If you’ve ever bought Twizzlers from a vending machine, you probably know that there’s a good one-in-three chance that one tiny corner of the plastic packaging is gonna get stuck — and bang on the glass all you want — only yielding after an extra 75 cents is inserted. Some folks, however, aren’t willing to condone that kind of stubbornness in their packaged sweets.
related: Who’s the smartass?
92 responses so far ↓
#1
QuarterRoy00
If only the licorice could master the proper use of apostrophes, it could have this idiot’s job…
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:46 am rating: 28
#2
lightspeed
Could the poster perhaps have written a bigger sign? I can almost see the food selections behind this one.
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:49 am rating: 46
#3
Mishee
How weird I was going to make a note regarding the Hot Tamales in our vending machine.
At least the second package always seems to work!
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:51 am rating: 2
#4
anglophile
Why on Earth would you go for the Twizzlers if you could get a Mars Bar instead?
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:52 am rating: 14
#5
amy d
That’s right, we must not enable the licorice. Don’t buy it, put it in a Return to Work Program.
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:54 am rating: 44
#6
park rose
It takes all sorts *groan*
Do not hit sub…
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:59 am rating: 15
#7
fantasy
The person writing the note may be next to lay around and cry at his mamma.
Call him a candy-ass, then fire him.
Don’t like it? Sue me!
I would just love to meet Judge Judy.
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:01 pm rating: 10
#8
TheOldSchool
I didn’t even know that licorice’s parents divorced.
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:16 pm rating: 15
#9
Andy
You and me both, licorice!
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm rating: 2
#10
Andy
Of course they single out and accuse the black candy of not working!
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:18 pm rating: 69
#11
Emma
Dude, have a little sensitivity. In these HARD ECONOMIC TIMES a lot of candy is out of work.
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm rating: 31
#12
Lovey
Well I hope Judge Judy straightens out that lazy licorice with her bitchy Jewish ways.
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:31 pm rating: 2
#13
Becky
Hmm… looks like Judge Judy is Jewish. Dr. Laura used to be a Jew but not anymore. The most important thing here is that the sign writer committed an apostrophe catastrophe with the “it’s.”
Feb 10, 2009 at 12:41 pm rating: 0
#14
Flaboy2425
Fire the licorice. It hasn’t moved in hours. Nothing productive can come from that kind of behavior.
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:07 pm rating: 6
#15
cucumber
Watching people’s lies exposed in a tv courtroom by the beautiful Judge Judy is attributed to laziness? I never knew.
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:09 pm rating: 2
#16
TheOldSchool
Once upon a time vending machine industry existed solely because people were nice and they wanted to make certain that candy and sweets were readily available to workers.
In the late 70s, the VMI was infiltrated by a pernicious cabal of mafia-backed coin collectors.
Then, in the late summer/early fall of 2008, gas prices spiked, and the supply route drivers demanded that their bosses raise the candy prices.
Coin dealers knew that $1.00 candy would smother them in the hated $1.00 bills.
In order to keep the supply route drivers happy, and avoid the flood of paper, they hired a gypsy consultant who showed them how to rig the machines with “dummy pulls.”
Two dummies per machine. They get switched randomly at each restocking.
Now do you see why I hate coin dealers?
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:15 pm rating: 8
#17
zenvelo
so is that 1 PA Note, and 2 analog posts?
I’m surprised black-marker person didn’t start the post with “First!”
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:20 pm rating: 14
#18
anglophile
The problem is probably the form of Twizzlers they are stocking. They should switch to the Nibs, which are not as effective at hanging than the ropes.
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:24 pm rating: 5
#19
claw71
I, like licorice, also prefer to fritter my time away in a most unproductive manner but alas, I have yet to find the channel that features this Judge Judy marathon people speak of. Is my cable provider holding out on me or is it because my dial doesn’t go to heaven?
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:29 pm rating: 14
#20
claw71
Doesn’t the missive seem a little specific?
Is somebody projecting here?
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:30 pm rating: 5
#21
Themiki
A dollar twenty-five for a fucking Mars bar???
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:36 pm rating: 0
#22
claw71
By the way, I realize that it’s common parlance to generically refer to the Twizzler’s brand of candy twists as “licorice” but unless you’re referring to a flavor either derived or inspired by the roots of the licorice (or liquorice for our Brit buddies) plant you are in error and you are marginalizing an important flavor.
Feb 10, 2009 at 1:42 pm rating: 6
#23
Elaine
Love the pink marker.
Feb 10, 2009 at 2:23 pm rating: 3
#24
secondsout
If you want the licorice or Twizzlers, or a discount on the $1.25 Mars Bar, there’s always the old hammer-through-the-front-glass method.
Feb 10, 2009 at 2:33 pm rating: 2
#25
GhostWriter
I’ve received five spam emails this week alone, claiming that you can use black licorice as a poor man’s Viagra. Everybody knows that doesn’t work; no need for a sign.
Feb 10, 2009 at 3:35 pm rating: 6
#26
Licorice
I always get bored at work and end up reading blog comments, like the rest of you numbnuts.
Feb 10, 2009 at 4:28 pm rating: 7
#27
Chisel
MMM, liquorice
Feb 10, 2009 at 5:26 pm rating: 0
#28
Set To Evil
May I prsent a dramatic re-enactment…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S_8INOt5S8
Feb 10, 2009 at 5:35 pm rating: 0
#29
Canthz_B
Who says watching Judge Judy isn’t work?
Feb 10, 2009 at 7:59 pm rating: 2
#30
makelikeacouplet
I’m sorry, but does this vending machine also dispense fruit juice, or does Welch’s have a corner on the snack market that I’ve been unaware of?
Feb 10, 2009 at 11:01 pm rating: 0
#31
ian in hamburg
It’s so lazy it stays on ITS motheR’S couch FFS.
Feb 11, 2009 at 6:09 am rating: 1
#32
C
DO NOT BUY
THE LICORICE
IT TASTES
LIKE SHIT
Feb 11, 2009 at 7:54 am rating: 3
#33
john
maybe the licorice was simply ineffective, not lazy
Feb 11, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: 1
#34
Jess
the other day, my friend and i were walking by a vending machine at school and saw a twizzlers hanging by a corner.. i turned to her and said “should we go for it?” meaning should we buy a twizzlers so we’d get 2 for the price of 1. anyway, as soon as i said that, the pack fell on its own, and we split it for free. just thought i would share, it was perfect!
Feb 11, 2009 at 8:25 pm rating: 1
#35
chris
I happened to pass by a drinks’ vending machine once, where some 3-4 cans of coke and two bottles of water were stuck. People probably never looked down before they put money, to see the last bottle stuck. So I put some muscle power into it and managed to get the bottle out, together with the rest of the pack. Shared it among my friends, and the best part is – all for free.
Feb 22, 2009 at 4:34 pm rating: 0
#36 the candyman can’t
[...] at vanderbilt university. “there had been many previous notes asking (nicely) for more twizzlers,” lisa says, but as desperation set in, at least one distraught staff member decided to get [...]
Mar 13, 2009 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#37 Excuse me, I’m here to file a restraining order on behalf of my house plant | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] The licorice doesn’t work, it just sits around collecting unemployment. [...]
Jul 20, 2010 at 10:18 pm rating: 0
#38 Death by a Thousand Puns | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment. [...]
Jun 27, 2011 at 9:41 pm rating: 0
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