Mothers, lock up your crackers

February 8th, 2009 · 89 comments

Writes Michael in St. Louis: “I’ve tried my best to figure out the logic behind writing this note and then putting the salami back in the fridge, rather than simply throwing it away…” but so far, no luck. In any case, he says, “I’m glad that it’s been saved it for posterity.”

BAD SALAMI

related: Did you ever consider the possibility that…oh, never mind.

FILED UNDER: food · office fridge · St. Louis


89 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Hops

    So it doesn’t stink up the garbage and the rest of the house. Duh.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 5:39 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ti O

      Paging Mr Sal Ami…Mr Sal Ami.

      DOH!

      :grin:

      Feb 8, 2009 at 6:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Mr. Sal Ami

      Yes, you needed something?

      Feb 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   emily

    well, judging from the restaurant check i would guess that this was at a restaurant. i am the general manager at a restaurant and often if something is spoiled you have to label it so no one will use it and you can send it back for credit/your money back. so i don’t really find this to be a big deal.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   suaveydavey

      Being in the business so long myself, (I was a busboy at the Last Supper) that’s what I thought right away. Expecting credit, you just can’t leave it on the counter.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 9:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      You are two REALLY bad salamis. :-|

      Feb 8, 2009 at 10:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Victor

      Exactly.

      I didn’t think it was weird at all. Even if not for credit, at least for inventory control.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Canthz_B bang

      Umm, it’s on a guest check, as if someone ordered bad salami…please order a sense of humor. ;-)

      Feb 9, 2009 at 12:44 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Lorelie

      I will be ignoring this thread, so as to retain the funny…

      Hey look, there’s a bunch of empty comments.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 8:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   claw71 bang

      This is what happens when notes get posted on Sunday and it also demonstrates that most people who work in the food service industry are destined to continue working in the food service industry.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Geek Goddesss

    Has anybody considered the effect of this note on the salami’s self esteem? Do we even know where to begin to search for a therapist who will be able to help this salami now? People, consider your food’s feelings!
    *Remembers that she hasn’t taken her meds yet today and goes off to do so*

    Feb 8, 2009 at 5:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Ti O bang

      Salami is the most sensitive of the cured meats. Positive reinforcement would be a better tactic.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 6:36 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   unfortunate names

      maybe that’s what made it go bad in the first place, all the negativity.

      Feb 10, 2009 at 12:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Shawn Bryan

    Maybe it’s just being punished for a while.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   snee bang

      in that case, shouldn’t you just beat your salami?

      Feb 8, 2009 at 6:53 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   secondsout bang

      *editing out repeated joke. Damn you, Snee! You beat me to it. Pun not intended.*

      Feb 8, 2009 at 7:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   snee bang

      ooh, spank me, s’out! i’ve been baaaad!

      Feb 8, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Bunnee

      Often, a time out is just as effective for an unruly salami. Just make sure to spread a towel on the carpet where the salami will be seated. Grease stains, ya know.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   secondsout bang

      OK, then, snee. I’ll spank you with my salami. Bend over.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   VegasBarbie

      It’s not bad salami…it’s just made some bad choices! Don’t label it!!!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 10:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Doesn't Pull Out

      HAHAHA! That’s my Little General’s nick name. The Bad Salami!

      Except the General looks a lot less, well, nasty.

      Feb 10, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Sarah

    Is any salami ever good to begin with? *resists urge to vomit*

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Thanks!

      Bad salamie can make your pee burn.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 7:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   fantasy bang

      Thanks: That was an STD that made your pee burn, he put that salami in his pants just to impress you.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Women are lucky. They don’t get that tortuous burning sensation every time they urinate, like all of us men do.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Thanks!

      Damnit! I knew I was being fooled!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 7:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Ti O

    We must do more to get good Salami off the streets and keep it from hanging around leather jacket wearing bad Salami, Olive Loaf and Bologna.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   snee bang

      yup. those are some bad meats.

      and don’t forget, while summer sausage sounds nice, it’s a bitch.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 11:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   jenocide

    I wondered a similar thing once when my partner and I made dinner and then during the process of cleaning up, there was an interlude in which we went into the bedroom for sex. I guess our roommate came home while we were in there, and left an irritated note on top of the brick of cheese that said ‘please do not leave dairy products out on the counter’. If you’re going to leave a bitchy note, fine, but why not just put the cheese away in the process?

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lorelie

      Because for the 45 seconds it would have taken your roomy to walk across the kitchen and place the cheese in the fridge, they would still be listening to your monkey sex noises. And while the point must be made, there’s no reason to subject one’s self to that longer than necessary.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 11:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   mamason bang

    I wonder what the salami did?

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   GhostWriter bang

      Let’s just say, we’ve got one very slippery salami and a cooking vat full of extra girl-you’re-a-woman-now olive oil.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 11:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Ti O bang

      Oh. My. God.
      :shock:
      You did not just infect me with the Neil Diamond Earworm did you there!

      Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Ti O bang

      So mothers lock up your crackers and run for your life don’t you mess around. Bad Salami is back in town.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 11:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   mamason bang

    When I worked at a deli, I didn’t mind slicing the meat. On the other hand, I found cutting the cheese rather grating. *rimshot*

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:46 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      :lol:

      Feb 8, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Tinymama

      That was adorable, mamason! I wish I could come up with clever comments. I always just lurk quietly and snigger at the really good ones.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Emma

    Somebody give it a spanking!

    Feb 8, 2009 at 6:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   snee bang

      sorry emma. didn’t see you down here spanking your salami when i suggested beating it. :wink:

      Feb 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Wolverine Girl bang

      Bad, wicked, naughty Salami!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 1:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   matt bang

      ..you must spank it, and spank it well. – then spank me. You must give all of us a good spanking..!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 8:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   MAMARILLA2

      And then .. the oral sex…

      Did someone light the grail shaped beacon again.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Ti O bang

      The bacon shaped beacon! :lol:

      Quick we must get away you are in extreme peril!

      Feb 9, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   secondsout bang

    One could also punish the bad salami by playing “hide the salami.”

    Something tells me there’s going to be a lot of “salami” innuendo all over this one.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Ti O bang

      Oh there is going to be salami “something” all over this.

      Feb 8, 2009 at 7:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   secondsout bang

      would that salami “something” be greasy and salty?

      Feb 8, 2009 at 7:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Ti O bang

      I don’t think that is vegan mayonnaise!

      Feb 8, 2009 at 7:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Canthz_B bang

      Salami in who’s endo? 8-O

      Feb 8, 2009 at 10:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Canthz_B bang

      Whose? Blah…I hate grammar! :evil:

      Feb 8, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   obligatory

    That salami was fucking delicious.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Phalange

      Clearly it wasn’t, otherwise the note would read, “good salami”.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 8:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Sarah

    I concur with comment #2.

    Also, when I lived with roommates, I once made the mistake of cleaning out the fridge and disposing of moldy, rotting, and/or expired food. Passive aggressive notes about throwing out food that wasn’t mine decorated my bedroom door afterward. After that, I started leaving PA notes of my own on people’s green and blue-speckled shredded cheese, white, fuzzy strawberries, and unidentifiable blobs hidden inside of Styrofoam to-go boxes, to warn them to throw them away because I didn’t want to deprive them of the pleasure. Then I bought a mini fridge for my own food.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 7:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   TheOldSchool bang

    Whenever food goes bad at grocery stores, managers are trained to transfer it to the “organic” section, and double the price.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   you suck at craigslist

    Now I have Weird Al’s “My Bologna” in my head.

    (Yes, I realize that it in itself is a parody. That makes this doubly referential.)

    Feb 8, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   C

    No biggie. I used to leave these notes on guys’ pillowcases all the time.

    Feb 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Sure, it’s a bad salami today because it didn’t call you, but you swore up and down it was a good salami last night.
    In fact, you said it was the best salami you’d ever had!!

    I guess you say that to all the salamis. :-(

    Feb 8, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Saysh bang

      CB – your salami is good ALL the time. I have never once said it wasn’t.

      As a matter of fact, I wrote on that wall over there how good it was..

      Feb 8, 2009 at 11:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Canthz_B bang

      That’s just great, Saysh…now everyone will want to taste it! :-P

      Feb 9, 2009 at 12:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   zenvelo

    bad cop, no doughnut;

    bad salami, no cheese!

    Feb 8, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Lorelie

      Cops are to doughnuts as greasy guidos are to salami.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   667970

    …Salami come and get you right
    Boy let me fill your appetite
    Won’t you let me know what it is you like?
    And I’ll do those yummy things to you
    And I’ll let you call me delicious
    Let me give it to you once you gonna want some more

    Salami do those things for you…

    Feb 8, 2009 at 10:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   DisasterParty

    Perhaps this salami is so ancient that it has gained a mind of it own and now bites everyone who tries to touch it… 0_O

    Feb 8, 2009 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Ti O bang

      Salami #6 is aware! :shock:

      Feb 9, 2009 at 8:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Clevegal42

    I think it is merely labeled bad salami as a “don’t let this happen to you” warning to all the good salamis out there.

    At least they weren’t playing hide the salami with it.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 12:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   madeingermany bang

    I had to think of this http://i41.tinypic.com/28qrk15.jpg

    Feb 9, 2009 at 2:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   fantasy bang

    That is definately restaurant Salami. Looks like a note from the Boss.

    It means in restaurant speak, serve this first before you slice more.

    ” Because it ain’t green yet!”

    Yep, all restaurant owners squeeze all they can out of the old salami.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 2:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   claw71 bang

    Jules: Now Yolanda, we’re not gonna eat anything spoiled, are we?
    Yolanda: You don’t eat him.
    Jules: Nobody’s gonna eat anybody. We’re gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what’s Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what’s Fonzie like?
    Yolanda:
    Cool?
    Jules: What?
    Yolanda: He’s cool.
    Jules: Correctamundo. And that’s what we’re gonna be. We’re gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I’m gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your ham, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One… two… three.
    [Ringo sits down opposite Jules]
    Yolanda: All right, now you let him go.
    Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get hungry. And when motherfuckers get hungry, that’s when motherfuckers accidentally get salmonalla.
    Yolanda: You just know, you eat him, you die.
    Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don’t want that. And you don’t want that. And Ringo here *definitely* doesn’t want that.

    Jules: I want you to go in that bag, and find my lunch meat.
    Pumpkin: Which one is it?
    Jules: It’s the one that says Bad Salami

    Feb 9, 2009 at 8:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   NoExit

      The path of the righteous salami is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of spoiled cured meat…

      Feb 9, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down with..

      Feb 9, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Mishee bang

    That’s the same thing I say to the Mister when we are getting frisky!

    Feb 9, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    Good or bad, the best thing to do with salami is hide it.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   GhostWriter bang

    Confucius say: One man’s bad salami is another’s fine pepperoni.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 11:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   aaa

    When will people learn that taking the sensible, logical approach is just too far removed from human character to be expected? It’s our God-given duty as humans to make life as difficult and unnecessarily complicated for ourselves and those around us. I mean, you wouldn’t want to piss off God, would you? Of course you would, you sensible heathen…

    Feb 9, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   udanax

    this sounds like a compounded problem. often if i notice something is bad in the fridge, but it’s like 2am or raining, i just leave it in there until it is a more favorable time to take out the garbage. granted, this is the lazy option, but it’s better than having the bad food smell up the place.

    so the real question is, why did the person bother to write the note then put the salami back in the fridge rather than taking out the garbage?

    unless of course, someone needed to inventory it. in which case, why wasn’t it marked on a loss sheet?

    regardless, this is funny.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Sweet Lao

    We put things back in the fridge to give to the farm cats later. I wish she’d label them, I can’t smell when things have gone bad and don’t enjoy food poisoning. :(

    Feb 9, 2009 at 12:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   anglophile bang

      I bet your farm cats don’t either. :(

      Feb 9, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Mishee bang

      That’s why the cats go jumping onto ledges and shit…

      Feb 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   djr

      Why would a cat jump on a ledge to shit? Don’t they usually prefer to shit on clean laundry?

      Feb 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   Geek Goddesss

      It can be really hard to find clean laundry in a barn. Poor cats.

      Feb 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Monkey Speaks bang

    What did the salami do that was so horrible to warrent not only a time out but a note on it’s back.

    Poor salami. It’s all wilted and flacid…..

    I hate when my salami goes flacid.

    Feb 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe it’s slang. “Bad” means “really cool” and this salami is baaad!! If the salami had ears, it’d have the most awesome shades!:-)

    Feb 9, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   TP

    I cannot help but wonder: What would Brian Boitano do with Bad Salami?

    Feb 10, 2009 at 5:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Tina

    well fucking duh. if they threw it out, once it got hot it would start to stink (or maybe already did) so they simply put the note. and put it back, so they could throw it away when they were heading to the dumpster or something.

    big deal dumb ass be lucky its labeled and you didn’t eat it.

    Feb 10, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Aaron

    I’m predicting scads of burgeoning punk bands popping up in suburbs across america calling themselves “Bad Salami.”

    Feb 10, 2009 at 8:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Jaimie

    This isn’t really passive aggressive though, is it?

    This isn’t something they’d say in person to anyone in particular anyway, because they just want everyone who sees the salami to know that it’s bad.

    Feb 11, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Laura

    This is exactly like a mini-Sharpie marker commercial I saw, where a teenage boy takes a half-gallon milk jug from the fridge, opens it, smells it and makes a face. He then takes his Sharpie and writes “BAD” on the milk, and puts it back in the fridge. Only, that was fictional.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   beau

    I have never understood the “only the manager can throw away spoiled food” philosophy that seems to prevail in certain restaurants. Any food service employee who suspects something is even the slightest bit rancid has a moral obligation to throw it away immediately. How can this be a point of dispute? Why don’t health regulations require this?

    I guess this is just yet another example of capitalism run amok (and of why, contrary to the predictions of my grandfather, I am getting more liberal with age.)

    Mar 8, 2009 at 6:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Scott Mercer

    Uh, actually kind of vague.

    Is this salami in fact SPOILED, or just of subpar quality?

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   I am clearly too busy writing notes, so could somebody less important than me take care of this?

    [...] supplies away, and moved the note. Later, I was thanked for cleaning the table. [...]

    Jul 13, 2010 at 10:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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