our anonymous submitter in seattle, an artist, used to pass the downtime at his day job by doodling on boxes. “they know it was me,” our submitter says, but instead of, you know, confronting him, management decided — in true passive-aggressive style — to hang this critique up for all to see.
related: just a friendly reminder [you hussy you!] 
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FILED UNDER: a little patronizing · art · now that's management · retail hell · seattle · smiley
— Wade
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actions speak louder actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism art austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn bullet points california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. die bitch die dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies fridge garbage gloriously redundant group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jersey jesus kids kitchen landlord laundry london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks ontario opening/closing p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san diego san francisco sarcasm say wha? seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley smoking spelling and grammar police stealing temperature texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting toilet toronto touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" virginia visual aids water whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
256 responses so far ↓
#1
MAMARILLA2
Oh like the artwork on the bottom of the note?
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: +18
#2
Mishee
Every single day I expect to get a similar note regarding a certain blog.
It hasn’t come yet… thank you ALT+TAB…
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: +17
#3
claw71
Fret not, dear anonymous submitter, for I too find that direct confrontation is both more respectful and effective. If you had been passing the time by doodling on boxes in my store, I would have fired you on the spot and deducted the value of the vandalized boxes from your final paycheck. Of course I don’t tend to hire toddlers with ADD and their own set of crayolas so I haven’t been forced to deal with a situation of this nature.
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:39 pm rating: +28
#4
Emma
If you have time to lean you have time to clean! If you have time to doodle you have time to… ??
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm rating: +6
#5
zombieBlanco
Everything is so nice! Look at the nice smiley face. Nice!
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm rating: +3
#6
Frankie
Well it’s better than that shit you get at the Hotel Motel Liquidation stores and hang up in the hallways of the office. That shit always makes me want to blow my brains out. And the worst part is that somebody painted it and thought it was good, and then somebody else thought it was good as well and bought it… Am I taking crazy pills?
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm rating: +8
#7
mamason
About the work I’m finding around here. It’s hard to believe that it’s not cutting into my arts and crafts production time. Though it is nice work, let’s focus on not pissing me off.
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:54 pm rating: +29
#8
Frankie
Who wants to doodle on my box?
Feb 2, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: +11
#9
Frankie
Why look at this lovely mural on the back of Mrs. Luis’s head! I just love how the artist’s choice of canvas plays into the artwork. Look here at how the tree branches flow perfectly into Mrs. Luis’s various patches of hair. Looks just like a weeping willow over a lake. What? Yes that’s a boat. I think it used to be a mole.
Feb 2, 2009 at 3:03 pm rating: +1
#10
Elaine
Ah, aren’t smileys the patron saints of passive-aggressive behavior?
Feb 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm rating: +14
#11
Melanie
Is that the royal “we”? Personality disorder? Multiple micromanaging … managers?
Feb 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm rating: +2
#12
Abe Froman
It’s hard to believe all the art critiquing and P.A. note writing doesn’t cut into work time. Although it’s a nice note, you should focus on not being an asshole.
Feb 2, 2009 at 4:13 pm rating: +4
#13
Holiday Djinn
I wonder he was doodling orange penises?
Feb 2, 2009 at 4:26 pm rating: +1
#14
You Suck at Craigslist
Just tell them that when you’re rich and famous, they’ll wish they had kept some of those doodles around, so you’re really investing in their future as a corporation by drawing on their boxes.
Feb 2, 2009 at 4:36 pm rating: +1
#15
MW
I know every time I put on my village idiot hat and doodle on cardboard boxes, I expect some fucking respect!
Feb 2, 2009 at 4:50 pm rating: +1
#16
MW
Normally breasted you are not…
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:09 pm rating: +1
#17
MW
Nah, I hate you for different reasons. Someone told me you pee in the shower and that’s just unacceptible.
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm rating: +1
#18
MW
Oops I did it again.
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:16 pm rating: 0
#19
Frankie
And what in the world would ya be needin that black sharpie fer young lad? You weren’t thinkin about given that paintin of ol Mister O’Connaughan the hitler stash now were ya sonny?
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:31 pm rating: +2
#20
warinthepocket
Looks like someone is going to finally knock out Ellen for her “randomness”.
oh, yeah – and Shannon too
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:32 pm rating: +1
#21
Indigo
all is good as long as you end it with a smiley face, right?
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:35 pm rating: +1
#22
MW
That’s ok. I’ll just sneak up from behind like your dad does.
Feb 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm rating: 0
#23
MW
I just had octuplets by your dad. They’re all deformed but I think I can get good money for them on TLC.
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:03 pm rating: 0
#24
MW
Well I’m obviously inept at making you laugh, which is all I was trying to do in the first place. Jesus why so seeeerrious??? Because I made fun of your national geographic boobs six months ago? Christ, it was clearly a joke. I’m sure each and everyone of your fucking tits are spectacular. Clearly I don’t know because I’ve never met you. If I did I’m sure I would chili dog those teets all night long!!
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm rating: +1
#25
TheOldSchool
I’ve got a couple of complaints about Seattle.
(1) Whenever I park in a spot reserved for the disabled, other drivers feel the need to express their displeasure by honking their horns and giving me the finger.
Cheeky twats. I wouldn’t mind one, or the other, but doing both is just out and out rude. People can be so unthinking and self-centered.
(2) The idiots who design parking lots could end this unpleasantness by refusing to reflexively placing the disabled parking spaces so close to the store’s entrance.
If the spaces weren’t so conveniently located, I wouldn’t be tempted to park in them. And other drivers would have to find other excuses to vent their pent up rage.
Common sense and courteous drivers: two things that are, I’m sorry to report, in short supply in Seattle.
If it wasn’t for the abundance of sunshine, I’d be tempted to leave.
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm rating: +4
#26
TheOldSchool
cat fight!
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:28 pm rating: 0
#27
TheOldSchool
I keep hearing about “gloves coming off,” but it never happens. Put up or shut up.
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 0
#28
TheOldSchool
That’s better, but the gloves are still on. Where’s MW? She’s one to keep an eye on.
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:45 pm rating: 0
#29
frankie
I ran her off.
Feb 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm rating: +2
#30
TheOldSchool
I like MW. She’ll be back.
Feb 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm rating: 0
#31
TheOldSchool
Mishee,
Whatever happened to your friend, RunAlongBarbara? She was an acerbic thing. Clearly an example of what can go wrong when children lack proper parental vision during those critical early teen years, when kids face so much peer pressure to masturbate as frequently as possible.
Is she in rehab? I just hope she doesn’t wind up in San Fernando Valley, chewed up and spit out by the insatiable porn industry.
Hopefully she’ll one day accept your wise counsel, Mishee.
But, until that time comes, I predict pandemic pandemonium in her life.
It’s a nutty, yet marvelous, world.
All I can do is try to set an example for others of exactly what it means to be a man.
They can follow in my golden path, or they can try to reinvent the wheel.
I just hope that everybody finds whatever it is they’re looking for.
Feb 2, 2009 at 7:29 pm rating: +1
#32
yellowcroissant541
do any comments on here ever stick to the note….?
just wondering. carry on, all.
Feb 2, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: +3
#33
Mishee
Wik
Feb 2, 2009 at 9:23 pm rating: +2
#34
Neeners
In the time it took to write that sweet little note and happy face the boss could’ve seriously decorated a butt load of cardboard boxes.
Dude your boss is a douche! Get another job where they can appreciate that doodling!!!
I bet they write notes about how long it takes you to go to the bathroom or walk from the parking lot to the building. That’s valuable down time mister!!!!!! (or miss).
Feb 2, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: +1
#35
Canthz_B
What do stores produce again?
Feb 2, 2009 at 11:05 pm rating: +6
#36
aaa
If our anonymous submitter’s managers don’t want him to doodle on the boxes, then why don’t they just give him more work so he doesn’t have downtime?
Feb 3, 2009 at 1:23 am rating: +1
#37
TheOldSchool
Frankie,
Face it, one of the two of us is nuts, and I know it’s not me. Now, all we have to do is figure out who it is.
If what you’re claiming is true, then I’ll confess that I made a horrible mistake when I was so much younger than I am now. I might have been frantically trying to click my way out of there, and pushed the wrong exit door.
If what you’re saying is false, a team of attorneys will ensure that you never have a single asset for the remainder of your bizarre life.
I’ll tell them to allow you as much Kleenex as you require, because each tissue will carry TheOldSchool monogram printed in cheap, but mostly unwashable, ink. The only way to remove it is with generous dollops of my semen.
You’ll look in the mirror, see TheOldSchool tattooed across your face, burst into tears, daub again, then, choking back your phlegm-sodden sobs, you’ll reach for the phone and beg me for another money shot across your bow.
Oh shit. Tom Daschle has just dropped out of the running for Health and Human Services Secretary. I’m worried that B might now be thinking of me. Fuck!
If the phone rings, I’ll pretend to be in the shower.
Wait. That would be lying.
OK. Then I’ll be in the shower. I’ve gotta round up some water toys. This could be a while.
Fucking Daschle. Whatacunt.
Feb 3, 2009 at 1:06 pm rating: 0
#38
Mickey Blue Eyes
This note looks like it was written my boss. I’ve gotten notes from my boss written in a similar style, albeit with different nouns.
Feb 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm rating: 0
#39
TheOldSchool
Mishee,
Maybe cliches work better for you.
By the way, I think you’ve nailed Canthz B.
But you’re deluding yourself about your level of maturity.
Short enough for you?
Feb 4, 2009 at 4:47 pm rating: +2
#40
TheOldSchool
I think you cut me off and bumped me down to 39.
That’s all right, doll face, I’m quite at home in the gutter (to paraphrase Wilde) lookin’ up at all you stars.
Feb 4, 2009 at 4:50 pm rating: 0
#41
MW
Better double bag it, though.
Feb 4, 2009 at 5:54 pm rating: +1
#42
yellowcroissant541
guys….. can’t you all just kiss, hug, and make up?
or not, too.
Feb 4, 2009 at 6:23 pm rating: +1
#43
yellowcroissant541
who, me?
nooo.
of course not. just wouldn’t want to see anybody get bullied, cos i’m just nice that way.
yup.
Feb 4, 2009 at 6:34 pm rating: 0
#44
Faye Polson
For me, I absolutely HATE it when people would rather put up a note for public viewing than confront me directly about something – I think it’s a sign of respect to go to them personally and have a discussion. Pisses me right off. I’d have followed that note with “If the management has time to leave condesending notes on the staff board, the store must already be clean.”
Feb 27, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: 0
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