Entries from February 2009

A trivial mistake

February 11th, 2009 · 46 Comments

Cate and her brother play trivia at a bar in Seattle once or twice a month, and Cate’s brother usually invites Shelby, a friend from college. Last week, he “forgot” to invite her, but — AWKWARD! — she was at the bar that night anyway.

“Shelby wrote this little gem on a napkin and had someone deliver it to our table,” Cate says. “I’m leaving it up to my brother to decide if this earns her an invite to our next game.”

Sam - I know you are here & didn't invite me. Jerk. -Shelby

related: desperately seeking closure

Tags: "forgot" · frenemies · Oops? · Seattle

Venting machine

February 10th, 2009 · 92 Comments

If you’ve ever bought Twizzlers from a vending machine, you probably know that there’s a good one-in-three chance that one tiny corner of the plastic packaging is gonna get stuck — and bang on the glass all you want — only yielding after an extra 75 cents is inserted. Some folks, however, aren’t willing to condone that kind of stubbornness in their packaged sweets.

DO NOT BUY THE LICORICE IT DOES NOT WORK. The licorice doesn't work? No, it doesn't. It just lays around on it's mothers couch all day watching Judge Judy and collecting unemployment. (smart ass!)

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: Canada · CAPS LOCK · office · rebuttals · smartass · stealing · Toronto · vending machine drama

Suck on this!

February 9th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Passed along by the unfortunate hacker in question from Littleton, Colorado…

what is up with the coughing? take some drugs to take care of that, or blow your nose, or suck on a lozenge...whatever you got to do. the sound might be annoying to you, but keep in mind there are many other people in the office who have to hear that constantly.

related: Stay home!!!

Tags: Colorado · e-mail · heartwarming compassion · illness · noise · office · oh no you didn't

Mothers, lock up your crackers

February 8th, 2009 · 89 Comments

Writes Michael in St. Louis: “I’ve tried my best to figure out the logic behind writing this note and then putting the salami back in the fridge, rather than simply throwing it away…” but so far, no luck. In any case, he says, “I’m glad that it’s been saved it for posterity.”

BAD SALAMI

related: Did you ever consider the possibility that…oh, never mind.

Tags: food · office fridge · St. Louis

Untitled (broken glass)

February 6th, 2009 · 99 Comments

When you live with six art students (like Kate in London),  you might find that life imitates art more often than you’d like.

-THIS IS ART- A NARRATIVE PIECE CALLED: FUCK YOU I'M FED UP. CLEAN YOUR SHIT UP.

related: Oxford drama

Tags: art · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · college life · London · most popular notes of 2009 · roommates

The classic all-staff e-mail

February 5th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Shirley in Canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (Or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)

To Whomever helped themselves to my Jarhead poster that hung in my cubicle. there are many other pictures you forgot to steal as well, along with things in drawers and foodstuffs you could have claimed as your own. I guess I'll just leave these out for you when the feeling strikes again that you'd like to pillage my cubicle for your own gain.

Meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 employees in Australia — “more than half of whom don’t even work in the same postcode.”

I'd like to thank who ever left the car magazine on my desk for me to read. That was really lovely. Thank you.

related: fight or flight

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · Canada · e-mail · guilt trip · office · stealing · thanks (but not really)

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

February 4th, 2009 · 132 Comments

After 55 years, the North Shore Music Theatre in Beverly, Mass. is closing its doors, Terrance writes, “and I wanted to preserve the rich history of notes and art that have accumulated over the years.”

First up: this artistic series from the intern lounge. (Sidenote: intern lounge?!)

Somebody pooped in the intern bathroom. And I had to dig it out with this!

Going' to poop in the LOBBY bathroom like the cool kids do.

I'll give you these flowers...if you stop pooping in this potty.

related: I’ll tell you what’s classy, though

Tags: art · Massachusetts · odor · shit · toilet

Expect to see this ad airing in primetime very soon

February 3rd, 2009 · 106 Comments

Marina found this flyer on her car’s windshield in Venice Beach, California. With a sales pitch as compelling as this one, it’s really only a matter of time before this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! pops up alongside TV offers like Cash4gold and the (ever-popular) Pedegg.

If I can work from my home part time and make over $400 per week so can you I'll prove it! If you don't call, enjoy what you're presently doing. You'll probably be doing it FOREVER!!

Adds Marina: “I haven’t tried calling the number…yet.” WHAT IS SHE WAITING FOR?!?!

related: Spinal manipulation

Tags: bad sales pitch · California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!!