Shirley in Canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (Or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)
Meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 employees in Australia — “more than half of whom don’t even work in the same postcode.”
related: fight or flight
99 responses so far ↓
#1
unholyghost2003
15 min later, when her pen rolled under her desk, Brenna realized that her poster had just fallen down. Oddly, no ‘everyone email’ retraction was issued.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:03 pm rating: 67
#2
Mishee
Sadly, Brenna failed the haiku class that she took at the local community center.
Apparently she never learned how to count syllables.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:05 pm rating: 21
#3
VB
Dear Brenna,
Can you keep Fig Newtons in your desk? I haven’t stolen.. err, had those in years!
Kthnxbai
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:06 pm rating: 17
#4
Themiki
When you’re done with that car magazine please return it to Brenna’s desk, as that’s where I pillaged it from. Thank you.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:09 pm rating: 40
#5
Frankie
So would the next step be to make missing poster posters?
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:16 pm rating: 28
#6
Kansas girl
I can’t even tell if the second one is sincere (i.e., from a car lover) or sarcastic (someone objecting to having trash left on their desk).
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm rating: 0
#7
claw71
Brenna:
I had nothing to do with the liberation of your Jarhead poster as I was in the office kitchen gathering wayward lunches. However, I would very much like to pillage your foodstuffs later this afternoon.
And when I’m finished, I wouldn’t mind plundering your booty.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:19 pm rating: 26
#8
claw71
No sweat on the magazine, dear. I noticed it on the floor in the stall while I was pooping and thought you might enjoy it.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:24 pm rating: 9
#9
MW
Nobody wants your foodstuffs, brenna. Pyschotic soup sprinkled with a hint of neurosis and a dash of sarcasm isn’t really all that popular these days, go figure.
Feb 5, 2009 at 2:50 pm rating: 7
#10
C
Other pictures in Brenna’s cubicle:
-New Kids on the Block world tour poster
-Devon Sawa “Tiger Beat” insert
-candid of Brenna on the toilet
Feb 5, 2009 at 3:49 pm rating: 4
#11
summer
foodstuffs, let’s discuss this word.
Feb 5, 2009 at 3:51 pm rating: 0
#12
TheOldSchool
This is conceptually troubling.
Think about what this means. There was art in Brenna’s cubicle that was deemed to be
even LESS desirable than a Jarhead poster!
How grievous was the crap that the thief left behind?
What could be worse?
It would be “helpful” to see photos of the cubicle.
Feb 5, 2009 at 3:52 pm rating: 4
#13
teeg
I don’t even know what (or who) Jarhead is. I assume once I’m done Googling I will feel sorrier for brenna.
Feb 5, 2009 at 3:57 pm rating: 5
#14
TheOldSchool
I’ve already ruled out the possibility that the thief stole the JH poster in order to correct Brenna’s one aesthetic misstep — primarily due to the word selection she used in her e-mail.
(The fact that her name is Brenna, and that she is so “cubicle-proud,” were also factored into my grim conclusion.)
Feb 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm rating: 5
#15
JoelWhy
The car magazine was in exchange for the Jarhead poster. It was a fair trade, so quit complaining!
Feb 5, 2009 at 4:22 pm rating: 3
#16
Holiday Djinn
The real question is why would anybody steal a poster for this shitty movie? Seriously? I mean, The poster has virtually no monetary value. The design if like the dvd cover is godawful. I speculate that whoever took it was really doing this bitch a favor.
Feb 5, 2009 at 4:26 pm rating: 0
#17
Andy
Brenna,
Jarhead is a movie about Americans fighting for America. You’re cannuck ass has no business displaying it! Come to America and try to take it from me, commie. These colors don’t run!
And in the words of the most American American ever, “I’ll be back” for those foodstuffs soon enough!
Feb 5, 2009 at 5:38 pm rating: 8
#18
Andy
Ahhh, this reminds me of that time when…
Wait, nevermind. This doesn’t remotely remind me of anything. Ever. Who the F@#$( hangs up a Jarhead poster at work!?
Feb 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm rating: 3
#19
Neeners
I feel your pain Brenna, I too once worked in a cubicle farm. It took a long time but I finally escaped, now I have my own office where I can put motivational posters up.
You should be thankful you weren’t attacked by this hooligan. Raping and pillaging normally go together. Luckily they didn’t know that!
Feb 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm rating: 2
#20
Woman on the Verge
If someone pillaged my workspace I would consider it cleaning and leave a thank you note. Especially if they took any random posters of crappy movies. Wait, I don’t have any of those. If I put one up, will someone pillage? Please?
Feb 5, 2009 at 8:43 pm rating: 2
#21
TheOldSchool
If Brenna was serious about catching the JarHead thief, she would:
a) Put up a similarly themed film poster. (Top Gun, Cabaret, etc.)
b) Have the poster “booby-trapped” so that when its push pins are pulled, a giant* invisible-yet-indomitable cage will instantly fall from the ceiling, trapping the scoundrel like a startled mime caught in your headlights.
And this time, they’re on bright.
*Actual size varies. Must be large enough to contain an adult, but small enough to fit inside a cubicle.
Feb 5, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 10
#22
better on paper
And yet we just know some one hit reply all to both of these messages to make a sarcastic PA note of their own, which then digressed into many more follow up reply all emails that said nothing more than “don’t use reply all!”
Feb 5, 2009 at 10:50 pm rating: 2
#23
Sue Do Nim
I’m still waiting for Brenna to comment that she was just kidding and everyone at work “got it.”
Feb 5, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 5
#24
Canthz_B
I didn’t forget to steal the other pictures in your cubicle.
I just couldn’t find a buyer for pics of your buck-toothed, red-headed step-children.
You really should enroll in our Group Dental Plan.
Feb 6, 2009 at 12:16 am rating: 2
#25
Themiki
P.S. Printing out Jarhead posters is an excellent use of company resources.
Feb 6, 2009 at 3:22 am rating: 3
#26
Sheepish
I tried to watch Jarhead and I soon lost interest in the project. The only thing I remember was that Jake Gyllenhaal was in it. So, I figured the poster would have a super dreamy picture of him all decked out in army garb so that 13 year old girls could oggle him. So I googled the movie poster to find that it’s just a rusty dog tag with a lame tag line. Not worthy of my half-wall.
Feb 6, 2009 at 11:43 am rating: 2
#27
aaa
Sooo… Does that mean the people in the different postal codes should mail this person car magazines? I mean, is this a plea for more car magazine? Or would the bodybuilding mags from my work suffice?
Feb 6, 2009 at 11:50 am rating: 0
#28
Erika
Is that Papyrus? Is Papyrus the new Comic Sans?
Feb 10, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 0
#29
sj34
oh bless you! i was just coming out of lurkdom to ask about this whimsically enraged font!
Feb 12, 2009 at 12:27 am rating: 1
#30 but what about hawaiian shirt day?
[...] related: the classic all-staff e-mail [...]
Mar 23, 2009 at 7:27 pm rating: 0
#31 miss place is SO SERIOUS
[...] related: the classic all-staff e-mail [...]
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:07 am rating: 0
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