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I’m calling your bluff on this one, Mom

March 4th, 2009 · 78 comments

Amy spotted this attached to a mailbox in Monroe, North Carolina. Writes amy:  “I have no idea which flower it was (there were many that were still left on the porch), but I was impressed by the effort the victim took with this note — it was written on poster board and left up for quite a few days.”

To the person who STOLE my flower...It was a birthday gift from my little girl, paid for with her own money. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did... (I would have it it to you if you had asked.) :(

(And the posterboard…was a birthday gift…purchased with her own money!!!)

related: “no” questions asked

FILED UNDER: birthday · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · sad face · stealing

78 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    I hope it was a silk flower, otherwise maybe it just crawled off to die.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #2   nikohl

    That last part really hammers home the guilt, huh.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   claw71 bang

      Not if you had assumed this in the first place.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 8:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Neeners

      This is a mom who is truly taking her job seriously.

      Give her a break everyone, it’s hard enough giving your own family major guilt trips let alone posting one for the whole world to participate in.

      She has mastered a new domain in blame, shame, and remorse and allowed us all to participate. Now we too can share our shock and disgust of this wayward flower thief’s dubious actions.

      By the way, it was my dog who stole the flower while he was doing his nightly business on your porch. So sorry, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.

      Mar 8, 2009 at 2:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   Woman on the Verge

    Okay, so this flower was so important to you that you erect a monument in its honor… But you claim that if the thief had asked, you would have given the flower up. Isn’t that a little passive-aggressive towards your little girl?

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:27 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lorelie

      It was one of those supermarket bouquets. If her little girl had *really* loved her, it would have been from a flower shop.

      Mar 4, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   KatieMB

      I always give my most special gifts away to people who were going to steal them, don’t you?

      Mar 5, 2009 at 6:03 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Holiday Djinn

      I’ve asked for a lot of things, and never been given them. I found out years ago it is much easier to just steal them and be done with it. :D

      Mar 5, 2009 at 7:34 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Ti O bang

      Little kids are so P-A they are always handing you flowers for no reason and saying mean shit like, ” I love you ” out of the blue. Well I don’t stand for it I spit on their flowers and run away saying I am going to burn down Disneyland!

      Mar 5, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    “y”s…to curl the tail, or not to curl the tail?…that is the question.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #5   Quite Contrary

    Please note that her “little girl” is 46 years old and lives 500 miles away (for a reason). Never mind. That’s about me and my mother.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

  • #6   Mishee

    Good thing this wasn’t my mother… she wouldn’t have left a note, but instead set up a hidden camera, left something out there as bait, caught the culprit, slapped them around a little, and then cussed them out and gave them the finger…


    I love my mom.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Not my mom. She would have blamed me for leaving it somewhere where it could be stolen. It’s always my fault. Ah, the PA lessons of youth.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 7:11 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Holiday Djinn

      Mishee, you will have to be more specific than that. You mother “fingers” a lot of people. So I am told. :D

      Mar 5, 2009 at 8:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Mishee bang

      HD – are you trying to hint that you want a date with my mama?

      Mar 5, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   mamason bang

      Mishee, stop pimpin’ out your mom! :lol:

      Mar 5, 2009 at 12:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Holiday Djinn

      Not at all Mishee. I’m just saying that from what I read on the bathroom walls she loves to go knuckle deep on random people.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 1:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   RunBarbara bang

      this would never happen with your mom, mish. the only gift you give her is the one that keeps on giving*


      Mar 5, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #7   Squirrel Nutkin

    My cat immediately knows when I bring flowers or plants into the house. No matter how strategically out of reach I place them, she finds a way to snatch a stem or two, then gnaws on them in her kitty hideout. It could be that this person jumped to a very hasty (and sadly cynical) conclusion.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 8:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   Lorelie

    200 PA points lost for use of a frowny face at the end rather than smiley.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:01 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Thanks!

      I so love the frowny face, it really makes me feel sad that her flower was stolen.

      Mar 4, 2009 at 10:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   aaa

      -500 PA points for lack of rainbow text, font changes, spelling/grammatical errors, clipart, or references to Jesus/your mother

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      750 points for saying “stole” not “stoled”!

      Still an awful lot of effort over a flower though.
      Someone needs to work on the kid’s creative thinking skills.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   lightspeed

    “To the person who stole my flower”…

    I’m not sure I’d write about losing your virginity so publicly on poster board. So weird for a little girl to pay for that too.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   shmunk

      thank god someone else acknowledged that double entendre

      Mar 5, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Hod

      How does one steal the flower of someone who has already borne a child?

      Oh my Lord, they raped the Blessed Virgin.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 3:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #10   BILL

    Some sorry, sorry people out there…. stealing flowers. What, the blind guy had an attack dog?

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #11   secondsout bang

    This is a conflicted mom. First she leaves this whiny message about how someone stole the flower her daughter gave her. Then in the same message she says she would have given the flower away. Shows how much you care about the flower, eh, mom?

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:50 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   aaa

      Well, the flowerless mom really hates her daughter’s gift, but she puts up the sign to make her daughter think that she gives a shit. But the daughter’s at a young enough age that she doesn’t pick up on subtext of any sort, so she doesn’t get that her mom is really just looking to get rid of her suck-ass gift of flowers. Y’know, I think that this sort of sneaky PA-ness is probably the most PA of PA-dom.

      Mar 4, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #12   Elaine

    The gift was so important that she would have given it if the flower thief had asked! Poor little girl.

    Nice to see a variation on the smiley theme, though.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   teeg

    Why were the flowers outside anyway? Was it a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers and one went missing and it just happened to be one her daughter bought? Would you leave flowers outdoors if they weren’t planted firmly in the ground? I am tired and the possible scenarios are just confusing me.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   liloleme

      I was wondering the same thing. If the flowers were important to mom, why were any of them on the porch?

      Mar 5, 2009 at 5:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   aaa

    I bet some dog took off with it, ate it, and yarked it back up a block away.

    Mar 4, 2009 at 10:34 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #15   Alex

    now that’s just… sad. :’( (and what loser steals a flower?!)

    Mar 4, 2009 at 10:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Julie

      I actually know a gal whose grandmother has a beautifully landscaped backyard, basically a really large impressive garden. People are always digging up her plants and stealing them. Apparently they think it is some sort of public garden, as well because she has caught people using her basement bathroom (“What are you doing in my house?!” “This is a HOUSE?! I just followed the little path!”). That is another issue entirely though.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   aaa

      What loser draws penises on the walls in public places. Oh wait… :c

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You know, Granny should be told about this new-fangled contraption called a fence..And you can put these things on it called No Trespassing signs…Maybe then Granny won’t have strangers drawing penises on her bathroom walls.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   secondsout bang

      With the economy tanking, stealing flowers is the only answer to that girlfriend who demands flowers as a token of love. Do you think I’m going to ruin my chances of getting a hummer just because some child spent her allowance money? Incidentally, graveyards are the next best thing to a florist for picking up a bouquet for the ladyfriend.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   meme

    it wasn’t a real flower– it was one of those tacky garden stakes that little kids are so drawn to.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #17   Ravenlynne

    That flower was delicious!

    Mar 5, 2009 at 1:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   aaa

      If you’re gonna use the clichéd catchphrase, at least do it right!

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:08 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Sirius bang

      Maybe Ravenlynne has an aversion to fucking on the comment boards. In which case she’s probably at the wrong site.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Ti O bang

      If you fuck on the comment boards you could get splinters.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #18   Kasdaye

    I’m thinking maybe someone saw the note after the original theft, went out and bought another bouqet. Just to make the mom, or dad, feel better.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 3:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   claw71 bang

    Is it the mom or the daughter who has been deflowered in this situation? And how old is this daughter anyway? I guess down south it doesn’t matter but I’d like to know, just for a frame of reference when I file this away in my spank bank.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 8:20 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #20   Meesh

    What’s great is that the mom is setting a good PA example for her daughter. If life gives you lemons, make a PAN!

    Mar 5, 2009 at 9:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   Eva

    How did the little girl get her own money? Mom’s only real responsibility was to keep her daughter off the pole.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 10:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Mishee bang

      According to Chris Rock its actually Daddy’s only responsibility.

      And for that he gets the big piece of chicken…

      Mar 5, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Mishee bang

      How in the HELL did Chris Rock become a link??? WTF?

      And now its not!!

      *slowly goes a little crazier*

      Mar 5, 2009 at 3:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      And now it is…. IT must be Mishee Magic!!!

      Mar 6, 2009 at 8:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   liloleme

      And now it’s not, again. It’s a conspiracy, man.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   claw71 bang

    And of course the husband wishes somebody would come along and take the rest of the flowers, his bitchy wife and that sniveling, flower-buying daughter of his that’s always wetting herself during American Idol.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Ti O bang

      Every night when Idol is on the sound of two wet fat hands clapping loudly could be heard up and down the street where they live. The husband is sure the scent of his desperation is also palpable in the air. If only someone would take this clapping idiot meatbag and his mongie spawning wife off his hands.

      Mar 5, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   RunBarbara bang

      “Put Retards Back In The Circus”

      RB and Timo: 2012

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #23   TPS

    Wouldn’t she feel awful if knowing that the flower went to a dying grandmother down the street.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   RunBarbara bang

      i wouldnt. the only thing dying grandmas are good for is a couple of days off work and some new doilies…..unless youre claw, then they’re good until rigor mortis sets in (and sometimes, a short hot bath later, they’re still good)

      Mar 5, 2009 at 2:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #24   Afro

    I don’t know what my mum would have done, but I know if it was me that stole the flower, I would have come back with a bouquet and huge apologies

    excuse me, there’s something in my eye

    Mar 5, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Goldie bang

      Huge apologies might actually work for this mom, she does sound like she hasn’t been getting enough apologies as of late. How huge are we talking exactly?

      Mar 6, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Bernd das Brot

    I think the person who stole the flower was the little girl from down the street who had used her own money to buy a Hannah Montana doll but needed a birthday gift for her mother.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 5:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #26   Frankie bang

    I’m so sad for her. That poor little girl must have been devastated.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 5:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #27   Quite Contrary

    Actually, it was the “little girl”/daughter who stole the flower because the mother was upset that the daughter bought her carnations instead of roses.

    Mar 5, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   Griffen P.

    That flower was fucking delicious!


    I cooked it up in my frying pan! LMAOROFL!

    Mar 6, 2009 at 4:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Canthz_B bang

      People who laugh alone at nothing often find themselves institutionalized.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 8:18 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   aaa

      Well, at least s/he got the clichéd catchphrase right…

      Mar 6, 2009 at 9:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.3   Mishee bang

      I always thought that if you are gonna combine them, that it is better as ROFLMAO.

      And WTF is with the abundance of lolZ?

      No wonder this country has an education problem and our future is most likely going to be in the shitter once these kids take over.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.4   amy d bang

      How do you roll on the floor after you’ve laughed your ass off? I would think you would get stuck.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.5   aaa

      The blood and feces escaping from the severed ass provide enough lubrication to allow for smooth floor-rolling.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 12:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   secondsout bang

    Don’t tell the mom that it was just a dandelion, and that the girl picked it out of the back yard anyway.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Bunnee

      Those are usually the kinds of “flowers” I get from my son. I’m waiting until he’s a little older to let him know that the dandelions are weeds and most definitely NOT gifts. Although, maybe when he’s even older, I’ll let him know that there are certain KINDS of weeds that make great gifts– just not dandelions. :wink:

      Mar 6, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #30   kris

    ahaha i live around monroe! whereabouts was this in town?

    Mar 6, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   bevgrey

    Lots of people call plants flowers. Guess nobody ever bothered to teach them the difference.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 4:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   In your ear

    Hey Mom. It was just a flower, dummy. Deal with it.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   BingoMath

    damn you sick robber!

    Mar 9, 2009 at 3:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   People suck (a valuable life lesson for any 4-year-old) |

    [...] To the person who stole my flower (sniff) [...]

    Oct 21, 2010 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   The Orchid (and Daffodil and Begonia) Thief |

    [...] Greg’s neighbor in Washington, D.C. decided to go with even an more straight-ahead guilt-trippy [...]

    Mar 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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