle it.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.13   Mishee bang

      I would rush to defend my Frankie girl’s honor, but unfortunately I don’t interact with dim bulbs.

      Meow. (for frankie!)

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.14   TheOldSchool bang

      SaDakGirl: Thanks for your kind words.

      Canthz B: I used to toy around with creating a character who was completely devoid of any ironic sense whatsoever. After reading your posts for the past three weeks, I’ve concluded that such a character wouldn’t be interesting enough to carry a short story, let alone a screenplay or novel. A perfect match for a haiku, but I’m genetically incapable of producing one of those.

      I’ve just e-mailed my attorney, informing him that should the day ever come that I am taking diplomatic advice from CB, he can be certain I’ve lost the plot, and that I should be killed instantly.

      Frankie: Your shenanigans are my shenanigans.
      Cheeky. Fun. (Although I’m not as casual about addressing menstrual issues as you are.) I do think we have things to learn from one another.
      For instance, whenever I comment on a comment that has already been commented on, I name the person I’m addressing at the beginning. (I know it seems like it should be easy for people to figure out, but, trust me, it’s not. This site is chock-a-block with imbeciles who can’t tie their shoes in the morning without drooling all over their hands as they do.)

      Mishee: Thanks for the offer, but I’ve already cleared matters up with Frankie. I’ll let you know if there’s anything else you can do for me.

      Oh dear…. Look at the time. Gotta run.

      More Ciao Bellas!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.15   Frankie bang

      TOS-
      I guess we do have some things to learn from one another. I, for instance, am the proud owner of a vagina. Every so often, which isn’t that often anymore, it bleeds. For about five days. Don’t worry, I can’t die from it. It’s just a natural process my body goes through from time to time to rid itself of an unfertilized egg. I’m proud of my vagina. Do you have a vagina? Do you go to the beach very often?

      Yes it was my fault for not addressing you formally on poor SDG’s thread. I’m sorry that you were the only one who didn’t realize it was for you and not her. That was unfair of me.

      I’m trying my super hardest to keep up with all of the knowledge you’ve dropped on me thus far. Please be patient and realize that I’m just another one of those, what was it?
      “Imbeciles” this site is so “chock-a-block” with and it’s much harder for “us” to keep up with your kind of “genius”.

      Again I would just like to apologize that you were the last one to have it all figured out because of our strange and slightly retarded ways.

      Thanks for calling me pretty earlier. I am.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.16   Mishee bang

      Yes, my Frankie is teh pretty.

      And TOS, my Mister Mishee is the only one who gets to tell me if there is anything else that he needs done for him. Don’t flatter yourself.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.17   GhostWriter bang

      That movie was “Charlotte’s Web.
      It was a pig, not a dog.

      …and I drool over my shoelaces because I love old-school licorice.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.18   mamason bang

      I have to say, I find all of this bickering really sad. I really don’t understand what happened to cause this level of animosity. It’s odd that we can say some really vile things that apparently amuse the majority here and then for some reason that I don’t quite understand, extreme offence is taken by some, for totally innocuous statements. I like to believe that the comments here, no matter how outrageous, are not meant to hurt. They’re meant to amuse, shock and stimulate thoughtful conversation. *OK, not so much for thoughtful conversation, but you get my point* I don’t care if someone is long winded. If it bothers me to read something that long, then I don’t. That’s one of the really cool things about this site. It’s not like running into my chatty neighbor at the grocery store and being trapped for an hour as she rambles on. I don’t think I ever feel better about myself when I attack someone personally. Since I tend to be more socially retarded than most, I usually end up losing those battles anyway so maybe that makes me feel a little sorry for other SR’s. Seriously, do we have cliques here? I love all my Panista’s.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.19   TheOldSchool

      Frankie,

      I guess you’d like it if I always called you pretty early, but you know darn well that I believe in waking up naturally. I honor my body by letting it say when its time to get up. If it says noon, I can’t ignore it.

      As for your vagina, haven’t we discussed it enough already? Please. Give it a rest. Air it out. Whatever.

      A few days ago, the charming aaa mentioned sandy vaginas. He seems to be what we Americans call, The Real McCoy. He’s always there, at precisely the right instant, with the perfect folksy anecdote. That tale he told of sandy vaginas was so lovely I shared it with some of Mother’s elderly bridge club members. They, too, found it as heartwarming and inspiring as I did. I wish more people here were like him. But, sadly, until the cloning laws are modified, I’m afraid it’ll remain the stuff of fantasy. I’m not “bitching” about it, mind you. It just sticks in my craw, that’s all.

      Don’t worry. For the time being, I know there’s only one of me, so I’m taking extra precautions (including: listening to my body). I just hope aaa is, too.

      aaa: some of the Mother’s “girls” asked me to ask you if you play bridge.

      Jan 30, 2009 at 1:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.20   TheOldSchool

      Ghost Writer: I’m not so sure about the film. Did Charlotte’s Web feature Republicans dressed like bell hops flying through the sky?

      Jan 30, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.21   dearLordmakeitstop

      you must be one of those people that has to have the last word TheOldSchool.
      nobody said anything on this for 9 fucking hours but you just keep beating that poor dead horse.
      try sticking to the notes and stop fucking with people. you may think you’re clever but you’re not much more than fucking annoying!

      Jan 30, 2009 at 1:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.22   TheOldSchool

      Mamason,

      There are some incredibly sweet people here.

      There are some clever people here who genuinely make me chuckle, chortle, snort, guffaw, and hop around coffee bars humping inanimate objects and/or harried strangers waiting impatiently for the 2 percent soy lattes.

      There’s only one who is consistently both of these things consistently — and that is you.

      If* there’s a clique here, I’m not in it. (Insert your own Groucho Marx line here.)

      *asterisk next to the “If” is to indicate the author’s satiric intent.

      Finally, I don’t mean to imply that Mamason is the only decent human being in this whole god forsaken, back-sniping hell-hole. She’s not.

      But she’s the one who wrote something nice, without condescending to anyone, and offered up a well-thought-out, balanced viewpoint.

      So in that spirit, I’ll gently suggest to the clique:
      try to be more like mamason and me.

      We’ll be watching you closely. Hopefully some of you can turn things around.

      OK. That’s it for tonight. Get your pajamas on. Brush your teeth. Give Mom and Dad a kiss goodnight. AND NO MASTURBATING.

      Jan 30, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.23   TheOldSchool

      Dear Lord Make It Stop.

      Suck. My. Vagina.

      Jan 30, 2009 at 1:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Olivia

    This reminds me, I have to throw out my tree this week. Being a Jew, I really have no idea how long I’m supposed to leave that shit out.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   claw71 bang

      If you’re a Jew I’d bet you probably picked up that tree on sale after Christmas so you’re good for a couple of weeks yet.

      Maybe you should be extra frugal and save that tree for–oh, i don’t know–crucifying somebody’s messiah or something.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Shouldn’t pissed off be stepping in here?

      Maybe I’m in error?…

      Jan 28, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Olivia

      Grab an Allen Wrench while you wait, Mamarilla; I’m putting together a cross from IKEA. That’s where all the hip Jews go for crucifixion needs nowadays.

      Jan 28, 2009 at 11:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Ti O bang

      I just got the ikea BÖRJE crucifix and my neighbors came over for a scourging party. They just were in awe of it. So stylish and economical too!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m guessing that the David Duke model is now outdated? Even thought it came with sheets?

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   Ti O bang

      Well you know those Swedes they want the classics or the latest thing. They are fickle that way.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.7   mamason bang

      You all are going to HELL! *unless you’re Catholic because then you can maybe go to confession and do some Hail Marys or you might just end up in purgatory, heaven’s own waiting room* :-| What were we talking about?

      Jan 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Frankie bang

    I was forced to get a real tree this year. Kind of forced.. Went along with it to prove my point and so now that the point has been proven I can go buy a fake one next year. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I’m gonna burn the real one in the spring. It’s laying out by my fire pit right now.

    Let’s set her shit on fire…..
    Just for fun.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 5:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   aaa

    Ellen likes randomness, eh? In a college environment, that usually means your property getting graffitied with bodily fluids. Personally, my favorite is semen. Feces is also good, though; it has good sticking power.

    Jan 28, 2009 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Mishee bang

      you wear alot of pearl necklaces, do ya aaa?

      Jan 29, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   msinformed bang

    Ellen clearly loves her Christmas decorations. I suggest next year she tries the following approach, which’ll hopefully please the self-appointed dorm decoration approval committee while allowing the girl to enjoy Christmas to her heart’s content:

    Right after the holidays she takes the decorations down. After 3 days, however, she puts them back up again. That way she isn’t late taking them down but instead very very early putting them up.

    Jan 29, 2009 at 2:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   fantasy bang

    Everyone should embrace their randomness!

    “Have a Merry Christmas!” No matter what the season.

    Don’t forget to wear one of those festive Christmas corsages that were so popular in the sixties. You can continue to wear your cute Christmas sweaters and just be random with it.

    Mellow out. Join in. Don’t ruin it for everyone.

    Jan 29, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   tsel bang

    Ah, college. Nobody truly appreciates when you put up the decorations, so why waste proper drinking time to take them down?

    You should have seen the reactions to the girl with pornographic art and poetry on her door. I wish I had taken photos.

    Jan 29, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Aren’t we missing the obligatory pink/green penii on the white board, or are they reserved for yellow legal paper?

    Jan 29, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   ohREALLYfool

      I truly think penii is my new favorite word. No, I know it is.

      Jan 29, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Mishee bang

      obviously your first visit to this blog.

      I think kerry should put the word at the top of the homepage since it is used so often here.

      that and a “gigglebrax” definition for the noobs!

      Jan 29, 2009 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   Tbunny

      my new favorite PHRASE is jilling off, and i can’t wait to use it in a sentence!!! plus, i think i’ve heard penii on Xavier:Renegade Angel

      Jan 29, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Therapeutic Ramblings

    It is never too early for next x-mas!!

    My friends use to leave their x-mas lights all year…so whenever they threw a party, they’d say…”Just look for the x-mas lights!”

    Jan 29, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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