Daft Flush

#1 Vic

“update it”? Like download toilet roll 2.1.2??

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:17 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#1.1 john

yeah, i’m not totally clear on that one either

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:25 pm rating: 90
#1.2 Neeners

download what??? eeeew

Feb 27, 2009 at 8:13 pm rating: 90
#1.3 MAMARILLA2

Just remember not to get the software 2nd hand.

Feb 28, 2009 at 11:13 am rating: 90

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#2 warinthepocket

Does not compute.

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:38 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#2.1 Joshua

it’s my outlook on chicks

Feb 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm rating: 90

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#3 Girl Friday

I’m creeped out by the lone long thumb that needs to be washed.

Why was it singled out?

Where has it been?

Does it have anything to do with the pushing or the using that took place?

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:42 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#3.1 Joshua

You know where its been

Feb 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm rating: 90

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#4 nicole

Daft Punk references are always a good idea!

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:43 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#4.1 unfortunate names

apparently this toilet is not “automatic” on the other hand that is a good place for the “golden path”

Feb 27, 2009 at 6:50 pm rating: 90

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#5 GDad

It appears to be from the handheld game Bop It.

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:12 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#5.1 sonny bishop

my Bop It always gets stuck on Pull it.
Pull it
pull it
pull it
pull it
oh
pull it
pull it

Mar 3, 2009 at 7:46 am rating: 90

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#6 Jall-apeno

Clearly the person that left this note had a bad experience in that room earlier in the day. It’s Paris, so let’s call him Jacques…

Jacques has just finished his 3rd cafe Americano and 2nd silly French cigarette and feels a certain rumbling in his innards. He’s got a meeting with Alphonse and Madeleine in 10 minutes so off he goes to the WC.

When he arrives, much to his disdain he sees a large coiled deposit left behind by an uncaring co-worker. “Merde,” he yelps! (Quite so, dear Jacques). This leads to the first note about pushing the flush knob, which he proceeds to do. Unfortunately, the deposit has time to dry against the dry part of the bowl leaving unsightly “morceaux de chocolat” which leads to the 2nd and 3rd note about the scrub brush and cleanliness.

Sacre-bleu! He must go! So he sits, ever so aware of the detritus in the bowl literally inches away from his pale ass, and releases. Sadly, there is nothing too firm here, no clean break to joyously celebrate. No, this will require heavy cleaning with untold linear feet of paper. “Putain de Merde!!” he screams as he realizes that the dispenser is empty. This leads to the 4th note about updating the dispenser. (Silly Jacques! Updating the dispenser will give him a newer, perhaps more contemporary look, but won’t solve the paper issue).

T-minus 2 minutes to his meeting and he knows what he must do. Firmly elevating the thumb on his left hand, he slowly reaches around, scrapes up the shitty residue surrounding his sphincter and drives it a good 2 inches back into his rectum. C’est ca, Jaques! We don’t want anything poking out to soil your undies!

This final act is what leads Jacques to include his hand with fully extended thumb in the picture. You see, Jacques’ note is less about telling his co-workers about toilet etiquette and more a photo narrative of his morning experience.

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#6.1 Neeners

We need a part 2. I’m dying to know what happens to Jacques later.

Feb 28, 2009 at 12:36 pm rating: 90
#6.2 matt

Part 2: We find jacques again several days later in a busy emergency department. Several days of sphincter driving and washing without soap have given this poor man an horrible infection.

The diagnosis is made: jacques has turned septic and requires an amputation of his thumb and several weeks of antibiotic treatment. Jacques however is stubborn. He refuses treatment and drives himself back to work.

Hours later, jacques enters endstage multi-organ failure and is pronounced dead by his mother.

Mar 1, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 90
#6.3 tinkerbell2

anyone else think Jall-apeno is TheOldSchool under a pseudonym?

Mar 2, 2009 at 7:31 am rating: 90

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#7 JoelWhy

Whip it.

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:34 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#7.1 zombieBlanco

now push it
push it good
wash it up
then update
use the brush
clean the head
try to brush it
it’s not too late
to push it
push it good

Feb 27, 2009 at 9:42 pm rating: 90

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#8 TP

Where has that thumb been that it needs to be washed, anyhow?

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:35 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#8.1 JoelWhy

This message board;)

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:52 pm rating: 90

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#9 se

Damn, never would have thought that I’d miss Facebook Friday.

Feb 27, 2009 at 7:58 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#10 Canthz_B bang

From the time of the note forward, I’d use the brush holder rather than the toilet as per instructions.

Feb 27, 2009 at 8:02 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#11 Neeners

I am glad that there are people who care enough to give proper instruction on what to do in le crapper. I was thinking of visiting there one day, the only thing holding me back is not knowing the proper bathroom protocol in France. Now that I am aware of the appropriate decorum …..Eiffel Tower here I come.

Feb 27, 2009 at 8:12 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#12 Ti O

Vous pensez que les Français sont snobs avec le nez en l’air, mais non! Il s’agit de l’odeur de nos pantalons que l’on trouve choquant.

Feb 27, 2009 at 8:35 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#12.1 matt

Je pense que c’est parce que les français ont été assez stupide pour utiliser leur nez plutôt que de leur doigt

Feb 27, 2009 at 9:56 pm rating: 90

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#13 You Suck at Craigslist

They forgot “Wipe it”.

Feb 27, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#13.1 Jessica

They don’t show a picture of an ass, though.

Feb 27, 2009 at 9:00 pm rating: 90
#13.2 matt

It is France after all. Maybe they haven’t discovered it yet. Or maybe they are just too posh to admit things like assholes and vaginas exist.

Feb 27, 2009 at 9:58 pm rating: 90
#13.3 MAMARILLA2

Do they not have a bidet? Is the Bidet as filthy as one assumes the rest of the facilities are?

Feb 28, 2009 at 11:37 am rating: 90
#13.4 Neeners

We’re talking France here there are lots of asses there.

Feb 28, 2009 at 12:33 pm rating: 90
#13.5 mamason

Don’t you mean derrieres?

Mar 1, 2009 at 1:33 pm rating: 90
#13.6 Canthz_B

Speaking Frankly?

Mar 1, 2009 at 1:43 pm rating: 90

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#14 darren

That’s pretty funny. I found this blog the other day. http://www.youcanneverbehappy.com

Feb 27, 2009 at 9:49 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#15 Bernd das Brot

Yes, but how to use the bidet right next to the WC?

Feb 27, 2009 at 10:06 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#16 Elaine

Loved it.

Feb 27, 2009 at 10:20 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#17 QuarterRoy00 bang

This sign is obviously for male robots as there is no “Lower It” on the seat…

Feb 28, 2009 at 12:56 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#18 TheOldSchool

Wenn dieses ein allgemeiner pissenpooper in Paris ist, warum sind die Zeichen auf englisch? Passive konkurrenzfähige Anmerkungen scheint, viele diese geheimnisvoll unlogischen Zeichen zu kennzeichnen.

Feb 28, 2009 at 1:02 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#18.1 Bernd das Brot

If this is a general scheisshaus in Paris, why are the signs in English? Passive observations seem competitive, many of these mysterious illogical symbol.

Feb 28, 2009 at 10:42 am rating: 90

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#19 oh really

You’d think someone so thorough would have thought to number the steps there. I mean, if someone follows that PAN left to right, you don’t want to be shaking their hand later in the day.

Feb 28, 2009 at 4:59 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#19.1 TheOldSchool

In Paris, janitorial personnel prefer to read their English toilette cleaning instructions right to left.

Est-ce qu’ils un groupe particulier, ne sont pas eux sont-ils ?

Feb 28, 2009 at 7:28 pm rating: 90

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#20 krys

I’m just really disappointed that “update it” didn’t read “fill it”. Would’ve worked so much better with the song. As well as making more sense, of course, but that’s hardly important.

Feb 28, 2009 at 6:37 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#21 nor

could be referring to the song ‘technologic’, in which case update it would make sense.

Feb 28, 2009 at 11:02 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#21.1 claw71

I was more concerned with “push it”. Although it was a wonderful song by Salt ‘n Pepa, the last thing you want to do in the restroom is “push”. Granted, a lot of people do but I find that forcing turds out with a lot of abdominal pressure results in breakage which causes you to spend a lot of time either excavating fecal residue, fashioning an anal tampon, or you simply resign yourself to anal leakage throughout the rest of the day.

I suppose if you’re wearing highly absorbent cotton underpants a few skid marks won’t hurt anything but I prefer to go commando and I don’t have a layer to spare.

Feb 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm rating: 90

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#22 claw71 bang

By the time I finished reviewing this checklist I had already shit my pants. Since this event was not properly addressed with a chart I left the feces-encrusted pants in the hall and fashioned a loin cloth out of toilet paper. I hope this is OK with everybody.

Feb 28, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#23 mamason bang

Yeah, but can we flush it?

Feb 28, 2009 at 5:43 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#24 Joe bang

Nevermind, didn’t read all of the posts. I suck. Nothing new to add here.

Feb 28, 2009 at 8:58 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#24.1 mamason

I think ((Joe)) needs a hug.

Feb 28, 2009 at 9:10 pm rating: 90
#24.2 TheOldSchool

Thanks for your candor, Joe. It’s refreshing.

Maybe all of us should take a moment to reflect upon Joe’s humble, heartfelt message.

And I’m not referring to just the part where Joe confesses a wanton and insatiable predilection towards providing oral gratification to random men, anywhere, anytime, at any place. Strangers, just passing through town, seem to float a lot of boats these days, but most fellows , unlike Joe, draw the line at unbathed hoboes.

Now whenever I hear the lonesome whistle of some faraway train, I’ll lean back in my sinfully comfortable chair and think of the truth that Joe proclaimed on 28, February 2009 at 9:10 pm, eastern.

I’ll know that sound I hear isn’t just a whistle.

It’s a message.

One that reads: “Another hobo has just got his wings.”

If the world had more guys like Joe, I’m pretty sure there would be fewer wars.

More hobos, maybe….. but still….they’d be less anxious than they are now. Folks who live in homes next to railroad tracks would certainly notice that the tramps leaning out the doorways of passing boxcars were fresh-faced and youthful appearing. Even from a kitchen window, one would instantly realize that something* had profoundly improved the lives of our transient freight rail-riding community. You could see it in the mens’ faces — even those with ample amounts of whisker stubble.

Happy, they now resembled smiling scamps more than scowling tramps. Though there were still those whose toothy smiles appeared to be overly exuberant in the manner of a psycho clown and/or a republican dentist.

Mamason, I’ll tip my party hat to you, as well, for your delicate employment of euphemistic camouflage in your diagnosis of Joe’s physical state.

Well, I could use a hug (wink) right about now, too.

Thanks again for your sharing your profound wisdom, Joe. By the way, I don’t consider you a “regular Joe” at all. To me, you are and always will be an “irregular Joe.”

* Medical professionals refer to it as a “post blow glow.”

Mar 1, 2009 at 4:06 am rating: 90

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#25 Lucy

AAHAHA hilarious! you can use the Technologic lyrics in plenty of situations.

@Bernd das Brot – the song is in English, though.

Mar 1, 2009 at 3:05 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#25.1 Bernd das Brot

Lucy, I promise not to sing songs in English anymore.

Mar 2, 2009 at 4:59 pm rating: 90

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#26 Canthz_B bang

I need to travel more. I had no idea that the French washed their hands in the toilet.
Where’s the sink?

Mar 1, 2009 at 9:39 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#26.1 matt

I think your meant to use that french squirty thing inside the bowl that sprays the excess fudge off your sphincter when your finished. too bad about the soap though..

Mar 1, 2009 at 10:20 am rating: 90