you could start with a basic visual aid…
or perhaps appeal to their sense of patriotism…
…or go with a not-so-veiled threat.
of course, you could just let your ass do the talking.
but remember to cite your sources.
(thanks to ryan in west palm beach, heather in delaware, julie in marysville, brian in british columbia and bluepaintred in canada for their advice on this matter.)
related: four approaches to ice cube maintenance
133 responses so far ↓
#1
Vic
I’m not *totally* convinced that a kiss from Jen’s bum is going to convince Brian to mend his ways.
But the typeface on #2 is nice. PAnotes don’t *have* to be Comic Sans.
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:16 pm rating: +15
#2
amy d
Doesn’t #5 know that men don’t read instructions?
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:29 pm rating: +1
#3
JoelWhy
Can I wipe with that? I DID wipe with that! How else do you think I got it to stick to the wall?
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:35 pm rating: +21
#4
J
“they are behind you” – man, p.a. note-writer#1 sure is cheeky, huh?
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:36 pm rating: +4
#5
Wade
Looks like note #4 reveals the name of wife #1.
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:46 pm rating: +9
#6
Neeners
If you think about it logically, in the time it took to write and post all these messages, the toilet paper could have been changed several times over.
If you think you are teaching the wayward tp offender a lesson – you will be writing notes forever. I know this from experience.
So just waddle on over to the cupboard grab the last roll trying not to trip with your pants around your ankles and change it yourself.
Like they say – if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:49 pm rating: +9
#7
Neeners
Random trivia to the sticky note author:
I have tried to wipe with only two squares and I’m proud to say it is possible in certain circumstances if there is not massive glue stuck to it.
Mar 3, 2009 at 7:54 pm rating: +4
#8
YogaforCynics
I’ve been getting really irritated lately when I go into the bathroom and find somebody hasn’t changed the toilet paper roll.
The trouble is, I live alone….
Mar 3, 2009 at 8:09 pm rating: +41
#9
Monkeyspeaks
“If you don’t replace the toilet paper, terrorists win.”
That makes sense. No one uses TP, their butts get itchy, and then the terrorists swoop in and attack while we’re all knuckle deep in itchy bums.
Terrorists may not win, but Mudd-butt certainly will.
Mar 3, 2009 at 8:20 pm rating: +7
#10
Wade
There is only one thing more passive-aggressive than leaving an note complaining about an empty toilet paper roll…
Leaving an empty toilet paper roll.
Mar 3, 2009 at 8:20 pm rating: +25
#11
Desuko.
I tried googling “clear easy to understand directions on how to change the fucking toilet paper” and the first result was Amanda Palmer’s blog (http://blog.amandapalmer.net/).
The second was this: http://asknicola.blogspot.com/2009/01/dont-be-fucking-cheap-rant.html
While entertaining, neither of these sites have resulted in a new roll of toilet paper. Try again, note writer!
Mar 3, 2009 at 8:37 pm rating: +4
#12
Mishee
Empty toilet paper rolls don’t bother me half as much as leaving the lid up which results in fecal mist going everywhere!!
Mar 3, 2009 at 8:44 pm rating: +16
#13
Wolverine Girl
Note 3 is making me cringe. I’d be tempted to write a PA response, for example: If You Want The Toilet Paper Replaced You Better Start Using Proper Grammar And Stop Capitalizing Every Fricking Word
At least it’s ragged right, roman, and most probably Georgia.
Mar 3, 2009 at 9:06 pm rating: +4
#14
VB
I’m totally confused.. so they could go and fetch stickies and pens but that same trip could have been used to, oh, replace the roll themselves.
Or are they bringing in and storing stationary in the bathroom? I barely have room for the towels.. now I have to an office supply drawer as well?
Mar 3, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: +2
#15
Geek Goddess
I am surprised that there are no complaints about which way the paper comes off the roll once it is replaced.
Mar 3, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: +5
#16
Mishee
I don’t get Note#3.
So they eat toilet paper in that house?
Well, I guess its good roughage…
Mar 3, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: +4
#17
amoi
What irony! I was in a friend’s bathroom today and there was no t.p. No facial tissues. No paper towels. Nada. And it was the basement bathroom and the friend was upstairs at the complete opposite end of the house. So I just sat there for awhile, pondering my total lack of options. Thanks for reminding me with this series of pans… I need to go change my underwear.
Mar 3, 2009 at 10:00 pm rating: +3
#18
Canthz_B
If You Keep
Eating Better
You Want To Replace
The Toilet Paper
Mar 3, 2009 at 10:25 pm rating: +2
#19
shmunk
who are these people that keep bringing markers and post its with them into the bathroom?
Mar 3, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: +1
#20
QuarterRoy00
If You Want To Keep Your Job
You Better Stop Capitalizing Every Single Word
Mar 3, 2009 at 10:48 pm rating: +1
#21
Tug
GO Bluepaintred – you’re awesome!
Mar 3, 2009 at 11:48 pm rating: +1
#22
Kat
Those are really great!
Mar 3, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 0
#23
mamason
Dude, you’re in the bathroom. It’s time to unclench.
Mar 4, 2009 at 12:21 am rating: 0
#24
Tracy
I’m equally concerned about the people who take cameras into the bathroom. Fecal mist clogs up the lens, people.
Mar 4, 2009 at 2:42 am rating: +5
#25
ian in hamburg
Here I sit in misty vapor
Took a shit and there’s no paper
Boss is coming, must not linger
Look out asshole, here comes finger.
Mar 4, 2009 at 2:51 am rating: +9
#26
Griffen P.
lOLZ! That toilet paper was fucking delicious!!!
LOLz!
Mar 4, 2009 at 4:17 am rating: +1
#27
Holiday Djinn
The whole toilet paper replacement issue is basically the same as leaving the toilet seat down. It is just another issue women use to control men.
I do however comply with those requests. I abs0lutely hate having mud all over the course when I intend to play the back nine.
Mar 4, 2009 at 7:21 am rating: +5
#28
JT
Doesn’t anybody understand that when you leave a little bit of toilet paper on the roll (picture #1), you do it so you don’t have to change it? Or is that just in my house?
Mar 4, 2009 at 8:26 am rating: +7
#29
claw71
After 8 weeks of basic training, 10 weeks of AIT and three months of Ranger School I learned to wipe with things that would make your butthole pucker. I would have killed for a cardboard tube to wipe with in Panama, but we didn’t have them. We had spiny hedgehogs. Have you ever wiped with a spiny hedgehog? You learn quick to go with the grain, let me tell you.
Mar 4, 2009 at 9:32 am rating: +9
#30
claw71
I can’t help but channel a little Pink Floyd:
Hello, is there anybody out there
Just shout if you can hear me
Are you out there in the hall?
Come on now.
I think you can help me out
will you hand me a roll
so I can get off the bowl
Relax
I sprayed around a can of Oust
I have restroom tact
so there’s no need to pout
There is no paper for my feces
the sticky shit is down there drying
you don’t need to come in, just reach OK?
I need a fresh roll And I’m not playing
When I was a child I had a bad rash
I didn’t wipe well after a poop
Now I got the feeling once again
I can’t explain you would not understand
this is not how I am
My ass will becomeUncomfortably numb.
Mar 4, 2009 at 9:46 am rating: +10
#31
claw71
Being a guy I have stood accused of not replacing the toilet paper after depleting the effective supply of the previous roll and like most guys I categorically denied the accusation. I even went so far as to insinuate that my wife was the culprit, a futile tactic indeed.
But I’m a clever guy. I also enjoy being right. So I stashed a roll of toilet paper under the sink. I tucked it up behind the plumbing where no woman dares to look for fear of making eye contact with a spider. For a week I used my own secret roll of toilet paper, careful returning it to its hiding place after each use. Not once did I dare use what was on the roll.
Sure enough, by the end of the week the roll on the wall was still viable so I replaced my roll and extended the experiment. Midway through the second week, about 12 days after I started the process, the roll on the wall that only my wife had been using ran out. I noticed that she hadn’t replaced the roll, leaving a tattered square clinging desperately to the cardboard tube on the spindle. Later that evening my wife emerged from the bathroom, pelting me in the head with the empty roll. “What the fuck,” she yelled, “is the matter with you?”
I calmly picked up the empty roll and led her back to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet under the sink and reached up behind the plumbing, extracting my secret roll. I explained the nature of my experiment and informed her that she was the victim of her own laziness. I mentioned that I saw the empty roll in the bathroom earlier that day while I took care of my closing paperwork with my own roll.
The issue was closed. I admitted that there might have been times that I left an inadequate amount of toilet paper behind but, seeing as how I tend to require an inordinate volume of toilet paper to handle my bigger jobs, I often found myself hopping out to the hall closet, midway through the project, to reload. It was I, Mr. Man, who fell victim to the empty roll. She was guilty. My experiment proved it. “Furthermore”, I intejected –sniffing the air still ripe with the scent of her recent endeavor, “you don’t exactly shit perfume balls either, try lighting a fucking match.”
Confronted with this irrefutable evidence and the harrowing revelation that she was a bitch, my wife immediately called an attorney and filed for divorce. She has the house. My car and gets 1/3 of my take home pay, but, god damn it, I was right and it was so worth it.
Mar 4, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: +26
#32
aaa
eHow has a guide for changing the TP roll. It even has photos. Bitchin.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4475398_change-roll-toilet-paper.html
Mar 4, 2009 at 1:50 pm rating: 0
#33
thirty six red
Cheryl Crow says she only uses one piece ( if you can believe that) It is her little way of making the world a better place. Isn’t that nice?
Mar 4, 2009 at 2:51 pm rating: +1
#34
T.U.M.
Paper’s a fine invention
For those who have to pee
But cardboard is sufficient
In an emergency
-Emily Drippinson
Mar 4, 2009 at 2:56 pm rating: +4
#35
anglophile
I have used
the tp
that was on
the holder
and which
you were probably
hoping
to wipe with
Forgive me
it was Cottonelle
so soft
and so white
– WC Williams
Mar 4, 2009 at 5:25 pm rating: +4
#36
summer
We always called is “swamp ass”, mudd butt is too polite a term for such an uncomfortable condition.
Mar 4, 2009 at 5:25 pm rating: +1
#37
dingleb
“Fecal Mist” – wasn’t that one of those cheezy 70’s Carpenters songs that became elevator Muzak over time?
And wasn’t Cavorting with Arachnids the Beatles original name, until they shortened it?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Mar 4, 2009 at 6:28 pm rating: +1
#38
Canthz_B
♫ Stranded.
Stranded on the toilet bowl.
What do you do when you’re stranded,
And you don’t have a roll?
To prove you’re a man,
You must wipe it with your hand!
Stranded, on the toilet bowl.♫
Mar 4, 2009 at 8:22 pm rating: +3
#39
BrownEye
The fecal mist thing is not real. Just another way to sell products that protect your tooth brush, and sanitize your bathroom.
I opt for the outhouse with a 20 foot hole underneath. Nothing cleaner and more satisfying than hearing that *plop* when it hits the bottom.
Mar 5, 2009 at 12:22 pm rating: +2
#40
thirty six red
Who wipes?
Mar 5, 2009 at 4:37 pm rating: +1
#41
slythwolf
Please, please tell me the second one is from the studio of The Colbert Report.
Mar 6, 2009 at 4:06 am rating: +1
#42
LawGeek
Two and Four FTW. These are hilarious. Who cares if they took more time than changing the roll? Clearly the aim here was more than just functional.
Plus, if you make it memorable, the note recipient will make a habit of changing the roll. So not only has time not been wasted (humor is always worthwhile) but the aggregate time saved is probably, overall, to the note writers benefit.
Mar 6, 2009 at 11:52 am rating: +1
#43
Jall-apeno
“If you want to keep eating, you better replace the toilet paper”
Translation: Replacing toilet paper is a huge responsibility. If you are not able to execute this task I will remove your ability to generate the raw material for which toilet paper was created in the first place.
Mar 6, 2009 at 7:10 pm rating: 0
#44
trite
Each of the submitters needs this T Shirt
http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=SMBC-DOESNT&Category_Code=SMBC-SHIRTS
Mar 9, 2009 at 3:11 pm rating: +1
#45
Maeve
Maybe I should try some of these methods with my brother…
as for the people that wrote on the toilet paper rolls themselves I can’t help but notice the stunning hypocrisy
Mar 26, 2009 at 3:40 pm rating: 0
#46 pixelfreund.ch » Archiv » Ordnung muss sein - Ein Flickr Phänomen
[...] Toilettenpapier nachfüllen: Quelle [...]
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:02 am rating: 0
#47 comrades, take notice!
[...] related: five approaches to TP maintenance [...]
Aug 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm rating: 0
#48 is this a thing now?
[...] “replace the roll“? fair enough. any special requests after that, though, i’m not so sure about. as our submitter in lexington, kentucky writes: “does that extra .34-second step really cause your day to go so horribly?” [...]
Sep 3, 2009 at 10:53 pm rating: 0
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