When a card just won’t do

February 22nd, 2009 · 80 comments

Juan in Brampton, Ontario wasn’t persuasive enough to convince his girlfriend, Kat, to skip work and go to her own surprise party. His friends were…not so happy.

Happy Birthday Fishie & Kat  P.S. Juan is an idiot

Meanwhile, Sam’s best friend baked this for her husband after he re-arranged the living room early in the morning without telling her, resulting in some seriously bruised shins. “What’s even meaner,” Sam says? “She can’t cook. The cake probably tastes, well…bitter.”

FUCK YOU

Still hungry for more? Sharrin in San Diego, Sam in Daytona Beach, and of course, Cakewrecks have documented plenty more examples of sugar-coated hostility floating around the interwebs.

Congrats on your teen pregnancy

Death is closer than ever

At least you're pretty

Nobody loves you

And then there’s my personal favorite (again, straight out of the michael scott playbook):

Sexual harassment cake

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.
extra credit: passive aggressive cakes [cakewrecks.blogspot.com]

FILED UNDER: birthday · cake · Canada · more aggressive than passive · Ontario · p.s.


80 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jessica

    For Teen Pregnancy cake: Gosh, how did you know my first craving would be cake?!

    And for the Death one: Well if my obesity is that much of a joke to you, this will definitely ease the pain because I’m not sharing!

    Feb 22, 2009 at 2:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Team pregnancy!

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      The result of a gang bang is a team pregnancy!

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:26 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   HairySwede

      I don’t suppose the Republican party baked the teen pregnancy cake for Bristol Palin…

      Feb 22, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Frustrated

      Canthz_B, sounds like you’re speaking from experience.

      Is this something you picked up whilst your mother regaled you with the tale of your conception?

      Feb 22, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Canthz_B bang

      Let’s try to stick to the note this time, ok?

      Feb 22, 2009 at 11:46 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   navin r johnson

    you know i have to say i come to this site expecting an ironic grin and headshake before clicking elsewhere but

    i fucking laughed out loud at this post

    THANK YOU GOODNIGHT

    Feb 22, 2009 at 2:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Strepsi

    This post made me lol.
    But Juan is ALSO an idiot for leaving out the most intriguing detail of the cake: who is this Fishie? Why is she sharing Kat’s birthday? Are they twins? If Kat is short for Katherine, what the hell is Fishie’s name short for? Please Juan, for the love of god tell us!
    P.P.S. If the cake wasn’t iced until after they knew she wouldn’t show, and they finished it anyway, isn’t that doubly passive-aggressive?

    Feb 22, 2009 at 2:23 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   mamason bang

      I don’t think that the P.S. has anything to do with the failed surprise party. I think Kat’s family and friends just wanted to voice their true feelings concerning Juan. Finally.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 7:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   tinkerbell2

      I guess Fishy could be short for Felicity?

      Feb 23, 2009 at 7:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Lorelie

      Nicknames aren’t always shortened versions of proper names. Sometimes they refer to . . . bodily odors, shall we say?

      Feb 23, 2009 at 9:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Bunnee

      Maybe Fishy is her cat.

      Feb 23, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Canthz_B bang

      I agree with Bunnee. It’s probably her pussy.

      What!?

      Feb 23, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   notthemarimba

    That last cake is terrifying. No surprise fisting?

    Feb 22, 2009 at 2:25 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   SuperMe

      surprise buttsecks!

      Feb 22, 2009 at 5:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Holiday Djinn

      Actually I think it is a cake prohibiting hand puppets.

      Feb 23, 2009 at 7:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   JessAnn

    http://twitpic.com/156ap <–will still be my favorite cake ever.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 2:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      mistaken link. :oops:

      Feb 22, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   JessAnn

      no. definitely a cake.

      Feb 25, 2009 at 8:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Canthz_B bang

      No, JessAnn. I mistakenly linked my comment at #6 as #5.1 and had to make a correction. :roll:

      Feb 25, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    I often offer young teen girls cake, but that’s as a prelude to getting them pregnant.
    It’s getting harder and harder to find one that falls for the lost puppy story.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 3:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Canthz_B bang

    When I get to work Monday I’m grabbing the first female ass I see.

    I can’t wait to be presented with my cake (and fruit)! :-P

    Feb 22, 2009 at 3:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TheOldSchool bang

      I thought the dangling phallus imagery in the top corner decorations was a nice touch, but I would preferred to see them in the bottom corners, aiming towards the heavens.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   secondsout bang

      I’m guessing you’ll be presented with a pink slip and a court summons. Fear not, though. wecan bake you a cake with a nail file in it. It will have the saying, “way to get yourself arrested, retard” written in frosting.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      I know where to file a summons…looks like the figure on the cake does too! :lol:

      Feb 22, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Taking a picture of your own “Nobody Loves You” cake on your lap pretty much confirms that you’re alone at the time, but at least the folks that don’t love you like you enough to send a cake!

    Feb 22, 2009 at 3:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   se

      unless you baked the cake yourself

      Feb 22, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Canthz_B bang

      Well, then it’s just a Pity Party…with a lovely (loveless?) cake!

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’ll bring the balloons… not.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   secondsout bang

      I’m with se on this one. This sounds like the sort of emo chick who drowns her sorrows in sweets. Why she went to the trouble of baking her own cake, writing an emo saying on it, then sending it all over the internet is beyond me. I bet she ate it all in one sitting.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 3:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   mamason bang

      Don’t judge me.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 6:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   aaa

      Okay, so I so misread “emo” as “emu”, so now I’m imagining little stripey emu babies scarfing down candy and cake and shit.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 7:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   mamason bang

      Do emus eat shit?

      Feb 22, 2009 at 7:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   aaa

      I dunno. They’re pretty stupid, so probably.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 7:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Jinx

    That “Death is closer than ever” sentiment is PERFECT for birthdays! It’s so true!

    LOL @ black chocolate chips on the “Fuck you” cake! Soo Goth!

    Feb 22, 2009 at 4:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Cam

    Cake wrecks has a ‘passive agressive cake’ on its front page, you have this. I love the crossover! Moar pls.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   jo

    Oh my! My two favorite blogs collide. I love it.
    Cake Wrecks is a daily laugh.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 8:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Two great tastes that taste great together….

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Canthz_B bang

      PANcakes?

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      With a smoke?

      Feb 22, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Jahzzie

      I heart cake wrecks. It combines so many of my loves.

      Feb 23, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    The chick on the sexual harassment cake was asking for it. What, with the sexy Olive Oyl hairdo and all, did she expect a man to do?

    Feb 22, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      He goosed her so hard she lifted right off the ground..

      Feb 22, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Why is there a bent turd squirting out of his trousers?

      Could his attraction to the one armed girl be explained psychologically by the fact that he, too, has only one good arm? (The other being, apparently, a withered tree branch.)

      Feb 22, 2009 at 2:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   secondsout bang

      To quote Beavis, “when Brutus went to Mount Olive, Popeye got really pissed.”

      Feb 22, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Beavis nicked that line from Butthead.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 5:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    So, if an idiot fucks you, you could end up pregnant, possibly you’ll die during child birth, but even though you’re pretty, nobody loves you because you filed a sexual harassment suit.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 10:35 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TheOldSchool bang

      “Oh no,” she said with an exasperated sigh, “it appears as if it’s going to be another one of THOSE days….”

      Feb 22, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   pilgrimchick

    I had never really considered the possibilities of telling someone just how you feel about them with confectionary.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Sure beats the heck out of Hallmark, doen’t it.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   secondsout bang

    I think dude had the “fuck you” cake coming. For one thing, he should know better than to rearrange furniture without consulting the woman. She’s bound to have an opinion that conflicts with yours, and you’ll just have to redo it anyway. Second, you intentionally rearranged the furniture without her out of spite. Finally, if you had waited until she was awake, she could have helped move the furniture. The cake probably has ex-lax in it.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 3:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   aaa

      Why can’t people take out their frustration on the Sims? You can move their furniture and fuck with them all you want, and they have no power over you if you decide to kill them by setting off fireworks indoors.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Strepsi

      But seriously — don;t you think that channelling your rage and fury into the laborious process of making a chocolate FUCK YOU cake the most passive-aggressive thing ever? I mean, unlike a Post-it, that takes serious commitment to passionate anger.

      Feb 25, 2009 at 1:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    The SH cake looks like he’s using a Taser. You can see she’s jumped about a foot off the ground.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   aaa

      A little known fact about females is that we hover above the ground any time we’re smacked in the ass (even if it is only a milimeter). It’s just part of having two X chromosomes.

      Feb 22, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Woman on the Verge bang

    I’m inspired… yet pissed off. I think I’ll get out my CakePANs right now.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   aaa

    I’m just disappointed that there hasn’t been a “Happy Birthday Fuckface!” cake yet. :/

    Feb 22, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Girl Friday

    Perfectly applicable:

    That cake was fucking delicious.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 6:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   mamason bang

    It could’ve been worse. There could’ve been a, “congratulations on your decision to have unprotected, premarital sex and then an abortion!” cake.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 7:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Nick

    hahahaha teen pregnancy is totally cake-worthy

    Feb 22, 2009 at 7:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    Mistletoe penii shouldn’t be used when attempting to discourage sexual harassment.

    Feb 22, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   kaytlun

    My question is what kind of idiot friends plan a party for when someone is supposed to be at work?

    Feb 22, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   you suck at craigslist

    I love the “At Least You’re Pretty” cake. My husband always tells me, “At least you’re cute,” whenever I do anything absent-minded (which is fairly regularly).

    I just showed him that cake and told him I want one for my birthday. (I got him a cake last year that said “Nom Nom Nom” on it.)

    Feb 22, 2009 at 11:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Meesh

      I made my husband a cake that read “Now do the fucking dishes. Love you!” Now THAT’S passive aggressive.

      Feb 25, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   juan from brampton

    fishie is the nickname for this girl fellaine.

    and the story is that she didn’t work for weeks and was complaining about being broke, so i casually told her about a get together involving karaoke and she went to work instead.

    the result is the cake.

    Feb 23, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   bobby

      Dude, that fucking sucks. You are definitely not the idiot here. I am always baffled when people want me to skip work, especially when broke. Team Juan.

      Feb 25, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Kat -- the one with the idiot bf

    Yes, that was quite a sad day for me…. having to work while people were celebrating MY birthday. (Well mine and fellaine — her bf was a bit better at getting her there)

    Here’s the story:
    I work at the hospital and I have an on-call position. I get called in to work and I can either refuse or take the shift. My BFs excuse to get me to my friend’s house for this party was to hang out and sing karaoke… we ALWAYS go to this guy’s house sooooo I figured it was just a normal day and I could bail. I took my shift and he had to explain it to our friends and they retaliated through this cake…

    Feb 23, 2009 at 12:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Bill

      Gotta say, had no love for Juan. Whoinhell schedules someone’s birthday party for when they’re working? Much less a surprise party? I’m sure he’s a great guy, but on the day in question, he was a dumbass supremo.

      Feb 23, 2009 at 7:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Dee

      I am really sorry that you are friends with people too stupid to understand the concept of “rescheduling” :(

      Feb 24, 2009 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   bobby

      What should he have done instead? I would not want to have been in his shoes. It’s hard to argue with “but I have to work.”

      Feb 25, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Agent Inspired

    Okay, seriously, these cakes are awesome. I scrolled down to the “Death is closer than ever” cake and nearly bust a gut.

    …I actually want that on my next birthday cake.

    Feb 23, 2009 at 6:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   yello.cape.cod

    I have both this blog and Cake Wrecks in my RSS reader. When I saw a cake in the message body I assumed I was reading a CW post and was so confused to find Jen quoting her own blog. It took me like 3 minutes to figure out. Duh!

    Feb 23, 2009 at 8:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   TPS

    4chan

    Feb 23, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Bernd das Brot

    At least somebody made a cake!

    Feb 24, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   sedat

    wow pretty cakes, nice messages, thanks for great pics

    Mar 2, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Snippy

    Parting pastries…

    [http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/03/parting-is-such-sweet-sorrow.html]

    … and frosted farewells, but no gooey goodbyes.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   but a mother’s love is the best gift of all…right?

    [...] related: when a card just won’t do [...]

    Jul 29, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   A few choice words from Mom | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Just as Rachel in Boston, who recently finished a three-semester master’s program a few months later than expected. “My mom was less than thrilled that my nine classmates finished on time while I struggled to edit my final paper,” Rachel says. “When I finally finished, we had a small graduation party, and she presented me with this gem of a cake.” [...]

    Jun 8, 2010 at 4:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Linkage Sunday «

    [...] When a Card just wont do from Passive Aggressive Notes. These are tooo funny! [...]

    Jan 16, 2011 at 6:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed