Writes Desiree: “This is a note at the express (stamps-only counter) at a very busy post office in Washington, D.C.. They are apparently!! very!! uptight!! like everyone else in D.C. (myself included)!!”

Meanwhile!! in Florida…

And! in Los Angeles!

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Quelle horreur!  “A good week after using my roommate’s microplane to grate parmesan, this note showed up on the fridge whiteboard,” writes Tori in (where else?) San Francisco. “Apparently microplanes are for ZESTING ONLY!”

(unless, of course, it’s a microplane zester/grater.)

related: notes white people leave

Writes our anonymous submitter in Hartford, Connecticut: “We’re not much for posting notes in our restroom at work., so the situation must have been pretty dire for someone to go to the trouble to craft this one.”

I appreciate the initial sentiment here — I really do. this website has already condemned the cutesy rhyme that begins with “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” to a watery grave. so, for a brief flash in time, the note-writer had me. But then…the irregular Capitalizations, the excessive exclamation points!! and (seriously?) the pink flowery clip art…I’d say those make for some serious deductions in both the “technical merit” and “artistic impression” categories.

Judges — what say you of the final tally?

related: the rhyme that must be flushed

Rachel in Victoria, B.C. found this somewhat puzzling bit of anthropomorphism (stairs have feelings? really?) posted in the elevator of her building. “My favourite part is ‘your bum will love it,’” Rachel says. “No better way to guilt trip people into ‘saving energy’ than by insinuating that they’re fat!”

related: Hey, fatty

The village of Irvington, New York, Aaron explains, is a quiet suburb of the Big Apple in Westchester County. “iI’s got one main drag, conveniently named Main Street, where all the major businesses are located,” he says. One day, ” a public services vehicle pulled up too far on the sidewalk for the local Italian deli owner to put up his lunchtime sandwich board.” The result? well, the daily specials had to go somewhere.

related: How Berkeley

Victoria in Foster city, California, says her brother taped this note to one of the kitchen cabinets in their mother’s house after her boyfriend took his own frozen chicken out of little brother’s grasp the night before. (Just to clarify that mess of pronouns: it was Victoria’s boyfriend’s chicken. Not that it really matters.)

“He’s 17 and constantly PMS-ing and thinks he has reign of the house,” Victoria says of her brother. So, in response, Victoria did whatever any older sibling does when a parent tells you to suck it up and act your age. (Namely: exactly the opposite.)

related: no girls allowed

My Grandma Cookie is 85 today! Won’t you join me in wishing her love, joy and a good day?

And please, she’s got early bird reservations at the hibachi restaurant at 6 p.m. (Florida time, natch), so step on it, won’tcha?

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

extra credit: The Blue Mountain Arts e-card from Grandma Cookie that my brother Danny “forgot” to pick up

Our submitter, Glenn, says this all-staff e-mail “just kinda sucked the life out of us” around his office. “It was like a Mom saying ‘Guess what, kids?” in a really excited voice, and then saying ‘You’re going to the dentist!!!‘”

But the best part of this note — besides the pitch-perfect forced jollity — is the fact that at the time this message was sent, only one person in the office (Glenn) happened to have long sideburns and a “fun” faux hawk. So, gosh darn it, life is still good!

related: the classic all-staff e-mail