suck on this!

February 9th, 2009 · 98 comments

passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from littleton, colorado…

related: stay home!!!

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FILED UNDER: e-mail · heartwarming compassion · illness · noise · office · oh no you didn't

98 responses so far ↓

#1 zchamu

I’d blow my nose, all right. All over that person’s desk when they were out for a pee break.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm rating: +18

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#2 Racerx

Or try putting a plastic bag over over your head until the coughing fit passes

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: +23

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- #2.1 unfortunate names
  
  or use a ball gag
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 6:53 pm rating: +4
- #2.2 TheOldSchool
  
  ball gags…………ack.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 11:23 pm rating: 0
- #2.3 Canthz_B
  
  claw? I hear tell his balls gag the unwary…
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 12:01 am rating: +2
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#3 anglophile

I was unaware that blowing my nose will cure my cough. Thank god for the passive aggressive notewriters of this world. They have so much to teach us.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: +35

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- #3.1 claw71
  
  It depends on the cough. If the irritation is caused by post nasal drip the offending mucus can easily trigger coughing as it oozes onto the epiglottis by way of the nasopharynx. Another culprit, long after you think the cold is over, is the Eustachian tubes. If you’re one of those people who tries to clear your nasal passages with an inward snort some of that mucus will lodge in your Eustachian tubes and slowly trickle out when the rest of the sinuses have cleared.
  
  Sorry to get pedantic, glo, but I’m a bit of an anatomy buff. Speaking of anatomy…I wouldn’t mind seeing you in the buff.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 4:07 pm rating: +15
- #3.2 Joe
  
  But even if he blew his nose often enough to keep it clear, I have the feeling the note-writer would still be unhappy with that sound.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 4:28 pm rating: +7
- #3.3 anglophile
  
  That’s ok, claw. I have a soft spot for pedants. Or is that pedophiles? Either way, you qualify.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 4:35 pm rating: +10
- #3.4 TheOldSchool
  
  Claw,
  
  You may not remember this, but we have met.
  It was at the 2007 Sasquatch festival. You were pretty wasted.
  
  I’d just broken up with Scarlett. She was taking it pretty hard, so I encouraged her to try her hand at doing her own versions of some of the Tom Waits songs I’d turned her on to.
  
  She’d called to thank me for the idea. You bumped into me just as we said our final goodbye.
  
  Sitting on that hill, gazing up at the stars, we talked about everything that night. Music. Women. Sex. Nineteenth Century German Stoicism. Blowjobs.
  
  You told me all about the best one you’d ever received. I was impressed by your ability to recall even the subtlest of nuances in vivid detail.
  
  You asked me about my best bj ever. I hedged and said that they were all good. You wanted a specific example, so I told you about the one Scarlett had given me before she left to do a film
  in Tokyo.
  
  By then, the bands had quit playing, and the crowd was gone. It was just the two of us, drinking and smoking under the beautiful night sky.
  
  You returned to the subject of how much you enjoyed blowjobs. I said, “yeah, they are kinda fun.”
  
  Then you looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You know, there is no physiological difference between a man’s mouth and a woman’s mouth.”
  
  “None?” I asked.
  
  “None.” You said emphatically.
  
  After I shrugged my shoulders in a “well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle” sort of way, you launched into a professorial soliloquy about male and female mouth anatomy.
  
  I’d forgotten all about it, until I read your 3.1 reply to Canthz B.
  
  When I woke up the next afternoon, you were gone, my fly was open, and I was tired, but content.
  
  I never did figure out what you were getting at that night.
  
  Now, after reading your 3.1 comment and piecing it together with what happened between us that night at Sasquatch, I’ve concluded that you must be a dentist, or possibly a researcher in mouth sciences.
  
  Anyway, it was nice meeting you. You might want pick up Scarlett’s cd, so you can play it for your drugged up patients as you drill them.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:01 pm rating: +6
- #3.5 Canthz_B
  
  I think claw was responding to anglophile, but it’s ok…I love to see my name printed in full.
  
  claw souds like more of an ENT man than a dentist to me though.
  Not that my opinion is worth much.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:13 pm rating: 0
- #3.6 anglophile
  
  To be fair, CB, you and I are a lot alike!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:18 pm rating: 0
- #3.7 Canthz_B
  
  Did that sound like I was picking?
  
  I’m not, I do prefer “CB” though.
  Just got home from work and commute, so I didn’t mean that to sound mean or anything.
  
  *rats…”sounds”*
  
  Must be the hair, ‘Glo!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:20 pm rating: 0
- #3.8 TheOldSchool
  
  “Glo” and “CB,”
  
  I’m sorry for responding to the wrong commenter.
  
  What’s an ENT? Emergency Nasal Technician?
  
  Feb 11, 2009 at 2:55 am rating: +1
- #3.9 matt
  
  TOS: ear, nose, throat specialist
  
  Feb 12, 2009 at 4:56 am rating: 0
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#4 MAMARILLA2

Come on really? Dear notewriter. It’s all about you isn’t it. What about the germs. I’m more worried about the germs that you are spreading by hacking your lungs out in the workplace (that probably has recirculated air)

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:40 pm rating: +7

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#5 QuarterRoy00

An appropriate reply would include suggestions for ear plugs and/or a muzzle for the original note writer. Or an ass-kicking.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: +6

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#6 amy d

I realize that this is a very unsympathetic request, which is why I created a new email account to hide behind instead of speaking to you directly.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: +49

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- #6.1 msinformed
  
  Not necessarily.
  
  For all we know, this is an account s/he has already sent hundreds of PA emails from.
  
  No more making popcorn! No more stealing food from unborn babies! No more crapping in the lobby! No more crapping outside the lobby!
  
  NoMoreTits is keeping an eye on you, the cursor poised over the ‘Send’ button!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 2:18 am rating: +4
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#7 Ti O

What is with the breathing?
♫ Every breath you take, every move you make I am hating you. ♫

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:52 pm rating: +9

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#8 Themiki

Dear coworker,
Your wife’s inoperable cancer has become a real buzzkill here at work. Please get her some chemo or divorce her or something so we don’t have to hear you weeping in your cubicle anymore. I mean, how do you think we feel having to listen to that everyday? Selfish jerk.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm rating: +78

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#9 meghann

i have to say, as someone dealing with the loudest, wettest cougher i have ever encountered, i FULLY SUPPORT this passive aggression.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm rating: +29

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- #9.1 e
  
  I totally agree with you. If the email didn’t work, I’d just take a cup of hot tea, a glass of water, and a bag of lozenges to the coughers desk the next day. I HATE coughers.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 8:05 pm rating: +5
- #9.2 Bunnee
  
  Wow, let’s hope you never catch a cold!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 12:46 pm rating: +3
- #9.3 aerie
  
  I gotta say, I’m on “team Delsym” too. There is no nastier sound than someone sucking snot, coughing it up or incessantly hacking up a lung.
  
  Seriously, take some cough medicine! It’s a shame that some people have to be told these things.
  
  Feb 26, 2009 at 2:19 am rating: 0
- #9.4 Mrs.Bird
  
  Team Delsym!
  I had a cubicle beside a dude who incessantly snuffed back snot into his throat. And it wasn’t a gentle, common sniff; it was a sharp, fast, reverse-shotgun type snuff.
  I wrote a poem about him and his offence nose, just to do something with my growing annoyance. Kept my hands from wringing his neck.
  
  Feb 28, 2009 at 2:39 pm rating: +1
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#10 C

If anything, suggest they take a sick day. I’d be more concerned about catching their SARS or whatever than about the “annoying” sound.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: +13

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- #10.1 tinkerbell2
  
  I agree. If I were the poor hardworking cougher and received this email, I’d immediately forward it to my line manager and ask if they’d like me to take a sick day. And if not, maybe they’d like to have a word with the PA emailer about productive use of work time..
  Can still sympathise with the writer though, someone else’s mucus is the worst sound there is.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:08 am rating: +7
- #10.2 T.
  
  Ugh, yeah… We just had a new guy start at work and he is constantly snorting his snot and mucus back up his nose. It is disgusting. Blow your nose, for christ’s sake.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 11:58 am rating: +3
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#11 WHS

This is what happens when you replace sick time with PTO. Christ, I’d have to be near dead before I’d burn a day of “vacation” time.

Feb 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: +22

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- #11.1 Goldie
  
  ITA, PTO blows. Telecommuting, though, is the hacker’s friend.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 5:01 pm rating: +3
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#12 claw71

OK, the loser who sent the note went through the trouble of creating a Yahoo account for the sole purpose of sending this note. That’s weak. It’s totally PA and I can’t respect it. It’s also a waste of Yahoo’s bandwidth and eventually we won’t have free webmail services if people keep abusing it. Whoever sent this is an asshole and probably deserves to sit next to Sneezy.

That being said, I work in an office where people make all sorts of disgusting sinus/throat clearing noises. There’s one girl who blows her nose so forcefully it sounds as if a moose is belting out a mating call in the cube farm. There’s another woman who works in my office who never covers her mouth when she coughs or sneezes. I swear to god the next time she slathers me with snot I will kill her where she stands. You fucking snot-oozing Weeble, cover your god damned mouth.

I’m not a nice guy, you all know this. I don’t like sickly people. It’s one thing to have a cold and deal with discreetly but quite another to wander around the office with the Bubonic Plague. These morbidly obese Petri dishes are so used to being sick, they don’t even realize how nasty they are. Of course they use their sick days…in the first six weeks of the year, but the remaining 46 weeks they insist on coming and spreading their disease.

I agree: Take a fucking lozenge and head for the restroom when you feel the need for a deep sinus cleansing. Nobody wants to hear it.

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:16 pm rating: +47

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- #12.1 JuanRojas
  
  The note-writer didn’t have to sign up for a Yahoo address. They did, however, have to find a way to send this message without needing to verify their user-defined headers. Which is fairly easy.
  
  The full message source will reveal if it really came from Yahoo or not.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 6:24 pm rating: 0
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#13 Ti O

Dear Typoid Mary/Maurice,
Glad you enjoy the coffee from the community carafe, the donuts, and the use of the phone where ever you find yourself during the day. Thanks for touching everything with your germ-y virus laden hands that you have coughed into every single day this month. Excuse me, I am going to go pour my soup on the bathroom floor and lap it up now.

-Your coworkers

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:17 pm rating: +12

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#14 Monkey Speaks

oops =- wrong forum

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:32 pm rating: +1

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#15 GhostWriter

What were all these dweebs doing in the office on February 1st at 7:40 pm? The Super Bowl is starting in twenty minutes, and you’re at work with Bronky McHackerson?

I hope somebody at least rigged the conference room projector with a TV cable, so you could glance at the game while you walked past to Manager Murdock’s office for final bench review. “Don’t worry, Team- you should have this all wrapped up by eleven; call me if there’s a problem. (door slams)

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: +16

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#16 anglophile

From: Hacker
Sent: Sunday, February 1, 7:42 pm
To: No More
Subject: Re: come on, really

what is up with the lack of capitalization? get a grammar book, or look it up online, or buy a shift key…whatever you got to do. the lack of capitals might not be annoying to you, but keep in mind there are many other people in the office who have to read that shit constantly.

*sorry, kerry!*

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:57 pm rating: +20

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#17 Maikel

Everybody, e-mail that person now with hate.

it said nomoregotit@yahoo.com

Feb 9, 2009 at 3:59 pm rating: +4

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- #17.1 claw71
  
  Yes, we all saw what it said and while I can certainly appreciate the endless joys harassing people with a coordinated spam attack might provide the likes of you, I don’t want to stoop to such a level.
  
  I also rather enjoy this site and recognize appreciate the effort kerry puts into it so I’d rather not risk incurring the wrath of Yahoo should this person take umbrage to such an attack and register a complaint.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 4:19 pm rating: +10
- #17.2 Shawn
  
  is that no more got it? OR no more go tit
  
  GO TIT!!!!
  TIT FTW!!!
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 6:23 pm rating: +9
- #17.3 agirlie
  
  I read this “no more go tit” at first and I was like “why did he/she use that addy?’ teehee
  
  Go TIT!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 2:08 am rating: +1
- #17.4 liloleme
  
  the first thing that jumped out at me was:
  
  nomor ego tit
  
  *shrug*
  but now I can’t stop saying it that way in my head….
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 2:56 pm rating: +3
- #17.5 agatha christie
  
  Maikel is all about going tit-for-tit.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm rating: 0
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#18 Audrey

I submitted this to Kerry. It’s from someone I work with to another person I work with. So here’s the thing. Kennel cough is rampant here in the cube farm. We’ve all been hacking for the past three months. Why single out this poor slob? And how many days can he reasonably stay home coughing? Believe me, some of us have been just as disgusted as NoMoreGetIt. But at least we have the common human decency to mock our sickly coworker to his face, instead of hiding behind a made up email address.

Feb 9, 2009 at 4:29 pm rating: +26

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- #18.1 Goldie
  
  Wouldn’t it be the ultimate irony if NoMoreGetIt is the one who gave the poor guy his cold in the first place!
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: +5
- #18.2 TheOldSchool
  
  Audrey,
  
  What can you tell us about the sodomy laws in your state (i.e., the state where you live/work)?
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: +1
- #18.3 Audrey
  
  Hmm. Why do you ask, TheOldSchool? Are you implying that there’s some kind of reason for the kennel cough? Of course, I was speaking metaphoriccically, not relatively.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 12:00 am rating: +1
- #18.4 Canthz_B
  
  *coughhoof&mouthcough*
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: +4
- #18.5 dirtyjersey
  
  why did she say ’submitted by unfortunate hacker’ if you sent it in as a bystander?
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 6:09 am rating: +1
- #18.6 TheOldSchool
  
  Audrey,
  
  “They” say hindsight is 20/20, but “they” weren’t rear-ended by a proctologist driving a Ford Probe. “They” should pull their heads out of their asses.
  
  What was the question?
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 10:57 am rating: +1
- #18.7 Audrey
  
  TOS,
  Are you hitting on me?
  Audrey
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: +2
- #18.8 TheOldSchool
  
  Audrey,
  
  To be somewhat honest, I never know what I’m doing until after I’ve done it.
  
  And, even then, my take on things is usually 100% “iffy.”
  
  Right now, I’ve just completed exhaling a slightly exaggerated sigh of relief that the butt-doc wasn’t driving a Ford Explorer.
  
  Feb 11, 2009 at 2:47 am rating: +2
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#19 aaa

Dear No More,

What’s up with the not coughing? We’ve all been spitting and snotting into your coffee every day for the past week. Soon we’ll be coughing right in your face and spiking your sandwich with some Streptococcus cultures we stole from the CDC, whatever we’ve got to do. Having a healthy respiratory tract might not be annoying to you, but keep in mind that we all hate you and your lack of illness is pissing the rest of us off.

Feb 9, 2009 at 4:45 pm rating: +10

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#20 Goldie

Hey, some of us have weak lungs. In that case, once you get a cough, in lingers for weeks. What’s a person to do, go on FMLA till their cough is gone? I say deal with it.
Honestly, out of all things you’re likely to hear in a cube farm, coughing isn’t the most obnoxious by far. I’ll take a hacking cough over a *yet another* discussion on politics any day.

Feb 9, 2009 at 5:05 pm rating: +19

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#21 teeg

I admit – I’d freaking LOVE to write someone a note about their constant coughing. Unfortunately, I don’t work in an office, so I can’t indulge in my undeniable streak of passive aggressivity.

Feb 9, 2009 at 5:30 pm rating: +2

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#22 aloria

To be honest, I get pretty tired of people coming into work sick and hacking up a lung all day long. I’m not talking a regular little “tickle in my throat” cough; I mean a chronic throaty, phlegm filled hacking cough that echoes across the office.

What makes it even sillier is that we’re allowed to telecommute from time to time. Even if you’ve got something you absolutely, positively have to get done, there’s rarely a good reason for people to come in and spread their germs here, except for martyr points.

Feb 9, 2009 at 5:32 pm rating: +8

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#23 Andy

Dear Cologne-Soaked Asshole,

Perhaps if you restricted jumping into the cologne bath to a weekly or bi-weekly occurrence I’d be able to control my eau-de-toilet induced gagging fits.

Really.

Feb 9, 2009 at 5:41 pm rating: +16

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- #23.1 RP
  
  I agree. People who insist on having loud smells (BO, perfume, cigarette smoke, etc.) have no business telling other people not to sneeze, cough, or blow their nose.
  
  If I can TASTE the smell clinging to you before you’re even visible then you need to wash the smell off.
  
  Feb 11, 2009 at 12:25 pm rating: +2
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#24 Mark

It sounds like the PAN writer is about to go Columbine.

Feb 9, 2009 at 5:53 pm rating: +1

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- #24.1 Lovey
  
  >whispers< I think it might be *too soon*
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 7:13 pm rating: +10
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#25 Mishee

*crickets*

*cough*

*crickets*

Feb 9, 2009 at 6:52 pm rating: +6

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#26 unfortunate names

the hacker should touch everything on their desk, it’s bound to get the writer sick.

Feb 9, 2009 at 6:54 pm rating: +1

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#27 Canthz_B

A little tuberculosis never hurt anyone…wait…

Feb 9, 2009 at 8:08 pm rating: +5

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#28 Woman on the Verge

I work in a pre-k classroom. Every single kid is coughing, sneezing, and blowing snot bubbles. I use hand sanitizer by the gallon, but short of a biohazard suit, I am doomed. I cringe at the sound of a petite sneeze because it is usually aimed directly at my face. They’re lucky they’re cute.

In other works, the hackers I work with have yet to learn my golden rule: Share your toys, not your germs.

Feb 9, 2009 at 8:26 pm rating: +4

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- #28.1 TheOldSchool
  
  And all this time I’ve been taking the letter “k” for granted. I had no idea it was so recent.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: +6
- #28.2 Canthz_B
  
  That’s what it gets for being silent sometimes. I do wish k would speak out more during class!
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 11:54 pm rating: +2
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#29 TheOldSchool

It’s audacious. In THIS economy, someone with a JOB is complaining about a co-worker’s sniffles!

To the e-mail sender, I say: try to imagine what it would be like living your life as a male lady bug, and maybe then those coughs and sneezes won’t be so disruptive to your psyche.

Who doesn’t admire the cool aplomb displayed by lady bug dudes as they go about their business? Sure, they hear the whispered lame jokes and the stifled snickers, but it doesn’t phase them.

The e-mail writer reminds me of a drunken passenger on a smallish ship that is crossing rough seas.

Feb 9, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: +4

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- #29.1 anglophile
  
  *imagines a long list next to TheOldSchool’s computer*
  
  disposable diapers
  corn dogs
  in vitro fertilization
  ✓sodomy laws
  back hair
  porn star suicides
  ✓male lady bugs
  miracle whip
  
  Wow! Two in one note!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 6:46 am rating: +11
- #29.2 TheOldSchool
  
  You must have missed my comment about starving my father in order to shrink him out of expensive Depends, and into bargain brand toddler diapers.
  
  Anglophile, I’ll take the check, please.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 1:30 pm rating: +3
- #29.3 TheOldSchool
  
  This is kooky.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm rating: +1
- #29.4 anglophile
  
  ✓disposable diapers
  ✓Ricola!
  
  Sorry I overlooked those, TOS. It was not intentional.
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 1:40 pm rating: +1
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#30 Mera

I had the WORST cold/sinus infection ever last year, and I felt so terrible going to class every day and coughing up a lung right at everyone. I’m sure that if I had an email I would have received at least a few telling me to just not attend class. Of course, only meeting once a week with six hours of work time (damn you art school), skipping a day was out of the question.

So therefore, I can feel for the cougher, but at the same time, I know a number of people that every time they get sick they just cough all over everyone’s face. Regardless of whether or not they were obnoxious, this PAN is pretty ridiculous. I don’t plan for work to be my quiet time.

Feb 9, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: +2

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#31 fluffy8u

My mom is a Chronic Cougher. (she the person in the Food Stamps office who coughs every 5 seconds, you might have see her). She says that she has a “tickle” in her throat. I told her it sounded like somebody stuffed a feather duster down there. Maybe this Hacker has the same problem?

Feb 9, 2009 at 8:59 pm rating: +2

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#32 cheryl

Maybe this person is trying to quit smoking? As a smoker who has tried to quit more than once (unsuccessfully), I can attest to the uncontrollable and uncurable “quitting smoking cough” that comes from the body clearing out years of tar and debris, and from the annoying regrowth of cilia that takes anywhere from a week to over a month. Let me tell you, it is no picnic, and it has been enough for me to give up and go right back to puffing away just to make it stop. Nothing works- water, robotussin, cough drops, vicks, holding breath, breathing deeply, taking shots, yoga, or sleep. Could it be this annoying co-worker is not in fact sick but trying to better himself? Just putting it out there.

Feb 9, 2009 at 9:35 pm rating: +7

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- #32.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Cheryl,
  
  I’m making the assumption that this isn’t just an innocent form of confessional speculation on your part.
  
  I found it interesting that you cleverly left Ricola off of your list of failed remedies.
  
  Equally intriguing is the fact that the word “cheryl” means “secret shill” in Swiss.
  
  Thyme’s up on this scheme, ma cheryl.
  
  Feb 9, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: +3
- #32.2 Cheryl
  
  Ricola would be included under the category of Cough Drops Anyway, I’m getting the feeling you are implying I am in fact the recipient of the posted email. Although there is no way to deny that accusation for sure, I can say that I am not sure whether to be flattered or confused at the idea. Thanks for the response though!
  
  Feb 10, 2009 at 4:00 pm rating: +1
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#33 makelikeacouplet

I have many childhood memories of my mom barging into my room at night declaring something similar to this email … she may well have written it, for all I know.

Feb 9, 2009 at 11:26 pm rating: +3

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#34 matt

This could almost make the next instalment of SAW VI:
an office worker wakes up with his legs chained to his chair, on the desk is a hand drill and a faucet. Feeling into his pocket, he pulls out a package containing a tape
“For years you’ve been harrassing your poor office workers with your foul cough and cheap cologne. Tonight, you have a last chance to redeem yourself.
In front of you is a tray into which you will drain your frontal sinus. When you reach the top it will activate a lever and release you from your chains… “

Feb 10, 2009 at 3:46 am rating: +5

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#35 Polly Prissypants

They should hear the smoker guy who lives next door to us hacking up a lung all the time while he’s outside dragging on a ciggie. Many’s the time my SO and I have discussed throwing some Butter Menthols over the fence as a “subtle” hint.

Feb 10, 2009 at 7:23 am rating: +1

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#36 Mishee

I do try to take drugs for my illness.

That’s why I have a cough you dumbass.

Wanna hit?

Feb 10, 2009 at 10:35 am rating: +8

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#37 Amy

They’d love me at that office! I have a chronic lung condition, I’ve been coughing for over a year.

Feb 10, 2009 at 12:45 pm rating: +2

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#38 Alicia

I had this same issue at work. I had a tickle in my throat a week ago. It made me cough, but it wasn’t phlegmy or anything. People came by all day to tell me how sick I was and to drop off peppermints for me to suck on. I had to tell them over and over again that it was a tickle, that I wasn’t sick, and no there was nothing I could do about it.

Feb 10, 2009 at 3:51 pm rating: +1

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#39 liloleme

In my office I sit in a small cube directly adjacent to ~9 others who also sit in small cubes. The person who sits behind me (as I face my computer screen) has turned his chair so he is pretty much talking in my ear (albeit through the cube divider) when he’s sitting in front of his computer. Half the time he stands up while he’s talking on the phone, so his voice carries just that much more over the cube divider. On top of that, he is quite gossippy and talks forever and ever on the phone. And on top of that, he talks LOOOOUUUUDLY, and he has the MOST repetitive phony laugh (which tends to range somewhere between Bert and Ernie).

My point? Instead of b!tching about it (passive-aggressively or otherwise), I have a large jar of earplugs at my desk, and I use them. And I go to my happy place. No PA notes for me, although fantasizing about them and their effects on my situation can be fun (or scary).

This jerk with the ego tit is just that: an inconsiderate pricko who can’t give others a break.

Feb 11, 2009 at 6:36 pm rating: +1

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#40 A

Some people have issues with cough that has nothing to do with being sick. Someone I know has had a chronic cough for nine years because of injury to her vagus nerve during surgery. So E who hates coughers how about you educate yourself a little more before you come to the conclusion you hate coughers.

Feb 11, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: +2

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#41 indiethought

Seriously? I sit right next to a chronic cougher/throat clearer/snorter/sniffer who NEVER stops. I can hear it over my headphones when I have them on. When you have to listen to it for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, it gets insanely annoying.

I’ve tried politely offering her cough drops, cough medicine, nasal decongestant, Kleenex…it doesn’t matter, she still continues to do it. Add on top of that the fact that she also burps and farts loudly throughout the day without even an “excuse me” and I want to strangle her!

I’m not unsympathetic to coughers in general if they’re sick, but for 2 years now, I’ve had to listen to her EVERY SINGLE DAY clear her throat and hack and gag and burp and fart, and refuse to go to the doctor for it, and there’s just comes a point when enough is enough!

Feb 13, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: +3

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#42 HairySwede

did this person set up a special email account nomoregotit just for this?

Feb 21, 2009 at 10:55 am rating: 0

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#43 supposed-be-a-sniffer

I got a similar email from nomoregotit@yahoo.com.
Here is the full text:
(subject) what is up with that?
(body)
what is up with that noise you constantly make all day? i am refering to that nose sniffing sound. what the hell? take some freaking drugs or something to dry it up. or blow your nose more. whatever works. you are really annoying because you seem to make this sound all damn day and you do not seem to even attempt to stop it. and what is up with clipping your damn nails? that’s fucking gross. no one wants to hear that or the nose sound. keep in mind that it is not only you in this office. many other people are here too and have to listen to these things you do.

Mar 3, 2009 at 10:57 am rating: 0

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#44 Mishee

Funny, if I was going to open an email just to send something like that, I would’ve picked a better address… like, STFUYOUSTUPIDASSHOLE@yahoo.com or something along those lines.

Mar 3, 2009 at 11:07 am rating: +1

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#45 supposed-be-a-sniffer

Another one from “Stan The Man” thebestmanwithagoodplan@yahoo.com
(probably they come from the same guy)

(Subject) It’s time…
(Body)
Please stop doing 2 things that you do that annoy everyone around you..i am talking about these two things: that nose sniffing thing you do constantly all day long, and cutting your nails. the nail cutting is just gross, it’s totally annoying and very disturbing. go to the bathroom and do that or go outside. this is so rude. think about the people around you who have to hear it. that sniffing thing. blow you nose, or take a drug or something to take care of the problem. people around you have to hear this all day long and it really is annoying. easy solutions to two annoying things you do. please.

Mar 3, 2009 at 11:33 am rating: 0

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#46 sally

Yeah. I have a chronic lung condition from the dust kicked up by september 11th and I used to live in a dorm… Every freaking week some armchair doctor would come up to me with the same tired “helpful” tips on how to stop coughing so it wouldn’t irritate them anymore… The same litany, over, and over, and over again. I finally put up signs and posted emails to the house conference about my regular medical treatments in gruesome detail to get them to stop. Yet they didn’t! I don’t understand why they thought I needed to see a doctor for my problem but they didn’t need to see a doctor about theirs…..

Mar 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm rating: +1

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#47 ihateitwhenucough

there has to be a place where society can send excessive cough-ers who constantly cough it up like it’s their own personal space. while eating, while watching tv, while taking a shit. just f**king stop it or the coughs are just going to keep developing. stop annoying innocent people!

Mar 10, 2009 at 3:27 pm rating: 0

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- #47.1 amy d
  
  Let he who is without phlegm cast the first tissue.
  
  Mar 10, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#48 Anniee451

I have asthma/COPD – not a thing in the world I can do to eliminate that nagging cough. If it’s annoying to anyone, they can get some fucking earplugs.

Mar 30, 2009 at 7:54 pm rating: +1

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#49 NoraD

Throat clearers are the worst!

http://skanlyn.xanga.com/699444996/ahem/

Apr 19, 2009 at 7:23 pm rating: 0

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#50 tap tap revenge

[...] related: suck on this! [...]

May 19, 2009 at 11:39 pm rating: 0

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#51 you’re not wrong, walter

[...] related: suck on this [...]

Jul 13, 2009 at 9:27 am rating: 0

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#52 just a rat in a cage

[...] related: suck on this! [...]

Sep 10, 2009 at 10:15 pm rating: 0

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#53 compassion in the workplace

[...] related: suck on this [...]

Sep 23, 2009 at 3:31 am rating: 0

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waiting for the rapture (and/or a thank you note) (139)
- Flaboy2425: Hell, she’s better than my sister who would have told me what to spend the $5.00 for.
- Pers: Dear “great” Aunt, You’ll be dead soon. Bye, bye!
- Canthz_B: HEY! I REGISTERED!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!
- mamason: CB is Uncle Jumpy!
- mamason: mmmm… Thanks mo! I love chocolate thingies! Just ask Papa!

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

suck on this!

February 9th, 2009 · 98 comments

98 responses so far ↓

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