Art depreciation

February 2nd, 2009 · 256 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Seattle, an artist, used to pass the downtime at his day job by doodling on boxes. “They know it was me,” our submitter says, but instead of, you know, confronting him, management decided — in true passive-aggressive style — to hang this critique up for all to see.

About the art-work we're finding around here — It's hard for us to believe that it's not cutting into work production time. Though it is nice artwork, let's focus on having a nice store :)

related: Just a friendly reminder [you hussy you!] ;)

FILED UNDER: a little patronizing · art · now that's management · retail hell · Seattle · smiley


256 responses so far ↓

  • #1   MAMARILLA2

    Oh like the artwork on the bottom of the note?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ti O bang

      Off center composition and whether it’s a deconstructionist viewpoint on the sham of happiness in modern society or just another fucking smiley face it just shows that time would be better spent on being a better manager.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Thanks!

      Fucking management never wants anyone to have a personality.
      About the note regarding my artwork, get a life!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 10:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   TheOldSchool bang

      I thought the manager’s smiley face was psychologically interesting.

      The wide mouth indicates an oral fixation.

      The tiny nose hints that he desperately wants to breathe deeply, but feels trapped in his present circumstances.

      The muscular verticality of the eyes raises the troubling specter of his having been being overly enamored of the various blathering of Ayn Rand.

      Diagnosis: He’s a non-dope-smoking libertarian (the worst kind).

      Prescription: Chill pills, pot, and a Windsor Newton Anyone Can Paint kit.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Mishee bang

    Every single day I expect to get a similar note regarding a certain blog.

    It hasn’t come yet… thank you ALT+TAB…

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Bunnee

      Thanks for the tip! I will be sure to use it-maybe today!

      Feb 3, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Frankie bang

      Damn iMac doesn’t do it.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   claw71 bang

    Fret not, dear anonymous submitter, for I too find that direct confrontation is both more respectful and effective. If you had been passing the time by doodling on boxes in my store, I would have fired you on the spot and deducted the value of the vandalized boxes from your final paycheck. Of course I don’t tend to hire toddlers with ADD and their own set of crayolas so I haven’t been forced to deal with a situation of this nature.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:39 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Goldie bang

      Aw c’mon, Claw, it’s not like he was posting on the ‘Net on work time…
      Wait… nvm

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:14 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Emma

    If you have time to lean you have time to clean! If you have time to doodle you have time to… ??

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Mishee bang

      …play with your noodle?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   claw71 bang

      …shave the poodle???

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Emma

      Prepare the streudel?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   amy d bang

      Darn you Emma! Beat me to it.

      …finish the whole kit and caboodle?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:53 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Mishee bang

      emma and amy – creepy.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Frankie bang

      …look it up on Google?

      I know it doesn’t rhyme perfectly and I don’t care.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   claw71 bang

      We could just make up words, just like all the rappers.

      Rollin down the street smokin the end-oodle
      sippin on gin and j-oodle
      laid back
      with my min-oodle on my mon-oodle and my mon-oodle on my min-oodle

      toodle loo, my nig-oodles!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Ti O bang

      Shi-oodle tha busted my gutoodle!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Canthz_B bang

      That was oodles of fun to read!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   Frankie bang

      Wait till you get to the bottom parts CB.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.11   Mishee bang

      you just liked the part about playing with your noodle.

      don’t lie.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   zombieBlanco bang

    Everything is so nice! Look at the nice smiley face. Nice!

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Frankie bang

    Well it’s better than that shit you get at the Hotel Motel Liquidation stores and hang up in the hallways of the office. That shit always makes me want to blow my brains out. And the worst part is that somebody painted it and thought it was good, and then somebody else thought it was good as well and bought it… Am I taking crazy pills?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Lorelie

      No, but you’re not taking your not-crazy pills.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   claw71 bang

      But what if you’re not not taking your not-not-crazy pills? What then?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Frankie bang

      I don’t care if I go crazy. As long as that picture of a bunch of wildflowers isn’t going with me…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   mamason bang

    About the work I’m finding around here. It’s hard to believe that it’s not cutting into my arts and crafts production time. Though it is nice work, let’s focus on not pissing me off. :-)

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:54 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   better on paper bang

      Haha the original artist should draw that note up in bubble letters and magic markers and post it next to the PA Note.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Frankie bang

    Who wants to doodle on my box?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Mishee bang

      Been there. Done that.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Frankie bang

      I’m sorry, Is my box boring your doodler?
      I’d hate to think this relationship is fading so fast when I presumed it was still in the honeymoon stages…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Frankie bang

      vagina.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Mishee bang

      I didn’t say it bores me.

      Just making sure people know what’s mine.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Frankie bang

      Oh! I gotcha my biz-oodle.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   claw71 bang

      Eww! Did this box have bait in it at some point?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Frankie bang

      Chunk light tuna in veg oil… yummmmy.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   claw71 bang

      My daddy always said that if it smells like fish, it’s a dish but if it smells like a shark’s out house you need to pick up and get out of there as quick as the dickens.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   mamason bang

      That last part didn’t even rhyme. ;-)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Mishee bang

      Anybody want a peanut?

      Oh sorry… my bad.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   claw71 bang

      The sound of the retching did.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   se

      the box is the bait.
      was supposed to be under 8.6…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.13   Frankie bang

      “out house” ” urhuekha”

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.14   Ti O bang

      Uh we’re going to need a bigger boat.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.15   Frankie bang

      I’m sorry, did the Claw say his “daddy”?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 4:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.16   RunBarbara bang

      he calls me that sometimes.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.17   Frankie bang

      Just checking.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Frankie bang

    Why look at this lovely mural on the back of Mrs. Luis’s head! I just love how the artist’s choice of canvas plays into the artwork. Look here at how the tree branches flow perfectly into Mrs. Luis’s various patches of hair. Looks just like a weeping willow over a lake. What? Yes that’s a boat. I think it used to be a mole.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 3:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Elaine

    Ah, aren’t smileys the patron saints of passive-aggressive behavior?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mishee bang

      :) Yes… yes they are…. :D

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   SanFran bang

      The smiley face makes everything OK, right?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Mishee bang

      Not when you keep insisting on calling my beautiful City by the Bay that horrific nickname. :evil:

      No smiley in the world can make up for that.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   RunBarbara bang

      you must not be a local, hell- im not a local and i would never call San Francisco anything except San Francisco.
      it kind of embarrasses me just to read it….kind of like claw’s diary, where he talks about perming his chest hair and practicing french kissing on the inside of his elbow.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Melanie

    Is that the royal “we”? Personality disorder? Multiple micromanaging … managers?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Lorelie

      He’s got a mouse in his pocket.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   mamason bang

      That’s not a mouse. He just tells people that. I’ve seen it and it looks more like a naked mole rat.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   claw71 bang

      Some people think I have a moose in my pocket.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   mamason bang

      That’s just because of the smell.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Mishee bang

      I always thought it was a python.

      But I never claimed to be a zoologist!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Goldie bang

      Be careful, Claw. Some people kill moose for fun, y’know?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Mishee bang

      A Møøse once bit my sister…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:32 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   Saysh bang

      by the lovli lakes, Mish?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 11:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   Mishee bang

      Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?

      The wøndërful telephøne system, and mäni interesting furry animals, including the majestik møøse… plus, who doesn’t want to go and see “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…?

      Feb 3, 2009 at 10:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      We have fired the man that does the subtitles.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 2:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.11   Ti O bang

      The man who has fired the man that does the subtitles has been sacked.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.12   Qwerty

      The credits have been completely redone at the last minute and at great expense.

      Feb 13, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Abe Froman

    It’s hard to believe all the art critiquing and P.A. note writing doesn’t cut into work time. Although it’s a nice note, you should focus on not being an asshole.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   claw71 bang

      It’s all some of us have, Abe.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Everyone is required to keep track of their PAN time, and to inform Jeanine in Payroll, who then calculates the precise amount that is to be deducted from their pay slips.

      The pay-stub is then forwarded to Kerry, who immediately reimburses you for any PAN-related deductions made by your regular employer.

      It’s all part of being “honest,” Abe.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Holiday Djinn

    I wonder he was doodling orange penises?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TheOldSchool bang

      He told me they were of half-peeled bananas. The skins were always yellow, but the fruit would be different tonal variations of a fleshy pink.

      I’m guessing he buys organic.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   You Suck at Craigslist

    Just tell them that when you’re rich and famous, they’ll wish they had kept some of those doodles around, so you’re really investing in their future as a corporation by drawing on their boxes.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   MW

    I know every time I put on my village idiot hat and doodle on cardboard boxes, I expect some fucking respect!

    Feb 2, 2009 at 4:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Mishee bang

      Rodney Dangerfield you are not…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   MW

    Normally breasted you are not…

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee bang

      Don’t hate me cause you ain’t me…

      and capable gigglebraxer you are not…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   MW

    Nah, I hate you for different reasons. Someone told me you pee in the shower and that’s just unacceptible.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Frankie bang

      That’s it? That was your A game? Wow. There really are no words…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   anglophile bang

      And you’re mad because you weren’t in it at the time?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   MW

      No, that was my Q game, mother fucka. Heeeeee-ya!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Canthz_B bang

      It’s “mother fucker” or “mutha fucka”…consistency counts! ;-)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:49 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   MW

    Oops I did it again.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Goldie bang

      Just clean the shower and pretend this never happened.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Frankie bang

      Since when is peeing in the shower an insult? I do it all the time. Sometimes even while I’m taking a shower. Sometimes I think about you when I’m doing it. Sometimes I think about Conan O’ Brian…

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   MW

      I always think about Kim Kardashian.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Frankie bang

      Yeah, I’m bored with you now.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   mamason bang

      Frankie, Do you ever do it and think about me?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Frankie bang

      Mama you would probably blush at the things I do while I’m thinkin about your fine ass.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   MW

      No, I think about you when I shart.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Frankie bang

    And what in the world would ya be needin that black sharpie fer young lad? You weren’t thinkin about given that paintin of ol Mister O’Connaughan the hitler stash now were ya sonny?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   warinthepocket

    Looks like someone is going to finally knock out Ellen for her “randomness”.

    oh, yeah – and Shannon too

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Frankie bang

      whatcha talkin about?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Indigo

    all is good as long as you end it with a smiley face, right?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Mishee bang

      oh jesus.

      *sigh*

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   MW

      Your mother is a streetwalking hooker with flappy meat curtains! =)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Mishee bang

      Yet she told me that no amount of cash would entice her to fuck you.

      Even a streetwalking hooker with flappy meat curtains has standards.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:47 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Mishee bang

      Oh, oops…

      :)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   MW

    That’s ok. I’ll just sneak up from behind like your dad does.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Frankie bang

      MW how are you gonna sneak up on anybody when we can hear you coming from about 15 miles away.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Mishee bang

      MW is the reason for “more cowbell”

      (WTF is with me and SNL today?)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   MW

      She won’t hear anything if she’s passed out.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Frankie bang

      You’re not even giving me anything here to work with MW. I think you’ve lost your edge. Not that you ever had much of one to begin with.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Mishee bang

      All you have is attacks on my mother?

      Wow. You are lucky SHE doesn’t come to this site. If you think I am snarky, mean, and have something to say about everything, you should meet her.

      When it comes to my mama, I am just a humble Padawan.

      My mama RAWKS.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   MW

      Your mom is passed out because she’s a DRUNK streetwalking hooker with flappy meat curtains. Get it? It’s funnier because she’s a drunk whore.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 5:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   MW

      Bring that obese bitch in here then to prove it. She can bring her bottle and roll up her majora when stumbles in.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   Frankie bang

      Are you a fucking mom?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   RunBarbara bang

      i extend regards from mishee’s mom- she would have been here to appreciate your fawning but she was too busy trying to tea bag me. i know, i know- technically you need balls to tea bag, but her labia are awfully heavy (and filled with semen, so its close)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   MW

    I just had octuplets by your dad. They’re all deformed but I think I can get good money for them on TLC.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Frankie bang

      Oh my God woman! Do you know how easy it is for us to find personal information on you just by getting on this site? You are making yourself look like the biggest shit head in the universe right now!
      BAH HA HA HA HA HA!
      I’m so glad I was in here for this.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Mishee bang

      If they are deformed then they obviously take after your side of the family.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Frankie bang

      Seriously. How could you be so damn inept.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   MW

      Hello my name is Nadya Suleman and my vagina is a clown car.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Frankie bang

      Your name is Melisa with one s and you’re retarded. It’s not funny it’s annoying and hateful.. So do us all a favor and just shut up now.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   MW

      And you’re a chick with a dude name, bitch.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Frankie bang

      It’s not my real name because I have a fucking brain and make sure my personal info is protected.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.8   MW

      So you’re a hacker now? You gonna virus my computer because you don’t like me on PAN? Get a fucking life.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.9   Mishee bang

      Wow.

      And before I was just messing around.

      You don’t wanna see what happens when the gloves come off, even though you probably already have when your gyno did that to you and that’s why you are all fucked up in the head now.

      Hand that Rocks the Cradle anyone?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.10   MW

      Yeah, I was just messing around too until Frankie got her granny panties in a wad.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.11   MW

      Internet threats on passive aggresive notes brought to you by Frankie and Mishee.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.12   Frankie bang

      Yeah, I’m a hacker now. I clicked on your MBL that shows you are on this site right now.. You should see it up there towards the top of the page. It’s really very scientific so I won’t get into it right now.. I wouldn’t care if you actually said something funny, but no. You were just hateful… I really hope I didn’t scare you. That would just be kind of sad.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.13   Mishee bang

      How is the weather over there in the Chicagoland area?

      Its a gorgeous 70° and sunny here in the South Bay.

      But you still don’t know my name.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.14   MW

      Nobody ran me off I had to drive fucking home. Yes! Please call me a crass cunt faced bitch! No problem with that. But if you’re gonna crash my computer, steal my identity and assault me with a speculum, I’m gonna have to go ahead and request that you stick to insulting my intelligence and collectively demonizing my presence. Thanks!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.15   Frankie bang

      Goodness. Calm down. I didn’t steal your identity or crash your computer. And I don’t want you off of PAN. I think I’m in love with you.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 2:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.16   MAMARILLA2 bang

      ‘Frankie’s got a girl-friend’…

      Feb 3, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.17   Mishee bang

      She better not, unless its me…

      or amy.

      or both.

      mmmm… frankie sammich….

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.18   mamason bang

      That sammich is spicy with extra mayo!

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.19   amy d bang

      Uhm….

      That’s not mayo, Mama.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.20   MW

      *squeezes into size 56 lingerie*

      Oh my god, Frankie loves me! Finally! I’ve been a virgin WAY too long!!!

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.21   mamason bang

      Well, if it’s not mayo, then what is it? :-?

      8-O

      Even better! :twisted:

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.22   MAMARILLA2 bang

      purile sarcasm, the foundation of the republic.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   MW

    Well I’m obviously inept at making you laugh, which is all I was trying to do in the first place. Jesus why so seeeerrious??? Because I made fun of your national geographic boobs six months ago? Christ, it was clearly a joke. I’m sure each and everyone of your fucking tits are spectacular. Clearly I don’t know because I’ve never met you. If I did I’m sure I would chili dog those teets all night long!!

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Frankie bang

      You make mean jokes about people that I love and I don’t think that’s funny. Mishee is my friend and has been longer than you’ve probably ever kept a friend (judging by your screwed up sense of humor) People don’t tend to want to be friends with a crass little cunt faced bitch. Oh I’m sorry, does me calling you names hurt your feelings.

      Be honest now.

      It’s hard to tell with you if you enjoy it as pet names or if it’s something you do to try and feel better about yourself.

      And yes thank you, my tits are amazing.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Mishee bang

      I love it when you call me a cunt faced bitch Frankie… but only if you slap me across the face and pull my hair while you are doing it.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Frankie bang

      I’ll be sure to remember that. I’ll be the one in the leather bustier and stilettos… I want you to say yes sir when I do it.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Mishee bang

      Yes Sir.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   TheOldSchool bang

    I’ve got a couple of complaints about Seattle.

    (1) Whenever I park in a spot reserved for the disabled, other drivers feel the need to express their displeasure by honking their horns and giving me the finger.

    Cheeky twats. I wouldn’t mind one, or the other, but doing both is just out and out rude. People can be so unthinking and self-centered.

    (2) The idiots who design parking lots could end this unpleasantness by refusing to reflexively placing the disabled parking spaces so close to the store’s entrance.

    If the spaces weren’t so conveniently located, I wouldn’t be tempted to park in them. And other drivers would have to find other excuses to vent their pent up rage.

    Common sense and courteous drivers: two things that are, I’m sorry to report, in short supply in Seattle.

    If it wasn’t for the abundance of sunshine, I’d be tempted to leave.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mishee bang

      WTF?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   mamason bang

      I never understood why they need so many parking spots for the disabled. It’s not like they can really go anywhere.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Mishee bang

      The question on my mind is if they have handicapped parking at the Special Olympics?

      Speaking of the Special Olympics, its starting to feel like it here on PAN.

      Y’all know what I mean.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   TheOldSchool bang

      All of the Olympics are special.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   MW

      hahahahaha!

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   TheOldSchool bang

    cat fight!

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   TheOldSchool bang

    I keep hearing about “gloves coming off,” but it never happens. Put up or shut up.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Frankie bang

      Oh, I took them off and shoved them into Mishee’s mouth. She liked it.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Mishee bang

      Put up or shut up?

      Isn’t that what y0ur big brother tells you every night when he comes slinking into your bedroom after your parents go to bed?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Mishee,

      You’ve been here forever, so I’m guessing that you’ve had the experience where someone says a random put-down to you, but that person is unaware how close to the mark he or she was with their quip.

      I just experienced that a variation on that sensation with your 27.2.

      This involved a neighbor and me. The couple both traveled a lot as part of their jobs. Ann and I would fuck whenever Jim left town.

      One night I was whacked out of my loop. I remember seeing Ann’s bedroom light on as I pulled into my driveway. I don’t remember much afterwards except….until….well, imagine my surprise when after giving me the best blowjob she’d ever given me, Ann reached over to the nightstand and lit up a cigarette.

      Ann didn’t smoke. I was in bed with Jim. (Or it could have been Gary, their 17 year old son.)

      Whoever it was ….. wow.

      I left as quickly as politely possible.

      None of us ever mentioned it. They moved away last year. I was sad to see them go. Nice family.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   TheOldSchool bang

    That’s better, but the gloves are still on. Where’s MW? She’s one to keep an eye on.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mishee bang

      The gloves are definitely off.

      Just waiting for another blitz attack and I will have to bring out the big ammo.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 11:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Mishee,

      The odds are high that your panties are off.

      As for the gloves …. well, talk is always affordable, isn’t it?

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Mishee bang

      Like my panties are ever on?

      Comon, if you are gonna make a snarky comment or observation, make sure its something that everybody doesn’t already know.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Careful, Mishee. You don’t want your eBay clientele asking for refunds.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   Mishee bang

      Never happen.

      My eBayers know me as WHITEBLIZZARD…

      there are NO refunds.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   TheOldSchool bang

      They are a fairly submissive lot. You’re not just right, Mishee. You’re a fucking genius. Seriously.

      You not only found an under-exploited market segment, you found one that won’t ever complain, no matter how much you charge, or how poorly you treat them.

      I’m jealous as hell.

      Bitch.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.7   Mishee bang

      um. ok.

      whatever.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Put the gloves back on, Mishee! Please! I can’t take it! I had no idea your wrath could be so ….

      One of the Wiggles has his foot stuck in a bucket! They are so endearing.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   frankie

    I ran her off.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 6:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Mishee bang

      You do that to more trolls than anyone else Franks, I swear!

      One of these days we will just have to post you at the door.

      Then we might get some peace and quiet around here.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 6:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   TheOldSchool bang

    I like MW. She’ll be back.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 7:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   MW

      Boo! =)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Good for you, MW.

      I hope you had a refreshment during your intermission.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   MW

      Does beer count?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Raisinets and Diet Pepsi are the refreshments of champions.

      Beer might get you a bronze.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   TheOldSchool bang

    Mishee,

    Whatever happened to your friend, RunAlongBarbara? She was an acerbic thing. Clearly an example of what can go wrong when children lack proper parental vision during those critical early teen years, when kids face so much peer pressure to masturbate as frequently as possible.

    Is she in rehab? I just hope she doesn’t wind up in San Fernando Valley, chewed up and spit out by the insatiable porn industry.

    Hopefully she’ll one day accept your wise counsel, Mishee.

    But, until that time comes, I predict pandemic pandemonium in her life.

    It’s a nutty, yet marvelous, world.

    All I can do is try to set an example for others of exactly what it means to be a man.

    They can follow in my golden path, or they can try to reinvent the wheel.

    I just hope that everybody finds whatever it is they’re looking for.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   MW

      I heard she took a job as a waste management technician after she busted out of the institution.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 7:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   TheOldSchool bang

      What institution?

      I hope she not really in the mafia controlled waste management industry.

      I’ve gotta go see somebody about something.

      Ta.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 8:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   RunBarbara bang

      i didnt exactly lack parental supervision, my dad watched me every single night*

      *mostly in the shower

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   TheOldSchool bang

      RunBarbara,

      I’m sorry I called you RunAlongBarbara. It must be because that’s what I’d think when I saw your comments.

      Am I the only one here who has fucked Sammy Davis Jr in the eyehole?

      (While he was still alive.)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 10:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   RunBarbara bang

      i can understand that, i guess youd rather me run back to writing in my blog, since thats where you spend so much time lurking….

      Feb 2, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Well, well, well. Aren’t you delusional.

      If by lurking, you mean that one time, when I first stumbled into this hovel of hilarity, I clicked on your avatar, saw the first page of your boring blog, and promptly left, never to return again …then, I guess, one could construe that as lurking, if one were psychotic.

      Heck, RAB, given the vacuity of your life, I’m surprised you don’t call something like that “stalking.”

      Just when I thought the level of self-aggrandizement of PANsies couldn’t possibly reach higher peaks, RAB comes along shows me that it takes more than a mountain to make a range.

      RunAlongBarbara….Da Highest in Deranged.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 11:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   Jesus is Love

      Lord, let us pray for the mean-spirited among us, for they mistake morally low comments for edgy humor.
      Give them eyes with which to see, Lord.
      Give them ears with which to hear, Lord.
      Give them the wisdom to recognize thine Golden Rule, Lord.

      These things we pray.
      Amen

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Jesus, Jesus! You’re giving me an erection.

      Sammy did all right with just one eye.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   NoExit

      What a pair TOS and MS would make.

      “Their children would have hooves!”

      Feb 3, 2009 at 2:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   Frankie bang

      I happened to notice yesterday that TOS was a subscriber to RB’s blog. I think someone has a little crush and doesn’t want to admit it…..

      Feb 3, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.11   Mishee bang

      When you say prayers on PAN it makes Baby Jesus cry.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.12   TheOldSchool bang

      Frankie,

      I didn’t subscribe (at least, I don’t think I did) to RB’s blog, and I’m not going to go check to see if what you’re saying is true.

      If any of you have a wealthy relative who is near death and planning to leave you a wheelbarrow full of cash, you might want to get him or a subscription to help speed things along.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.13   TheOldSchool bang

      er….him or her (or it)

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.14   TheOldSchool bang

      I wouldn’t mind having hoofed children.

      Upsides: No wasted money on shoes. Steady revenue stream peddling them as freaks.

      Downside: The clomping.

      Sign me up.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.15   TheOldSchool bang

      Jesus, come home, Son. You’re making an ass of yourself.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   yellowcroissant541 bang

    do any comments on here ever stick to the note….?

    just wondering. carry on, all.

    Feb 2, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   anglophile bang

      nope. ;)

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Mishee

      Never really.

      What was this note about again?

      Feb 2, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Sammy did most of the work. I just sat there eating Raisinets and sipping a large Diet Pepsi.

      Feb 2, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   TheOldSchool

      Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
      Cover it with choc’late and a miracle or two
      The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
      The Candy Man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

      Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh
      Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie
      The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
      The Candy Man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

      The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
      Now you talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes

      Oh, who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
      Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
      The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
      The Candy Man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

      The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious
      Talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes

      Yeah, yeah, yeah
      Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
      Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
      The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
      The Candy Man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
      Yes, the Candy Man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good
      a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
      Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man
      Candy Man, a-Candy Man, a-Candy Man

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Mishee

    Wik

    Feb 2, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Neeners

    In the time it took to write that sweet little note and happy face the boss could’ve seriously decorated a butt load of cardboard boxes.

    Dude your boss is a douche! Get another job where they can appreciate that doodling!!!

    I bet they write notes about how long it takes you to go to the bathroom or walk from the parking lot to the building. That’s valuable down time mister!!!!!! (or miss).

    Feb 2, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    What do stores produce again?

    Feb 2, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   aaa

    If our anonymous submitter’s managers don’t want him to doodle on the boxes, then why don’t they just give him more work so he doesn’t have downtime?

    Feb 3, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Or give him knee pads so he can make more productive use of his downtime.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Frankie bang

      Mah baaaaaaaaaaaad.

      you added her blog as one of your communities on your MBL.

      As for checking it out… Ima go check out the lunch situation at Jambaaaaaaaaaaaa Juuuuuuice!!!

      Should Art work be hyphenated up there? And then what’s with that other super long hyphen???

      And who is this us? Hard for us to believe? US?

      Feb 3, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   TheOldSchool bang

    Frankie,

    Face it, one of the two of us is nuts, and I know it’s not me. Now, all we have to do is figure out who it is.

    If what you’re claiming is true, then I’ll confess that I made a horrible mistake when I was so much younger than I am now. I might have been frantically trying to click my way out of there, and pushed the wrong exit door.

    If what you’re saying is false, a team of attorneys will ensure that you never have a single asset for the remainder of your bizarre life.

    I’ll tell them to allow you as much Kleenex as you require, because each tissue will carry TheOldSchool monogram printed in cheap, but mostly unwashable, ink. The only way to remove it is with generous dollops of my semen.

    You’ll look in the mirror, see TheOldSchool tattooed across your face, burst into tears, daub again, then, choking back your phlegm-sodden sobs, you’ll reach for the phone and beg me for another money shot across your bow.

    Oh shit. Tom Daschle has just dropped out of the running for Health and Human Services Secretary. I’m worried that B might now be thinking of me. Fuck!

    If the phone rings, I’ll pretend to be in the shower.

    Wait. That would be lying.

    OK. Then I’ll be in the shower. I’ve gotta round up some water toys. This could be a while.

    Fucking Daschle. Whatacunt.

    Feb 3, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Frankie bang

      Jambaaaaaaaaaaaa Juuuuuuuuuuice!

      Feb 3, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Mishee bang

      Wow, and if the first line of your post hadn’t been ripped off from Lewis Black I might’ve read the rest.

      But I soon lost interest in the project.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Mishee,

      I might ignored your charge completely, but when I reread what I’d written, I had to admit that it did sound like something Lewis Black would say.

      So, I googled around and found something like it: he says, “one of us is nuts,” but he doesn’t follow through with the pay-off: the comedy gold.

      I’d never heard the bit. I still consider Black to be a promising talent, but he has much to learn.

      I’ll give you a point for recognizing genius when you see it, but I’ll deduct five for making spurious claims against someone I cherish.

      Another point is lost for your last sentence.

      Stuff like “But I soon lost interest” and “*yawn,*” have been so overused by dimwits who don’t have the intellectual capacity to summon a clever retort, that the employment of these cliches has now become synonymous with
      a defeated foe weakly raising the white flag of surrender.

      Mishee, I expected so much more. Maybe you’re tired today. Get some rest. Drink lots of water. And write me when you’re back on your feet.

      You’ve just had a bad day. That’s all.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.4   Mishee bang

      He says “one of us is nuts, and for the first time ever, I went, ‘wow it’s not me’…”

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3_EwUERW1U

      and as for the “soon lost interest” – you can spend hours poring over PAN and you will find that unlike others here, I have maybe used that phrase 3 or 4 times – so do your research.

      and for you noticing I am having a bad day… well, at least you are that observant.

      and BTW, Lewis Black blows you out of the water and sinks your battleship. Don’t flatter yourself.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.5   claw71 bang

      I agree with Mishee…Lewis Black blows.

      He’s like a fat Gilbert Gottfried doing a Dennis Miller impression. Ooooh a fat Jew yelling, color me impressed.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 3:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.6   mamason bang

      “From the table he had received the gout; from the alcove a tendency to convulsions; from the grandeeship a pride so vast and puerile that he seldom heard anything that was said to him and talked to the ceiling in a perpetual monologue; from the exile, oceans of boredom, a boredom so persuasive that it was like pain,—he woke up with it and spent the day with it, and it sat by his bed all night watching his sleep.” Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey, p. 79

      *not you, Claw*

      Feb 3, 2009 at 4:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.7   Sirius bang

      I love that passage; the subject is loathsome, but Wilder’s description so adept that I can hardly read the words fast enough.

      I guess that illustrates the difference between a gifted writer for whom the pen is a paintbrush, and a lonely loudmouth with a thesaurus stuck in his ass.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Claw,

      I agree with you. The yelling schtick worked to get him noticed, but after a while it doesn’t mask the the fact that his material isn’t A level. He’s someone I’d consider to be the perfect warm-up act.

      Mamason,

      This passage is an excellent example of why I’ve always maintained that Pulitzer prizes are the most overrated in literature.

      He was clearly taking a swipe at his more talented father, but he missed, as he nearly always did.

      “Our Town” is his one great piece. The rest was churned out in waste-pruducts-through-the-digestive-system-like regularity to his publishers who could count on decent sales due to the middlebrow pretensions of American dunderheads who mistakenly believed that the spark of genius he showed in “Our Town” would keep burning in his later work.

      The paragraph you chose exemplifies everything I find obnoxious about this freak. Somebody was clearly getting paid by the word. He had good ideas, but rather than express them succinctly, he mutilated them into a mushy puddle of blah.

      A good editor should taken an axe and a knife to it to render it readable. An even better editor would have made certain he got the psychiatric treatments he so desperately required.

      That this bitter, closeted homosexual (with life-long daddy issues) hack-of-all-tirades won three Pulitzer Prizes is proof positive that the Pulitzer judges are the laziest (or back-handedly-rewarded by publishers) of all the literary awards.

      Thanks for posting it, Mamason. It’s nice to be reminded why I my initial dislike of certain writers wasn’t based merely on youthful innocence.

      Even as a child, I guess I was wise beyond my years.

      Sometimes, I wish I could travel back in time and whisper helpful tips to some of these guys. Maybe then, their works would be read because they’re great; not just because some American lit teachers are lazy.

      Even worse: the pity-sales.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.9   mamason bang

      Thanks, TOS. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.10   Sirius bang

      Memorable quotes from POS:

      “I’ve always maintained that Pulitzer prizes are the most overrated in literature…

      “Somebody was clearly getting paid by the word. He had good ideas, but rather than express them succinctly, he mutilated them into a mushy puddle of blah…

      “Even as a child, I guess I was wise beyond my years…

      “Am I the only one here who has fucked Sammy Davis Jr in the eyehole?”

      Now it’s Wilder’s turn:

      “Providence has nothing good or high in store for one who does not resolutely aim at something high or good. A purpose is the eternal condition of success…

      “Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday…

      “Man is not an end but a beginning. We are at the beginning of the second week. We are children of the eighth day…

      “The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much”

      We can play this game all day, POS; the score will always be the same.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.11   TheOldSchool

      R. U. Sirius?

      This isn’t fair.

      Surely Wilder uttered more memorable phrases than the banal-retentive dreck you ham-handedly selected.

      Try finding good shit. I say more meaningful shit to my Korean-speaking manicurist, when I’m hungover, than any of this doddering drivel you claim as being from Thornton.

      I regret to inform you that my sense of fair play will not allow me to accept such a hollow victory.

      P.S. I know you thought up your little joke, so I’ll give you the courtesy of asking for the punchline. POS?

      Feb 3, 2009 at 7:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.12   TheOldSchool

      Mishee,

      Twice is acceptable, if you’re unsure you’ve used it before. Three or four times? At least you’ve acknowledged you’ve got a problem and ‘fessed up. That’s a good first step. I’ll be rooting for you.

      Feb 3, 2009 at 7:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.13   tinkerbell2

      I’m starting a petition to make TheOldSchool change his name to ALonelyLoudmouthWithAThesaurusStuckInHisAss. Who’s with me?
      Presumably not Melisa, especially as I am starting to suspect they are the same person..

      Feb 4, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.14   Mishee bang

      Well considering the “fucking delicious” curse and other inside jokes that you know nothing about since you obviously don’t read anything except your own posts let me clue you in on something…

      there are these things called “running gags” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Running_gag ) and if you are unfamiliar with them, most people who find something amusing then use that joke a few more times to elicit laughs by using the memory of the original joke to get a chuckle.

      What would The Simpsons opening be without the chalkboard or the couch gag?

      Sometimes things are bigger than what YOU think they are. And just because YOU don’t think its funny, doesn’t mean I (and others here) don’t.

      I think its time you don the Unitard… or you can just go head over to the Unitent… your choice.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.15   TheOldSchool

      Mishee,

      It appears that something I’ve said has upset you. If so, I apologize.

      I’m sure you’ll agree that there’s a difference between a “running gag” and a tired cliche.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.16   Mishee bang

      I just wonder who died and appointed you the Cliché Police.

      Who are you to determine what is a “running gag” and what is a “tired cliché”?

      Get over yourself.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.17   Frankie bang

      POS stands for “piece of shit” and sometimes “point of sale” and “HIV Positive” and “Palm Operating System” and well… see for yourself…

      http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/POS

      helpful hint In your case he meant piece of shit. I’m 110% sure of it.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.18   aaa

      TheOldSchool, you’re just a bully. Your antagonistic holier-than-thou attitude isn’t cute or funny; it’s just damn annoying.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:33 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.19   Frankie bang

      “Living is easy with eyes closed
      Misunderstanding all you see
      Its getting hard to be someone, but it all works out
      It doesnt matter much to me”
      JL

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.20   Mishee bang

      “its getting hard”

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.21   Frankie bang

      Oh yeah? How hard is it Mishee? Is it really really hard?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.22   Sirius bang

      helpful hint In your case he meant piece of shit. I’m 110% sure of it

      But based on his cheesy response, I think Puddle Of Smegma is more appropriate.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.23   Frankie bang

      Sometimes I like being wrong! :)

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.24   TheOldSchool

      Now I know what it feels like to have my ankles bombarded with verbal nerf balls that have been lobbed in my direction by spastic children.

      It tickles.

      Mish: “get over yourself” is well past its sell-by.
      Sadly, so is the “who appointed you the ___ police.” I’m wondering if your brain is too fried to ever again conceive an original thought?

      Frankie: I knew the traditional POS definitions, but I was, over-optimistically, hoping for something clever. As for the Lennon lyrics, I’ll bet you have them entombed in your diary, scrawled in the loopiest cursive possible. The ink is either red or purple.

      aaa: hd/aaa: “Dude, it’s PAN. You’re not supposed to take anything seriously lest you be branded a humorless dick…”

      Sirius: in the future, could you please type the word, “Duh…” at the beginning of every sentence you write.* I do it automatically whenever I see one of your comments, but it might be a helpful aid for newcomers who haven’t yet grasped the extent of your mental lethargy.

      Well kids, be careful with those nerf balls. If anyone could find a way to hurt themselves with foam rubber, it would be you guys.

      I’m just thankful I put up the REALLY Slow Children Playing sign. Every time one of you numbskulls gets hit, my insurance rates go up.

      *Except when you quote me.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 2:43 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.25   mamason bang

      Plagiarism. When you just don’t have the words.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.26   mamason bang

      Plagiarism. The sincerest form of flattery.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 3:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.27   Mishee bang

      Funny story here, my friend told me yesterday that “1999 called and they want their shoes back…”

      I found it funny and I laughed. In hindsight, I should’ve told her that “1997 called and they want their joke back…”

      So I guess what Canthz_B established many moons ago is actually true!

      What someone finds humorous is different for every person

      (Who’da thunk a black man could be right about something? Yes, he can!)

      It just seems that the consensus of the regulars here (at least the ones that I talk to) is that you aren’t very funny and you are quite long winded. Personally, I see you like how Oasis compared themselves to The Beatles (who have compared themselves to Jesus, but that’s another story)… You are Oasis, and claw71 is The Beatles. (hey, John Lennon again! That guy is just everywhere!)

      Nothing wrong with that, you keep wasting your time with your nonsensical ramblings (which does remind me alot of JD’s running monologue in his head.. thank you Frankie girl) and I will continue to ridicule them and/or ignore them. No biggie! I was once the one who everyone seemed to hate, but if you backread to the olden days, you will see that I, just like you, really didn’t give a shit and I kept on what I was doing no matter what anyone said… but then I realized that I sounded like a quite a fool sometimes (I think I remember someone telling me something about “its not the quantity but the quality of my posts” – which I also apply to my personal pot morals – and I took that to heart) and so I decided to stop being such an annoying, immature asshole.

      Now I am just an annoying asshole.

      But that works for me… and most of the people (that I give a shit about) on here. And if it doesn’t.. well, there is a little box next to my name up there… click it and I disappear. Everyone’s happy.

      Thank you CB, for being such a bossy, controlling, opinionated asshole! I love ya dude! :D

      (Is this post long enough to meet your standards TOS? Just wanted to make sure I got your attention…)

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.28   TheOldSchool

      Mamason, are you talking repetitively to yourself, or are you passively-aggressively accusing someone of plagiarism?

      If it is the latter, it I hope it is at least something meaty. I’m getting served too much foam here these days.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.29   TheOldSchool

      Mishee,

      What’s your point?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.30   Mark bang

      Her point, TOS, is that you have promise to be a favorite poster here, but that so far you’ve mostly been a long-winded non-funny asshole.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.31   Mishee bang

      No point. I just like to see my name up on the pretty screen.

      Hey! We seem to have a lot in common!

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.32   mamason bang

      I was just trying to be funny. :-|

      That’s all I ever do. :-|

      Is try to be funny. :-|

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.33   TheOldSchool

      funny ha ha or funny cukoo?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.34   mamason bang

      Well, of course I try to be funny ha-ha :lol: however I’m not so crazy as to think that I don’t come off as funny cuckoo. :givesbestdeadpanfaceever:

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.35   claw71 bang

      Mishee you’re way out of line with your comparison. First of all you closed the door on Oasis, and the last time I checked they’re still in tact. The Beatles are down to Paul McCartney and Ringo Star, neither of whom is capable of rocking anything right now. Ringo won’t even sign autographs anymore. What else does he have on his agenda? I’m still holding out hope that Oasis will find a groove and redefine music as we know it. Yeah, the Gallagher boys are a pair of train wrecks but that’s what we love about them.

      That being said, I’m flattered by you likening me to the Beatles. I dig your intent but I’d prefer something with a little more edge to it. Perhaps a Linkin Park vs. Limp Bizkit analogy would have been a little less dated. Sure, old geezers like Wade dig the Beatles but unless you’re a floozy from Oklahoma City hoping to impress a future sugar daddy the connection will be lost on most. (Love ya, Frankie)

      Personally I would prefer a hip hop analogy because I keeps it real. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m funnier or more engaging than TOS but if that’s what you believe then I’d prefer you compare his MC Shan to my KRS-ONE. This is not the best of KRS, it’s just a section…but how many times must I point you in the right direction? You need protection when I’m on the Mic… yeah I can throw it down but that’s just how I roll. True, delving into the annals of old school Hip Hop isn’t exactly contemporary, but if we’re going to start a rivalry let’s take it to the streets.

      Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Beatles and I won’t deny their influence but I think that they are often a tad overrated. I know that sounds blasphemous but when I stack up everything the Beatles did and compare it with the Rolling Stones I think that the Stones better epitomize what Rock-n-Roll is all about. The Beatles were a pop band that split up right about the time they had an opportunity to become profound.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.36   Mishee bang

      I was named after a song by The Beatles you asshole.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.37   claw71 bang

      I was named after the type of hammer my dad used to subdue my mom.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.38   anglophile bang

      I tried to stay out of this, but I can’t keep my silence. Claw, you are sadly mistaken.

      Exhibit A

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.39   claw71 bang

      Your point is duly noted, glo, and Exhibit A has been marked by and admitted into evidence. We could further impugn Mick Jagger’s authenticity by reviewing his performance in the Emilio Estevez vehicle Freejack but alas, Anthony Hopkins and Renee Russo also appeared in that contrived bit of Hollywood garbage and I have a sneaking suspicion that Mick did it solely to score with Ms. Russo.

      I also believe that sex was the driving force behind the Stones delving into disco. If I’m not mistaken Mick managed to parlay Emotional Rescue into a threesome with Barry and Andy Gibb.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.40   Mishee bang

      Glo, I agree.

      Exhibit B

      The one in the back.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.41   TheOldSchool

      I was named after the tie of dad’s that mom used to wipe off her face after he blorched all over her.

      He later used it to strangle her. Thankfully, he was able to bribe his out of trouble.

      I still have the tie. I would never wear it, of course.

      People think egg stains are difficult to remove from silk. Eggs are nothing compared to semen, lipstick, and Maybelline. She loved her fucking make-up.

      Then again, don’t we all?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.42   claw71 bang

      o Keith Richards?
      We should all be so lucky to be as unapologetically cool as Keith. There have been better guitar players but when anybody gets into music, particularly rock music, they want to be Keith.
      The guy will eat, smoke, snort, drink or fuck anything and he suffers no consequences. Prince had a fucking hip replacement, Cobaine ate at shotgun and Mick’s had to part with huge chunks of his fortune, but Keith Richards just keeps slithering along.
      80 years from now, Keith Richards will still be alive and he’ll be getting a blow job from your grand daughter.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.43   Mishee bang

      Don’t forget about the coconut tree incident in Figi.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.44   TheOldSchool bang

      Mark,

      Thanks for weighing in, Mark. I’ve been on pins and needles, wondering what your opinion might be.

      (Will he? Won’t he? Jesus Jesse! Hurry!)

      If it is any consolation to you, I think that you’re wonderful, and that you’re doing a marvelous job.

      Has anyone told you that you bear an ever-so- slight resemblance to a Simpsons character?

      If I were you, I’d sue Matt Groening for plagiarizing your face.

      Trust me, Mark. He’ll settle out of court for mid-six figures.

      (I’ll take half of that for giving you the heads up, but you’re free to do what you like with your third.)

      Maybe with the money I receive, I might be able to buy some books about what it takes to make the grade at PAN.

      I’ve got a strong back, the heart of an ox-mule, and scads ‘n’ scads of determination. Provided I can stick to the game plan: study hard, listen to the sage advice of my PAN handlers, I think I just might be able to crack this nut.

      Promise that you won’t give up on me, Mark.

      I’m gonna jog right now over to the Huskies’ Stadium and run up and down the stairs for a couple of hours, before hitting the Suzzallo Library for a night in the stacks!

      Phew! Wish me luck!

      Feb 4, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.45   Frankie bang

      Oh! Claw called me a floozy! That’s the nicest term anyone has ever put to exactly what I am…. It’s okay though Claw, you can call me a straight up ho. I am not ashamed of it any more.

      TOS way to take Claw’s joke about who he was named after and switch out the ingredients for your own… That’s Pantastic!

      Feb 5, 2009 at 10:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Mickey Blue Eyes

    This note looks like it was written my boss. I’ve gotten notes from my boss written in a similar style, albeit with different nouns.

    Feb 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   TheOldSchool

    Mishee,

    Maybe cliches work better for you.

    By the way, I think you’ve nailed Canthz B.

    But you’re deluding yourself about your level of maturity.

    Short enough for you?

    Feb 4, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Mishee bang

      *clicks little box next to #39 TheOldSchool*

      *makes a margarita to celebrate*

      Feb 4, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   TheOldSchool

      You can make margaritas in your cubicle?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   TheOldSchool

    I think you cut me off and bumped me down to 39.

    That’s all right, doll face, I’m quite at home in the gutter (to paraphrase Wilde) lookin’ up at all you stars.

    Feb 4, 2009 at 4:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   MW

      I heard Mishee’s mom hangs out in the gutter.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   Mishee bang

      So MW, are you still in Naperville or are you in Aurora now?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 6:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   MW

      That must be a question with some cool reference I don’t understand because I’m such a loser.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 8:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   TheOldSchool bang

      MW: At least you’re still in Mishee’s in-box. I’ve been eradicated from her eyes.

      I wonder what the town reference is? You didn’t buy any of her UNWORN panties, did you?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   MW

      She just doesn’t realize how much I really love her. It’s an epic love story for the history books. We can even adopt some third world orphans and make it look like we’re saints with acting careers if she wants to.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.6   Mishee bang

      MW if you actually do love me you have a funny way of showing it.

      Just like RunBarbara – but over the years I’ve learned to like it when she paints my face up like a clown and takes me around down on a dog leash. I know now its just her way of showing me off.

      I guess if I can like that, then I can learn to like your kind of love too.

      Feb 5, 2009 at 9:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   MW

    Better double bag it, though.

    Feb 4, 2009 at 5:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   yellowcroissant541 bang

    guys….. can’t you all just kiss, hug, and make up?

    or not, too.

    Feb 4, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Mishee bang

      you just want to see some girl on girl action.

      don’t lie.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   MW

      I’ve been trying to kiss and make up with Mishee for a really long time. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t like me since I constantly reference her mother as a drunk whore, I really thought that was funny. I’m always open to doing the 69 with a stranger you know.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   TheOldSchool bang

      MW, maybe if you can make your hoo-ha look like an abstract-expressionist bong, you can trick her into doing you.

      Either that, or offer her a pint of cheap vermouth.

      What’s easier?

      Feb 4, 2009 at 9:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   MW

      I think she might like the ultra pretentious gift of a book by a little known philosopher she can pull random quotes from to sound smart. I know she could use it.

      Feb 4, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.5   TheOldSchool

      Something about her just seems to whisper to me that she is indeed the illegitimate spawn of Jacques Lacan and Tonya Harding.

      Maybe you should get her their masterwork: “On Feminine Sexuality, the Limits of Love, Knowledge, and Knee-capping: The Seminars of Jacques Lacan and Tonya Harding.”

      Feb 4, 2009 at 11:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.6   Frankie bang

      Look Everybody! They’re dating now! How cute. I’d invite you into our home for some privacy during your intimate times TOS and MW, but I’m afraid you’d violate our condom fern.

      Feb 5, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.7   Mishee bang

      I actually prefer the ultra UNpretentious gift of a free UK version of the PassiveAggressiveNotes book, signed and personalized by the author…

      oh wait… I already got one of those.

      *still loves kerry*
      *still sitting tight*

      Feb 5, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   yellowcroissant541 bang

    who, me?

    nooo.
    of course not. just wouldn’t want to see anybody get bullied, cos i’m just nice that way.

    yup.

    Feb 4, 2009 at 6:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Faye Polson

    For me, I absolutely HATE it when people would rather put up a note for public viewing than confront me directly about something – I think it’s a sign of respect to go to them personally and have a discussion. Pisses me right off. I’d have followed that note with “If the management has time to leave condesending notes on the staff board, the store must already be clean.”

    Feb 27, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed